Poll: Improving "Zombie"land
- Thread starter Hat of Controversy
- Start date
you make it sound like you want it to be a video gameTootmania said:If you've been keeping up with movies lately, then you may know of "Zombie"land. A recent film about a young white nerd boy making a survival guide as he tries to survive the zombie apocalypse, who also meets several other people along the way whom he joins in an effort to survive the end of the world, and also gain the family which he never had.
Well it stunk like a massive pile of rancid Kool-Aid filled poo in my opinion. Oh, it starts off great! It begins with the events leading up to the previously mentioned zombie filled apocalypse by showing tons of awesome slow motion and graphically intense scenes of people being chased, eaten, and brutally maimed by the undead. And later on in the beginning it makes plenty of humorous and awesome examples and notes on how to survive zombie assaults, as narrated by our young quirky protagonist himself.
I know, it sounds awesome right? And with this it's off to a great start! But alas, the awesomeness soon begins to fade as we get further along in the film, and a young hawt female is introduced (packing a useless younger sister to boot), thus turning the film into a "Boy Meets Girl" love story, and the video game/zombie survival guide motif slowly removes itself from the movie in general.
But fret not, my brothers (and sisters, if there's any out there)! For I have composed a list of all the things that would have turned this lazy, unambitious, and sorry excuse for a film into a masterpiece!:
1. They actually retain and fully take advantage of the Zombie Survival Guide/Video Game motif! - In which there would be loads more examples and rules and whatnot for/from the "survival guide" itself. Also there could be "achievements" (Kind of like the "Zombie Kill of the Week" thing it did, except moar and bettar), a health bar (or something like it), and even a Leaderboard (where it would keep track of how well each of the remaining survivors are doing - with points based on kills and power-ups collected and stuff of course).
2. The main character is less "typical shallow representation of a culture, and also mildly good looking, and awkward in a cute/hanky panky sort of way", and is more along the lines of "actually human and not all that good looking and has real, socially crippling flaws and is nerdy/geeky in more relatable ways (Examples: Not all that attractive, is pretty much unable to bond well with other people, is unable to get a girl AT ALL, etc, etc).
If they had REALLY wanted a relatable, shut in nerd for a main character, they would have used someone like this:
Now THAT would take some real work, and writing, and characterization, and movie-making-know-how to pull off as a main character! A feat worthy of many awards, me thinks.
3. The main character does meet other characters along his journey, but they are actually flawed and interesting, and DO NOT wind up joining the main character in a super awesome hugs and kisses filled tag team. Oh, they might pair up here and there or work together to survive the next local zombie attack, but that doesn't stop the other people from either abusing the main characters trust, or even from trying to kill him, whether it be because they were an ex-criminal or they're mentally unstable or they see the main character as a threat. Oh yeah, and killing other survivors gets you major points on the previously mentioned leader board, and gets you a rank up.
4. There's as actual abundance of zombies, and zombie attacks, and awesome slow-mo zombie killing! It's a ZOMBIE-FREAKING-APOCALYPSE!! I don't want Bill Murray dressed up as a zombie and the destruction of the local Indian shop or a crappy love subplot. I WANT ZOMBIES! AND LOTS OF THEM! I also want zombie animals, and mutated zombie people/animal/machine hybrids!
5. The main character should also have a stalker! An evil zombie-mutated-ex-criminal-child-abducting-clown-pirate-monkey-man. He's a zombie and all, but he's also smarter, and moar evil, and more cunning. He stalks our hero through out the film, and does whatever he can to drive the main character insane. He doesn't want to kill him. Oh no! Not until hes SUFFERED!
6. It would also be neat to see the main character make it to the top of the Leaderboard by the end, and receive a special weapon and armor from Chuck Norris, Jesus, and Bill Gates (That would be a much more interesting cameo)as a reward for his efforts!
So yeah... that's all I've got... I'm done...
I have to say, Zombieland certainly doesn't play out like a standard zombie movie, so I kinda agree with the OP on that, but at the same time, it's not really supposed to be a zombie movie so much as a road/buddy movie comedy that just happens to be set in a zombie apocalypse. So, although I loved the film, I concur that the OP knows the makeup of a good zombie film.
!POTENTIAL SPOILER ALERT!
When they're all trashing the shops, was anyone else disappointed that the noise didn't attract any zombies? I was at first but then I realised that it kinda made sense that (that far into the outbreak) the zombies would've migrated to where the meat was and left a few places temporarily safe.
!END SPOILER!
!POTENTIAL SPOILER ALERT!
When they're all trashing the shops, was anyone else disappointed that the noise didn't attract any zombies? I was at first but then I realised that it kinda made sense that (that far into the outbreak) the zombies would've migrated to where the meat was and left a few places temporarily safe.
!END SPOILER!
Zombieland is a great movie i think, your 'improvements' looks like you want to play left 4 dead 
Really? I thought it looked quite good. Plus, both empire and moviebob gave it sparkling reviews, so I'm sorry but I'll be inclined to listen to their viewpoint rather than your own.
I'd think out a detailed response but seriously at this point it'd just move this thread into "Triple Tap" territory. So in summary: I liked Zombieland, you're describing a video game, if you're going to stare at someone for more then an hour it's generally a good thing if they're attractive, blah blah blah, it's just a movie, blah blah blah, can't wait for DVD.
That's the best compliment I've had in ages. Thank you.Mako SOLDIER said:And that good sir makes you a psychopathmobsterlobster said:
1. This would be horrible. Remember how the Doom movie had a "videogame-like" part? Remember how much it sucked? Sure the Doom movie sucked overall, but you do not make a movie like a videogame and expect it to work. This is a bad idea and you should feel bad about it. Health bars? Come on.
2. Call me shallow, but I would not watch a movie in which the main character was that ugly, unless being ugly was the whole point... Like the Elephant Man or something. Damn, I feel uncomfortable just looking at that picture. Where did you even find that thing?
3. More and more I'm getting the idea that you're simply mistaking this movie for something it's not. You seem to be the kind of person who'd go see Shaun of the Dead and complain about how none of the characters were gritty action heroes.
4. See #3.
5. Alright, now I'm convinced you're either having a laugh or are a total idiot.
6. See #5.
2. Call me shallow, but I would not watch a movie in which the main character was that ugly, unless being ugly was the whole point... Like the Elephant Man or something. Damn, I feel uncomfortable just looking at that picture. Where did you even find that thing?
3. More and more I'm getting the idea that you're simply mistaking this movie for something it's not. You seem to be the kind of person who'd go see Shaun of the Dead and complain about how none of the characters were gritty action heroes.
4. See #3.
5. Alright, now I'm convinced you're either having a laugh or are a total idiot.
6. See #5.
You really don't watch a lot of zombie movies, do you? Zombieland is more "Shaun of the Dead" than "Dawn of the Dead: Remake." I can explain in further detail, but that seems to be the missing puzzle piece you can't seem to find.
Those sounded like ways to have killed the movie completely. Awful idea. Zombie action is not equivalent to Zombie Comedy. And why did you post a picture of yourself to illustrate your point? We really didn't need that.
EDIT: Anyone else think that, if even reasonably done, they really missed a chance for a decent movie tie-in game?
EDIT: Anyone else think that, if even reasonably done, they really missed a chance for a decent movie tie-in game?
I think you just went to see the wrong film for you...
Stereotyping nerds in this way is annoying anyway, I consider myself a nerd but I wouldn't find the character you described relatable
They did that enough and provided plenty of rules, any more would have made it annoying.
It's a film. Not a game.
It's a comedy film, it's not supposed to be a gritty and realistic portrayal of one young negative stereotype's struggle.
Stereotyping nerds in this way is annoying anyway, I consider myself a nerd but I wouldn't find the character you described relatable
Comedy film.
Comedy film.