Poll: Is grinding with another person of the opposite sex considered cheating?

[00slash00]

I actually assumed it was a general consensus that grinding on other people is cheating, until I was talking to a girl and it came up somehow and she said that she wouldn't consider it cheating and does it on a pretty regular basis. That was pretty much the beginning of the end between me and her. It is basically simulating sex and the idea that it's how you're supposed to dance is just bullshit, as far as I'm concerned. I would definitely consider it cheating but what's done is done. Since she knows how you feel about it, you need to decide if you forgive her and she needs to decide if she cares enough about you to stop dancing that way with other people (despite what she may believe, there are other ways to dance, and I personally wouldn't even consider that to be dancing, in the first place). If she keeps doing it, even knowing what she knows now, it shows a great deal of disrespect for you and disregard for your feelings

 

[somonels]

Get a dryhump or a pantsjob and see how she reacts. Probably not very well. People are usually hypocrites when it comes to cheating, thinking their actions are innocent.
Dump that ass.

 

[PatrickXD]

Sexual? Sure. Dancing is a sexual thing, always has been, always will be.
So, is it cheating? No. Does that mean you have to be comfortable with it? Again, no. Your girlfriend hasn't cheated on you, your relationship is okay. You've just found a new boundary that you can't cross - and that's okay. You have to talk about it as a boundary, as something that you're not comfortable with. Not in the sense of one person being in the wrong. Just explain to her that you're uncomfortable with it, and find a compromise.

 

[OneCatch]

"...her to tell me: It's not really a big deal, people in relationships grind with other people all the time!"

This!

OP, ask her where the line between 'ok' and 'not ok' is if grinding is fine. Groping? Grinding without clothes? Groping without clothes? Something more?
Seriously, it's the kind of thing she should quantify for the sake of clarity if nothing else!

As for me, I'd be seriously pissed off. It's something of a betrayal of trust if it's not something she's been straight up about.
If she'd been doing this before you got together, when you got together, and since, then you couldn't really argue because you'd know what you were getting into, but because she's kept it from you, it's implicitly dishonest.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Sexual? Sure. Dancing is a sexual thing, always has been, always will be.

Quick, someone take all the vids of little kids dancing off the internet? I think dancing is dancing. Some of it is sexual. Plenty of it isn't. Otherwise, just about every physical activity is "sexual", and then "sexual" means what exactly?

You're right, though. If they didn't talk about beforehand, she's not technically in the wrong. I'd say her tone-deafness suggests she's also way off base and clearly in the wrong with respect to his feelings. And if she's going to be dismissive and defensive rather than apologetic, might be trouble ahead.

Then again, what are the odds the OP wasn't, in the heat of the moment, aggressively and (possibly) unreasonably upset from her point of view?

 

[CellShaded]

I dunno man. I personally would consider it cheating. And you can't say "that's just the way people dance", because it's not. Not from my experience, anyway. I've managed to dance with people of the opposite sex (and the same sex) without having to grind my groin against their butt and/or groin. The only person I dance like that with is my girlfriend because grinding (to us) is a sexual kinda thing.

And to answer your question, it has happened before that a guy decided to grind with her, though there was no actual consent on her part and she pulled away as soon as he initiated it. She has a tendency to attract the only straight guy at gay clubs. And I'm not even exaggerating. Anyway, Would I grind on someone that's in a relationship? ..Not really. I wouldn't really do it with anyone I wasn't already close/sexual with.

Suppose it really comes down to how you see it, though. Also, do sit down and calmly think about it before doing anything hasty.

 

[hazabaza1]

It's probably something that has to be talked about from relationship to relationship. Still, can't say I'd be up for it were I with someone.
Then again the whole grinding people "in da club" thing always seemed kinda dumb to me so anything about it makes me sigh and shake my head internally.

Captcha: Haters gonna hate
I suppose that's true.

 

[Jandau]

People, I think most of you are missing the point - One person in a relationship did something that makes the other uncomfortable. The other person objected. It doesn't matter if it's "cheating" or not, it's about respect.

As for if it's cheating, I'd say it's mini-cheating, cheating light, something like that. It's not like she gave the guy a blowjob, but he was rubbing his junk on her butt and that isn't something I'd be comfortable with if it were my GF. I'd politely ask her not to do it, and if she just can't possibly give up rubbing her arse on complete strangers to the point that it overrides my feelings, maybe it's time for us to go our separate ways...

 

[SweetShark]

Well........At first I voted like the most of the users here that it is sexual, but not cheating..............but f*cked it! It is like she is f*cking cheating you man!!!

This make me angry. She "dance" like this with the other guys when you are away and she think is cool?

"Oh yeah, sure, is totaly fine and I think only you my love while I shoving and shaking my big booty to my friends d***s, that btw you don't know, using my innocent "griding" dancing move."

But.......the best solution is to talk to her. Tell her it is no ok and make some rules about that subject.
You must tell her:

"It is not ok! Do you know how I feel when you telling me this? Do you suggest I can do the same thing with other girls? How would you feel about that? Please, tell me! How would you feel if I said the same as you said to me. It is just fine gridding with other people while dancing."

Exept of course you mean other kind of gridding......my English aren't so good I must say....

And I think also I carried away and get emotional......sorry about that, but this is how I feel....

 

[SweetShark]

"It's not really a big deal, people in relationships grind with other people all the time!"

Sounds to me that she's making excuses, I would just get mad over the fact she said that.

And yes, also this pic express how I feel....
F*ck, why I voted the second selection? I am f*cking stupid!!!!

 

[The White Hunter]

I would consider it cheating were I in your position. But then I'm not exactly known for being a forgiving soul.

 

[Headdrivehardscrew]

"You dawg! Diz here ur gRRRL? She roX, I grinded her down at the club last Saturday!"

Yeah, I think 'grinding' is a really lowly form of pastime entertainment and I don't think that rubbing your junk against strangers is a proper form of decent interaction. I can absolutely enjoy compliments and now that they get more rare I even find some beauty in the construction worker's signature whistling, but when it gets physical I immediately feel queasy at best and effing furious rage murder death kill kill kill!!!! at worst. So... yeah. I don't like it.

As for the question of it being cheating... that's a bit of a difficult one to answer properly.

Does she get sexually aroused when doing it and men bump their trouser snake shlongs against her butt? If the answer is no, then it is probably just bad style growing like mold in a cultural vacuum. If the answer is yes, then it's pretty much cheating, even if the risks of bringing home third party sperm is lowered.

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

I thought this was talking about RPGs or something, which made the thread weird...but as I found out after actually reading the topic it also made it a lot more interesting.


Sigh, "dancing", I never will compehend the allure. If there's no cosplay or something involved I see little point.

 

[hooblabla6262]

Seeing as it is basically a stand-up lap dance, I would definitely consider it sexual.

As for cheating, well, I think a lot of things factor in to that. Most importantly being how you felt about the act and if she was aware of how it would make you feel.
I wouldn't have considered it cheating, but I actively encourage this exact type of behavior with my own girlfriend.

Anyhoo, it sounds to me like if your girlfriend actually knew you, she'd know that this would have bothered you. The best you can do is talk to her, and hope she respects how you feel. Or get over it, and accept that at the end of the day she wants you.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well obviously dry humping is sexual and I'd say it still is a spit shy of cheating so you can't really flog her for that, but you absolutely must make it clear if you do not want her doing it. Different people have different relationship constraints, usually more a case of "it's cool if I do it, but don't you dare do the same".

And if she is rather young (below 25) then the chances she is looking to play the field well beyond her current options are rather high.

 

[SaberXIII]

It's not cheating, but it justifies getting into a piss about.

 

[Thaluikhain]

There's no definition for "cheating" that applies universally, there's only what you and her decide it to be. If you think it's cheating, you have a problem.

 

[Mausthemighty]

It is very sexual, but not yet cheating.
It's one step short of kissing another man or woman so she's in the danger zone.
And her excuse: "Everybody does it nowadays" isn't true. You don't do this stuff in clubs with random strangers, unless you are very horny and looking to sleep with them later that night. If my girl happens to do that with other people I would be VERY upset with it.

 

[Naleh]

Oh, I went into this thread thinking you mean "grinding" as in "working for levels in an RPG".

Well, being asexual, I never really think about this sort of thing so I don't think I can help. But my captcha is "treat yo self". Maybe that's useful advice? I dunno.

 

[Ickorus]

It's sexual, but I wouldn't say it's quite cheating, still a very shitty thing to do if you're in a relationship with someone and I could understand if that someone got angry.

Since this is a gaming forum, I was totally expecting this to be about level grinding. I had such a great reply ready to go too. I am disappointed.

I'm not even ashamed to admit that is what I thought at first.