Poll: Is it rude to tell people "please don't talk to me"?

[Bat Vader]

Give that a try out there in real life, and see how people react to you. I'd say that standing on principle to be a social outcast is the definition of "edgy". By contrast, so is preaching that principle while not following it.

They react quite positively and my life is better for it. I don't have to suffer fools and so I refuse to.

The only people I offend are those I don't want to talk to.

Not everyone has to like me, which is fine, because I don't like everyone.

How very iconoclastic, and counterproductive.

Iconoclastic? Just because the majority of people behave in a certain way doesn't mean that way is the "best" way.

Counterproductive? It is the exact opposite of being counterproductive, I get what I want, I get the lifestyle I want, I am happy.

Counterproductive would be me engaging in practices that prevent myself from being happy.

The whole, "I am the only sane/smart one" is just too teenager for me to take seriously.

SNIP

I am the exception to the rule. I bathe regularly, I brush my teeth three times a day, use mouthwash, and floss, I have a job that I like with a boss that's cool and respects me. I live at home because I am saving up money to move out on and I am not in a relationship because I am not interested in one. It isn't that I don't need people it's that I don't need a lot of people. When I was younger I used to have many friends and I hated it. They always wanted to go out and do something and whenever I said no they would get mad. I don't like going out and hanging out. That isn't fun to me. What's fun is staying home and playing video games, reading, writing, drawing, etc.

I have very few friends and I like it that way. That way we can all hang out at the same time and I don't need to juggle my time with others. I'm a selfish person. I value my personal free time more than spending time with others which is why when I hang out it needs to be with everyone. That way I can get them all out of the way and the next couple of days just have to myself. I even told them that and they are all fine with it.

99% of the time the conversations I end up walking away from are the ones that that are entirely small talk. I hate small talk. Whenever a stranger starts making small talk with me I get the urge to want to bludgeon them with whatever I am holding in my hands at the current time. I have tried steering those types of conversations to stuff I am more interested in talking about and they almost never take the bait. The ones that do I talk with for a few minutes before getting drained and telling them politely I need to go. I am all for a conversation as long as it's either what I want to speak about or if it actually holds merit.

Yes. You end up sounding like an arrogant, self important douche. Just make small talk for a while, then make an excuse and leave.

How about skipping the small talk and making an excuse to leave. From what others have said that seems to be just as polite.

Do you understand that, whether you're choosing this or not, what you're describing would be a nightmare life for most people? Living at home, finding normal social interaction difficult... this sounds awful to me.

That's fine. You don't have to agree with how I live my life just as I don't care how others live theirs. I just find it annoying when people tell me there is something wrong with me or I am wrong for it. I don't tell others how to live theirs so why should I be told how to live mine?

You can't say that you don't care, except when people say things to you that you don't like. Obviously you do care, a lot, you just don't have any better tools to deal with the situation and have totally given up.

Except I can and I truly don't care how you live your life. I care how others tell me to live my life. I even made that distinction in my last post. Either you misinterpreted it or are intentionally missing the point. Considering I am still replying to you that isn't a sign of giving up. You're massively wrong on that front. I'm curious but why do you care so much about how I live my life? I'm 100% sure we don't know each other in real life. How I live my life doesn't effect or affect you in anyway and since that's the case I can't see a reason why you should care.

You can't say you don't care because if you truly didn't care you wouldn't be trying to get me to change socially. In the end I am going to win this because no matter what you say it isn't going to make me change how I live my life. You're a smart guy, surely you must see that. Again, why care?

 

[Bat Vader]

Give that a try out there in real life, and see how people react to you. I'd say that standing on principle to be a social outcast is the definition of "edgy". By contrast, so is preaching that principle while not following it.

They react quite positively and my life is better for it. I don't have to suffer fools and so I refuse to.

The only people I offend are those I don't want to talk to.

Not everyone has to like me, which is fine, because I don't like everyone.

How very iconoclastic, and counterproductive.

Iconoclastic? Just because the majority of people behave in a certain way doesn't mean that way is the "best" way.

Counterproductive? It is the exact opposite of being counterproductive, I get what I want, I get the lifestyle I want, I am happy.

Counterproductive would be me engaging in practices that prevent myself from being happy.

Is your way the best way? The way I see it people should just behave in whichever way is their best way and do what makes them happy. For people like us that means not being social and for others that means being social. As long as no one is hurt why should it matter how others live their lives?

 

[Abomination]

Is your way the best way? The way I see it people should just behave in whichever way is their best way and do what makes them happy. For people like us that means not being social and for others that means being social. As long as no one is hurt why should it matter how others live their lives?

The funny thing is, I never claimed my way was the best way, I just argue with the notion that lying to people to get out of conversations is the "best" way.

But you're right, folk seem far too hung up on how other people live their lives when they're not doing anything to harm anyone.

Oh right, but in this day and age feelings are as important - if not more so - than rights and property.

 

[Abomination]

The whole, "I am the only sane/smart one" is just too teenager for me to take seriously.

Gotta uphold that status quo, I guess.

What's more, I'm not the only person who behaves like this. Not caring about a random stranger's feelings doesn't make someone a bad person.

But sure, by all means, vilify people for not wasting their time - the only thing people can not generate more of.

 

[Conner42]

I was honestly surprised by the poll results. I actually don't find it that rude because...well, I think it's more rude to speak to someone who doesn't want to be spoken too.

Really, I just recently came back from Korea and I found people to be more reserved. In fact, I found this to be an American stereotype how people in the US feel more comfortable talking about random bullshit then they are...ummm, not talking about random bullshit. No matter what you're doing or where you're going, people feel they need to talk about stuff that you probably don't care about. And I'm trying to get use to this again because, holy shit guy at the cash register, do you really need to know how my day is going?

 

[lunavixen]

Weeeeell, it could be better phrased, but it isn't rude to not want to be disturbed or to want to be left alone.

Have earphones/headphones on, even if you're not actually listening to music.

Even with headphones on there are people who still won't take the hint, I get accosted by them a lot.

 

[Bat Vader]

Is your way the best way? The way I see it people should just behave in whichever way is their best way and do what makes them happy. For people like us that means not being social and for others that means being social. As long as no one is hurt why should it matter how others live their lives?

The funny thing is, I never claimed my way was the best way, I just argue with the notion that lying to people to get out of conversations is the "best" way.

But you're right, folk seem far too hung up on how other people live their lives when they're not doing anything to harm anyone.

Oh right, but in this day and age feelings are as important - if not more so - than rights and property.

How important feelings are are different for each person. To me they aren't that important which is why I don't if mine or someone else's get hurt. I have a thick skin. It isn't going to bother me that much if they somehow get hurt.

 

[Bat Vader]

Weeeeell, it could be better phrased, but it isn't rude to not want to be disturbed or to want to be left alone.

Have earphones/headphones on, even if you're not actually listening to music.

Even with headphones on there are people who still won't take the hint, I get accosted by them a lot.

What's even worse is when someone takes your headphones off. That happened to me recently. I was in Wal-Mart shopping, minding my own business, and listening to music when I felt someone take my headphones off and start yelling at me. It was some middle aged woman. Apparently she thought I was intentionally ignoring her and got angry because she had been trying to talk to me for about a minute.

I grabbed my headphones back and told the woman to fuck off and then walked away.

 

[mysecondlife]

Yeah. Basically you're telling people what to do.

How about more gentle approach say "Sorry, I can't talk right now." You'll certainly sell it if you look busy.

 

[Abomination]

Yeah. Basically you're telling people what to do.

No no no no NO.

You are telling them what NOT to do.

There's a BIG difference there.

You're not saying they're not allowed to talk to anyone. You're saying that you don't want them talking to YOU.

One person.

You can't always get what you want and in this case you don't get to have a conversation with someone who doesn't want to have a conversation with you.

Why is this person entitled to a conversation?

Nobody has answered that.

 

[mysecondlife]

Yeah. Basically you're telling people what to do.

No no no no NO.

*LARGEST GROAN* What the fuck did I get myself into?

You are telling them what NOT to do.

There's a BIG difference there.

You're not saying they're not allowed to talk to anyone. You're saying that you don't want them talking to YOU.

Then you say "I don't like being talked to." Not "Don't talk to me"

One person.

You can't always get what you want and in this case you don't get to have a conversation with someone who doesn't want to have a conversation with you.

Why is this person entitled to a conversation?

Nobody has answered that.

And you're asking me this question ...because? I mentioned nothing of the person's entitlement.

 

[camazotz]

You can conduct yourself however you like,* but I'm just going to drop this here for context: long, long ago I figured out that if you learn to talk with someone (not being talked to or at) it is empowering to you. Then, and much more importantly, if you can learn to listen to someone (whether you really want to or not) you will develop a skill that 99% of all the people you will ever meet will value and make you More Important to Them because it looks like you cared enough to listen to them and their issues. (Bonus points if you learn to actually care)

This skill is the single most important social ability I have ever learned, and it has gotten me very, very far in life at getting people to do what I want them to.



*It is rude but who cares?

 

[camazotz]

Yeah. Basically you're telling people what to do.

No no no no NO.

You are telling them what NOT to do.

There's a BIG difference there.

You're not saying they're not allowed to talk to anyone. You're saying that you don't want them talking to YOU.

One person.

You can't always get what you want and in this case you don't get to have a conversation with someone who doesn't want to have a conversation with you.

Why is this person entitled to a conversation?

Nobody has answered that.

They've see something in this guy that makes them want to talk to him, be friendly with him, or just air their thoughts. That is actually a sort of Super Power and my suggestion is "learn to use it." This will take him very far if he can figure out how to move from antisocial apathy to social manipulator (or even just genuine empathy). Or, he can do what he's already doing and escape personal growth on this level of interaction. There is nothing wrong with that either, but I favor the path that challenges, myself.

To clarify: I have always been an introvert. But learning interpersonal social skills has helped me to survive in the world despite being a natural introvert.

 

[SecondPrize]

I don't understand people like you. I don't like talking to random people on the streets or out in public or what have you. Doesn't mean it's a herculean effort to have some fucking manners and respond to them.

"Anti social" is a piss poor excuse for being rude.

Technically the OP does respond to them. The OP tells them he/she doesn't want to speak. The OP does say please too which shows manners. I on the other hand just walk away from conversations I have no interest in or have lost interest in. Is it rude? Yeah. Do I give a shit? No.

Saying please before something rude is not good manners. Please isn't a shield to make whatever you say okay.

 

[Abomination]

Then you say "I don't like being talked to." Not "Don't talk to me"

No. "Don't talk to me."

Do NOT perform this action that involves me.

"I don't like being talked to." STILL gets people trying to talk to you. To "break you out of your shell" and you know what, maybe they DO enjoy conversation but they don't enjoy YOUR conversation.

"Don't talk to me." You're not entitled to a reason.

And you're asking me this question ...because? I mentioned nothing of the person's entitlement.

Because the only way that asking someone to not do something to you is rude is if that person is entitled to doing that thing to you.

Someone doesn't you to do something to them. They're telling you to not do something to them.

How is this rude?

 

[Abomination]

They've see something in this guy that makes them want to talk to him, be friendly with him, or just air their thoughts. That is actually a sort of Super Power and my suggestion is "learn to use it." This will take him very far if he can figure out how to move from antisocial apathy to social manipulator (or even just genuine empathy). Or, he can do what he's already doing and escape personal growth on this level of interaction. There is nothing wrong with that either, but I favor the path that challenges, myself.

To clarify: I have always been an introvert. But learning interpersonal social skills has helped me to survive in the world despite being a natural introvert.

Not wanting to talk to someone =/= not having interpersonal skills.

We are literally discussing someone NOT wanting to have a conversation. That's all there is to it. There's no additional psychological analysis, no emotional trauma cause for this, it's an instance where someone doesn't wish to have a conversation.

 

[mysecondlife]

Then you say "I don't like being talked to." Not "Don't talk to me"

No. "Don't talk to me."

Do NOT perform this action that involves me.

"I don't like being talked to." STILL gets people trying to talk to you. To "break you out of your shell" and you know what, maybe they DO enjoy conversation but they don't enjoy YOUR conversation.

"Don't talk to me." You're not entitled to a reason.

And you're asking me this question ...because? I mentioned nothing of the person's entitlement.

Because the only way that asking someone to not do something to you is rude is if that person is entitled to doing that thing to you.

Someone doesn't you to do something to them. They're telling you to not do something to them.

How is this rude?

1st point: Then you're not getting the message across effectively that you really don't want to be talked to. I'm willing to bet that people who ignore "I don't like being talked to" is going to ignore "Don't talk to me".

2nd point: Um... no. I've been in same/similar situation where someone asked me a question and I flat out ignored him, turned and walked away. I could have acknowledged his presence politely, but I flat out ignored him turned away and left. I think what I did was rude and I know that I have upset him. But the thing is... I don't care what I did was rude, and I really don't care what that person thinks he's entitled to.

Now don't talk to me. Enjoy this shitty conversation with someone else.

 

[Abomination]

1st point: Then you're not getting the message across effectively that you really don't want to be talked to. I'm willing to bet that people who ignore "I don't like being talked to" is going to ignore "Don't talk to me".

Hardly, typically the latter is said with enough force or finality that the conversation ends. Should that be ignored I think we all know who the real rude person is.

2nd point: Um... no. I've been in same/similar situation where someone asked me a question and I flat out ignored him, turned and walked away. I could have acknowledged his presence politely, but I flat out ignored him turned away and left. I think what I did was rude and I know that I have upset him. But the thing is... I don't care what I did was rude, and I really don't care what that person thinks he's entitled to.

Flat out ignoring someone is definitely a rude activity but by the same token they're not entitled to a response from you. Being rude isn't really as bad a thing as people make it out to be. It's like neutral -0.0.

Now don't talk to me. Enjoy this shitty conversation with someone else.

This is a message board, you have complete power to ignore and/or just not respond to me. But I AM entitled to respond to you

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Flat out ignoring someone is definitely a rude activity but by the same token they're not entitled to a response from you. Being rude isn't really as bad a thing as people make it out to be. It's like neutral -0.0.

Youve confused "Being rude isnt always bad" which is true with "Being rude is always not bad" which is stupid.

Yes its bad to be rude when theres no difference in difficulty or outcome to not be rude. You end up with the same outcome but one party has hurt feelings. Thats literally an objectively worse outcome. Youve just needlessly hurt another person. Thats usually defined as cruelty which, in my opinion IS bad.

"Dont talk to me"
or
"Im sorry I'm really not in the mood for a conversation right now, hope youre doing well though."

Take 2 extra seconds of your day and make another person feel less shitty. In my opinion the difference in whether youre willing to spare an extra two seconds for a stranger to make them feel not shitty for zero effort defines a good person or a bit of a douchebag. Its the little things bruh. The day to day.

This whole "Lying and being rude arnt ALWAYS bad this is SUCH a novel concept i can justify almost ANY social faux pas now! Morality ISNT strictly defined its all shades of grey Bro what IS wrong and right?!" shit is super old, like yeah everyone figured this out age 14 and went through this phase and we all remember it with intense cringe. Its not remotely insightful.

The weird thing is im an incredibly social introvert. Its really bizarre, I read the other guys post about his perfect day where he gets loads of him time and has loads of time for introspection and thats my perfect day as well. I love just being alone, managing myself, improving myself and otherwise doing things on my terms. I find planned social interaction draining and although its enjoyable I need me time to recharge. I take the greatest joy from spontaneous interaction, it doesnt drain me remotely as much for whatever reason. I feel less forced and it (usually) feels more organic, its usually not pointless smalltalk, usually we discuss something that just happened or something important to us. I always feel more comfortable opening up to strangers, since i know its basically anonymous. I always feel strange with other introverts, im incredibly socially able and dont feel this sense of awkwardness (Or often bitterness) at all. I enjoy (And i'm killer at) public speaking, interviews and talking to others, I just prefer alone time over it to a greater extent. Maybe the labels are somewhat useless

 

[Bat Vader]

Then you say "I don't like being talked to." Not "Don't talk to me"

No. "Don't talk to me."

Do NOT perform this action that involves me.

"I don't like being talked to." STILL gets people trying to talk to you. To "break you out of your shell" and you know what, maybe they DO enjoy conversation but they don't enjoy YOUR conversation.

"Don't talk to me." You're not entitled to a reason.

And you're asking me this question ...because? I mentioned nothing of the person's entitlement.

Because the only way that asking someone to not do something to you is rude is if that person is entitled to doing that thing to you.

Someone doesn't you to do something to them. They're telling you to not do something to them.

How is this rude?

1st point: Then you're not getting the message across effectively that you really don't want to be talked to. I'm willing to bet that people who ignore "I don't like being talked to" is going to ignore "Don't talk to me".

2nd point: Um... no. I've been in same/similar situation where someone asked me a question and I flat out ignored him, turned and walked away. I could have acknowledged his presence politely, but I flat out ignored him turned away and left. I think what I did was rude and I know that I have upset him. But the thing is... I don't care what I did was rude, and I really don't care what that person thinks he's entitled to.

Now don't talk to me. Enjoy this shitty conversation with someone else.

Chastising someone for doing the same thing that you just did to finish your post looks extremely hypocritical. I get that you were trying to prove a point but all it does is make you sink to the level with which you are against.