Poll: Is it rude to tell people "please don't talk to me"?

[Abomination]

Flat out ignoring someone is definitely a rude activity but by the same token they're not entitled to a response from you. Being rude isn't really as bad a thing as people make it out to be. It's like neutral -0.0.

Youve confused "Being rude isnt always bad" which is true with "Being rude is always not bad" which is stupid.

Significant majority of the time being rude does fall on the negative side of the spectrum BUT of all the negative things someone could do it's arguably the least harmful.

Someone's feelings are upset? Sorry, too bad.

A person's time is worth more than another person's feelings. Especially a person whose feelings are not the other's responsibility.

The social "rules of engagement" we busy ourselves with are frequently unimportant. If there's a more efficient and practical method one can engage in then I encourage them to take it - and to hell with the feelings of those who find it distasteful... especially in a situation where you are NOT the instigator.

Hell...

"Im sorry I'm really not in the mood for a conversation right now, hope youre doing well though."

I'm not sorry, why should I be? I'm entitled to my own time... and I don't care how you're doing. I don't know you. I'm not responsible for your well being. Go be well somewhere else or talking to someone else.

You don't have to shut up, just don't talk to me.

 

[Flames66]

Yes, it is true that you are not obligated to respond to people who try and initiate conversation. It is your choice whether or not to do so and they should realise this upon attempting it. You owe them nothing.

However, and believe me on this, it will not help matters in the least for you to try and explain that part in italics to someone who's trying to talk to you. They will think "Holy sh*t, I was just trying to have a conversation".

They can think what they like. Unless they are someone I know they mean nothing to me and their opinion of me will have no influence on my actions.

Then I hope you're comfortable with the people you currently call your friends, because you are never going to make another new one with that attitude. I don't mean that in a simple "boy, your attitude stinks!" kind of way, I mean it in a logical way; electing to deem anyone who is not currently a friend as meaning "nothing to you" will eliminate any chance of them ever being a friend.

I was out last night, met many new people and got on with them all fine. I am still polite to everyone I meet (as long as they are with me) because that is how the human race can coexist peacefully. That does not mean I care about people I don't know in any way, just that I am a generally polite person.

What youre doing isnt honesty or bluntness. People appreciate honesty and bluntness when they ACTUALLY appear, but thats not what youre doing.

No see the blunt response, the response I give when i dont want to talk is this:

"Hello! I'm sorry, ive had a really bad day today, i really dont feel like talking to anyone right now, i hope thats alright. I hope youre having a great day though! I just need some time to sit and think."

People appreciate the honesty, because that is actually honest. What you, and LOADS of other people who claim to be "blunt" do, is express what you think in the most cowardly way possible as such to avoid giving any sort of emotional ***** in your armor. Like delivering the message without giving anything else away. Youre still holding back, so its not really blunt at all. Youre afraid to speak to people for whatever reason, and dont wish to admit it to them. So in that sense youre lying anyway, the honest answer is the sort i gave. Thats not necessarily a bad thing, but call it what it is.

The response you said there seems really jarring. Assuming I read it how you intended it, it comes across to me as brimming with false friendliness. I would look with suspicion on someone who responded in that way because their words do not match their demeanor.

You need to be apologetic with something like this if you want to avoid seeming rude. It isn't really fair but social rules are biased towards extroverts so refusing to talk is considered dismissive but striking up conversation with a stranger isn't usually considered intrusive (even though it might feel that way).

I'm not going to appologise to someone, who has just interrupted my thoughts, for not wanting to talk. If I was not lost in thought I will respond in a polite way and talk (unless they make me uncomfortable somehow). If I was busy thinking they will probably get a terse reply and a good view of my back as I walk away.

 

[Flames66]

You can't say that you don't care, except when people say things to you that you don't like. Obviously you do care, a lot, you just don't have any better tools to deal with the situation and have totally given up.

He just did say I don't care and I agree with him. Here's an example of why. I avoid romantic relationships. I don't have the skill or energy to deal with the overly complicated mind games that accompany them and am not willing to learn. I was accidentally coerced into entering a romantic relationship with a member of a group of friends and everything suddenly became extremely uncomfortable and I couldn't deal with it. I disappeared from their lives for about 5 months. Upon my return there we picked up essentially where we had left off because my friends understand my way of doing things and have accepted me for who I am.

When you tell someone to stop talking to you, you're telling them to change a behavior of theirs which is acceptable and encouraged in a healthy society. Why the fuck shouldn't you be apologetic about it?

Because they have intruded on me, not the other way around. If I need to speak to someone I don't know I open with "Excuse me" because I am interrupting them. If they were to say "I don't want to talk", yes I would feel frustrated that I would need to find someone else to ask whatever it was I needed, but I would not push them for unwanted interaction.

Just don't expect any sympathy.

I don't want or expect any ones sympathy because I don't care what they, or you, think. If I want sympathy I will speak to people who already care about my well-being.

And I'm trying to get use to this again because, holy shit guy at the cash register, do you really need to know how my day is going?

I have been this guy so allow me to interject. No I don't need to know how your day is going. I don't really care and if we met in any other setting I wouldn't ask. The problem is retail is DUUUUUUUUUUUULL. Any conversation can liven the day of someone forced to work in retail, even if it is just "How are you?" "Don't talk to me" "that'll be £3 please".

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

A person's time is worth more than another person's feelings. Especially a person whose feelings are not the other's responsibility.

Literally two seconds of it? I think anyone who thinks an actual LITERAL moment of their time is more important than someone elses feelings is an ass pure and simple, especially when its so easy not to hurt their feelings. In fact when its this trivial id say its almost purposefully TRYING to hurt their feelings to say something so obviously blunt. Id not want to associate with such a person.

The social "rules of engagement" we busy ourselves with are frequently unimportant. If there's a more efficient and practical method one can engage in then I encourage them to take it - and to hell with the feelings of those who find it distasteful... especially in a situation where you are NOT the instigator.

Obviously they are unimportant, the rules themselves dont matter, but people do in my opinion and the use of those rules to make everyone happier and comfortable interacting is the important part, not the rules themselves.

I'm not sorry, why should I be? I'm entitled to my own time... and I don't care how you're doing. I don't know you. I'm not responsible for your well being. Go be well somewhere else or talking to someone else.

See theres two things from this. One, you can miss the "I'm sorry" and its still infinitely more polite than "dont talk to me". In that case it doesnt even take longer! The second one is this is always the stuff I see from misanthropes:

"I dont care about how youre doing", "I dont want to know about you", "Why do you think youre so important".

Its so sad to me how all these phrases seem to disregard the most obvious answer. Maybe. Maybe i care about you and how YOU are even if i dont expect the reverse and thats my motivator for conversation? The fact misanthropes seem so unable to pick up on this possibility without prompt really saddens me. Like its extremely telling. And very depressing, it displays such a sub-conscious lack of self esteem, that or a total inability to imagine the mindsets of people who are not like them. Im not sure which is worse.

Masturbating over this rational society where rudeness and strangers feelings are utterly disregarded is creepy. Lemme tell you right out that society is utter utter shit and id rather live anywhere else than in it. I DO care about the feelings of strangers and im damn proud of it. Im glad we encourage that behavior. It makes the world a far nicer and kinder place to live. Maybe its not "ultra edgy /r atheism rational" but id rather spend time with people who appreciate these little things than a society built on angst and bluntness (Which usually is just a placeholder for social ineptness rather than an actual use of honesty).

TLDR:

Lemme summarise to prevent this shit from getting to complex:

1. If you have to be rude, be rude, sometimes you gotta do it to get douches to listen to you and respect your wishes. As you said rudeness isnt always bad.
2. If you can help being rude, and the person youre talking too has friendly and good intentions, returning that with rudeness makes you an asshole. Period. Being unnecessarily rude is a douchey thing to do.
3. People talking to you probably have far less selfish intentions than you're projecting onto them. Not everyone thinks like you do.
4. I cant think of a single conceivable way being rude would improve my life when its so easy to be kind instead, even if i have to follow arbitrary social rules because frankly its piss easy to do so and also retain my own personal comfort. No downside, all benefit to another party. Yay Altruism!
5. I enjoy a great deal of benefit and personal joy from being kind to people instead of rude, even if it wastes some tiny fraction of my own time. Yay somewhat tainted Altruism!

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

The response you said there seems really jarring. Assuming I read it how you intended it, it comes across to me as brimming with false friendliness. I would look with suspicion on someone who responded in that way because their words do not match their demeanor.

Im a very easy going person and my friendliness is almost always sincere. I'm good with people. Honestly this seems like trying to explain how to juggle over the internet, its going to sound awkward and stilted, its just something I can do and it always comes out naturally when i do it. It would probably be jaring from someone who doesnt mean it to be honest so maybe it isnt the best of advice. Maybe advice just cant work at all here, if youre shit with people i guess thats just a thing you gotta learn for yourself and overcome, and deal with the negative repercussions of that failing in the mean-time or learn to accept and live with them.

"Suspicion" makes me laugh though, like im going to knife you or accost you because I summon a little friendliness and a smile to prevent a terrible day of mine from infecting someone elses Feelings are a bit more complex than "bad thing happened, always sad". Id be happy that someone took interest in spending time with me and id be able to reflect that honestly, even if everything else sorta sucked to appreciate them trying to strike up a conversation.

If people feeling generally one way but being, momentarily, able to feel and express other emotions at the same time is suspicious to you id suggest getting some books on the matter and doing some reading. Thats generally how most other people work all the time in my experience, it shouldnt be alien to you :/

 

[Silverbeard]

I have a problem . Well more than one but we'll just focus on the one for now. People like to talk to me . For god knows what reason strangers will start talking to me. Now i don't like strangers, hell i don't like people in general. But up until a little while ago I've humored most of them. But for some time i usually just say "please don't speak to me". Which works exceptionslly well.

That being said,today an elderly lady tried to talk to me about something and i replied with my anti conversation phrase. She then mumbled something about me being rude and went on her way. Mission accomplished.

However it made me wonder. Is it truly rude to ask someone not to speak to you? Or was this lady just being overly sensitive?

I did say please and didn't give any kind of attitude other than neutral i don't really care vibe.

It's telling that you don't actually know what the old lady wanted to talk to you about. 'Something' is usually not what people talk about. They discuss specific events, places, people or what-have-you.
I think it's more rude that you brushed off the elderly lady without actually waiting to hear what she had to say than it is that you brushed her off at all. Maybe her pacemaker was malfunctioning and she needed to use your phone to call someone. Maybe she needed directions to someplace.
However antisocial or loner or lone wolf you care to be, OP, you'd be well served to at least take a moment to hear what the other speaker has to say before waving them off.

 

[Lufia Erim]

I have a problem . Well more than one but we'll just focus on the one for now. People like to talk to me . For god knows what reason strangers will start talking to me. Now i don't like strangers, hell i don't like people in general. But up until a little while ago I've humored most of them. But for some time i usually just say "please don't speak to me". Which works exceptionslly well.

That being said,today an elderly lady tried to talk to me about something and i replied with my anti conversation phrase. She then mumbled something about me being rude and went on her way. Mission accomplished.

However it made me wonder. Is it truly rude to ask someone not to speak to you? Or was this lady just being overly sensitive?

I did say please and didn't give any kind of attitude other than neutral i don't really care vibe.

It's telling that you don't actually know what the old lady wanted to talk to you about. 'Something' is usually not what people talk about. They discuss specific events, places, people or what-have-you.
I think it's more rude that you brushed off the elderly lady without actually waiting to hear what she had to say than it is that you brushed her off at all. Maybe her pacemaker was malfunctioning and she needed to use your phone to call someone. Maybe she needed directions to someplace.
However antisocial or loner or lone wolf you care to be, OP, you'd be well served to at least take a moment to hear what the other speaker has to say before waving them off.

That makes sense. However at that point i may as well just answer the question, which then defeats the entire purpose of not wanting to be bothered.

One question. You seemed to have stuck on the fact she was elderly. Would it have made a difference had it been a 30 year old man i brushed off for example?

 

[Hugga_Bear]

An easier way to stop old people from talking to you would be to get a nose piercing, facial tattoo or other kind of obnoxious bodily decoration.

You'd be surprised. At least in my experience the elderly seem more willing to talk to people with tattoos, long hair, piercings etc.
(also; obnoxious? you're extremely offended by others' aesthetics?)

The most polite way I find to disengage is to apologise and say you're not having a great day and just want some solitude, smile and bow your head a little after and most people accept it happily enough.

 

[Silverbeard]

I have a problem . Well more than one but we'll just focus on the one for now. People like to talk to me . For god knows what reason strangers will start talking to me. Now i don't like strangers, hell i don't like people in general. But up until a little while ago I've humored most of them. But for some time i usually just say "please don't speak to me". Which works exceptionslly well.

That being said,today an elderly lady tried to talk to me about something and i replied with my anti conversation phrase. She then mumbled something about me being rude and went on her way. Mission accomplished.

However it made me wonder. Is it truly rude to ask someone not to speak to you? Or was this lady just being overly sensitive?

I did say please and didn't give any kind of attitude other than neutral i don't really care vibe.

It's telling that you don't actually know what the old lady wanted to talk to you about. 'Something' is usually not what people talk about. They discuss specific events, places, people or what-have-you.
I think it's more rude that you brushed off the elderly lady without actually waiting to hear what she had to say than it is that you brushed her off at all. Maybe her pacemaker was malfunctioning and she needed to use your phone to call someone. Maybe she needed directions to someplace.
However antisocial or loner or lone wolf you care to be, OP, you'd be well served to at least take a moment to hear what the other speaker has to say before waving them off.

That makes sense. However at that point i may as well just answer the question, which then defeats the entire purpose of not wanting to be bothered.

One question. You seemed to have stuck on the fact she was elderly. Would it have made a difference had it been a 30 year old man i brushed off for example?

Would age make a difference to me? No. Neither would skin colour, gender, height or any other physical attribute. All I care about is 'Do we speak the same language' and 'Can I understand what the other fellow is saying'. If the answers to both questions are yes, then we can communicate and I can choose to engage in discussion or conversation. And I have a debilitating speech impediment so I risk humiliation every time I flap my gums. The decision is not one I take lightly.
I realize that my response puts this discussion into a racial light and that's really not my intent. All I'm saying is that the ability to communicate with my conversation partner is more important to me than any other attribute.

I don't see how listening to a question or a statement is bothersome to anyone. You're not doing any work. The other person is expending the energy to make themselves understood to you. You can choose not to answer if that's your wish with any phrase that makes that intent plain. I can imagine how listening to noise would be bothersome to one with a hearing difficulty but I'm assuming that doesn't apply to you. If it does, you have my deepest apologies for the erroneous assumption.
And don't tell me your brain power is so precious that you can't even devote a few seconds to comprehending a phrase coming your way before instantly walling yourself off.

 

[Flames66]

I'm going to quote your previous post as well as there are some interesting points in it.

A person's time is worth more than another person's feelings. Especially a person whose feelings are not the other's responsibility.

Literally two seconds of it?

Yes, literally two seconds of it. If I am in deep concentration, any interruption destroys my thought process. The interruption may have only taken two seconds to deal with, but it could be twenty minutes to an hour before I can continue from where I left off in what I was thinking about.

the rules themselves dont matter, but people do in my opinion and the use of those rules to make everyone happier and comfortable interacting is the important part

I partially agree with you. We are all in this together and if I can do something that takes no effort but will make someone elses life easier, I do. However, I look out for me first. I am the person that is most important to me, because I am the person I have to deal with the most. I don't begrudge others the same thing, but I expect them to respect my need to be alone.

The second one is this is always the stuff I see from misanthropes:

"I dont care about how youre doing", "I dont want to know about you", "Why do you think youre so important".

Its so sad to me how all these phrases seem to disregard the most obvious answer. Maybe. Maybe i care about you and how YOU are even if i dont expect the reverse and thats my motivator for conversation? The fact misanthropes seem so unable to pick up on this possibility without prompt really saddens me. Like its extremely telling. And very depressing, it displays such a sub-conscious lack of self esteem, that or a total inability to imagine the mindsets of people who are not like them. Im not sure which is worse.

I don't consider myself a misanthrope. I don't particularly enjoy interacting with people, but I don't hate them (I sometimes say I do, mainly because it is quicker and easier than trying to explain how I actually feel). I don't care how most of the people I see are feeling because I can't. I am incapable of caring about every single person I see or interact with. I have a limited amount of emotional energy (probably less than average) and choose to spend it only on people I actually have a vested interest in.

I DO care about the feelings of strangers and im damn proud of it. Im glad we encourage that behavior. It makes the world a far nicer and kinder place to live. Maybe its not "ultra edgy /r atheism rational" but id rather spend time with people who appreciate these little things than a society built on angst and bluntness.

Good for you (not sarcasm). I do my best not to do things to hurt others. I'm not perfect and I care more about myself than someone I don't know, but I don't actively try to disparage anyone else.

The response you said there seems really jarring. Assuming I read it how you intended it, it comes across to me as brimming with false friendliness. I would look with suspicion on someone who responded in that way because their words do not match their demeanor.

Im a very easy going person and my friendliness is almost always sincere. I'm good with people. Honestly this seems like trying to explain how to juggle over the internet, its going to sound awkward and stilted, its just something I can do and it always comes out naturally when i do it. It would probably be jaring from someone who doesnt mean it to be honest so maybe it isnt the best of advice. Maybe advice just cant work at all here, if youre shit with people i guess thats just a thing you gotta learn for yourself and overcome, and deal with the negative repercussions of that failing in the mean-time or learn to accept and live with them.

This might be a cultural difference. From which land to you hail? In my area (England) "urban solitude" is generally the respected rule, with everyone leaving each other alone being the norm.

"Suspicion" makes me laugh though, like im going to knife you or accost you because I summon a little friendliness and a smile to prevent a terrible day of mine from infecting someone elses Feelings are a bit more complex than "bad thing happened, always sad". Id be happy that someone took interest in spending time with me and id be able to reflect that honestly, even if everything else sorta sucked to appreciate them trying to strike up a conversation.

I don't read body language very well and have been taken advantage of because of it. I view anyone I don't know being overly friendly as odd and suspicious. My thought process would be something like; Stranger: "Hi there! ^_^ How are you doing today?!" Internal me: "I don't know you, why are you acting like you know me?" External me: "Fine" (uncertainly while edging as far away as possible).

If people feeling generally one way but being, momentarily, able to feel and express other emotions at the same time is suspicious to you id suggest getting some books on the matter and doing some reading. Thats generally how most other people work all the time in my experience, it shouldnt be alien to you :/

Again, this might be a cultural difference.

 

[Flames66]

And don't tell me your brain power is so precious that you can't even devote a few seconds to comprehending a phrase coming your way before instantly walling yourself off.

My brain power is so precious that I can't even devote a few seconds to comprehending a phrase coming my way before instantly walling myself off.

That is a slightly facetious answer, but it is also true. If I am deep in thought, even a tiny interruption can leave me unable to think properly for minutes or hours. That is why i consider any interruption an intrusion.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

This might be a cultural difference. From which land to you hail? In my area (England) "urban solitude" is generally the respected rule, with everyone leaving each other alone being the norm.

I have no issue with everything else youve written and found it absolutely agreeable, so to avoid a huge post of me going "Thats understandable" and "Yeah that makes sense" im gonna just say this instead

Im British too, but I'm a southern chap from a tiny rural town called Twyford. Theres a lot of this "We are all British together" sort of attitude where im from, like we all pretend to sarcastically hate each other and ourselves but theres a quiet solidarity in putting up with crap together. The mood where im from is more pointed toward the idea that any Englishman should be able to talk to and find common ground with any other Englishman simply due to the fact we are all miserable bastards 90% of the time.

That said I (fairly) recently moved to a big city and goddam do I have less patience in Birmingham. Something about cities makes it far harder to appreciate other people. Not sure quite what it is. I suspect you are still correct with the cultural thing, when I have a bad day I try and play it off with a grin and a small reserve of stoicism/humor and thats generally what i picked up from my parents and peers down here. I usually resort to humor anyway when things are really dire so its not too hard to be genuinely friendly.

 

[Flames66]

This might be a cultural difference. From which land to you hail? In my area (England) "urban solitude" is generally the respected rule, with everyone leaving each other alone being the norm.

I have no issue with everything else youve written and found it absolutely agreeable, so to avoid a huge post of me going "Thats understandable" and "Yeah that makes sense" im gonna just say this instead

Im British too, but I'm a southern chap from a tiny rural town called Twyford. Theres a lot of this "We are all British together" sort of attitude where im from, like we all pretend to sarcastically hate each other and ourselves but theres a quiet solidarity in putting up with crap together. The mood where im from is more pointed toward the idea that any Englishman should be able to talk to and find common ground with any other Englishman simply due to the fact we are all miserable bastards 90% of the time.

That said I (fairly) recently moved to a big city and goddam do I have less patience in Birmingham. Something about cities makes it far harder to appreciate other people. Not sure quite what it is. I suspect you are still correct with the cultural thing, when I have a bad day I try and play it off with a grin and a small reserve of stoicism/humor and thats generally what i picked up from my parents and peers down here. I usually resort to humor anyway when things are really dire so its not too hard to be genuinely friendly.

Interesting. I also grew up in a small rural community, also in the south (Devon). People were much more open and things were good. Unfortunately, my (and others) openness was taken advantage of by several individuals in positions of authority.

I am now living on the edge of a city and fully appreciate the idea that humans cannot care about more than about one hundred other individuals. I visited London a while ago and was almost swamped by the sheer number of people. I appreciate your perspective.

 

[lunavixen]

What's even worse is when someone takes your headphones off. That happened to me recently. I was in Wal-Mart shopping, minding my own business, and listening to music when I felt someone take my headphones off and start yelling at me. It was some middle aged woman. Apparently she thought I was intentionally ignoring her and got angry because she had been trying to talk to me for about a minute.

I grabbed my headphones back and told the woman to fuck off and then walked away.

Someone did something like that to me and damn near tore one of my earrings out, I tore serious strips off him for it.

 

[Conner42]

I have been this guy so allow me to interject. No I don't need to know how your day is going. I don't really care and if we met in any other setting I wouldn't ask. The problem is retail is DUUUUUUUUUUUULL. Any conversation can liven the day of someone forced to work in retail, even if it is just "How are you?" "Don't talk to me" "that'll be £3 please".

I've worked at retail as well and we were encouraged to talk to our customers. It was mostly for the tips though, so sometimes there would be a really big circus act on treating the customer coming in like it was the event of the year(I mean, it never happened directly, but it was always implicit). But, begrudgingly, I guess I can admit that it is a little better than not talking to people. But, holy shit, can people be boring though.

I 'unno, the whole thing still feels a bit weird to me. I just remember my first days back from Korea and I went to a coffee shop and I was just stunned that somebody asked me how I was doing and I had to think about what it was I usually said. I honestly wasn't really having a good day that day, but nobody wants to hear that, so we have the land where everybody is doing okay because nobody really wants to talk about their day.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

but nobody wants to hear that.

I'm honestly curious about where this belief comes from. Is it actually true? Is it an excuse we make because opening up to strangers is (For most of us) hard? I honestly have no idea, but its something EVERYONE says in such a way that implies they think it ridiculous. By that logic then these people wouldnt mind hearing it from others, yet the belief persists. Why is that? Its very odd.

 

[Flames66]

I have been this guy so allow me to interject. No I don't need to know how your day is going. I don't really care and if we met in any other setting I wouldn't ask. The problem is retail is DUUUUUUUUUUUULL. Any conversation can liven the day of someone forced to work in retail, even if it is just "How are you?" "Don't talk to me" "that'll be £3 please".

I've worked at retail as well and we were encouraged to talk to our customers. It was mostly for the tips though, so sometimes there would be a really big circus act on treating the customer coming in like it was the event of the year(I mean, it never happened directly, but it was always implicit). But, begrudgingly, I guess I can admit that it is a little better than not talking to people. But, holy shit, can people be boring though.

Interesting. Tipping isn't a thing around here so I don't do it for that reason. It's just nice to have a little chin wag during the grind. Not everyone wants to and I respect that, if my customer looks like they don't want to talk or make that clear I say only what I need to to serve them.

but nobody wants to hear that.

I'm honestly curious about where this belief comes from. Is it actually true? Is it an excuse we make because opening up to strangers is (For most of us) hard? I honestly have no idea, but its something EVERYONE says in such a way that implies they think it ridiculous. By that logic then these people wouldnt mind hearing it from others, yet the belief persists. Why is that? Its very odd.

I certainly don't, unless I have specifically asked.

 

[Conner42]

I'm honestly curious about where this belief comes from. Is it actually true? Is it an excuse we make because opening up to strangers is (For most of us) hard? I honestly have no idea, but its something EVERYONE says in such a way that implies they think it ridiculous. By that logic then these people wouldnt mind hearing it from others, yet the belief persists. Why is that? Its very odd.

It's honestly not something I really noticed until I read foreigners experiences in the US. At least, where I live, you are never, ever, ever going to hear somebody respond with "Pretty badly, actually." The closest I've heard to a negative response was "Well, I can't complain" and that was it.

http://blogs.voanews.com/student-union/2012/11/12/the-wrong-way-to-answer-how-are-you/

http://www.fluentin3months.com/you-are-weird/

But it would be really weird to open up to a stranger anyway. I mean, I really don't see what they can or will do about it. Actually, honestly, there were a couple of times when people were honest in responding that they weren't doing well(Both times involved a close family member dying but one couple also thought seeing The Lone Ranger would help take their minds off of things...yikes) This was when I was working at retail where asking "How are you?" is a standard practice, but there wasn't really much we could do. My co-worker said that she'd keep the their family member in her prayers but that just...well, it seems weird to me(it's not just because I'm an atheist either, non-religious people would say "I'll keep this person in my thoughts" which is honestly even weirder because at least there's some effect to be believed in with the religious sentiment). It just feels like that nobody really knows how to respond if somebody isn't doing well, which is why I feel like it's best to have these conversations with people you you're actually close to.

But, okay, the next time a complete stranger asks me how I'm doing, I'll answer honestly this time and I'll see how they react.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

I certainly don't, unless I have specifically asked.

Im going here from the assumption that the person HAS asked and the askee so to speak has to decide if they should be honest or whatever.

 

[Abomination]

It's honestly not something I really noticed until I read foreigners experiences in the US. At least, where I live, you are never, ever, ever going to hear somebody respond with "Pretty badly, actually." The closest I've heard to a negative response was "Well, I can't complain" and that was it.

Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing I respond in a manner that's as distracting as possible to their reason for approaching me.

I always chuckle inwardly at how it derails folks thought processes.

Or, if someone approaches me at work and I ask "Hi, how can I help you?" I get the response "I'm doing good, thanks for asking."

Then I get to stare at them uncomfortably for a moment before asking again, slowly and with emphasis. "How. Can. I. Help. You?"

Gods we're set in our ways.