Poll: Is online dating worth the time?

[idon'tknowaboutthat]

Edited the crap out of this to make it a lot less sappy.

Okay, so I know this topic has been done before, but the last one was two months ago and... well, maybe I want some personal advice (on the internet you can be a little self-centered, right?).

Anyways, I'm 20 years old, and a dude who's never done anything with a girl. Never been on a real date, had a first kiss... you know where this is going. I've got some issues, undiagnosed and possibly clinical depression, mild social anxiety, but most of it just stems from not having friends in childhood. Really, I'm a pretty normal person - I get good grades in Uni, apparently I'm good-looking although I don't think so, etc.

My (female) friend made a Plenty of Fish account and got a date like a week later, apparently the guy was pretty cool but of course then got attached too quickly, blah blah blah. I've heard other stories about bad experiences with it, but I'm kinda wanting to try anyways, although I'm certainly not desperate - I've waited this long, I can wait longer.

What do you people think? What are your experiences with online dating, and what's your advice for others?

Captcha: forget this
Hmm... you maybe on to something, Captcha.

 

[Entraboard]

Hey idon'tknowaboutthat, I get it. I can totally relate what you are saying. Been there. Honestly, most people are lucky to have five very good friends. And as time goes by jobs, family, distance and time itself will strain those relationships. Sometimes even fracture it. So it's important to always keep your social tree growing. You'll lose a friend here or there, but you'll also make a new friend here or there.

What's that got to do with online dating?
I've tried it. It works, but not in the way I expected. I thought I'd go there and meet a girlfriend. Instead, I went out on dates with women outside my immediate social circle, and got a girl friend out of it. As with any friend, we would go out on activities, outings, parties and the like. Because this is a friend outside my immediate social circle, I'd meet other people, make new friends. Sometimes even meet a girl I like who I never would have crossed paths with had I not met our mutual acquaintance through an online dating site.

Just going up to people is a difficult maneuver. I'm not very good at first impressions, because my foot has an incredible knack for finding it's may into my mouth (you know, going up to a fat lady and saying "When are you due?". Doh.)
Some people can see past it, and eventually find me rewarding. Some people can't, because it can be very off-putting.
Online dating... I see what I wrote and edit accordingly before sending. Score one for technology!

So heck yeah you should give it a shot, but don't expect your soul mate right away.
Or maybe do, LOL. I only tried the free online dating places cuz I'm cheap that way.
I will never pay for parking, relationships or sugar... that's just my code.

 

[SwiftBlade18]

Don't trust the experience of any girl friends who are on plenty of fish. Im signed up to that site (UK) and have been for over a year now. If 1% of my messages get replied to I'm lucky (compared to girls who literally get dozens of messages - i have a friend on it). But then they stop talking and nothing happens. To summarise - not a single date. It's not that I'm unattractive or have a horrible personality or even attempting to 'punch above my weight'.

I would say theres no harm in signing up to it and using the service. But don't expect it to work miracles...at the very least its putting yourself out there for the potential of something happening.

 

[Tiger King]

hey there!
Im not sure if I would "recommend" online dating but it's an option.
what I mean is that it's not for everyone but it does create an opertunity to meet new people so why eliminate that option?
I know two people that met their wives through online dating, I myself met my girlfriend over the interweb.
For some people it works, others it dosent.
There is sadly this stereotype of some weird pervert rapist for online dating. I think that's sad as the major other option seems to be to "meet your soul mate" down the pub or in a club.
I mean clubs aren't that sociable really, it's loud, people are drinking and most put on a bit of a display to impress that isn't honest to who they are.

good luck friend and just be who you are

 

[krmaml]

Online dating is for women. It is much more difficult for men.

A man needs to be atleast relatively attractive, have a good career, lifestyle and have a lot of things going for himself, just to get noticed by a handful of women. He needs to have a perfectly written profile as well.

Meanwhile, lets just say a woman can be painfully mediocre in every aspect and still get an inbox full.

 

[Angie7F]

I think you need to know how to decipher the crazy from the sane.
as long as you have that skill, online dating can open up so many possibilities that would otherwise be hard to come across in real life because in real life you meet the same people or at least only people that come into your realm.
My mom has a great BF that she met online. So does her friend.

 

[PandaBoy]

yup, not a very social dude aswell, so online dating is comfortable for me to talk to girls and i find it easier to go on dates. i havent found a long term girlfriend from online dating yet, but my friend is married to a girl he met online so i am pretty sure it works. I usually go to small dating sites because the big ones give too much spam. Read some feedbacks here at http://www.freedatinghelper.com/reviews/behappy2day-com/ if you want.

 

[Kuilui]

I have a few friends who are dudes that are on plentyoffish that have been hit up by girls. One of my friends has three or four girls that sought him out and started up a conversation. Let me make this perfectly clear. He is not some model. Hes average at best and his only hobby is obsessing over one make of car. He's also socially awkward. For example he is the guy that tells the bad jokes to people who pity laugh and he thinks they are enjoying it so he keeps going with them.

So provided you don't look like you wash your face with acid and have hobbies that don't involve torturing animals I'm sure you'll find some girls on there. If you really want to get a date going then I'd say try it out. This is how people our age meet now a days it would seem.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I am female, and in a relationship, so I have never actually dated online, however, I have people who are close to me who have been quite successful at doing so. Online dating is not limited to "dating sites" you can meet people anywhere online. My friend Dustin met his wife playing "Runescape" ( although I can't stand that game with a passion). They met in game and have been married 5 years now. My brother ( who I would not consider attractive in the least, and is quite socially awkward) found his wife on an online dating site and they were married last year. My sister ( who is quite attractive) met her husband ( who isn't very attractive) playing "Eve" and they have been married 4 years now.

As far as I can tell, this can be a good tool to meet people who you share common interests with, it is a matter of what you choose to do with it that counts.

One thing that is a huge put off for online dating is anger issues though, so if you can get those sorted out, and find your " chill spot" and stay there, you would have better luck. Having a good sense of humor also is a plus. My sisters husband isn't very attractive, but he is funny as hell and very random, you never know what the guys is going to say.

I wouldn't focus on medication/ treatment depression ect when you are trying to find a date. Those are very off putting and aren't exactly the topics you want to throw out there when trying to make a good impression. People like to have fun, so you need to find your " happy place" before seeking someone to have fun with! Issues with anger/ medication/ depression are pretty scary when you are talking about people you do not really know that well and are trying to determine whether or not you want to get to know them better. That is throwing a ton of baggage out there before you ever got your foot in the door. It is better to find your "relaxed and confident" self and making them feel comfortable as well. Hope that helps!

 

[Longstreet]

Bit late to the party but here it goes.

It's a thing of the present pure and simple.

The used to use add in papers (I saw a man walking on ZXC road at 12:34 wearing pink slippers, please contact me!) These days we simply move to the internet

The reason it is, somewhat, frowned upon is the same reason games are still frowned upon. PCs and the internet in general are still "nerd" territory and therefore per definition unsocial. They still tread this like it was in the old days. That you would need a tripple Ph.D in Computer Physics to know how to operate one.

I could go on, but in short, go for it.

Watch out for the fucked up weirdo's though. You know the saying; there are no females on the internet. That is based on something.

 

[NoeL]

Whether not I'd recommend online dating to someone depends on many things. I've had someone success with it, but I'm a reasonably good looking guy. It's also only worth it if you live in or near a major city, because it'll be slim pickings otherwise.

The thing about online dating is that guys outnumber girls 50 to 1, and 90% of the users (both male and female) you wouldn't want to know anyway. For an attractive and/or sexually liberal woman, they can pretty much have their pick of any guy on the site. So right off the bat, unless you're physically attractive - either by genes or jeans (i.e. fashion. I just wanted to make the pun) - you can expect to be pulling below your potential.

Regarding your depression, my best advice would be to hide it as long as you can - at least until you've settled into a relationship, if possible. People are wary about getting close to depressed people for a number of reasons - the obvious one being that they're usually not much fun to be around, but also because if the relationship turns sour they might not know if you're emotionally stable enough to handle a breakup. No one wants their ex to commit suicide. Even if they understand it's not their responsibility they're still going to sacrifice their own lives to make sure you don't go there (unless they have no regard for human life). I've gone through that and it absolutely sucked, so I'm immediately wary of girls with a history of depression.

But there's still hope! Don't be disheartened, because while the guys might outnumber the girls 50 to 1, at least 40 of those are going to be pathetic basement dweller MRA 'Nice Guy's that fail to understand why their sexist, disrespectful attitudes towards the women they're trying to woo isn't gaining them any headway. It's the little things that count - like if a girl you messaged visits your profile but doesn't respond, don't send her an angry follow up message asking her to explain why she didn't think you were good enough. Just accept she isn't interested (just like you weren't interested in the previous 20 girls you looked over) and move on. For many girls it's refreshing just to meet someone that isn't a creeper!

There are all sorts of "tips and tricks" to be successful, but the only two you really need to consider is 1) look presentable, and 2) act respectful.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Whether not I'd recommend online dating to someone depends on many things. I've had someone success with it, but I'm a reasonably good looking guy. It's also only worth it if you live in or near a major city, because it'll be slim pickings otherwise.

The thing about online dating is that guys outnumber girls 50 to 1, and 90% of the users (both male and female) you wouldn't want to know anyway. For an attractive and/or sexually liberal woman, they can pretty much have their pick of any guy on the site. So right off the bat, unless you're physically attractive - either by genes or jeans (i.e. fashion. I just wanted to make the pun) - you can expect to be pulling below your potential.

Regarding your depression, my best advice would be to hide it as long as you can - at least until you've settled into a relationship, if possible. People are wary about getting close to depressed people for a number of reasons - the obvious one being that they're usually not much fun to be around, but also because if the relationship turns sour they might not know if you're emotionally stable enough to handle a breakup. No one wants their ex to commit suicide. Even if they understand it's not their responsibility they're still going to sacrifice their own lives to make sure you don't go there (unless they have no regard for human life). I've gone through that and it absolutely sucked, so I'm immediately wary of girls with a history of depression.

But there's still hope! Don't be disheartened, because while the guys might outnumber the girls 50 to 1, at least 40 of those are going to be pathetic basement dweller MRA 'Nice Guy's that fail to understand why their sexist, disrespectful attitudes towards the women they're trying to woo isn't gaining them any headway. It's the little things that count - like if a girl you messaged visits your profile but doesn't respond, don't send her an angry follow up message asking her to explain why she didn't think you were good enough. Just accept she isn't interested (just like you weren't interested in the previous 20 girls you looked over) and move on. For many girls it's refreshing just to meet someone that isn't a creeper!

There are all sorts of "tips and tricks" to be successful, but the only two you really need to consider is 1) look presentable, and 2) act respectful.

Considering my sister is also a swimsuit model, and the guy she met online and married is overweight, has severe acne and was hundreds of miles away, I do not think that "being attractive" or "nearby" is necessarily a factor. Dustin also met his wife online who was hundreds of miles away as well. I think you do have a point with them not being a creeper, or disrespectful. However, bland is also an important turn off as well. Even though my sister's husband isn't what people would consider attractive, he and my sister have similar personalities and common interests so they are a really good fit for each other. He is creative, has a good sense of humor, outgoing and is very laid back. Often, that is far more important than appearance. The guy is confident enough that he actually wears a beret with a feather in it sometimes, but my sister fell head over heels for the guy and moved from Texas to Pennsylvania to be with him.

Personality and common interests I think are a bigger factor than location and attractiveness.

 

[NoeL]

Considering my sister is also a swimsuit model, and the guy she met online and married is overweight, has severe acne and was hundreds of miles away, I do not think that "being attractive" or "nearby" is necessarily a factor.

I think we're talking about completely different things. You're talking about meeting people online, through games or forums or whatever, developing a friendship online that may or may not lead to romantic feelings, and then pursuing those feelings if and when they occur. I'm talking about the use of dating/singles sites, where you get to know people with the intention of dating them (it would be crazy to fly across the world to go on a date).

Ugly guys CAN land pretty girls, sure. But it's not likely to happen through an online dating site... unless he has money.

 

[The_Tron]

Just consider it an option and that all options at least deserve some attention. I personally never have been very social, had a few gfs here and there. Some of the worst ones I had met in person and absolutely couldn't stand once I got to know them a little better. But the best one I had by far was someone who approached me through an online forum of all places. We spent a few months getting to know each other better and then arranged a meeting. Then things just went on from there. We eventually split because neither of us was willing to up and move to the other one (long distance relationships are basically impossible). But we still talk and remain friends. So I guess what I'm saying is just because you're nervous about trying online, don't sell it short.

 

[s0p0g]

i kind of had a similar history, including death . wasn't that much into people and such, didn't go out that much, etc. now, if you're happy with that, it's perfectly fine, but you said you aren't, sooo... i guess you "need" to get a bit more comfortable and/or confident around people - at least, that's what i decided back then for myself. so what i did was throwing myself into cold water, got a job as an aide at a (dictionary says) sheltered workshop where i worked with (mentally) heavily disabled people for almost two years, then i did a nursing apprenticeship - i loved both, love my job, and both necessarily and naturally became more and more open towards others - and that somehow shows; people "smell" if you're not really open for business, but over the time i became able to chat basically whenever i felt like it (note: that doesn't mean i talk nonstop everywhere i go with anyone i meet, but it's much much easier to start conversations, join them, etc, when i'm up to it. i might add that i live in a region where talking to complete strangers for hours, for example at your local water hole or whatever, is quite normal - although thanks to smartphones and SMS-flats and stuff especially younger people become more and more distanced and quiet) - maybe you can do something like that, do some volunteering at retirement homes or whereever the focus is on interpersonal interaction - grab the problem by the roots, if you will.

you can of course try out dating sites, if that's what you meant, can't see how it could hurt unless you expect immediate results and find the love of your life within 2 days; as others said, you can meet people online in games, at forums etc as well, but more options = more good, aye?

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

misquote double post please delete.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Considering my sister is also a swimsuit model, and the guy she met online and married is overweight, has severe acne and was hundreds of miles away, I do not think that "being attractive" or "nearby" is necessarily a factor.

I think we're talking about completely different things. You're talking about meeting people online, through games or forums or whatever, developing a friendship online that may or may not lead to romantic feelings, and then pursuing those feelings if and when they occur. I'm talking about the use of dating/singles sites, where you get to know people with the intention of dating them (it would be crazy to fly across the world to go on a date).

Ugly guys CAN land pretty girls, sure. But it's not likely to happen through an online dating site... unless he has money.

My brother is neither wealthy or attractive, and met his wife on a dating site. Though from what she says, it was he was interesting. He builds/restores and repairs private planes, so he had pictures of him working on planes and him riding his motorcycle. Maybe props and interesting things about you help? LOL

 

[NoeL]

Considering my sister is also a swimsuit model, and the guy she met online and married is overweight, has severe acne and was hundreds of miles away, I do not think that "being attractive" or "nearby" is necessarily a factor.

I think we're talking about completely different things. You're talking about meeting people online, through games or forums or whatever, developing a friendship online that may or may not lead to romantic feelings, and then pursuing those feelings if and when they occur. I'm talking about the use of dating/singles sites, where you get to know people with the intention of dating them (it would be crazy to fly across the world to go on a date).

Ugly guys CAN land pretty girls, sure. But it's not likely to happen through an online dating site... unless he has money.

My brother is neither wealthy or attractive, and met his wife on a dating site. Though from what she says, it was he was interesting. He builds/restores and repairs private planes, so he had pictures of him working on planes and him riding his motorcycle. Maybe props and interesting things about you help? LOL

Well, kudos to them to being friendly with foreigners I guess! I've had a couple of foreign girls contact me on my dating site and we've shot a few messages back and forth, but I've never bothered to message first. That said, while I'm happy for your sister/brother, their story sounds pretty atypical.

As for props and interesting things... yeah, that pretty much sums up my photo gallery. Damn, and here I was thinking it was my devilish good looks.

 

[Mr.Cynic88]

Online dating is for women. It is much more difficult for men.

A man needs to be atleast relatively attractive, have a good career, lifestyle and have a lot of things going for himself, just to get noticed by a handful of women. He needs to have a perfectly written profile as well.

Meanwhile, lets just say a woman can be painfully mediocre in every aspect and still get an inbox full.

Haha, you got that right! I live in a small town, and have dipped my toe in the online dating waters. What I found, most of the women profiles I see tend to start with "First thing you should know about me - I'm a mother." That's strike one, and strike two and three come after I read their uninspired "about me" section.