Poll: Is your partner also your best friend?

[an annoyed writer]

I don't have a partner of any sort right now, nor am I looking for one at the moment, so no, my best friend is not my partner. And at this point, I don't think I'd even have anyone that I'd specifically call my best friend, since my life is fairly complicated right now, and most of my friends are going through similar complications, meaning none of us can hang out and stuff D:

 

[Shraggler]

Snippage

I think it's relative. Some people would like a deep, pinnacle of friendship along with their romantic relationships, others prefer to keep those separate, or (more likely) don't even consider that situation.

I don't know about this myself. I already have a best friend and I'd be surprised if I met a girl who could surpass that level of friendship.

Speculating here, but it sounds like the ideal situation. Someone who you're romantically interested in who is also someone with whom you can discuss things you would as a truly deep friend, with almost unquestioning trust, loyalty and honesty.

If you weren't friends on a deep level with the person you are dating, what's the point? Sex? If that's the depth of a relationship, that's a pretty poor definition of 'relationship'.

I suppose I feel that if your significant other isn't your best friend, they should be pretty damn close.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

This is my spin-off from the opposite sex best friend thread. I noticed a lot of people answered "My partner/spouse is my best friend". Which is very cute but I don't know how wise that is. I have a very rudimentary (?) don't-put-all-you-eggs-on-the-same-basket philosophy in life, as far as romance and friendship go. And there's some discussion value in that, I think. Is your significant other "also" your best friend? Is your best friend "also" your significant other? What do you think of that?

I don't have a significant other, but your logic implies that one can only have one best friend which I think is false.

Well, "best" is a sketchy category.

 

[Raikas]

I noticed a lot of people answered "My partner/spouse is my best friend". Which is very cute but I don't know how wise that is. I have a very rudimentary (?) don't-put-all-you-eggs-on-the-same-basket philosophy in life, as far as romance and friendship go. And there's some discussion value in that, I think.

I suppose the wisdom of it depends on how you frame your friendship and romantic needs. Personally, most of my friends are people I share interests with and thus do stuff with. So I had my skiing friends, my rock climbing friends, my dog park friends, etc. And I do a lot of things with my spouse - so yeah, I could say that we're each others' best friend. And I don't think that's risky, because hey if the worst happened I could do a lot of the same things with someone else.


That said, I can see how if you're (for example) one of those stereotypical guys who wants to rant about your wife's mom or girls who want to whine about your husband's messes, or whatever other stereotype fits that "complain about partner/partner's family" mould, then yeah, I can see why making your partner do that double-duty role would be problematic. But how many people really do that?

 

[Multi-Hobbyist]

I have a very rudimentary (?) don't-put-all-you-eggs-on-the-same-basket philosophy in life, as far as romance and friendship go.
Penny for your thoughts?

This. So this. Very much this. Wow. But seriously, I have that approach to everything. In my personal and professional life. Once that basket burns, falls apart from time and/or weathering, whatever the case. It's smart to always have back-ups, and failing those, have contingency plans for the back-ups. My partner and I of the last 4 years split last year, and fuck-all if I ain't lucky I don't still have a hetero-lifemate (aka best friend) in someone else. I'd have been completely utterly and absolutely wrecked if he weren't there for me. Does this mean I'm a bad for relationships? Not that, no, but plenty of other reasons sure. Does it mean I can't trust a partner 100%? Well as with anyone and everyone else, trust takes time. I can trust a partner 100%, but I still wont take them on as a hetero-lifemate. So I think you're in the right OP.

 

[Lynx]

Had a boyfriend for 3 years, split up recently. He eventually had to go do his own thing and I respected that, even though it hurt like a *****. I loved him enough as a best friend, underneath all the lovey-doveyness, to let him go.

So, yes, me and my partners have always had solid friendships as a foundation. It grows trust and respect, and frankly, it's way more fun. If other people like to do it differently, that's fine, but it's how I do it and it's always worked for me.