Poll: Isn't crying about the deceased pointless?

[Kirex]

Now before you go all "evil wannabe-manly guy" on me, please listen:

I understand that being sad about dead people has its right to exist, as you can never see someone again you maybe liked or loved. It's just there to relieve the stress of bearing with that.
Still, that begs the question:

Except for you(and people you're crying with) maybe feeling better, does it make any sense? It surely does not reverse the situation or anything like that, sometimes I even feel like it's really stupid to do that, because the dead person surely wouldn't want you to be sad, so why the hell do we do this?
Why do we almost mandate that people must be sad when someone dies? And yes, it's also a cultural thing to a point. If I am not crying at a funeral(which doesn't mean I didn't love them) then everybody calls me out for that and calls me heartless and the like. Why do we continue this trend in culture? Your parents almost teach you that you have to be sad, and case in point, it would also be sad for people without that, yes, but not that sad. It's just like getting angry at certain things, it's also a part of the education how strong you react to something, so why do we make it worse than it actually would be?

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Crying is a reactionary response to sadness.

We can't help how we feel.

 

[ZiggyE]

We mourn the dead because we are human. We have evolved to the point where our imaginations allow us to envision a possibility of an afterlife and to live in both the past and the future, not just in the 'now'. These elements have created a culture where the dead are expected to be mourned and remembered.

 

[Kinokohatake]

*Rolls eyes so hard they fall out*

Yes when my kids die I will calmly plan out their funerals and then go to a comedy film and laugh my ass off. No reason to be upset at all.

 

[Alexias_Sandar]

If it helps you grieve and heal, then it's a good thing. Crying is an effective way for you to help get grief out and helps clear your mind and body.

 

[Mischiviktus]

It's the affectionate connection that drives us to be sad, not the fact of the matter. Case in point, both of my grandfathers are dead, when my mother's father died, I was miserably sad, he was a great role model and the perfect grandpa every man believes they'll be for their grandchildren. My dad's side, I was sad but not even remotely close because he was distant and really never acknowledge us, just sat there on his couch watching golf every time including Christmas.

I say when you're a kid, you're indoctrinated and accustomed to certain emotional displays I.E. sadness with death, happiness with a holiday...etc., but when you get older, you sort of develop the emotional decisions yourself. Heck, when I was a kid and my dog dies, I was depressed as hell. Right now, my current boxer's legs have given out, and she's so old that she won't live more than a year, I'll still be sad.

Why get pissed off when you're computer shits itself? You know that complicated machinery are prone to it and knew you'd have to get a new on eventually.

It's all reaction, and it's not like you'll have the same one for every instance, or the same initial reaction (some one dies, you're sorely depressed and stricken with grief and then 10 years down the line you think of them and feel exactly the same).

 

[Thaluikhain]

Mourning the dead, that's fair enough. I don't like how people are suddenly elevated by being dead though, as if death washes away all sins.

There was a movement to make Jade Goody a saint, simply because she died of cancer, for example, being previously famous mostly for being the racist Celeb big brother "star".

 

[Hamish Durie]

well I don't know any other way to channel my sadness
besides the stupid ways

 

[dfphetteplace]

Why do I cry? Because I lost a friend or family member. There is nothing wrong with expressing grief over their death. I do not see the issue with crying.

I have cried for the dead. When the fire chief of a neighboring department died and he was about to be lowered into the ground, all of the fire department's pagers went off, for the final call of the chief. There was a hundred fire fighters crying like little girls, and I was one of them.

 

[Soviet Steve]

It seems like you are answering your own question in your own post.

Now before you go all "evil wannabe-manly guy" on me, please listen:

I understand that being sad about dead people has its right to exist, as you can never see someone again you maybe liked or loved. It's just there to relieve the stress of bearing with that.

Which is a perfectly valid reason to show that you feel sad, it helps healing the mind for most people, preventing mental issues further down the line.

Still, that begs the question:

Except for you(and people you're crying with) maybe feeling better, does it make any sense? It surely does not reverse the situation or anything like that

That's not the objective of showing grief though, the objective is to relieve the stress of the loss and its implications.

sometimes I even feel like it's really stupid to do that, because the dead person surely wouldn't want you to be sad, so why the hell do we do this?

Because some people feel sad when they realize that someone they cared for wont be around any longer, and it also reminds them of their own inevitable end, along with the inevitable end of everyone they know. It is not a pleasant prospect.

Why do we almost mandate that people must be sad when someone dies? And yes, it's also a cultural thing to a point. If I am not crying at a funeral(which doesn't mean I didn't love them) then everybody calls me out for that and calls me heartless and the like.

It seems like an issue with your family, there isn't any such mandate in my family, although granted this might be a feature of many of us suffering from aspergers syndrome.

Why do we continue this trend in culture? Your parents almost teach you that you have to be sad, and case in point, it would also be sad for people without that, yes, but not that sad. It's just like getting angry at certain things, it's also a part of the education how strong you react to something, so why do we make it worse than it actually would be?

We grieve for the reasons I stated earlier. There are big differences in how people do it and while it seems your family is more authoritarian and posing about their grief it isn't the universally agreed upon model which is enforced everywhere. In my experience most Nordics tend to be reserved about showing grief, even at funerals, but tend to keep such things private.

 

[Tanakh]

If I am not crying at a funeral(which doesn't mean I didn't love them) then everybody calls me out for that and calls me heartless and the like.

Fake it mate, you will feel better about yourself and will create stronger emotional bonds with the people at the funeral. Best option for sure if you don't feel like crying.

Also... a good crying is like trowing up, in the sense that after doing it the brain is doped and happier

 

[JesterRaiin]

why do we make it worse than it actually would be?

That's the way we, old fashioned relics, deal with death. FTW.

 

[Kirex]

*Rolls eyes so hard they fall out*

Yes when my kids die I will calmly plan out their funerals and then go to a comedy film and laugh my ass off. No reason to be upset at all.

Okay, loving your own child is (well, almost) always genetically predisposed. Also, I was more talking about people who lived their lives and had fun with it, sorry for being not clear on that. I can understand being really upset when someone dies way before they should've, as that seems "unfair" to human reasoning which not only has the component of sadness, but also that of anger.

 

[Tanakh]

From a practical point of view, it's very pointless. What good does it do to cry and moan about someone who isn't able to give a shit about you anymore?

I strongly disagree, for the person dead everything is pointless, but for the one alive? Crap, it:

- Reinforces it's ties with the group of people at the funeral

- Allows him peace of mind having mourned the deceased

- Releases endorphins into the blood (yay natural drug )

- Burns calories (good crying is a high energy consumption activity)

So, i would contend that there actually FEW activities more productive than crying at a funeral.

 

[Hoplon]

OP, by that standard all emotion is pointless, if it's not then while not useful crying should be expected since it is simply a result to strong emotion.

It's utility isn't a valid notion or a worthy consideration.

 

[JoJo]

No, it isn't pointless, as it's our way of reacting when someone who we love has gone. It's no more pointless than feeling happy when our friends come round to visit or sad when a favourite series has been cancelled. Not everyone will cry at a funeral as people react in different ways to grief but it would be strange for someone not to feel sad when someone they love has died.

 

[Custard_Angel]

Of course crying about a deceased loved one is pointless, but crying doesn't have a point in this situation.

You aren't trying to accomplish a goal when you cry. You're letting off sadness at not being able to spend time with someone.

It's grief, not a action item.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Now before you go all "evil wannabe-manly guy" on me, please listen:

I understand that being sad about dead people has its right to exist, as you can never see someone again you maybe liked or loved. It's just there to relieve the stress of bearing with that.
Still, that begs the question:

Except for you(and people you're crying with) maybe feeling better, does it make any sense? It surely does not reverse the situation or anything like that, sometimes I even feel like it's really stupid to do that, because the dead person surely wouldn't want you to be sad, so why the hell do we do this?
Why do we almost mandate that people must be sad when someone dies? And yes, it's also a cultural thing to a point. If I am not crying at a funeral(which doesn't mean I didn't love them) then everybody calls me out for that and calls me heartless and the like. Why do we continue this trend in culture? Your parents almost teach you that you have to be sad, and case in point, it would also be sad for people without that, yes, but not that sad. It's just like getting angry at certain things, it's also a part of the education how strong you react to something, so why do we make it worse than it actually would be?

Because you have 3 responses to stress: emotion oriented response, problem oriented response, and avoidance. Since with dealing with a death, you can't take the problem oriented approach (i.e. doing something about it, cos y'know...can't reverse a death) you have to either avoid the problem altogether, or deal with it emotionally. Since denial is generally a bad thing, most of the time you'll vent your emotions through crying. We don't exactly choose to do it, we just have to. It isn't pointless because it helps us feel ever so slightly, fractionally better individually.