Poll: Isn't crying about the deceased pointless?

[Lilani]

-snip-

You make it sound like we choose to be cry, like there's some button we press to turn it on or off. Are you depressed, or have very little human contact? Seriously. You seem to have a great detachment from how people work. People don't choose to cry, and most cannot successfully fake it (and those who do pull off of emotions and memories from the past). Crying is a reaction, not an action. As someone else already said, there are 3 ways to react to stress: a problem-oriented reaction, an emotion-oriented reaction, and avoidance. Since death isn't a problem you can approach, that means the only ways you can react to it are emotionally or avoidance. And if you've seen anybody react to situations like that, that's exactly what they do. They either break down and cry, or go into denial--sometimes to the point of becoming catatonic.

Though how much of each reaction occurs depends almost entirely on how emotionally attached you are to the person. When I found out my grandmother died, I really didn't see her that often or know her that well, so I didn't cry at first. I was actually able to block it out for a while. But then at the funeral, seeing her there in the casket and being in that moment with so many others, I just broke down and cried. I didn't mean to, and I'm not sure if I wanted to. It just happened. It's a reaction, like saying "ow" when you stub your toe. It happens before you even realize it's happening.

As for your whole claim that we're "supposed" to be sad when someone dies, I think you've also misinterpreted that in some ways. The only people who are expected to be sad are the ones who knew the person the closest. And even then nobody's usually keeping score as to how many tears each one produces to make sure everybody's reacting "normally." The only time people will keep track of other's reactions with those sorts of things are the petty, judgmental ones who are looking to take out their own emotional frustrations on others. Otherwise, everyone else knows that everybody reacts to things differently. Especially in this day and age, you'll not see anyone becoming pariahs or being tossed in the loony bin just for not crying at a funeral.

However, when it comes to death, the one thing everyone IS expected to be, regardless of how they knew the person, is respectful. Don't antagonize anybody else or make inappropriate jokes at the deceased's expense. It's just insensitive and cruel, and completely unnecessary.

Oh, and as for your question about it being pointless, yes it is pointless. But so is shouting and cursing when you hurt yourself. The damage is done. There's nothing you can do, apart from react. And that's exactly what crying is. A reaction.

 

[Tentickles]

I'm going at assume you have not had anyone close to you die.
Why am I assuming that?
Because your question is rather stupid and heartless.

 

[Brandon237]

Crying is a reactionary response to sadness.

We can't help how we feel.

This, if someone or thing (I have lost many pets) was close to me, I will be upset at the loss. Anyone who wouldn't be... is someone I would be careful around. Very, very careful around.

 

[Nyaliva]

I'm a guy and I cry a lot. But recently, I was told an old family friend had passed, one who I knew well and loved dearly, but I didn't cry. I knew it was sad, but I also knew it was just what happened. Then I went to the funeral and I didn't feel like crying, but when I saw her husband, I felt a wave of emotion flow over me. By the end, I was in tears and I wanted to leave because I physically couldn't walk up to her husband and say I'm sorry without balling too hard to hear anything. So I accept the death of loved ones, if they're very close I will actually cry over them, but I cry more for the emotions of others, and for the grief the death causes them.

 

[drummond13]

It's not a "trend in culture" it's a natural emotional response to loss.

You're like one of those robots in sci-fi shows that ask questions like "what is the benefit of laughter" and "why do humans sometimes say things that aren't true." Nobody cries because they're logically thinking it will help the situation; that's not what emotions are about.

 

[Kirex]

snip

Thank you for answering that, it makes sense, but it's still a shame that things have to be that way.



To those who said to think about the good times:
Exactly, that is what I do most of the time, I think of the fun we had and the good times. It makes everything easier.

You make it sound like we choose to be cry, like there's some button we press to turn it on or off. Are you depressed, or have very little human contact? Seriously. You seem to have a great detachment from how people work. People don't choose to cry, and most cannot successfully fake it (and those who do pull off of emotions and memories from the past). Crying is a reaction, not an action.

You can't deny that some people cry only because they're told to, which has nothing to do with faking or choosing per se, but more with how you've grown up. See, as a child, you are told it's wrong to steal, so it feels wrong to steal or see somebody steal something. It's an emotional response to something, where you maybe(!) wouldn't have had one, at least not that strong. It's the same case for this(essentially, it's more severe if someone dies, yes): Sure, some people might also be unbelievably sad about death without being told that they should be, and that is fine, really, you can work off your stress like you want, my problem is(after my revision, yes, what I said at first was kind of stupid) that you press something onto children or society in general, where they would react completely different, apathy, avoidance, it works for some people, so why have this standard?

Though how much of each reaction occurs depends almost entirely on how emotionally attached they are.

Very much: Yes. Entirely: Not really, as I stated before, your reaction to everything is also influenced by how you're expected to react.

When I found out my grandmother died, I really didn't see her that often or know her that well, so I didn't cry at first. I was actually able to block it out for a while. But then at the funeral, seeing her there in the casket and being in that moment with so many others, I just broke down and cried. I didn't mean to, and I'm not sure if I wanted to. It just happened. It's a reaction, like saying "ow" when you stub your toe. It happens before you even realize it's happening.

Would you have cried if nobody else had? I'm not trying to be an ass or question you, I'm just interested.

As for your whole claim that we're "supposed" to be sad when someone dies, I think you've also misinterpreted that in some ways. The only people who are expected to be sad are the ones who knew the person the closest.

It's much worse here, at least I get the feeling it is. Didn't really know that guy? Well, be sad anyways. When my grandfather died, I didn't cry, I just stood there and had respect for him, I really did think about what he has gone through for his family, I didn't really have much to do with him, though. And apparently I am evil because of that. I was meant to cry because he was my grandfather.

And even then nobody's usually keeping score as to how many tears each one produces to make sure everybody's reacting "normally." The only time people will keep track of other's reactions with those sorts of things are the petty, judgmental ones who are looking to take out their own emotional frustrations on others. Otherwise, everyone else knows that everybody reacts to things differently. Especially in this day and age, you'll not see anyone becoming pariahs or being tossed in the loony bin just for not crying at a funeral.

I wish. When I talk about this with my best friends, they're okay with it, but if I bring this up to anybody(well not ANYbody, but you know what I mean) else, then they get all pissy and call me heartless. Maybe I am just talking to the wrong people, but I really feel as if almost everybody judges me for behaving the way I do.

However, when it comes to death, the one thing everyone IS expected to be, regardless of how they knew the person, is respectful. Don't antagonize anybody else or make inappropriate jokes at the deceased's expense. It's just insensitive and cruel, and completely unnecessary.

Well, I don't want to hurt anyone, that's for sure, but I make those jokes to the people that I know will laugh about it.(My Mother) I'm really not trying to be an ass, but that's also part of how I deal with it, still, If I have the smallest doubt of hurting someone by saying such things, I won't say them. I'm not cynical for the sake of being, you know, evil, but because it helps me.

I'm going at assume you have not had anyone close to you die.
Why am I assuming that?
Because your question is rather stupid and heartless.

I've already revised that, you should read the thread. I'm not asking questions to take my stand and tell everyone else that they're wrong.

 

[sephiroth1991]

I'm English, we are raised from a young age to have a tough upper lip and that emotions are WRONG. However I'm not afraid to admit that when i lost someone close i cried. However people are surprised by my detachment from hearing news of other peoples pain.

 

[Ranorak]

This is just in, emotions overwrite logic.
Learn more on this at 2:00.
Next up, eating removes the feeling of hunger?
Science says yes, but my producer says no.

 

[Warped_Ghost]

Maybe but if you look at it that way then isn't life pointless?

 

[juraigamer]

Yes being sad after someone has deceased is natural.

STAYING sad is a sign of depression...

You see what I did there America?

 

[Dracowrath]

Except for you(and people you're crying with) maybe feeling better, does it make any sense? It surely does not reverse the situation or anything like that, sometimes I even feel like it's really stupid to do that, because the dead person surely wouldn't want you to be sad, so why the hell do we do this?
Why do we almost mandate that people must be sad when someone dies? And yes, it's also a cultural thing to a point. If I am not crying at a funeral(which doesn't mean I didn't love them) then everybody calls me out for that and calls me heartless and the like. Why do we continue this trend in culture? Your parents almost teach you that you have to be sad, and case in point, it would also be sad for people without that, yes, but not that sad. It's just like getting angry at certain things, it's also a part of the education how strong you react to something, so why do we make it worse than it actually would be?

1. The last funeral I was at, nobody seemed to be actually crying, oddly enough. Whenever I started to I got stared at as if it was rude.

2. Humans do a LOT of things that don't make sense.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

I don't cry when a family member dies. It's not that I don't try or that I'm not sad, I just don't do it. That simple.

 

[Cali0602]

I want you all to look up a word: catharsis

That is why people cry about ANYTHING. Does that mean we're supposed to cry about everything? No. But if you want to know WHY we cry about emotional distress, look it up. [End discussion]

 

[platinawolf]

Crying and feeling sadness is one of the steps to "closing the book" so to speak. The brain needs to rewire itself to the fact that the individual is gone. This is achieved through grief.

 

[DeathWyrmNexus]

Mourning the dead is for our benefit, not the dead's. Does making a thread about this reverse the situation? No... But you still did it because of your own questions and feelings. It is no different for mourning or just about anything else.

Congratulations, we've reached the point. It was within us all along!

 

[HardkorSB]

Except for you(and people you're crying with) maybe feeling better, does it make any sense? It surely does not reverse the situation or anything like that, sometimes I even feel like it's really stupid to do that, because the dead person surely wouldn't want you to be sad, so why the hell do we do this?

Isn't making you feel better a good reason? If you'll let your sadness out, you'll get over it quicker. If you'll keep it inside, you'll be depressed for much much longer, maybe you'll experience some emotional disorders in the future.
Besides, it's a natural reaction of your body to certain physical and/or emotional pressure. Trying to stop it is like trying to stop your body from sweating when it's hot or trying to hold the urine in your bladder when you want to take a piss (maybe not to the same extent but the fact remains - your body does it for a reason).
If you don't feel like crying, don't. However, if you do, don't pretend like you don't, just because our twisted society views it as a sign of weakness.

That is all.

 

[Phas]

OP, by that standard all emotion is pointless, if it's not then while not useful crying should be expected since it is simply a result to strong emotion.

It's utility isn't a valid notion or a worthy consideration.

Well, technicly our entire lives are pointless, I mean if we're just going to die then what is the point of living? For me it's mostly so I can have fun.

 

[Hoplon]

OP, by that standard all emotion is pointless, if it's not then while not useful crying should be expected since it is simply a result to strong emotion.

It's utility isn't a valid notion or a worthy consideration.

Well, technicly our entire lives are pointless, I mean if we're just going to die then what is the point of living? For me it's mostly so I can have fun.

Which would be why I don't think the question is worth consideration.