Poll: Just realised I am bisexual

[Treblaine]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexual_erasure

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biphobia

Says most of it.

Society I don't think it REALLY ready for bisexuality, people are just too bloody idealistic on monosexuality, even though Kinsey's study found 46% of Males had bisexual tendencies to the point of intercourse with other males (though he didn't like the term bisexual).

It's as if society has only accepted homosexuality (where it has been accepted) under narrow terms of it being the opposite or inversion of heterosexuality.

I partially blame the gay community. Of course they are under a lot of pressure to give up their gays ways but they seem to have turned that abuse into a complex to the point they see Bisexuals in heterosex relations as "caving in".

This is why homosexuality is so awkward, because so many people have homosexual desires but think to follow them would mean giving up heterosexuality or be labelled with all sorts of shit.

Sort the bisexuality issue out and homosexuality will lose its controversy.

But way too many Gays don't want that. To them it seems to undermine their very position of exclusive attraction to the same gender.

Edited: for sensitivity and clarity

 

[Thespian]

But Gays don't want that. To them it seems to undermine their very position of exclusive attraction to the same gender.

There were a number of... to put it nicely let's say... "poorly worded" and "misguided" phrases in your post... But this one struck out the most.

First and foremost: You don't know what gays want. Don't tell gays what they want. I'm gay, but even so I'm not referring to gays as "us". This is because we do not have a secret treehouse in which we meet up every weekend, of which I am not the public relations official.

What gay people "want" is as varied and incalculable as what straight people want. Reasons people are afraid of embracing their sexuality are equally diverse.

Please mind what you say in future.

 

[Treblaine]

But Gays don't want that. To them it seems to undermine their very position of exclusive attraction to the same gender.

There were a number of... to put it nicely let's say... "poorly worded" and "misguided" phrases in your post... But this one struck out the most.

First and foremost: You don't know what gays want. Don't tell gays what they want. I'm gay, but even so I'm not referring to gays as "us". This is because we do not have a secret treehouse in which we meet up every weekend, of which I am not the public relations official.

What gay people "want" is as varied and incalculable as what straight people want. Reasons people are afraid of embracing their sexuality are equally diverse.

Please mind what you say in future.

Oh, you know what I mean.

OK, I will edit the post to be "Way too many gays people" because I suppose technically I don't know what every single gay person thinks but you have to admit gay culture* has done it's part popularising this Bisexual Erasure with demeaning maxims like:

"You are either Straight, Gay or Lying"

Shit like that pisses me off. I see it ALL OVER the mass media and of all the LGBT organisations they turn a blind eye. I've known many gay people (not going to say "I've got gay friends you know" I have few friends) and hear their opinions on bisexuality and all too often have I encountered the prejudice that bisexuality is nothing but closeted homosexuality.

But it is still incredibly insulting to bisexuals, to dismiss their genuine heterosexual feelings as FAKE.

It calls them liars, delusional, weak, petty and conformist in the worst possible way.

I can see why so many gay people hold this prejudice, as unless they grew up in a very liberal society then they likely spent a part of their life closeted and resent the time they spent hiding their true self, conforming and hurting themself. Or worse, gays who come out but are pressurised to be heterosexual. I feel for this but all to often they try to force their situation onto others, they seem to assume bisexuals are operating under the same conflictions.

Then there is the "hetero-privilege" resentment.

I know, it is not easy to have same-sex relations, even in the most progressive cultures. And the dilemma that the only gender you could fall in love with will come with such difficult acceptance. But the idea that bisexuals can just get an "out" by hooking up with the opposite sex, that undermines the 'shared burden'.

So next time someone makes some crack about bisexuals being "liars", "deluded" or "conformist" will you stand up to this prejudice? Will you consider where that prejudice has come from?

*Edit: yes there is a "gay culture" even if very loosely defined, it's the sum of all the arguments and ideas of gay activists, support organisations and lobbyists. These are the groups that won't tolerate slander against gays and campaign effectively to end homophobia yet turn a blind eye to Bisexual Erasure.

 

[PlasticLion]

I saw this thread hours ago but I really had to think about it so I didn't give an answer. I thought the thread would die; I didn't think people would actually talk about it here.

You'd be surprised at what people will talk about on the internet. Privacy has been replaced with a burning desire in human consciousness to be understood and to understand. There's a war going on right now between the two urges.

If you've figured out what you want, what makes you happy, then go for it. I wish my life had that much certainty. This conversation just makes me feel so weird in a really weird way.

Interesting. I wonder why it would make you feel weird?

I'm thirty years old, I'm unemployed, and I live with my parents. Sex or even just a relationship seems out of the question. So I put it out of mind. I focus on what I really need to worry about: my parents, a job, and my future. But when I go to sleep every night I dream. Despite the context of the dream, be it normal, sci-fi, or horror(usually nightmares), there is always a woman that I desperately want to fall in love with me. I wake up from nightmares trying to go back to sleep just to see if I end up with the girl. So I can't kill that part of me no matter how much I want to.

Why would you want to kill that part of you? Sounds like you're a normal heterosexual male; of which there are probably at least a couple billion of on this planet. As for being unemployed or living with your parents, I don't think it's anything necessarily to be ashamed of in and of itself. I had a friend like you once, actually, where circumstances kept him at home. Nice guy. Intelligent, etc.

When I dream, sexually, I guess I usually dream about women but I've had dreams about men, too. Which I assume is normal for a bisexual.

The thing about bisexuality that I find confusing is that in my mind there are emotional winners and losers. A MMF or FFM or MMM or FFF relationship is going to have two people that are more in love with each other than they are to the third. I know I'm confusing sexuality with love but this subject has so many layers. Out there somewhere is a man who loves his wife that wouldn't mind touching another man and a lesbian couple equally in love but one of them didn't exactly hate it when her male prom date got to third base.

See my post, and the link to this - http://thegnomeburrow.com/?p=80 - above. I don't think there has to be emotional losers in this type of setup; it definitely works for me and mine. See, one day you may have kids. You may have more than one kid. Most parents love their children in *different* ways, not necessarily causing one to "emotionally lose out" - or, say, you love your mother and father. Most people love their parents in *different* ways, though of course there are people out there who have their favorites.

I have a wife, and I have a partner. I also have 5 cats. I love each and every one of these cats for a different reason, and I'd never allow any harm to come to any of them. A person can argue that when a monogamous, heterosexual couple have a child the father becomes an emotional "loser" as the mother spends more time with her infant, etc., but this isn't necessarily true - you don't have to make anyone an emotional loser. My wife and my partner provide different and equally important things to my well being, my psyche, etc. I rely on them in different ways and that's about all I can really say on it.

I know what I am. If you know what you are then that's fuckin' awesome. I'm afraid that I sound like an asshole: I have no intention of being one.

Nah, you don't sound like an asshole. I'm not exactly sure how you're coming off here, which is amusing in and of itself to me.

Well thanks for all the food for though,it's exactly what I wanted.

When I said I didn't think people would talk about it here I meant here, escapist. I wasn't trying to suggest that people who come to this site don't think about such things, just that they don't come here for it. It was an assumption that I based on myself that is obviously wrong.

This conversation makes me feel weird but only in the context that I felt compelled to participate. I kinda understand why now. My thinking was that if everyone that I loved was in a burning building and I could only save one, who would it be?

Now I'm thinking that I shouldn't be thinking that way; Thinking that way isn't good for me or anyone else. That said, I don't think your first priority in that situation would be the cats.

Maybe kill was too strong a word, but I don't want to think about sex and love right now. I've got bigger fish to fry. I want a job and a place of my own, those are my priorities. I want to lose the weight I've gained while unemployed. I want to be the person I was before all this economic shit happened.

Again, thanks for the input. Good to know that I'm not a complete asshole.

 

[thedailylunatic]

At the same time, you roughly doubled the amount of people you can conceivably date. That's pretty cool.

More like ten percent, considering the majority of people aren't in to their own gender. And like you said you lose the monosexuals that are put off by the idea.

As for me, its a maybe Bisexual. I know I like girls, and I've been attracted to guys (not just famous ones ether), but I can't confirm if I would have sex with a guy. So whatever, I just keep on rolling with it. Whatever happens will happen.

I agree... hence the qualifier "conceivably" ;D

From all I've read on the subject, biological male bisexuality doesn't exist and is a purely psychogenic phenomenon. Again, that's subject to trollstorm. If you're a dude who likes both, you're probably either just gay or just straight + confused (according to the research, anyway). If you're a chick who likes both, the research actually indicates you may be in the majority (the research on that one is a real funny one).

I've heard none of this study, I have heard of this study though.

Its more than just three things, bisexuals have different levels of preferences.
In any case I know I'm in to women, so I'm not gay. I'm also In to monogamy, so I'll eventually stay with one person, and by the transitive property, one gender. Then whether or not I'm bisexual will be a moot point anyways.

Not a study. That's a thesis, Kinsey's if memory serves. Regardless, it measures sexual behavior, not sexual attraction. I'm too lazy to look up the study, but there seems to be no biological basis for male bisexuality. The subjects (regardless of stated orientation) only registered significant physical signs of attraction to either women or men, never both.

 

[drisky]

At the same time, you roughly doubled the amount of people you can conceivably date. That's pretty cool.

More like ten percent, considering the majority of people aren't in to their own gender. And like you said you lose the monosexuals that are put off by the idea.

As for me, its a maybe Bisexual. I know I like girls, and I've been attracted to guys (not just famous ones ether), but I can't confirm if I would have sex with a guy. So whatever, I just keep on rolling with it. Whatever happens will happen.

I agree... hence the qualifier "conceivably" ;D

From all I've read on the subject, biological male bisexuality doesn't exist and is a purely psychogenic phenomenon. Again, that's subject to trollstorm. If you're a dude who likes both, you're probably either just gay or just straight + confused (according to the research, anyway). If you're a chick who likes both, the research actually indicates you may be in the majority (the research on that one is a real funny one).

I've heard none of this study, I have heard of this study though.

Its more than just three things, bisexuals have different levels of preferences.
In any case I know I'm in to women, so I'm not gay. I'm also In to monogamy, so I'll eventually stay with one person, and by the transitive property, one gender. Then whether or not I'm bisexual will be a moot point anyways.

Not a study. That's a thesis, Kinsey's if memory serves. Regardless, it measures sexual behavior, not sexual attraction. I'm too lazy to look up the study, but there seems to be no biological basis for male bisexuality. The subjects (regardless of stated orientation) only registered significant physical signs of attraction to either women or men, never both.

It was posted earlier in the thread along with irrelevant arguments about about semantics. It was one study and was kind of shaking, stating that sexual attraction is a hard thing to define and it was all very complicated. All I know is that there are men that are willing to have sex with both and enjoy doing so, thats good enough for me, even if there is a strong preference to one side. Also it turns out bisexual women aren't a majority, just that a majority of those tested, which claimed to be bisexual in the first place.

Here it is if you want to re-read it but I'm kind of done with this discussion.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/05/health/05sex.html?pagewanted=1

 

[Lizmichi]

I my self am bisexual yet I still go for men really but I've had crushes on girls before. As a note I'm a girl just to clear things up.