Poll: Kick in the teeth

[Spaloooooka]

When I was young. My dad hit me and my mum. When I was 7 he kneed me in the face and dislocated my jaw. 9 my shoulder. he cracked ribs and I was introverted through bruises at school. To quote Yahtzee "I'm not a staving limbless HIV ridden orphan."

I'm finally getting on with life. However.

My girlfriend of 3 years turned to me and said [was sober during this time] "It was your fault. If he hit you: You should have stopped what you were doing." ...when I was 7? really?

I mention this because he died recently and I declined to speak at his funeral. That was her reaction to my explanation. She is stubborn about he view and says "Your/[I'm] self centered for feeling so awkward about it when you/ should think of what my family wants."

EDIT: "Forgive her. She doesn't know what she's talking about."

 

[Dragonclaw]

I can't really speak for her. In all honesty I don't feel there's quite enough info to make a call on what she's really like. As someone who's been through simillar I can tell you taht people who have never been through it just don't understand. TO her it may just sound like you were acting up and doesn't realize the scope of how bad it was for you. Based on just this instance though I wouldn't throw away a 3 year relationship unless there's a whole lot of other things wrong

 

[Phasmal]

Jesus.
I assume she knows about the severity of what happened, right?
You may need to have a frank talk with her.

I don't think you should just dump her but I do think what she said was massively insensitive and you two need to talk about it.
You need to tell her that the abuse was not your fault and she needs to respect that. Your father clearly had issues to say the very least and she shouldn't tell you how you should or should not be dealing with your own dad's death.

You shouldn't be with someone who blames you for a situation where you had no control or blame, so if she continues to say things like that- I think its probably best to move on.
I would make it clear to her how much it affects you.

 

[J Tyran]

She is fairly insensitive if she cannot understand how that (fairly serious) abuse has affected you.

 

[Galletea]

I know this is a little late, but I'm gonna throw my two penneth's worth in.

Think about it carefully, how much you have told her and how she has reacted to the information. From here is looks like you said that he hit you and she's assumed you meant you were messing around and got a slap for it.
However, that mere fact that you're asking for advice on a forum whilst in a relationship of three years has me thinking that there is something more going on here. If she doesn't know what she is talking about, then perhaps you should tell her. A relationship is built on trust. If you don't trust her, she is never really going to know you and she is never going to know why certain things upset you and likely react like this again. If she really is important enough to want to spend your life with her, then I think you might want to tell her, get it out in the open, so she understands things. It might make for an awkward few days, but if you're in love then you'll get over it.

 

[Able Seacat]

Maybe she just doesn't understand. Nothing you could have done would warrant that kind of abuse.
As others have said, you should make it clear about all that happened and to try sort out what she doesn't seem to grasp about the situation.

 

[Jonluw]

Sounds like she's ignorant on the nature of child abuse.
I'd try to educate her about it, but if she refuses to acknowledge that it's never a child's fault if an adult hits them, I'd dump her.

 

[gazumped]

Interestingly, before I scrolled down to read people saying "she's obviously not faced child abuse", I was actually wondering if she was hit/abused herself as a child (or even older) and had been made to believe that she deserved what she got, and in turn is trying to make you feel the same about your experiences as she does about hers.

Most of the people I know who haven't been hit as children think that it's a terrible thing to do to a child. Most of the people I know who have been just say things like "that's just the way it is". That's why that was the explanation that first sprung to my mind. I could be way off the mark, though.

 

[The_Healer]

If she doesn't change her position.

You might have to give her some bad news.

She has no heart.

[small]Also she's single.[/small]