Poll: Opinions on a character

[The Salty Vulcan]

I've started to work on a Superhero comic and I've been developing a few of the characters but thier are two in particular that I feel really strongly about. Don't worry I'm only going to post info on one though. Anyways I was just wondering what you guys think of him.

Just so you know I really haven't found a superhero name for him yet.
Based on The Flash(Barry Allen), Spiderman, Iron-Man and Hancock.

Alan Kelly

Background: While recalibrating a new X-Ray machine, Dr Alan Kelly was bombarded by rays which gifted him with Superhuman Speed. Encouraged by his wife, Diane, to help people, Alan became a superhero. Problems soon arose however after Diane fell pregnant and Alan lost his job at the local hospital. It was at this point that Alan was approached by New Ideas Inc (a company similiar to Apple) who had discovered Alan's secret identity by mistake. Offering him enough money in order to give him and his new family a fresh start, New Ideas made him their corporate mascot and sponsor.

Powers: Alan's primary ability is to move at Superhuman Speed. Capable at running faster than the speed of a thought, Alan is able to perform a number of feats including: Running on water, Running along vertical surfaces, Able to create whirlwinds by Running in circles etc. Alan can also react and think at Superhuman speeds and an unnatural level of endurance.

Abilities and skills: A trained Diagnostician, Alan possesses a sound and professional level of knowledge concerning First Aid and Medicine. Alan possesses the strength of an average man who engages in regular exercise.

Paraphenlia: Due to his sponsor, Alan has in his possession a number of of devices designed and manufactured by New Ideas Inc such as a interactive gps/tracking system on a wristband which also doubles as a heart-monitor. His suit and footwear are specially designed in order to withstand massive forces of friction.

Personality: A paradox is the best way to describe Alan. When he's behind that domino mask, running thoughout the city at 300mph he's outgoing, witty, energetic and always ready to say a few words to the camera. Within his own home, Alan is quiet and reserved and more in touch with reality. At this point Alan feels conflicted about his superhero career and the effect it has had on his life. While he feels compelled to do it in order to help people, its driving him and his pregnant wife apart.
Within the superhero community, Alan is either respected as a crime fighter or mocked as a sell-out.

Sorry if some stuff doesn't make sense. I've been having trouble putting thoughts down into words lately. Anyway if there are any questions just ask and feel free to criticise.

BTW, yes he's origin story is stupid. There's no way he could get superspeed from X-Rays. Then again how could the original Flash gain his powers by breathing in "Heavy Water"

 

[Aerodynamic]

You forgot the poll, seems like a decent character

 

[teisjm]

Seems decent, a little run-off-the-mill, but that goes for almost every superhero. The sell-out thing is nice though, not seen that often.

How does he look/do you have a pic?

 

[A Weary Exile]

I like the personalities and abilites parts, not so much the actual powers. I think his powers should somehow reflect his personality or directly conflict with his morals in a destructive way (Say for instance, since he is a doctor he could have the power to kill people with a touch or a stare. That's stupid but you get my point yes?).

Maybe you could also include something about him whoring himself out to a corporation and that angering his wife/friends/fellow heroes/etc.

 

[Azure-Supernova]

Hmmm, I'm kinda torn. I wanna like him, but he feels recycled. Heavily.

 

[Souplex]

Speedsters always go well with a broken leg plotline dealing with powerlessness that can be returned to the status quo easily. You could easily throw in accelerated healing with any speedster. (Not wolverine style regrowing limbs, simply recovering from any wound we could but at a much faster rate since his body simply works faster)

If you want a more believable origin story you could always use...
[HEADING=1]Cosmic rays![/HEADING]
While they are a real thing, and scientists understand what they do, the general public does not.
You mentioned other heroes, what is the hero density? 2 per city? Marvel levels? City of heroes levels? While we are at it, what is the villain density?
Is the general tone more comedic or serious?

 

[A Weary Exile]

Speedsters always go well with a broken leg plotline dealing with powerlessness that can be returned to the status quo easily. You could easily throw in accelerated healing with any speedster. (Not wolverine style regrowing limbs, simply recovering from any wound we could but at a much faster rate since his body simply works faster)

If you want a more believable origin story you could always use...
[HEADING=1]Cosmic rays![/HEADING]
While they are a real thing, and scientists understand what they do, the general public does not.

Maybe he could initially be a test subject at New Ideas (For money to support his pregneant wife) while they are experimenting with genetics and that gives him his powers, he becomes their mascot, he sells out, New Ideas starts selling powers to the general public, etc.

 

[Kollega]

Maybe he could initially be a test subject at New Ideas (For money to support his pregneant wife) while they are experimenting with genetics and that gives him his powers, he becomes their mascot, he sells out, New Ideas starts selling powers to the general public, etc.

I know you liked Bioshock, but still - GENETIC ENGINEERING DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! Goodnight!

I think that "OMG radiation!" origin story is kinda better. You could use something of a space origin (aforementioned cosmic rays, radioactive meteorite, wrecked alien ship) to make it a bit more beliveable.

The character himself sounds good. He is very cliched - but nowadays, who isn't? And give him ability to put something on fire by rubbing it against something else really really fast.

 

[Dark Knifer]

Sounds good. A picture would be nice. Good luck if you try to publish it, it should work alright.

 

[A Weary Exile]

Maybe he could initially be a test subject at New Ideas (For money to support his pregneant wife) while they are experimenting with genetics and that gives him his powers, he becomes their mascot, he sells out, New Ideas starts selling powers to the general public, etc.

I know you liked Bioshock, but still - GENETIC ENGINEERING DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! Goodnight!

I think that "OMG radiation!" origin story is kinda better. You could use something of a space origin (aforementioned cosmic rays, radioactive meteorite, wrecked alien ship) to make it a bit more beliveable.

The character himself sounds good. He is very cliched - but nowadays, who isn't? And give him ability to put something on fire by rubbing it against something else really really fast.

COSMIC RAYS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY EITHER!!!

I'm just trying to find a way to tie that corporation into the story more, I wasn't even thinking BioShock when I wrote that. It's a story about selling out (From what I can tell) so of course I'd have his powers being literally sold out to the public.

 

[A Weary Exile]

Maybe he could have a power similar to tha of Rouge from X-men, except instead of just paralyzing them and stealing their powers maybe he could absorb the thoughts of his 'Victims' when he accidentally (Or in the case of criminals purposely) kills people with his 'Deahtouch. He would be tortured by all the thoughts of every one of his victims. A doctor who can only kill people? See where I'm going with this?

He would have to give up his practice, his life long dream of helping people, and he wouldn't be able to touch his wife or his kid, making for one conflicted and angry character. Although, I don't know how the selling out part would fit into that, I pretty much just pitched an entirely different story from yours. :/

 

[gamefreakbsp]

Hmmmm

 

[The Salty Vulcan]

Seems decent, a little run-off-the-mill, but that goes for almost every superhero. The sell-out thing is nice though, not seen that often.

How does he look/do you have a pic?

I do have a pic which we'll be up shortly. In essnce though he's basically Neil Patrick Harris in a blue running suit with a domino mask

Hmmm, I'm kinda torn. I wanna like him, but he feels recycled. Heavily.

How so? Please any suggestions are welcome.

You mentioned other heroes, what is the hero density? 2 per city? Marvel levels? City of heroes levels? While we are at it, what is the villain density?
Is the general tone more comedic or serious?

I would say Marvel levels. Not a great deal of players but enough to mke a difference. I've only got one villain fleshed out right now but there roughly equal.
As for tone, I want to get into the middle ground. Some comedy but ther some dark stuff too

Spoiler

Another one of my characters, whose part of a father/son batmanesque team discovers that he is in fact a clone of his fathers archnemesis

The character himself sounds good. He is very cliched - but nowadays, who isn't? And give him ability to put something on fire by rubbing it against something else really really fast.

Any ideas how to fix that? Funny you should mention that. He does it one time to start up the fireplace for a romantic evening with the mrs.

You know just thinking today I got the thought that this would make for a good cartoon. Who knows, if I fooled around with photoshop for a bit and found some voice actors you might see this in next years film festival.

If you guys would like to know more characters/details just ask

 

[Kollega]

The character himself sounds good. He is very cliched - but nowadays, who isn't?

Any ideas how to fix that?

Ooh ooh! I have an idea for inner conflict!

Maybe that hero preferred slow and safe approaches untill he got superpowers, and they don't exactly "fit" his personality? So he has to adapt and blah blah blah.

Or you could just go to TV Tropes Wiki, say goodbye to a week or two of your life, and dig up some original tropes and combinations which were used one or two times in all of popular culture.

 

[The Salty Vulcan]

Seems decent, a little run-off-the-mill, but that goes for almost every superhero. The sell-out thing is nice though, not seen that often.

How does he look/do you have a pic?

Sounds good. A picture would be nice. Good luck if you try to publish it, it should work alright.

Spoiler

Heres a pic. He's face is all fucked up though, still need to work on it. He's blonde by the way. I didnt put any design on his suit since he does'nt have a superhero name yet though he does have the New Ideas Inc logo on the back. His suit if various shades of blue with white.

Spoiler

 

[Axeli]

I've started to work on a Superhero comic...

Next!

Okay, sorry, sorry. I just happen to think the superhero thing is pretty childish concept, though it can work.

But seriously speaking... Does seem rather basic superhero stuff. You should come up with at least one or two twists that are original or at least unexpected from the genre. Not just plot twist, but an original theme that stays with the comic for a long time.
Also, you need to seriously think about what would be considered completely unoriginal or cliche, and then beging to cruelly change things. I know you probably feel that many ideas are solidly there in the plot already, but sometimes writing a good story means that you have to be tough and ready to alter things you already thought to be core elements.

The character himself sounds good. He is very cliched - but nowadays, who isn't?

There's a big difference between unoriginal and cliched.
Unoriginal is just not introducing new concepts. Technically, truly original ideas are one in a million... Still, there's such thing as too unorginal, if you for example don't at least try to mix and use old ideas in new ways.
Cliches are on the other hand plot elements that have been beaten to death already. Radioactivity or "rays" as the origin story for a superhero would be that, though perhaps more acceptable one since I have not seen a superhero origin story that wasn't plain silly either way.

 

[The Salty Vulcan]

I've started to work on a Superhero comic...

Next!

Okay, sorry, sorry. I just happen to think the superhero thing is pretty childish concept, though it can work.

But seriously speaking... Does seem rather basic superhero stuff. You should come up with at least one or two twists that are original or at least unexpected from the genre. Not just plot twist, but an original theme that stays with the comic for a long time.
Also, you need to seriously think about what would be considered completely unoriginal or cliche.

The main theme I want to explore is that of generations. Bsically one generation letting go and allowing another to take its place. To pass a torch (in this case superheroism and the protection of the world) to another.
A few of the characters are second generation heroes while the others were inspired or have to face the critiscm of the older heroes who themselves are starting to lose touch.
One major peice of the story is a hero from the future coming back in time to avert a disaster which threatens the superhuman community.

In regard to the theme, Alan is one of the few who wasn;t inspired or come from a superhero family or upbringing. He's on his own in the community trying o make a name for himself which has become complicated since he signed on to New Idea. Whats worse is that during the story he himself becomes a father thus prompting him to question his decision and his place

 

[Axeli]

I've started to work on a Superhero comic...

Next!

Okay, sorry, sorry. I just happen to think the superhero thing is pretty childish concept, though it can work.

But seriously speaking... Does seem rather basic superhero stuff. You should come up with at least one or two twists that are original or at least unexpected from the genre. Not just plot twist, but an original theme that stays with the comic for a long time.
Also, you need to seriously think about what would be considered completely unoriginal or cliche.

The main theme I want to explore is that of generations. Bsically one generation letting go and allowing another to take its place. To pass a torch (in this case superheroism and the protection of the world) to another.
A few of the characters are second generation heroes while the others were inspired or have to face the critiscm of the older heroes who themselves are starting to lose touch.
One major peice of the story is a hero from the future coming back in time to avert a disaster which threatens the superhuman community.

In regard to the theme, Alan is one of the few who wasn;t inspired or come from a superhero family or upbringing. He's on his own in the community trying o make a name for himself which has become complicated since he signed on to New Idea. Whats worse is that during the story he himself becomes a father thus prompting him to question his decision and his place

Could be a solid story there if you pull it off well, though if what you are going after with Alan is the idea that he's anti-hero superhero while his predecessors were more traditional heroes, you are pretty late to the party. Anti-hero characters are fine, but using them as the hook of the story has gotten old.
This is of course only assuming you had something like that in mind. (Again, not saying such story can't be good or be unable to add new twists, but a writer should seriously ponder if he/she is just repeating an old formula.)

However the theme of changing generations is definitely sounding good to me. By the way, you apparently replied sooner than I had time to edit my post a little (bad habit, I know), if you want to read what I added.

 

[Fire Daemon]

All the X-Rays give you is cancer and so as you said, yes, it is stupid. Anyone can come up with radiation, but a great writer creates good origins for their superhero. Maybe New Ideas Inc was on the Verge of creating a cure for paralysis however a fault has resulted in the patient receiving incredible speed via some made up biology crap, extra neurones or something (it's late alright). Rather than setting him free and possibly releasing the most dangerous man into the city, New Ideas Inc keep him under their control via differing levels of control ranging from a pay incentive, to threatening to turn back the surgery (the hero would be in the dark if this can actually be done), to threatening to kill him and then finally to kill a loved one(s). New Ideas Inc uses him both as a sales figure for their product but also an instrument to strike out against the competition. To start with Alan will believe that he is fighting 'the good fight' against villainy but as time progresses he begins to realize that he is a pawn of New Ideas Inc and when he tries to escape is forced to stay via intimidation. As the series continues and Alan faces many hardships his sanity, morals and will begin to wane until he eventually becomes the embodiment of the corporation he has become compelled to hate. Maybe while standing in the ruins of New Ideas Inc which he destroyed after being pushed to his breaking pot with hundreds of dead innocents around he reflects upon the evils he has committed in the name of his own comfort, survival and happiness and decides to 'fall on his sword' as it were. Or maybe he doesn't and relishes in this detachment from humanity, fully realizing the power his abilities grant him now that he is a free man, both from New Ideas Inc and morality.

I don't know, just a quick story I made up then and it obviously suffers from my tiredness and lack of skill. If you want to use anything from that, feel free, if not than don't. It's just something that I personally would find more interesting. It's quite different to your hero though.

 

[Azure-Supernova]

Hmmm, I'm kinda torn. I wanna like him, but he feels recycled. Heavily.

How so? Please any suggestions are welcome.

I think you'd need to flesh him out a little more for me. Don't mind me, I'm incredibly annoying when it comes to characters and picking at them. As an above poster stated, the whole superhero thing is getting very kiddy, but it can be done right. I think he needs to be fleshed out a fair bit, that and needs to vacate the the womb from which near ever superhero is born. There's no harm in experimenting.