Poll: Pity Dates

[Hader]

I feel if you do that, you are using them and leading them on. I only say yes to people I have genuine interest in, otherwise a no is not only an honesty answer, it's the one that allows them to find someone who will say yes and someone for me to say yes to. <3

A good statement. I would agree for the most part.



I don't see why anyone could try for a pity date. For me, if you can't earn it, it isn't worth it. Any relationship I would have, I need to feel like I earned it. If that makes sense. Probably not...

That aside though, I have been on the receiving end of a request for a pity date of sorts. Twice actually, both in the same year. Thing was, they were both secret admirers, and I only found out that these girls were interested in me when someone told me, one being the girl's older brother and the other being her best friend. Needless to say, it was an awkward introduction, and at first I said no; I have barely just met you and I won't jump in so quick. And in both situations I guess they didn't want to wait (just my assumption) and really tried to get me to pity them. I told them both my feelings about that and made it clear things just need to stop here before they get ugly. It worked out well in the end, acting on what I said both girls moved on. One of them is a really good friend of mine today, to think of her as that girl who liked me way back when seems almost alien to me.

 

[Hashime]

You should add: "Never been on a date" to the poll.

I personally have never partaken in such an activity as I view it as pointless.
Now, have I ever gone with someone (like my cousin) to something I didn't want to?
Yes, yes I have.

 

[superbatranger]

I personally would never do something like that. It would feel insulting to me, especially since most likely I would be on the receiving end.

 

[Vault101]

The other day, a friend of mine told me, how he was having a date with this person who she didn't really feel attracted to.
I asked her why was she going to do such a thing? To which she replied, that she didn't felt like saying "no" (plus she's hoping to get a free meal).
Well, although I didn't really support her decision, at least that person's getting a chance to win her interest.

So here's the topic of discussion:
How do you feel about pity dates? What would you do if someone unattractive to you approached you? Would you be honest from the beginning, or would you give it a go?

So if youre on the receiving end how can you really tell its a pity date? I mean at the time anyway (I guess you cant)

The whole Idea feels bad, I would rather be alone that pitied, to be honest I do the "alone" part quite well

 

[aPod]

A pity date? Never done one, or at least i never knew it was a pity date. Either way no, as to leave my ego unshaken. Impossible.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

No, not really. The closest I had was dating a girl for a few months after a mutual friend got married. This doesn't really count as I suspect she was dating me because she actually liked the friend.

 

[faspxina]

I've been on pity dates before, there was this girl who had a crush on me and used to watch me while i was at work. She eventually asked me out, although her friends had let slip she would some weeks before. She seemed so shy and nervous i couldn't exactly say no.

That kind of is an acceptable reason to go on a pity date, but would she feel good about herself if she knew you accepted her request because you felt sorry for her (even if it was just at the beginning)?

Would she feel good? Of course not, after all if someone told you that they went out with you because of pity no one would feel good.

If a good time is had, and you find you like the person why bother telling them that? If you don't have fun you can always throw a cliché excuse to not date someone out there and run.

So in way, it can be like going on a normal date, just that one of you has lower expectations on the outcome.

 

[Casual Shinji]

I've never been on a date, period!

How pitiful is that?

.....................................

*sigh*

 

[Ham_authority95]

I wouldn't do a pity date. Rejecting someone isn't all happy, but having to do a date with someone you don't like is living hell for both parties.

If I don't like the person, I will say "no", and I hope that any girl I approach will do the same for me.

 

[Beffudled Sheep]

I had one instance of us both pitying each other. We had a good laugh about it afterwards and are now very, very close friends.

That's nice.

We now each have a rifle trained on each others homes at all times. And up until recently we would always hold a knife or something similar to eachothers backs while together. Ahhh the flirtations of youth how I miss thee!

 

[Kevlar Eater]

I've never been on a pity date, or any date for that matter. I'd rather not date than be pitied, which, to me, is worse than hatred. And if someone doesn't wanna date me, just say so and save us both the time, money and feelings.

 

[Spacelord]

I've been on the giving end of those on more than one occasion. Haven't been on the receiving end though. Not because I don't need the occasional pity but rather because the women in my life were never really that generous.

 

[Jedoro]

No pity dates, I'm too honest for it and don't like people feeling sorry for me.

 

[steph01a]

Not really a 'pity', but I went out with a college friend once who had never had a date before. He was kinda geeky, very smart, but didn't know anything about females or dating. He turned out to be a nice guy and I went out with him several times.

(nice guys don't always finish last)

*smile*

 

[Sion_Barzahd]

Would she feel good? Of course not, after all if someone told you that they went out with you because of pity no one would feel good.

If a good time is had, and you find you like the person why bother telling them that? If you don't have fun you can always throw a cliché excuse to not date someone out there and run.

So in way, it can be like going on a normal date, just that one of you has lower expectations on the outcome.

Precisely! Thats why i always tell my friends that if they're unsure about going out on a date they should anyway. Unless the person seems like they might be a rapist or something then i tell them to go hide.

 

[Gildan Bladeborn]

I can't say that I've ever been on any sort of date, so I can't really offer any personal insights into "pity dates". I'm fairly certain my sister has ended up on pity dates with guys she didn't really like all that much (but didn't want to simply outright reject) though.

The concept strikes me as unnecessarily cynical and dishonest, or needlessly cruel (depending on whether the party being pitied is aware of that or not).

 

[Clockwork Scarecrow.]

No, I never have. I've managed to get along just fine with my devilish handsomeness, sparkling charisma and undeniable charm.

[/smugness]

 

[hecticpicnic]

I've done the pity each other thing before.A strange thing.Kinda like a one night stand well if you get any **** at the end.

 

[Skoldpadda]

Yeah, I've gone on dates with women I wasn't really attracted to, but I wouldn't call that pity dates. More a case of "well why the hell not?".

And some of those turned out to be really interesting, if not succesful in a romantic way.

Made some friends, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Like you said, OP, at least they get a fair chance.