Poll: Polite vs Honesty

[DanielDeFig]

Polite honesty.

It's does require a bit of thinking/practice, but the concept remains simple, and has been very effective for me.

 

[Vykrel]

im usually more polite than honest

 

[kikon9]

I prefer to be polite to my friends and family. I'm almost never brutally honest with people.

 

[electric_warrior]

The middle ground, I think you'd call it tact.

 

[Burningsok]

I try to blend them together, be polite when being honest about something. You Don't need to always sound like a **** when voicing whats on your mind. There are times though when being honest and being an ass-hole is whats best.

Also, there are things that just don't need to be said because it's not necessary, and or the situation is not suitable for it.

 

[Lawnmooer]

I hate having to lie.

Whenever I have to I get all really nasty feelings, but I find myself in situations where it is necessary to avoid hurting someones feelings (And ruining the relationship, via a cascading effect of brutal truths) or necessary to continue doing what I need to do (Such as working, I have to lie to my tutors to be able to work in a way that is good for me, rather than the way they want me to work. Which would mean that I wouldn't be able to work...)

Though looking back, I do seem to lie about 50% of the time... I perhaps need to be slightly more vague in my answers... (As if I'm not already vague enough in times when I end up having to lie... I've been called out for it repeatedly...)

 

[FalloutJack]

[HEADING=1]BOOOOM!!![/HEADING]

"It was the middle one."

It all depends on the time, the place, the action, and so on.

 

[Zorpheus]

It depends on how much I like the person.

If I value the person, I'm honest.
If I don't give a crap about them, I'm polite.

 

[zehydra]

It's better with honesty, especially if I'm on the receiving end.

Being honest is always harder for the giver, not the receiver. People don't like to think that they make other people feel bad.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

Full on honesty would involve walking down the street pointing at each person you passed going 'short' 'fat' 'bald', etc til you were punched. That's assuming withholding the truth is considered as bad as lying, as I believe it is in court.

For instance, if a friend is being rude to their partner, I'll generally try to stop the situation, not by telling them they're being a twat, but by distracting them, as usually they're mad and not ready to listen to reason. Then later on I can explain what was wrong about it, when they're open to hearing it.

Also, I was in debt, hugely, about 8 years ago, and my mother still asks me occasionally, 'do you owe any money?'. If I'm say £20 behind with the phone bill and paying it next week, I'll say 'no, I'm clear, don't owe anything', as I've got it under control and no sense starting a 'conversation' about financial responsibility'.

 

[Pseudoboss]

I guess i'm a very dishonest person, I think that I should tell the person what would give them the least total amount of stress in the long run, sometimes that means breaking the truth, but, I think more often, that means twisting the truth, or telling a blatant lie. Unfortunate, but it makes at least the people near me happier.

 

[Guitar Gamer]

Depending on the situation really. Someone may tell they are going to (instert music artist here) in live concert and all you really want to say is "How could you listen to that pathetic garbage excuse for music?" But you'll probably end up just saying "Oh good for you? that should be fun"

Telling the truth here really would just you be.............well......... being a dick. You'd probably upset them and start an arguement and really you don't have to go very far out of the way to not tell the truth here.

On the otherhand if someone asks you if they look silly in their favourite shirt that they plan to wear to a special gathering this month, and they DO like an imbecile yet the shirt in question happens to be their favourite. You should tell the truth here because they are asking for your honest opinion directly, and it may harm them if you let them wear their 3x oversized mickey mouse/centar purple with yellow polka dots and the sleaves torn off to that office barbeque.

 

[AngelSephy]

You can be honest without being an over-the-top douchebag about it. But a lot of people don't seem to grasp that concept. I never hold back my feelings on a matter, but I'm also able to get my point across without looking like the tampon of a triple-c***ed hooker! It's just how you go about it. And yes, sometimes people don't want to hear the truth. But in those scenarios... they need to hear it! Sugar-coating or pussy-footing around inevitably causes trouble down the road. Better to get things out in the open than to end up in a very awkward position.

 

[Sougo]

You can be polite and honest at the same time. That is what you should ideally strive for.

Your argument is invalid.

 

[DSK-]

Polite pretty much. Having said that I admire people who flat out speak their mind and such. One of the reasons I respected my dutch friends so much.

 

[Pinkamena]

I believe that honesty often create more wrong that good.

 

[similar.squirrel]

It's relative to the situation, but I find that being tactful is usually the best policy. You can get your message across without being blunt; all it takes is practice and occasionalquick thinking.

 

[Yopaz]

This is a false binary.

A. You can be honest in a polite way.
B. You can be honest in an rude way.
C. You can be polite in an honest way.
D. You can be polite in a dishonest way.

Example: Someone who is annoying and terrible want to talk to you.
A. "I'm sorry but we aren't compatible on these three fundamental aspects. I'm afraid it isn't healthy for us to spend time together anymore."
B. "You are annoying as hell, and you are ugly. I hate you. If I see you again, I'm going to punch you in the face. What? I'm just being honest!"
C. "I'm afraid I can't talk to you right now."
D. "Of course I'd love to listen to you talk about X."

Example: Someone is wearing a really ugly shirt and asks you, "What do you think about that shirt."
A. "I don't think that shirt suits you. You'd look better with stripes."
B. "That shirt if fugly. Ugliest shirt I've ever seen. You have terrible taste."
C. "That shirt is not to my taste."
D. "That shirt looks great on you."

Honesty and Politeness are both important to me. In any given situation one may take more priority over the other. So I tend to go between option A and option C most of the time.

If you tend to option D, you need to recognize is that Option D does not actually help the person you are talking to in the long run. Those people who you find annoying? They deserve better than to think they are friends with someone who actually finds them annoying. There are people out there who won't find them annoying and who'll actually care about them. Instead of wasting time with you, they should find those people. The person in the shirt that is really unflattering? It is better you tell them rather than have them run around being laughed at.

So, dishonesty I don't this is a good policy. I also don't thing being rude is a good policy.

You can find ways to be both honest and polite.

Thank you sir! One does not exclude the other. I hate lying, but I do put a nice face on it if the truth can hurt. Sometimes the honest reply to something is also the most polite one. let's use this thread as an example and the post I am quoting. I honestly agree with what this guy is saying, and I state my honest opinion in a polite fashion. I could say he was wrong and that he sucks, then that would be neither polite nor honest.I can tell a girl she looks beautiful when she actually does look beautiful. Polite and honest.

 

[GigaHz]

Honesty.

Sometimes being harsh and direct does a world of good. It's incredibly easy to sugar coat the truth for the sake of sparing someones feelings. You have to ask yourself, what good does it do in the long run? As with any thing in language, it's all in how you approach it.

For example. If a friend of mine decided to write a song and asked me to have a listen, I'd approach it in a critical manner. Rather than say 'Oh, that was good' or 'Dude, that was amazing' if it were mediocre/bad, I'd mention what aspects I thought were good first, and then mention what I thought needed work after, just to soften the potential beat down.

If I didn't point out the bad, they might not know what needs fixing for next time. A true friend would have the guts to say what needs to be said.

 

[Gudrests]

All I have to say is this line my friend said when a girl said she liked him "Your really ugly, But your personality makes up for it" Now I ask...Would you rather him of been polite or honest...
Btw He meant well...its just he is dumb as bricks...sooo he didn't see that as being mean.