Poll: Preferences of asking people out

[similar.squirrel]

Getting to know the person is always a good idea. Every relationship I've been in has started with long conversations, anyway.
There was one exception, but it didn't last very long as we didn't have a lot in common.

I do think asking quickly is a good idea, though. To ascertain whether he/she wants friendship or something more. The last time around, I was convinced the girl just wanted to be friends and gave up all hope of dating her.
Then she confessed her feelings, so that was good.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

I don't ask people out.

If I did, though, I doubt I'd go about asking out pretty strangers. I'd probably like to get to know people a little bit first.
That said, I wouldn't ask out anyone who I knew well enough to be friends with. If I suddenly found myself forming like a crush or something, I'd just let them know, assure them it's not a big deal, and not really expect anything to come of it.

If they liked me back, that would be pretty terrible in my eyes. Now we can't be friends anymore, there's a THING going on.
Crushes are only easy to ignore and get rid of when you're the only party that has one.

 

[muckinscavitch]

I don't ask people out, I prefer to get to know them and for it to just turn into something..

Though I'm lucky, my awesome girlfriend right now just straight up came to me without knowing me and asked for my number haha... pretty awesome.

 

[Midnight Crossroads]

"I ask people out whether I know them well or only know their name (UK)"
- It's better to try and miss than to never try at all.

Friends I don't ask out. I've been on both sides of that type of relationship where one friend likes the other more than a friend. It ruins friendships.

Eh.. No it doesn't..
It doesn't have to be that way and I've been on the both sides myself.

It does if you care about someone enough. If they're important enough for that, then you're going to feel it stronger when you're rejected. It's mature to accept that. It's robotic to pretend like it never happened and that it doesn't change everything in a friendship.

 

[Dags90]

That's what a first date is for.

-m

But you might spend up to $20 on a first date!

TWENTY DOLLARS!

That's a good reason to be a friend, get to know her, but it's not enough for me to commit to anything. Just because I'm having fun with someone doesn't mean I want to live with that someone for the rest of my years. If I'm going to date someone I want to make damn sure I'm not wasting my time. I'm not likely to get another shot at it, don't wanna waste what chance I have on someone I'm not going to get along with.

Committing to stuff? The OP was talking about a first date, not "going steady".

 

[Hader]

Never liked the blind date thing. I would like to know a little bit about the girl before asking her out.

 

[Midnight Crossroads]

"I ask people out whether I know them well or only know their name (UK)"
- It's better to try and miss than to never try at all.

Friends I don't ask out. I've been on both sides of that type of relationship where one friend likes the other more than a friend. It ruins friendships.

Eh.. No it doesn't..
It doesn't have to be that way and I've been on the both sides myself.

It does if you care about someone enough. If they're important enough for that, then you're going to feel it stronger when you're rejected. It's mature to accept that. It's robotic to pretend like it never happened and that it doesn't change everything in a friendship.

I never said you'd pretend like nothing happened, and that is how I feel for someone.
Does it change everything? No, it doesn't. It might hurt but it's still your friend whom you care deeply for.

No, they're not just a friend anymore. Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked them out. Suddenly the relationship is unequal, and both sides aren't going to be happy with that. One side because they want more, and the other side because their friend is unhappy. With strangers, you can walk away. With friends you just asked out, you can fix that. But with someone you cared for, you're risking a lot, and it's going to stick with you. If it's not a game changer, they weren't that important to begin with.

 

[Evil Moo]

I never ask anyone out. Ever.

Pessimism, zero self-esteem, a lack of social skills and a general lack of interest in being in a relationship makes this seem like the most logical option.

 

[Midnight Crossroads]

"I ask people out whether I know them well or only know their name (UK)"
- It's better to try and miss than to never try at all.

Friends I don't ask out. I've been on both sides of that type of relationship where one friend likes the other more than a friend. It ruins friendships.

Eh.. No it doesn't..
It doesn't have to be that way and I've been on the both sides myself.

It does if you care about someone enough. If they're important enough for that, then you're going to feel it stronger when you're rejected. It's mature to accept that. It's robotic to pretend like it never happened and that it doesn't change everything in a friendship.

I never said you'd pretend like nothing happened, and that is how I feel for someone.
Does it change everything? No, it doesn't. It might hurt but it's still your friend whom you care deeply for.

No, they're not just a friend anymore. Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked them out. Suddenly the relationship is unequal, and both sides aren't going to be happy with that. One side because they want more, and the other side because their friend is unhappy. With strangers, you can walk away. With friends you just asked out, you can fix that. But with someone you cared for, you're risking a lot, and it's going to stick with you. If it's not a game changer, they weren't that important to begin with.

I sense that you're an very ultimatist-type of person.
It's either on or it's off for you.

My friends are very special to me, especially those I want to have more with whatever or not I can have that.
The only time I ever think about cutting my losses and move on is when I feel neglected and avoided and that's still only the extreme cases.
Yes.. Yes, it hurts when someone you've fallen for doesn't feel the same way. It makes you cry for weeks - but what hurts even more is to never again be able to speak to that one as a friend.

I disagree. Being hurt initially is the easy part. It's dealing with the under lying implications that ruin the friendships. That's the poison. I cut my losses earlier. If the relationships don't work with friends, I'll try to fix things, but if that doesn't work, it's over. I expect the same respect and effort out of relationship I put in it. If the other person doesn't return the same, then that says a lot of their value of me and what we have.

If there can still be a friendship, it will come after the old one is gone.

Anyway, I'm just going to agree to disagree if that's alright with you. This has probably been one of the better conversations I've had on this site. Thank-you.

 

[Midnight Crossroads]

I disagree. Being hurt initially is the easy part. It's dealing with the under lying implications that ruin the friendships. That's the poison. I cut my losses earlier. If the relationships don't work with friends, I'll try to fix things, but if that doesn't work, it's over. I expect the same respect and effort out of relationship I put in it. If the other person doesn't return the same, then that says a lot of their value of me and what we have.

If there can still be a friendship, it will come after the old one is gone.

Anyway, I'm just going to agree to disagree if that's alright with you. This has probably been one of the better conversations I've had on this site. Thank-you.

Buh... But you pretty much said the same things I said now x_o
Being hurt by rejection is the easy part because you got the answer you wanted no matter if it was good or bad and can move on.
Not sure what you mean with these underlying implications though.. It takes two to keep a friendship alive, of course that's obvious. If only one wants to retain the friendship while the other one does nothing to keep it alive, then it will wither away with time.

You're welcome.
I'm sad to hear that you've had some bad experiances here but not suprised.

Well, for one it's been civil instead of a passive aggressive hissing match, it wasn't about a subject which makes me groan, and you actually seemed to think about your posts.

By underlying implications, I mean just what someone rejecting you means. Especially when it's by a person you value. Questions of your own judgment and worth, and of just what the person you care about thinks of you. It colors how you interact with your friend

 

[CarpathianMuffin]

I only ask people out once I know them well. Their personalities make or break it for me, and I've made the mistake of asking somebody out who I got annoyed with once I actually got to know them quite a few times.
I'm quite happy with my current relationship for a change, which is pretty steady and healthy as a result of getting to know her first.

 

[Doclector]

Never. I can only fail, and such failure is a risk to my sanity, which is a risk to efficiency, which is a risk to the goals I actually can achieve in life.

 

[Kortney]

I never will try to ask anyone out - ever again!

I hate it.

 

[Panorama]

I've gone out on dates with people I've barely known. I'm usually too much of a chickenshit to do the actual asking though.

Probably This

 

[Cat of Doom]

I dont so much ask girls out, as go to the pub/club, buy a drink for/dance with a resonable attractive, alredy slightly tipsy girl, and hope for a happy ending. yeah I know right =(

 

[Hader]

I never will try to ask anyone out - ever again!

I hate it.

Aww why such a party pooper?

Nevermind it, I have experience in these things

 

[dslatch]

I'd never ask out a close friend, but if it is a bit more distanced girl then yes I'm planning on it tomorrow actually.

dumb question: For the poll I'm in Canada Should I hit American Answer or United Kingdom one?

 

[FinalHeart95]

I want to have at least had a conversation with the girl.
Other than that, bring it.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

I usually ask girls on a date out of the blue. If I see a cute girl, I talk to her and ask her out, this has the dual effect of both catching them by surprise and making them decide on the spur of the moment, and making you seem more confident. I try not to make friends with people first since that can make the asking out process a lot more awkward if they think of you as a friend. Also, knowing very little about each other makes first dates that much more interesting.

 

[badgersprite]

I like to sort of make friends with someone, like know them enough beforehand that I know their sense of humour and know a bit about them, but not actually be a friend by the time we go out or ask each other out.

Like I have to have met someone a couple of times in a social setting before we go on a date, but not be 100% familiar with them to the point that I've friend-zoned them already.