Poll: Problems with my brother. Am I doing the right thing?

[Yazackie]

Forget about him.

Download TF2.

Forget about him some more.

 

[Ando85]

The things he has done to you are absolutely despicable. After the things I read I almost think you should of never even tried to reconcile with him. You did nothing wrong, you were just using self defense.

Since you have tried reconciling him multiple times that didn't work I'm sad to say that you should probably just lose all contact with him forever. Anyone that does that kind of stuff even if he is your brother should be completely shut out in your life. You should surround yourself with people who care and encourage you, not ones that only seem to exist to make your life miserable.

 

[SckizoBoy]

He has made no attempt to contact me, but my family members are trying to get him to do it. Some went as far as to give him my old phone number. But as far as I know, he hasn't tried.

And wow. 100% are saying to stay far far away. Here, I thought I could have been cruel. Or unforgiving in a sense. There went those thoughts. I'd like to tell them what happened, but the majority just go "I'm not trying to choose sides, but he's already told me what happened, so there's no need to hear it again." They have what I call "head in the sand/ass" syndrome.

Since everything that can be said about your brother has been said, I'll take a slightly different view.

Your wife. She is your family.

A part of me thinks that's all I need to say. The love required for two individuals to claim kinship runs both ways, and damn you've done your best, and you've tried a shitload and more to be a good brother, and you have been. And that your 'relatives' value his opinion above yours tells us everything one need know about them.

Your wife is your family.

You are her husband, so you are her family.

Happiness lies with those that you love, not (necessarily) those that share your DNA. If this sounds selfish, it bloody well should. After what you have been through, you have the right to think of yourself for once, and by extension, your wife.

Ultimately, you've put in the effort, and just the one person has rewarded you for it. I think she, and consequently you, could do without the burden of this worry, don't you?

 

[Mr Somewhere]

You've given him more chances than I would have. I honestly think you've done your best. Just ignore him.

 

[aba1]

He threatened you and your wife claiming he would kill the both of you. I don't know for me doesnt matter who you are if you make a threat like that and then pick up a spear and try and inforce it, your done. He's lucky you didnt press charges of attempted murder and threatning to murder.

 

[DoctorFrankenStein]

You're far more forgiving then I would ever be. He'd be lucky if all I ever did was never speak to him again. If someone threatened my other half, he'd be looking out of two swollen eyes for where his teeth flew off too.
Move on with your life. Be happy. Tell your nosy relatives to take your brother in for a while if they think he's so great. Ha.

 

[WinterOrbit]

I have only a few things to add to the other members' good judgment. Besides that your brother has manipulated you and treated you horribly, disrespected you and your wife, acted violently towards you, and has shown no signs of changing, you should avoid him because he tempts you to act violently. You were defending yourself, sure, but as patient and restrained as you have portrayed yourself here, all it takes is one slip to do something you'll deeply regret. Don't put yourself in that situation, especially over such a lost cause.

Also don't troll your brother. He's given you and your wife death threats and come at you with a weapon. Antagonizing him could only make things worse and give him attention he doesn't deserve.

 

[Zorak the Mantis]

You have given him many chances, it is best to move on with your life.

 

[Ramzal]

That's a lot of people who've agreed with my method of staying away. (It's over 40) I mean, I'm kind of surprised because I thought it was the harsher thing to do, but most logical for my own state of peace. Thank you all for your outside opinions or even concern, as far as that goes anyway. But as a side note, I left that loft not long after our fight. They are no longer my roomates as I live with my wife now and for the last few years after I left New York City to come to Minnesota.

Your brother sounds like he sees you as nothing more than a bank account. All of that "you'd turn on me? Your own brother?" bullshit is extremely hypocritical considering the fact that he came at you with a weapon, intending to kill you. Beating the crap out of him must have felt good.

I love sparring with people but beating the sense out of him... Well, if I had felt anything it was dissapointment and regret. I was dissapointed at him taking the first strike at me, (I thought he'd grown out of that) and I regretted the fact that I was brought to the point where I could have killed him and ruined my own life over one person being stupid. And the fact that if he would have done anything that I was sure I was going to die, I'd have to kill him left a bad taste in my mouth.

Wow. Seriously, that's... um. Damn.

Now i feel retarded for thinking that i had problems with my brother. But i was being totally silly about it, it seems.

I think you shouldn't deal with him anymore. Live your own life. You don't need people like that who just wreck shit up. Seems to me you've given him plenty of chances.

But i really hope you didn't write this biased. I mean, you have to have some pretty strong emotions about this matter, so I believe it's hard to write something 100% unbiased. But still, i find you to be right on the matter.

The only thing that made me think was that the room-mates wanted you out of there... were they truly like your brother? And you didn't really say anything about who you are, as in what kind of a person. I may sound mean, but maybe you're some sort of tough guy who often agitates his room-mates by being aggressive? Hell, i have no idea where I'm pulling this out of, and I'm pretty sure you're a nice guy. But i know for a fact that it's hard to see things trough the eyes of other people, and the more emotions there are in play, the harder it is to see the absolute truth.


Gah, i think I'm trying to look things on both sides, but it all seems so... i dunno, don't know the right word. Complicated? Both of you did have a really tough life, it seems.
Either way, you are correct. There's no denying that. That is what i would do. I wouldn't try to contact him ever again. I'm certain you've had loads of time to think over this matter.
You're doing the right thing.

Also, i hope writing this doesn't make me seem like a douche.

Well, you're not wrong in being questionable about what type of person I am and it's not very douchie to ask. I've just been trying to think of what kind of person I am because I find that a hard question to answer. I don't think I'm a bad person by nature, but I've done wrong things before like everyone else. I don't like people who pick on people because they're smaller so I tend to step in when that happens, and I tend to leave people alone who lie or back talk and spread rumors like they're still in highschool. I try to help out whoever I can, if I can. Like, if I were walking past a homeless guy and I had some coffee and a donuts, I'd over him what's left of my food, but I won't give them money. As I don't know what they'll do with it.

I'm also very direct and blunt. I tend not to beat around the bush, but I consider other peoples feelings when it comes to personal subjects. And I wouldn't say that I'm a tough guy, but I'm no push over. But as far as roomates go, I don't try to be aggressive with them unless my personal space or property has been invaded. The very fact that they were weed smokers, and I tolerated it says a lot I think. I hate drugs personally, but it's someone elses problem/solution if they try to use them. To each his own and they have a right to do with their bodies as they please.

I dunno. I guess I'm somewhere in the middle? I'm not a saint, that's for sure. I've done things that I know I have to answer for, like anyone else. But I don't believe I'm a bad person, or someone who just goes out looking for a problem like my brother does. In general, my outlook on things is to do good if I can. I got most of my personality from Spider-man comics as a kid. It may sound cheesy, but "With great power, comes great responsibility" always rang in my head.

It's mainly why I moved him off the streets in the winter and into my home, because with the income I was making, I had a good amount of extra money to the point that I was having sushi every day for lunch at work, and steak at least twice a week and paying all of my bills. And as far as he went, I felt that with that extra money, I could at least help him to be safe, and to help him not be so angry and helpless in his own life. I guess that's kinda silly/childish to go about things that way, but it felt like the right thing to do.

In general, I guess I'm pretty stupid when it comes to deciding if the result is worth the effort. But I -try- to do what I think is right as that's all I can do. So...yeah. I hope that answered that question. (Albiet that was a bit wordy. Sorry.)

 

[Owlslayer]

Wow. Seriously, that's... um. Damn.

Now i feel retarded for thinking that i had problems with my brother. But i was being totally silly about it, it seems.

I think you shouldn't deal with him anymore. Live your own life. You don't need people like that who just wreck shit up. Seems to me you've given him plenty of chances.

But i really hope you didn't write this biased. I mean, you have to have some pretty strong emotions about this matter, so I believe it's hard to write something 100% unbiased. But still, i find you to be right on the matter.

The only thing that made me think was that the room-mates wanted you out of there... were they truly like your brother? And you didn't really say anything about who you are, as in what kind of a person. I may sound mean, but maybe you're some sort of tough guy who often agitates his room-mates by being aggressive? Hell, i have no idea where I'm pulling this out of, and I'm pretty sure you're a nice guy. But i know for a fact that it's hard to see things trough the eyes of other people, and the more emotions there are in play, the harder it is to see the absolute truth.


Gah, i think I'm trying to look things on both sides, but it all seems so... i dunno, don't know the right word. Complicated? Both of you did have a really tough life, it seems.
Either way, you are correct. There's no denying that. That is what i would do. I wouldn't try to contact him ever again. I'm certain you've had loads of time to think over this matter.
You're doing the right thing.

Also, i hope writing this doesn't make me seem like a douche.

Well, you're not wrong in being questionable about what type of person I am and it's not very douchie to ask. I've just been trying to think of what kind of person I am because I find that a hard question to answer. I don't think I'm a bad person by nature, but I've done wrong things before like everyone else. I don't like people who pick on people because they're smaller so I tend to step in when that happens, and I tend to leave people alone who lie or back talk and spread rumors like they're still in highschool. I try to help out whoever I can, if I can. Like, if I were walking past a homeless guy and I had some coffee and a donuts, I'd over him what's left of my food, but I won't give them money. As I don't know what they'll do with it.

I'm also very direct and blunt. I tend not to beat around the bush, but I consider other peoples feelings when it comes to personal subjects. And I wouldn't say that I'm a tough guy, but I'm no push over. But as far as roomates go, I don't try to be aggressive with them unless my personal space or property has been invaded. The very fact that they were weed smokers, and I tolerated it says a lot I think. I hate drugs personally, but it's someone elses problem/solution if they try to use them. To each his own and they have a right to do with their bodies as they please.

I dunno. I guess I'm somewhere in the middle? I'm not a saint, that's for sure. I've done things that I know I have to answer for, like anyone else. But I don't believe I'm a bad person, or someone who just goes out looking for a problem like my brother does. In general, my outlook on things is to do good if I can. I got most of my personality from Spider-man comics as a kid. It may sound cheesy, but "With great power, comes great responsibility" always rang in my head.

It's mainly why I moved him off the streets in the winter and into my home, because with the income I was making, I had a good amount of extra money to the point that I was having sushi every day for lunch at work, and steak at least twice a week and paying all of my bills. And as far as he went, I felt that with that extra money, I could at least help him to be safe, and to help him not be so angry and helpless in his own life. I guess that's kinda silly/childish to go about things that way, but it felt like the right thing to do.

In general, I guess I'm pretty stupid when it comes to deciding if the result is worth the effort. But I -try- to do what I think is right as that's all I can do. So...yeah. I hope that answered that question. (Albiet that was a bit wordy. Sorry.)

I'd say you seem to be quite a nice person. Of course, i can't be sure of this, but you don't really have any reason to lie, so I'll believe you. And most people would have done the same thing as you did, me including. Don't blame yourself over it, it wasn't a stupid mistake or anything like that. You had extra money, and a brother in trouble: there aren't a lot of people who wouldn't agree you did the right thing by helping him. Of course, this didn't end well, but you couldn't have known that. It's the thought that matters, and you wanted good.

 

[idontwannabeaschizo]

You can't change him, only yourself. If your feeling guilt over his fall in life don't be, you did everything you could to help him, even more maybe than what he deserved but thats something I can't speak on too long. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that, so let go of the past.

Suffice it to say some people just need to fall, propping them up or providing for them only allows them to continue on with hurting others, its a tool he makes people guilty with, by making them accessories to his own evil. Wait until he contacts you, make sure he's broken down because anything else and he's still in the game and wanting to include you in it again.

I have an abusive older brother too, with a family situation not as bad as yours but my brother still did alot of evil things to me too, so know I emphasize with you. Keep this forum on a bookmark, reread it if you need a boost from what we write to help you out.

 

[MaxwellEdison]

Let him fuck up. He decided not to live in your house on your aid when he decided to act like a neanderthal. Honestly, the moment someone insults my partner I kick them out anyways, so I probably would have acted work. Don't think that a blood relation means you should be loyal to him - respect is still something that's earned, and if he's deteriorated your relationship to that point intentionally than he might even be better off alone.

 

[kikon9]

I'm sorry, but the way you talk about your brother makes him sound like scum. Don't talk to him, it will only lead down another bad road.

 

[Broady Brio]

Seeing as you've tried 5 times to fix things, don't bother anymore.

You did the right thing in moving away from him and cutting off all communication with him. As for the violence? You were just defending yourself.

You got props from me. Mainly because I don't have an abusive brother.

 

[Dalek Caan]

I would stay away from him. I have to congratulate you on your self control, if it was me one of us would be in jail. Just ignore the little psychopath and enjoy your life.