Poll: S or M?
- Thread starter MasterOfWorlds
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Oh bullshit. I mean seriously, bullshit. That's like saying that homosexuality is a mental disorder. There is no scientific evidence for liking BDSM being a disorder, no kind of clinical psychological support. It's a taste for something. A fetish. Some people like their partners to talk dirty. Others have a thing for a certain outfit or uniform. These are fetishes in their own right, and really no different from enjoying spanking, or biting, or scratching, or being called a plaything while being held down and played with.Dana22 said:
BDSM just takes more effort.
Sadism exists as a personality disorder but it is very different to that in BDSM. Part of the point of BDSM in sex is that all parties enjoy it. Sadistic personality disorder forbids that enjoyment on behalf of the victim. Victim being a term only used in the case of a disorder, never in the context of BDSM. Masochistic personality disorder is similarly divorced, in that the person avoids pleasure compulsively. Again, very different to masochists within the realm of BDSM in which they are most certainly there for pleasure.
Im just quoting the source my friend, that is "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders":Labyrinth said:
302.4 Exhibitionism
302.81 Fetishism
302.89 Frotteurism
302.2 Pedophilia
302.83 Sexual masochism
302.84 Sexual sadism
302.3 Transvestic fetishism
302.82 Voyeurism
302.9 Paraphilia
i'm a bit of a masochist. I won't inflict pain on my self for the sake of it but I don't mind being hurt (like after a forced march for example) if I did something really hard (or really stupid) before being in pain. To me pain and pleasure are proofs that I'm alive and experiencing things (and scars are the proof of those, for the most part, accidental experiences).
I kind of knew I had slight sadomasochist tendencies, but I used to deny them.
Only reason I really 'fully' realised was with my current girlfriend, who has masochistic tendencies herself. She asked me to do such things with her, I resisted at first because it slightly scared me. When we sat around and talked about it for a while, I came to realise I was scared because it was something I'd always wanted to do but had been stopping myself from doing for a while. The masochist side, however, I had to some degree explored but once more denied this because of fear of what my girlfriend at the time would have thought.
From that point on I'm totally at home with myself about it all. I'm always very careful with myself and my partner when I'm in such a mood, but since coming to terms with it I don't have the urge to do something similar as often.
I'm not hardcore by any means, but I have surprised myself a few times with how far I feel comfortable taking it. I just hope I can fully explore such things with my partner and she'll enjoy finding out more about me as much as I will.
EDIT -
Wait, how much detail can we go into on this issue? I don't want to break any rules now but it seems a lot of people seem to qualify themselves as a sadist because they got got angry once and enjoyed making the other person cry, or a masochist because they do a hobby which hurts them occasionally.
Only reason I really 'fully' realised was with my current girlfriend, who has masochistic tendencies herself. She asked me to do such things with her, I resisted at first because it slightly scared me. When we sat around and talked about it for a while, I came to realise I was scared because it was something I'd always wanted to do but had been stopping myself from doing for a while. The masochist side, however, I had to some degree explored but once more denied this because of fear of what my girlfriend at the time would have thought.
From that point on I'm totally at home with myself about it all. I'm always very careful with myself and my partner when I'm in such a mood, but since coming to terms with it I don't have the urge to do something similar as often.
I'm not hardcore by any means, but I have surprised myself a few times with how far I feel comfortable taking it. I just hope I can fully explore such things with my partner and she'll enjoy finding out more about me as much as I will.
EDIT -
Wait, how much detail can we go into on this issue? I don't want to break any rules now but it seems a lot of people seem to qualify themselves as a sadist because they got got angry once and enjoyed making the other person cry, or a masochist because they do a hobby which hurts them occasionally.
Since you have the source, please look up "disorder" and see if that applies to any of those in a typical case.Dana22 said:
I tell you to look it up because a disorder is anything that severely impacts/effects your daily life. A great example is OCD, let's use hand washing. Say the person is OCD and has to wash their hands 100 times a day. They absolutely must wash their hands that many times or they will suffer mental distress. They might have to be late to work, school, may not be able to ride on planes, go on long car rides, and many other such things simply because of their OCD, which is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, for those who don't know.
None of those are a disorder unless they effect your daily life in such a way that you wouldn't be able to live in what would be considered a normal life. Although admittedly, Frotteurism is a new one on me.
I have the same book, but since I switched my major from psychology to sociology, I haven't read it much. I generally only use it when something about someone doesn't seem quite right and I want to check it against my knowledge of psychology.
Keep in mind that psychology is a business. They want broad and sweeping diagnoses so that they can treat people. Like the fairly new statistic about 1 in 110 children in the US being born with autism. Sure, this might be correct under the super broad and vague definition that they use now, but most of those kids only suffer from certain severe learning disorders that they will either outgrow as the brain develops or with the proper treatment, which, as far as I know, isn't the case with autism.
You can go into a little bit of detail as long as you keep it PG-13. As long as it can't qualify as porn, you should be good. Or hate speech, and things along those lines. I agree with your edit though, I think that some of these people just don't get it. XDAngloDoom said:
I'm dominant, but not sadistic.
I could never be a masochist, too dangerous. My pain threshold is so high that I sometimes don't realise that I'm hurt until I realise that I am leaving blood all over the place.
Don't need either S or M for the purposes of schnu-schnu
I could never be a masochist, too dangerous. My pain threshold is so high that I sometimes don't realise that I'm hurt until I realise that I am leaving blood all over the place.
Don't need either S or M for the purposes of schnu-schnu
I'm neither most of the time. Sometimes my sadistic side comes out during regular life and my masochist side comes out more often in private. However I don't really have a strong one either way.
Oh, well in that case, here's what I said but with added flavour:MasterOfWorlds said:
Interesting note to some who aren't so familiar with sadism/masochism: I still enjoy cuddles. In fact, right now I miss the moments where I'm with my girlfriend in bed, and we're tackling and pouncing each other and going "Boom Bubble...PAH!" right in each other's faces to make them jump. [Insert macho statement here to recover man-points]
A girl put handcuffs on me once...I broke them. XDAngloDoom said:
I don't mind the occasional biting, scratching, slapping, and whatnot, just as long as I'm not tied, cut, burned, blindfolded, and generally restrained. I don't mind the girl pinning my hands down, but one time when a girl did that (she was kind of a larger lady, and it was my first and only time with a larger person) I told her that she couldn't pin me even if she really wanted to. She, of course, took this as a challenge, and I was able to lift my arms and reverse the arm pin, which, I think, actually made her more excited. XD
I've had similar experiences. I had a girl handcuff me to the pipe of a radiator, and ended up breaking them when we didn't realise the radiator was on. My body suddenly reverted back to being five and going "HOLY SHIT YOUR HAND IS ON THE OVEN" and I pulled suddenly, cut my wrist, broke the cheapy handcuffs, and thankfully the radiator was fine. From then on we learned that the headboard was a convention for a reason.MasterOfWorlds said:
I've reversed pins a few times when my girlfriend pinned me when I was in the mood to pin rather than be pinned with similar results: it excited us both.
I'm similar in tastes to you, however. Restraints and such I have to be in the mood for and have to be 100% confident in my partner, but the mood for it is rare. I'm a big fan of being bitten and scratched and doing it back, and while I like spanking my girlfriend I don't like the idea of properly slapping her around the face (with my hand anyway .<
That and issues with other guys she used to date who were less than respectful with her.
I'm not so much into the slapping as I am being slapped. I'm more of a masochist than a sadist in the bedroom, but when I'm out and about, I very much like to take charge of the situation. Although I don't mind my female friends slapping me around a bit in public, it's all in good humor. As long as there aren't any marks that would be visible in public or otherwise hard to explain to work/family/friends, I'm good. Just no permanent damage, please. XDAngloDoom said:
I'm not particularly masochistic or sadistic in life, not any more than the average person really. It's all very much sexually for me.MasterOfWorlds said:
I sway towards the sadist side more than masochistic because somewhere in my caveman mind whenever my girlfriend takes control of the situation I'm afraid she'll think my willy will shrink and I'll start crying at rom-coms on a regular basis. That said, I kind of like receiving marks so long as they aren't "look at me" visible in places that they can be seen. The marks I often get on my back from her during sex are kind of like my gauge of how intense said sex was, so they're kind of trophies when they bleed. Permanent damage is a no, but I do like the odd few scars I've gotten on my back and shoulders now. That said I do kind of have teeth marks in a very personal place that won't seem to go away. I just hope they're slight enough for me to get away with it if I end up having another partner in future >>
I loled. I can imagine how awkward that would be.AngloDoom said:
"So honey...Oh my God! What happened?"
"Rabid hooker attack." *nod*