Poll: Sexy convention costumes - okay to stare?

[Riff Moonraker]

If someone is going to wear something provacative, then they had best expect to get stares. The only big con I went to was Star Wars Celebration III and there were a ton of slave leias, fem troopers, etc. etc. there. Yes, I looked, and I even had my picture taken with several of them, so long as I thought that the costume was cool. With that said, though, there is OK, and not OK. But that is unfortunately a judgement call that some people fail to make, for whatever reasons. I looked when I saw these ladies dressed up in their skimpy outfits, and appreciated both the quality of the outfit, and the person wearing it. There is nothing wrong with looking, and someone wearing something that is very revealing should expect it to some degree, but there is also rules that apply to the person DOING the looking. Dont linger over them for a long period of time, or anything of that nature that could make the person feel uncomfortable. If someone knows anything about respect, or were raised right, then they should know when to stop and move on. From my experience, NONE of the cosplayers ever have a problem taking a picture with you, and thats cool. But OUR responsibility as a fan appreciating the cosplayer is to ask first, be polite, be respectful, and dont cross peoples personal boundries.

 

[Smooth Operator]

You like people to staring at you? No? Then how about you don't fucking stare either.

But at the same time if you decide to run around in the tightest most revealing clothes don't complain when people gawk, because that getup was put together to fish for attention. And no amount of ignorance on your end will make that fact go away.

 

[JimB]

You like people to staring at you? No? Then how about you don't fucking stare either.

But at the same time if you decide to run around in the tightest, most revealing clothes don't complain when people gawk, because that getup was put together to fish for attention. And no amount of ignorance on your end will make that fact go away.

Smooth Operator, you are far from the only person to say something to this effect, but I really wish I was reading fewer sentiments in this thread that come out and say, "Look at how she was dressed, she was asking for it." There is no context in which that will not make me uncomfortable, particularly when talking about a group of men who don't seem to understand that sometimes a woman will dress the way she does for herself and not for our viewing pleasure.

 

[J Tyran]

I don't see how this is thing, if someone really really likes the look of the woman in the costume why stare like a creeper? Politely ask her if its fine to take a photo and whip out your phone and appreciate at your leisure, most of the cosplayers seem happy to be photographed.

Well the ones you see on the reporting of conventions, not into nerd conventions (Disclosure, I am a nerd myself so not judging) or cosplay and you don't see anything like that at tech conventions but they always seem to pose for photos.

 

[Davey Woo]

Wear sunglasses and nobody will be able to tell what you're staring at, problem solved.

Seriously though, I'm reminded of a story my Mum told me, where she was at a checkout in a supermarket, and the guy in front was covered in tattoos, including his face, my Mum had been looking at him for a minute or two, and he confronted her, asking why she was staring at him. She said "If you do that to your body but do not expect people to stare at you, then you're a fool." I think she was right, and I think the same applies here, if you look or are dressed such that you will draw attention, then you can't really complain when people look at you. If you can't deal with the wrong kind of attention (which being dressed up 'sexy' is inevitably going to happen) then don't do it.

 

[EeveeElectro]

It's rude to stare at anyone regardless of what they're wearing. Even more so if it makes the other person feel uncomfortable. Isn't "it's rude to stare or point" something everyone else was taught as a kid?
Admiring is totally fine, some people need a while to admire a cosplay if they try take in the whole cosplay. Me for example, I look at every part of clothing and what material it's made out of (shirt, skirt, shoes, detail on the clothes etc) but I always talk to the person and ask questions about how they made them because I make cosplays myself. Lecherous staring is not okay.

As a cosplayer you expect people to look at the hard work you put in you should always appreciate someone taking an interest but there is a pretty solid line you shouldn't cross.

 

[Scow2]

Why is this even a question? We all know the worst thing you can do to a woman that is, dressed up in an attractive manner, posing in an attractive way, and is herself attractive, is to call her attractive. And or look at her. What is this the 1950?

oh sure it sounds perfectly innocent when you say it like that

"I'm entitled to staring and oggling you because youre dressed like that" doesn't sound so nicre...

The truth is you can stare and ogle at whatever the hell you want. Of course, that reflects on you, not at whatever you're looking at.

 

[mecegirl]

Staring is rude period. Its one of the main things we teach children while young. So it isn't a new or complicated idea. It doesn't matter what someone is wearing, grow the fuck up and learn to treat other human beings with respect.

Besides, most cosplayers are fine talking to others when approached politely. They will even let people take pictures of them (and others have no problem giving hugs) if asked. There is no reason to just stare after them when you could actually interact with them. This isn't the cute girl you saw in Barnes and Noble, but you knew better than to approach because she looked both busy and way out of your league. Even the most awkward of men would have a positive response from a cute/hot cosplayer that they approached in a polite way. Because unlike everyday life (on the street, public transit, while shopping) conventions are social spaces. And people, especially cosplayers, expect to be spoken too because part of the point of going to a convention is to be with others that share your interests.

 

[Vegosiux]

You like people to staring at you? No? Then how about you don't fucking stare either.

But at the same time if you decide to run around in the tightest, most revealing clothes don't complain when people gawk, because that getup was put together to fish for attention. And no amount of ignorance on your end will make that fact go away.

Smooth Operator, you are far from the only person to say something to this effect, but I really wish I was reading fewer sentiments in this thread that come out and say, "Look at how she was dressed, she was asking for it." There is no context in which that will not make me uncomfortable, particularly when talking about a group of men who don't seem to understand that sometimes a woman will dress the way she does for herself and not for our viewing pleasure.

If you run around in a getup that stands out, people will look. Some will look appreciatively, some will even approach you to compliment you on a job well done with the costume. Some are going to be more socially awkward and make it uncomfortable through their own social ineptitude/inexperience, and there's going to be that odd creep or two who only showed up specifically to leer at the cosplays.

I dunno, if I want to either appreciate a costume (or the person within it) or compliment one I don't resort to staring. Because frankly, staring is just rude and creepy.

Yeah but what's the difference? We had a thread on that in R&P a while ago, and we simply couldn't reach a consensus. The most common sentiment seemed to be that the person being looked at is the one who has the final say in what's staring and what isn't, and that might also hang on how attractive they find the looker. That Nerdy McBasement-Dweller might only pass a glance and he's already "creepy as fuck", but George Clooney could look for a bit longer without being "creepy as fuck", even though he will reach that stage at some point, but definitely noticeably later than Nerdy McBasement-Dweller.

And then there's also the fact that some people look like they're "staring" when they're just looking normally, because they have their face built that way. There's a guy who I worked with a while ago, his natural expression had bulging eyes with his entire head leaned slightly forward, for example. It unsettled people, yes, but what can he do? Get some atrociously expensive elective surgery to seem less "creepy" to people?

So, my conclusion is basically, if you look at someone running around in a cosplay for more than a passing glance, you've likely noticed that they stand out. If you like the way they stand out, give them a thumbs-up, or step up and say "Hey, nice costume, good job". But don't try to consciously ignore it, because that sends out mixed signals too...

You know what, maybe we should just collectively claw our eyes out, and we'd have no more problems like this. We'd have a whole slew of different problems, but this one would go away.

So yeah, if a girl in a cosplay walks past me, I'll look. Then I'll either motion a thumbs-up, or say it out loud (depending on the distance and stuff), then go back to my business. Or, if I think the costume doesn't fit her, I'll maybe comment on that, but only if she asks me how I like it, I'm not going to force criticism on her. Now if it's a guy, I'll do the same, but for the scope of this thread that doesn't seem to be important at all...And if anyone tries to get on my case for that I reserve the right to break into their safe deposit box and leave one (1) freshly caught mackerel in it. No, don't ask me if I'm going to carry the thing around with me. The answer would be icky.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Smooth Operator, you are far from the only person to say something to this effect, but I really wish I was reading fewer sentiments in this thread that come out and say, "Look at how she was dressed, she was asking for it." There is no context in which that will not make me uncomfortable, particularly when talking about a group of men who don't seem to understand that sometimes a woman will dress the way she does for herself and not for our viewing pleasure.

It's not actually a gender issue, if any man went and squeezed himself in some of the barely legal outfits ladies put on they would get just as many stares and creepy comments, probably more.
It becomes a simple matter of causality, if it rains outside and you don't want to get wet you should probably take an umbrella. If there are people outside and you don't want to get stared at then put on regular clothes.
I have been doing that for many years and it seems to work.

Yes it would be nice if people didn't judge, but our evolution isn't there yet, not by a long shot.

 

[Smolderin]

I am not going to stare, but I am going to look and appreciate. Though I would imagine that if a girl did dress with a purposefully sexy and provocative costume, she would be well aware that she would garner looks from the opposite crowd...I mean what else do you expect? It is sort of a fine line argument where one could say that she was sort of asking for it (the stares I mean) but one could equally argue that still doesn't make it right to do so. My personal stance is that you know the risk of doing so in a place predominately dominated by the male gender, so they would at least expect some creepers..you know...creeping. Even if the original intention wasn't to titillate, the expectation of getting stares should remain constant. Honestly, they still have the right to complain about it, cause people should hold themselves to a higher standing above their own instincts, but don't act like you didn't expect this kind of behavior if you choose to dress that way.

 

[Lightknight]

Eh, doesn't matter. Do what you want, it's generally free to look. Just don't invade the individual's privacy or make them uncomfortable. But the person is there and dressed to be looked at. Seriously, while women in spandex underwear they call jogging apparel can claim that they're not dressed that way to be looked at (I have my doubts about their claim), you can't really make that argument for anyone in costume. Especially some of the wonderfully designed ones.

Don't leer or anything, but they're meant to be looked at and appreciated.

 

[The Almighty Aardvark]

If a woman in a sexy costume complains about staring, keep in mind the only thing they are complaining about is you. Dudes they deem hot can stare all they want.

Yeah! And if they complain about you trying to have your way with them them I'm betting a bunch of them wouldn't complain if they were attracted to you. Hell, a lot of the time they might even reciprocate consensually or initiate it themselves. Seriously, why are girls so shallow?

We need to teach them that they need to be pragmatic about unwanted sexual attention and always ask themselves "Would I consent to this if I was attracted to this individual?"

At the same time, guys should start making a point of leering at both girls they find attractive and unattractive equally. We need to maintain some consistency here

 

[Micalas]

Male or female, going outside is consent to being stared at. You don't have a right to privacy in a public place. As long as the person is doing it from a distance and not following the person around, no one has the grounds to complain. If someone 30 or 40 feet away wants to stare me down, they're well within their right whether I find it creepy or not. They're not harrassing me. To assume so is pretty much turning this into a thought crime.

Until they start following me or engaging me personally, their eyes can rest wherever the hell they want for however the hell long they want.

 

[Skull Bearer]

Wear sunglasses and nobody will be able to tell what you're staring at, problem solved.

Seriously though, I'm reminded of a story my Mum told me, where she was at a checkout in a supermarket, and the guy in front was covered in tattoos, including his face, my Mum had been looking at him for a minute or two, and he confronted her, asking why she was staring at him. She said "If you do that to your body but do not expect people to stare at you, then you're a fool." I think she was right, and I think the same applies here, if you look or are dressed such that you will draw attention, then you can't really complain when people look at you. If you can't deal with the wrong kind of attention (which being dressed up 'sexy' is inevitably going to happen) then don't do it.

Nope, your mother was seriously rude. People dress up for themselves, not necessarily for others. If you can't maintain some self control, don't go outside.

 

[Davey Woo]

Nope, your mother was seriously rude. People dress up for themselves, not necessarily for others. If you can't maintain some self control, don't go outside.

Dressing up for themselves or not, it draws the attention of other people anyway, also I'm guessing more than half the girls who dress up at conventions are OK with having photos taken, and if they didn't want the attention they wouldn't want photos.