Poll: Sexy convention costumes - okay to stare?

[emeraldrafael]

In my personal opinion, if you dress in a flashy manner, you have to understand people will look,a nd they won't always be positive. That's not an if, its just a plain fact and there's a certain level of tolerance you havve to have or withstand in dressing that way. I dont think it gives you the right to stare until tey're uncomfortable and just undress them, but a harmless look i don't think is anyhting terrible. Just once they look like thy're uncomfortable or bothered, you look away and go about your day.

 

[Jacco]

heres a good rule of thumb

its not

ever

just don't

don't grope them, don't stare at their boobs, don't ask inapropriate things

Sexual attention is more than just groping or staring at boobs. Your comment is uselessly narrow.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

It's a convention for showing off costumes, shouldn't you be able to look at them as much as you want?

No. Its a convention, and some people choose to attend in costume. Not a convention specifically for showing off costumes. So people can't look as much as they want as if that's the point of the convention.

I'm still voting "OK to watch". Different cultures, different sensibilities.

 

[Frankster]

If I want to go tell another lady her costume is lovely I don't usually get any response other than "why thank you!" while a guy making the same comment might be immediately suspected of having intentions other than simply expressing admiration for the look.

Soo true. I was once at a party and this girl had an amazing minnie mouse costume, so I commented "that's a really good costume". Girl looked at me like I insulted her and started shouting and raging at me whilst I was very confused and kinda in shock from the sudden hostility.
I won't go into details about the rest of the evening and her quest for "revenge" upon me, but let's just say I was dealing with an angry boyfriend+w/e slander she was saying to her gfs about me for the remainder of the party....
Oh and I should add that this wasn't a skimpy costume at all but a proper full dress so there is no chance I was perving or oggling without my noticing that would have provoked that reaction but just me looking the person in the face and giving a compliment xP

Anyways what was the topic again? Oh right. No shame in having a look and appreciating if someones showing a bit of skin, but staring is just creepy and making people uncomfortable so it's a faux pas that should be avoided.

 

[mecegirl]

It's a convention for showing off costumes, shouldn't you be able to look at them as much as you want?

No. Its a convention, and some people choose to attend in costume. Not a convention specifically for showing off costumes. So people can't look as much as they want as if that's the point of the convention.

I'm still voting "OK to watch". Different cultures, different sensibilities.

It can't be that different since women complain about the staring there, just like they do outside of convention spaces.

 

[Vault101]

Sexual attention is more than just groping or staring at boobs. Your comment is uselessly narrow.

if you would do it to your freind (eg talk) then I'd put it in the realm of acceptibility, if you wouldn't (eg catcall) then don't

 

[EyeReaper]

I guess, to me personally, It depends on how long it takes to turn from "looking" to "staring."

The big problem with gawking is that it is negative attention, the type of attention that even an attention-seeker doesn't want. However, I really don't think there's a solution. You can tell one guy off, but that won't stop the next guy from ogling. It's just a case of having to take the good and the bad. If you want people complementing your perfect handmade Yoko cosplay, you're also going to have to deal with that creepy guy in the store bought Akatsuki robe who's been following you since the figurine booth. I'd recommend bringing a buddy for help with that, or the con staff if it gets too problematic.

 

[Vault101]

It's just a case of having to take the good and the bad. If you want people complementing your perfect handmade Yoko cosplay, you're also going to have to deal with that creepy guy in the store bought Akatsuki robe who's been following you since the figurine booth. I'd recommend bringing a buddy for help with that, or the con staff if it gets too problematic.

the issue I have with this is treats the people who do it like inevitable forces of nature that cannot be controlled...which is untrue, people need to know what is and isn't acceptible, writing it off as "normal" or "just what happens" makes EVERYONE look bad

 

[MaximumTheHormone]

I think anything within the realms of legality should be acceptable.
Looking at something isn't illegal, that's why people will more likely walk away from someone who they don't want staring at them then asking them to stop. Its a social inconvenience at worst, making people feel uncomfortable in a certain scenario which they can usually just walk away from.
The situation causes discomfort but is usually easily availed by removing yourself, which is an easily identifiable social cue (for the offender) and if missed is able to be acted upon if the person proceeds to follow you as a form of harassment (stalking)
If people are stalking others around conventions, taking lewd photos without peoples consent or touching others without consent than they've crossed a line, but simply looking isn't 'wrong'.
It may be seen as socially unacceptable or weird, but that's a very minor charge and a social faux pa easily identified and learnt from.

considering the demographics of pop-culture/ nerd conventions I tend to be pretty forgiving if people haven't fully grasped the basics of social interaction, especially with a particularly attractive member of the opposite sex.
Those people who persist in uncomfortable behaviors will quickly find themselves socially isolated at best or booted from the con for crossing the line of harrasment.

 

[EyeReaper]

the issue I have with this is treats the people who do it like inevitable forces of nature that cannot be controlled...which is untrue, people need to know what is and isn't acceptible, writing it off as "normal" or "just what happens" makes EVERYONE look bad

Oh yes, I completely agree. A man isn't just some dog in heat. I wasn't trying to say it was impossible to teach boundries, or that creepy gawkers should be the norm. What I am saying is that there will always be people who, even though they know better, will go ahead anyways. That's why I recommend the buddy system at cons. It's a lot easier to tell someone off with a friend who has your back.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

It's a convention for showing off costumes, shouldn't you be able to look at them as much as you want?

No. Its a convention, and some people choose to attend in costume. Not a convention specifically for showing off costumes. So people can't look as much as they want as if that's the point of the convention.

I'm still voting "OK to watch". Different cultures, different sensibilities.

It can't be that different since women complain about the staring there, just like they do outside of convention spaces.

I suppose those pesky construction workers that love shouting abuse are ubiquitous. Quietly staring at a fantasy costume though? Not that controversial. We're a third world country with third world problems. Gazing isn't one of them.

 

[DementedSheep]

Eh you know what? stare at them as much as you like. If they don't like the attention then they should put some actual clothes on next time.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

With that said, though, there's nothing wrong with a quick look. People do have the right to look at other human beings.

And if you wanna be classy, then just say "That's a very nice cosplay. Is it okay if I take a picture?" or something like that. If she says yes, which cosplayers pretty much always do since they appreciate appreciation, you take a pic and then, when you're home, you can ogle the pic all you want. Because let's face it, what you do with a photo that you took yourself, of a person who gave you permission, is your own business (as long as it doesn't hurt anybody or break any laws).

As a cosplayer, I approve of this technique.

It's pleasant and polite to the cosplayer, which is the important thing. If you ask to take a photo of me while I'm in costume, I take it as a compliment.

Just don't touch me without permission if you ask to pose with me. If you want to put your arm around me for the photo, ask first. I don't automatically assume that photo = hug.

I would much rather pose for a photo than get stared at.

 

[Eddie the head]

The difference is mine makes no claim to knowledge of the intent of the observer. (outside the null) If you are claiming malicious intent you would need to prove it, I don't need to prove innocence.

intent doesn't matter

its rude to stare

that does't mean you can't look at the person in question, but looking at them like your trying to set them on fire with your imaginary lazer eyes is not ok, its basic social rules...

?

Then don't bring it up. Like I said I made no claim to the intent of the person.(outside of innocence) I merely tried to make the point that it's fine to look at people who are attractive. You brought up the persons intent by calling it a sense of "entitlement." If that was simply to bring up a "different way to look at things." It fails miserably as, like I said, it brings up the intent of the person doing the "staring."

So yeah fine, intent doesn't matter and it's rude to stare. That had nothing to do with anything I said.

Edit. Also what "staring" is. Is incredibly subjective.

 

[thewatergamer]

Seems a bit rich to me ...

Female game characters are the most sexually provocative images of females there is! Makes Barbie look well proportioned, not to mention the dental floss most of them wear, just look at Mad Moxxi ... fully clothed but MASSIVE boobs pushed up under her chin

So to then dress up as these people and then complain about being ogled at a socially inept convention, is taking the piss. The stereotype of a nerd is awkward around girls, so then you put a large concentration in a hall and add game characters that they have probably wrote fanfic about but now brought to life ... what do you expect to happen?

This is getting me dangerously close to my "don't talk about it or you will get 100 quotes about it" button so I will bow out. Just remember that they aren't trying to be creepy, they are just on unfamiliar ground.

Yeah... this post pretty much sums up my feelings on the matter...

I personally have never attended a con of any type before, so I can't really say, I just would probably use my general rule of its ok to look for a few seconds, but try not to stare, even though I do think its hypocritical for anyone, male or female. to dress up in a suggestive fashion and then complain when people look at them, but again never been to a con before so I can't really say, anyway i'm getting out of here before I get completely pasted by quotes as well

and yes the irony of quoting you is not lost on me XD

 

[Erttheking]

Staring is rude. Period. There's a difference between appreciating a sexy outfit and being a stalker. You know how you can spot an attractive woman in public and appreciate how good she looks but you don't obsessively stare at her? The circumstances don't change because of cosplay. Same with taking pictures. In normal life you ask before you take a picture of someone. That doesn't change at conventions.

 

[Erttheking]

Eh you know what? stare at them as much as you like. If they don't like the attention then they should put some actual clothes on next time.

So basically what you're saying is that she was asking for it?

 

[DementedSheep]

Eh you know what? stare at them as much as you like. If they don't like the attention then they should put some actual clothes on next time.

So basically what you're saying is that she was asking for it?

Yep! obviously this does not extend to justifying rape and molestation if that is what you are getting at.

 

[Saetha]

I think it depends on the costume, to be honest. If someone's doing a straight-up cosplay of, say, Elsa from Frozen or Bloody Mary or something, than yeah, staring's kinda creepy and you shouldn't do it.

If they're cosplaying, say, Mad Moxxi or (Comic-book) Starfire, well... those outfits are obviously sexualized and made to be "eye-candy," and people are gonna stare. Complaining about people sexualizing you when you've sexualized yourself is kinda hypocritical.

That being said, physical harassment - stalking, groping, the like - are NEVER okay. I don't care if they're walking around in saran wrap and duck tape, it ain't cool. Look all you want, but don't touch.

 

[Erttheking]

Eh you know what? stare at them as much as you like. If they don't like the attention then they should put some actual clothes on next time.

So basically what you're saying is that she was asking for it?

Yep! obviously this does not extend to justifying rape and molestation if that is what you are getting at.

And you don't see any similarities between that and people who argue that the woman that they raped were asking for it because of the way they dressed? Because it sounds pretty similar to me.

Women are not toys for men to use whenever they please. If any man continues to stare when a woman has made it clear she is uncomfortable, he has the social skills of a rabid dog.