Poll: Should I accept my mother in this scenario?
- Thread starter Kryzantine
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She kicked you out, why the fuck should you let her into yours? So she can fuck everything up again? (it seems that you actually have a good thing going for once) I think your mom needs to make an appointment with reality.
Because of my own standard of thought, I would suggest that you are not obligated to help someone simply because they are blood related.Kryzantine said:
Just because she gave birth to you doesn't mean you have to love her, like her, nor do you owe her anything.
Don't think of her as your mother.
Remove that, and think of all merits and demerits she has independent of giving birth to you.
Removing the mother removes the bias, and will help you make a much clearer decision.
Normally family is a rather large thing to me, but I am a firm believer in if someone continues to act in a negative light and refuses to change and just leeches off other people or purposefully tries to hurt people over and over, then you must let them go. Cut them off. It's a harsh thing to say, but sometimes required.
However, I would suggest if you really wanted to give her one last chance, then lay it out plainly "Get a job, and we'll take care of you. If not, we're finished."
That's what I'd do, and good luck, OP.
However, I would suggest if you really wanted to give her one last chance, then lay it out plainly "Get a job, and we'll take care of you. If not, we're finished."
That's what I'd do, and good luck, OP.
Let me go ahead and state: she has kicked you out of a dwelling you deservde, but you can take care of yourself anyways.
...So why the FUCK should she expect you to accept her into a household she has no right to when she can barely wipe her own ass? Fuck that. Just because she's your mother doesn't mean you have to put up with a neverending stream of bullshit. It may sound harsh, but no one should ever take that from ANYONE. If it's just a friend or acquaintance, then that person is an asshole and doesn't deserve your time. If it's a family member or girlfriend or whatever, then that person needs to clean himself or herself the fuck up before they expect to make any kind of demands of you.
...So why the FUCK should she expect you to accept her into a household she has no right to when she can barely wipe her own ass? Fuck that. Just because she's your mother doesn't mean you have to put up with a neverending stream of bullshit. It may sound harsh, but no one should ever take that from ANYONE. If it's just a friend or acquaintance, then that person is an asshole and doesn't deserve your time. If it's a family member or girlfriend or whatever, then that person needs to clean himself or herself the fuck up before they expect to make any kind of demands of you.
Um... As ashamed of it as I am, I effectively threw my brother out of the house two days after Christmas. I felt like an absolute dick for doing it, but at the time I knew something drastic had to be done to prevent something worse from happening. It all worked out in the end (he's a lawyer and working his way up through the civil service now), and my family gets along relatively well now.
But that was a decision I shouldn't have had to make. It wasn't my house, it was my Mum's. And since you're only in High School, you really shouldn't have to make the decision. Your Dad will have to make it. If she stays and you can't stand her, don't worry, you'll be off to college soon anyway. Study hard and go to a college far away. With headphones on and a text book in front of you it'll be like she's not even there.
Oh, and tell your sister to get a job for a year. Colleges love that real world experience crap
But that was a decision I shouldn't have had to make. It wasn't my house, it was my Mum's. And since you're only in High School, you really shouldn't have to make the decision. Your Dad will have to make it. If she stays and you can't stand her, don't worry, you'll be off to college soon anyway. Study hard and go to a college far away. With headphones on and a text book in front of you it'll be like she's not even there.
Oh, and tell your sister to get a job for a year. Colleges love that real world experience crap
Yeah, you're right. It's just easy to get mad and overly judgmental when the closest one gets to the issue is from behind a computer screen...Ultimately, it's his decision as to what he does. As for the rest of us, it's probably for the best if we don't carry on the issue for much longer. You've got a good point, there. (No, really - I'm not trying to be a sarcastic troll here)Delicious said:
Stop trying to troll badly by falling back on poorly constructed logical fallacies. The implication is that relying on name calling and emotions are not any backing. At all.Delicious said:
And no. A general unwillingness to work should entitle you to only the lowest quality of life. Ask the homeless what they think about it.
She's an adult. Why is it this horrible thing to expect a grown woman to try to take care of herself ON HER OWN? It's not like your dad never tried to help her-you said he was paying for her place to stay. So she was living someplace for free.
There is NO reason to take her in unless you guys want to for whatever reason. It's your call. You don't owe her free room and board, and certainly not living under the same roof if, as you said, she's intolerable. Why make yourself more miserable on purpose? Talk to your dad and make a plan for what to do/say when she shows up. Maybe if she's willing to get a job, you guys might be willing to help her pay for a different place to stay? That is, HELP, not pay for all of it.
I dunno. The best I can do is give you some suggestions. You know her and your dad and you better than I do. Figure out what you want to do. I hope I've helped to give you some ideas or maybe confirm ones you already had. Sometimes when family members are impossible to deal with, it's best to keep them as far as possible so as to keep them from poisoning everything else that's good.
There is NO reason to take her in unless you guys want to for whatever reason. It's your call. You don't owe her free room and board, and certainly not living under the same roof if, as you said, she's intolerable. Why make yourself more miserable on purpose? Talk to your dad and make a plan for what to do/say when she shows up. Maybe if she's willing to get a job, you guys might be willing to help her pay for a different place to stay? That is, HELP, not pay for all of it.
I dunno. The best I can do is give you some suggestions. You know her and your dad and you better than I do. Figure out what you want to do. I hope I've helped to give you some ideas or maybe confirm ones you already had. Sometimes when family members are impossible to deal with, it's best to keep them as far as possible so as to keep them from poisoning everything else that's good.
Know what you mean, I threw my dad out of the house. Sort of. Like you said, it was a decision I shouldn't have had to make. I still can't freaking believe things got to the point where I had to do that, that nobody else had the guts. Sometimes what people will just put up with for years and years is amazing.beniki said:Um... As ashamed of it as I am, I effectively threw my brother out of the house two days after Christmas. I felt like an absolute dick for doing it, but at the time I knew something drastic had to be done to prevent something worse from happening. It all worked out in the end (he's a lawyer and working his way up through the civil service now), and my family gets along relatively well now.
But that was a decision I shouldn't have had to make. It wasn't my house, it was my Mum's. And since you're only in High School, you really shouldn't have to make the decision. Your Dad will have to make it. If she stays and you can't stand her, don't worry, you'll be off to college soon anyway. Study hard and go to a college far away. With headphones on and a text book in front of you it'll be like she's not even there.
Oh, and tell your sister to get a job for a year. Colleges love that real world experience crap
Well, going only by what the OP has told us, and not assuming more, she seems like she's unstable right now[footnote]As if it wasn't obvious enough considering the point of this post.[/footnote].
Letting her back into your life would probably only cause more issues, so it would seem to be a fairly large "Negatory." on that point.
But on the other hand, maybe she'll lighten up a little bit. As one or more people have said, remove the fact that she's your mum, just have the negative and positive qualities of her, as a person, and any and all merits they may bear.
If that alone is enough to make you consider letting her stay[footnote]Which I doubt it will be.[/footnote], then that's peachy. If not[footnote]Which is the most likely case.[/footnote], then kick her out. She doesn't deserve to live there by your description, and by the picture she put in my head, I wouldn't let her stay there, either. Just stop her at the door. If she tries to force her way in, then let her. Just be sure to sneak off, call 911, and hand her over to the cops afterwards. If your past experiences with her aren't enough to condemn her, than work out a plan for her: Make her get a job, and then make her pay for things. Maybe rent, or at least help pay bills, and for groceries etc.
Letting her back into your life would probably only cause more issues, so it would seem to be a fairly large "Negatory." on that point.
But on the other hand, maybe she'll lighten up a little bit. As one or more people have said, remove the fact that she's your mum, just have the negative and positive qualities of her, as a person, and any and all merits they may bear.
If that alone is enough to make you consider letting her stay[footnote]Which I doubt it will be.[/footnote], then that's peachy. If not[footnote]Which is the most likely case.[/footnote], then kick her out. She doesn't deserve to live there by your description, and by the picture she put in my head, I wouldn't let her stay there, either. Just stop her at the door. If she tries to force her way in, then let her. Just be sure to sneak off, call 911, and hand her over to the cops afterwards. If your past experiences with her aren't enough to condemn her, than work out a plan for her: Make her get a job, and then make her pay for things. Maybe rent, or at least help pay bills, and for groceries etc.
I don't need to make a case when I present none. I called you a troll. Thus far you've done little to prove otherwise.Delicious said:
I consider family important. I consider it more important to regard them as humans first though, and some brands of humans just don't learn unless its all-but-forced on them.
Based on what I've been provided this is exactly the case.
Now off with you, back to your troll den.
You most certainly do. If your Dad doesn't want to live with you Mum then he has the right to say she can't. If he's given the choice to you, then you have the right. If she drags everyone down and is as bad as you say she is (I don't doubt you) then I would never accept her back. You have to look out for yourself before anyone else.
The way I see it, you have three options:
Option 1 (No guilt, possible mother): You make up a reason she can't stay and persuade her to get her own place or stay in LA.
Option 2 (Possible guilt, no unwanted guests): Say no upfront.
Option 3 (No mother, strong hatred, possible laughs) Wait till she turns up and shut the door in her face.
The way I see it, you have three options:
Option 1 (No guilt, possible mother): You make up a reason she can't stay and persuade her to get her own place or stay in LA.
Option 2 (Possible guilt, no unwanted guests): Say no upfront.
Option 3 (No mother, strong hatred, possible laughs) Wait till she turns up and shut the door in her face.