Poll: Should I give her a second chance?
- Thread starter Simalacrum
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I got a question or two. Has she tried to contact you since she silently broke up with you? Has she given you any indication that she values and respects you? It kinda sounds like the answer to those questions is No. If there's ever to be a reconciliation between you two she's the one that should initiate it (with a great big sincere apology) and you should be very protective of yourself if she does. She wronged you man, in a cowardly fashion no less. She doesn't deserve you or your concern. Neither does your "friend". If you're grown up enough to have a romantic relationship, you'd damn well better be grown up enough to end it decently if needed (I'm speaking to her with that comment, not you). She needs to woman-up and you need to move on and find someone who'll treat you as you deserve.
Still, I know it probably hurts and I'm sorry for that.
Still, I know it probably hurts and I'm sorry for that.
If you genuinely believe that she wouldn't play with your feelings then by all means, contact her. Even if the only thing you recieve is the cold shoulder, it will provide some sort of closure (but you don't seem the type to need the traditional type)
Speaking from experience (not experience of cheating or anything, simply a bad breakup) she probably misses contact with you, even just a little, if you were as close as you imply. You sound extremely mature about this, letting it all be water under the bridge, so the possibility of rekindling a friendship is possible if thats what you want
I wouldn't go down the path of an "interrogation" of either her, or your friend. Ask politely, with reason, and if they feel they don't need to explain, let the subject drop and move on
Worst case scenario? They both cold shoulder you and you can move on with absolutely no mental or emotional damage
Speaking from experience (not experience of cheating or anything, simply a bad breakup) she probably misses contact with you, even just a little, if you were as close as you imply. You sound extremely mature about this, letting it all be water under the bridge, so the possibility of rekindling a friendship is possible if thats what you want
I wouldn't go down the path of an "interrogation" of either her, or your friend. Ask politely, with reason, and if they feel they don't need to explain, let the subject drop and move on
Worst case scenario? They both cold shoulder you and you can move on with absolutely no mental or emotional damage
I wouldn't talk to her but yea definatly talk to your friend about it similar incident happen to me but my friend was still dating another girl while my ex and him went to do their "thing"
I suppose you can try but if she won't give you a proper answer if you talk with her;screw her. I feel sorry for you but they plenty of other fish in the sea...unless we continue to pollute the seas.
Personally, I think that you deserve some clearance on the matter. I don't really know you well through the site, but from seeing your posts you're a decent guy, and you definitely appear to have been wronged in this case. I think you certainly deserve closure here.
That being said, it might not be the wisest thing to get in touch again with your ex, especially if she did cheat on you. The best advice I can give is that you need to weigh up the importance of getting closure with the chances of things going badly for you if you do decide to contact her. Remember, look out for Number One. You're the person you should be worrying about here, not anybody else. If you really want closure then go for it, get in touch and find out exactly what happened. If you can do without it, then I wouldn't recommend it.
That being said, it might not be the wisest thing to get in touch again with your ex, especially if she did cheat on you. The best advice I can give is that you need to weigh up the importance of getting closure with the chances of things going badly for you if you do decide to contact her. Remember, look out for Number One. You're the person you should be worrying about here, not anybody else. If you really want closure then go for it, get in touch and find out exactly what happened. If you can do without it, then I wouldn't recommend it.
I only skimmed the post, but in general yes, at least contact her if you're not certain if she actually did cheat on her. If you are certain of that, or at least certain enough to be comfortable with assuming it, then no, do not give second chances to somebody who cheated on you.
Absolutely. Yes, the manor in which she broke up with you wasn't the best choice, but it seems she did it in such a way with the best intentions. Hopefully it's not something she continues to do though.Simalacrum said:So, Escapists, do you think this is a good idea? Shall I talk to her and see if she really did so callously stab me in the back? Or do I just leave things as they are, never talk to her again and go happily along with my life? (which, believe me, I can do very easily - this won't leave me traumatised even if it remains the way things are) Any opinions are appreciated
Also, you've made many judgments and thoughts based on a lot of 'clues' or possibilities, so it's just as likely you're wrong in your thoughts, as you are right. I would contact her in the interest of setting the record straight, and in hopes of better understanding one another's perspective.
She pretty much dumped you over Facebook, an incredibly open for all to see service, then updated her Facebook again to say she was going out with one of your best friends. Contact her and give her a chance to set the record straight and possibly patch the friendship up, but nothing more than that. Barring certain unforgivable actions, everyone deserves a second chance.So, Escapists, do you think this is a good idea? Shall I talk to her and see if she really did so callously stab me in the back? Or do I just leave things as they are, never talk to her again and go happily along with my life? (which, believe me, I can do very easily - this won't leave me traumatised even if it remains the way things are) Any opinions are appreciated
Basically
A second chance as a friend? Yes.
A second chance as anything else? Hell and no.
Of course, if this second chance doesn't work out, then ditch the ***** forever and move on with your life. Getting into 3rd and 4th chances just makes you a sucker.
I'd best say no. Leave her, you're better than that.
And question your friend: if he's secretive about what happened, then it might be time to leave him too.
And question your friend: if he's secretive about what happened, then it might be time to leave him too.
This is frighteningly similar to the thread I just posted titled This Other Girl... just with the gender switched. ANYWHOO, no don't give her another shot. She kicked you to the curb without a second thought and then had the nerve to start dating your buddy. Screw her.
^^^is totally correct
People like that arn't worth the flesh they're made from just move on and get on with life you don't need people like her in it especially if she went of with one of your friends. Just ask yourself what are the chances she will do it again seems to me she would do it again at the drop of a hat.
People like that arn't worth the flesh they're made from just move on and get on with life you don't need people like her in it especially if she went of with one of your friends. Just ask yourself what are the chances she will do it again seems to me she would do it again at the drop of a hat.
Give her another chance? No way. She'd do the same thing over again. And I'd suggest keeping away from this "friend" as well.