So, fellow Escapists, after a brief hiatus to take care of some real life shit, I return with another review, but this time I'd like to take it off the beaten path. After reading PimpPeter's Domino's review, I noted two things. One, I hadn't done a review in a long time, and two, I was really fucking hungry.
So, after checking the freezer, I found two Digiorno Brand pepperoni pizzas. The box felt sturdy and cold in my hands, a pretty impressive feat considering that the pizza must've weighed at least 5 pounds. The picture on the box does not lie, these things are massive. After managing to wrestle one out of the box without breaking off any pieces, I took a quick look and groaned in dismay. It was wrapped in that sort of plastic also apparently used for bulletproof glass and laminating pictures.
Grabbing the nearest butcher knife/flamethrower, I finally managed to get a tiny hole in the thing and rip it open, a battle cry in my throat. It really surprised me, this pizza. It's about an inch and a half tall, an impressive feat for a pizza, and I could barely see any cheese, there was so much pepperoni. This definitely sides with me, as I tire of "Pepperoni" pizzas that have so few pieces of the heavenly meat you'd think they just fell off the assembly line onto a cheese pizza.
After wrestling the other pizza out of the box andsensually licking admiring the excellent craftsmanship of it, I preheated the oven, payed off some jurors, and shot pool with Al Capone. When the familiar *Ding* went off, I leapt up, grabbed my very manly oven mitts, and grabbed both pizzas in my mitts like the badass I am. After opening the oven door with the opposable thumbs on my feet, I leaned in and got blasted by the heat wave that could melt Chuck Norris' eyebrows.
Finally, the pizzas were cooking. I set the doggy timer [It's my wife's I swear.] to 25 minutes, on 400 degrees, which is pretty big cooking time considering the flimsy shit of today taking 10 minutes to burn to a crisp. I took this opportunity to run to the store and grab some beverages, for no pizza is complete without Guinness and Dr. Pepper.
Arriving home just as the dog started yipping, the first thing to hit me was the smell. It was heavenly. The perfect combination of melted cheese and sizzling pepperoni officially set my mouth to "Drool".
Grabbing my man mitts once more, the pizzas were delicately extracted from the oven, and what beauties they were! The cheese was a bubbly golden brown, the pepperoni a sizzling dark red with black around the edges of every slice, tomato sauce running between the cracks in the cheese, and brown and crispy crust.
After allotting about 5 minutes of cool time, I sat down with several healthy slices and 2 glasses, one of Guinness and one of the heavenly soda. I grabbed one of the slices, and marveled. Most of today's pizza has to be bent and curved so the whole thing doesn't bend down and half the cheese slides off. But no, this superman of pizzas holds up! So, after raising it to my mouth without any problems, I bit down...
... and to my dismay found that it was nowhere near as heavenly as the cooking process was. Don't get the wrong impression, it was alright, but the sauce was the main component of the pizza. The pepperoni was a bit too tough for my taste, and the cheese had no flavor whatsoever, what I consider blasphemy for pizza. The crust is nice and crispy near the edges, but near the mouth of the slice gains the consistency of bread dough.
The sauce almost makes up for it, it packs a ton of flavor and is nice and thick to boot, but unfortunately, for all it's bells and whistles, it's a very ordinary tasting pizza, and at 15.95 US Dollars a pop, around 11 English pounds, it's rather expensive for a pizza that smells better then it tastes.
Recommended for a lonely night with some beer and Rambo movies, but not recommended for a party night. For you arbitrary score whores, I'd say a 6 and a half out of 10.
So, after checking the freezer, I found two Digiorno Brand pepperoni pizzas. The box felt sturdy and cold in my hands, a pretty impressive feat considering that the pizza must've weighed at least 5 pounds. The picture on the box does not lie, these things are massive. After managing to wrestle one out of the box without breaking off any pieces, I took a quick look and groaned in dismay. It was wrapped in that sort of plastic also apparently used for bulletproof glass and laminating pictures.
Grabbing the nearest butcher knife/flamethrower, I finally managed to get a tiny hole in the thing and rip it open, a battle cry in my throat. It really surprised me, this pizza. It's about an inch and a half tall, an impressive feat for a pizza, and I could barely see any cheese, there was so much pepperoni. This definitely sides with me, as I tire of "Pepperoni" pizzas that have so few pieces of the heavenly meat you'd think they just fell off the assembly line onto a cheese pizza.
After wrestling the other pizza out of the box and
Finally, the pizzas were cooking. I set the doggy timer [It's my wife's I swear.] to 25 minutes, on 400 degrees, which is pretty big cooking time considering the flimsy shit of today taking 10 minutes to burn to a crisp. I took this opportunity to run to the store and grab some beverages, for no pizza is complete without Guinness and Dr. Pepper.
Arriving home just as the dog started yipping, the first thing to hit me was the smell. It was heavenly. The perfect combination of melted cheese and sizzling pepperoni officially set my mouth to "Drool".
Grabbing my man mitts once more, the pizzas were delicately extracted from the oven, and what beauties they were! The cheese was a bubbly golden brown, the pepperoni a sizzling dark red with black around the edges of every slice, tomato sauce running between the cracks in the cheese, and brown and crispy crust.
After allotting about 5 minutes of cool time, I sat down with several healthy slices and 2 glasses, one of Guinness and one of the heavenly soda. I grabbed one of the slices, and marveled. Most of today's pizza has to be bent and curved so the whole thing doesn't bend down and half the cheese slides off. But no, this superman of pizzas holds up! So, after raising it to my mouth without any problems, I bit down...
... and to my dismay found that it was nowhere near as heavenly as the cooking process was. Don't get the wrong impression, it was alright, but the sauce was the main component of the pizza. The pepperoni was a bit too tough for my taste, and the cheese had no flavor whatsoever, what I consider blasphemy for pizza. The crust is nice and crispy near the edges, but near the mouth of the slice gains the consistency of bread dough.
The sauce almost makes up for it, it packs a ton of flavor and is nice and thick to boot, but unfortunately, for all it's bells and whistles, it's a very ordinary tasting pizza, and at 15.95 US Dollars a pop, around 11 English pounds, it's rather expensive for a pizza that smells better then it tastes.
Recommended for a lonely night with some beer and Rambo movies, but not recommended for a party night. For you arbitrary score whores, I'd say a 6 and a half out of 10.
