Poll: Tales from the Urinal (and beyond!).


New member
Nov 7, 2011
depends on the situation. I'm only up for a chat, or would start a chat with whilst emptying the tank only when Ive been drinking, or when a mate happens to be a full urinals down. everytime else, not really gonna bother.

I'll admit though, I have gotten stage fright before. First day in a new job and the first break i get, need to take a slash so I get to the urinal, waiting for the whole process to begin...

and my new boss comes in and stands right next to me unbelievably close. I couldnt go. it was a very awkward minute, that felt more like 10 minutes, staring straight ahead at the wall praying i'd go. it never happened. thanks penis.


Space Ace
May 11, 2020
Heh, the one time another dude tried to look at my junk at school, all he said was "damn, thats a big d***", so never was insecure about other people taking a peek if that was their desire.

What puts me off is when there's a massive queue, if I see a big line for the urinals then I usually hold it on or seek a suitable spot outside as I do sometimes freeze when I'm trying to hurry and feel like there's 100 other blokes wanting me to hurry (which then results in snickers as people around me think im being shy, but fuck em, like I said, penis size is not something I'm insecure about ^^).

But that wasn't the story I wanted to share. Basically I had met up with this girl I had met in my nights out and she was with a group of friends who were...well let's say I didnt like them.
Between questioning my nationality as a scam to impress that girl (i actually had to get out some id documents to prove them wrong) and being somewhat snotty and making bitchy comments, I was quickly tired of their company, finding them extremely vulgar and crass, despite fancying that first girl (who was nothing like her friends) so decided to avoid them a bit as I went around dancing and doing my thing.

Then as I went to the urinal, to my horror saw that whole group of girls minus the first girl I like were in the lads bathroom (and there was a queue going on btw), watching the lads pee.
No one was saying anything to them and all 4 of them had their backs against their wall, slurping their drinks like they were watching a show or something.

Confused I asked, "what you lot doing here?". "oh just watching the boys pee" came the answer.
At this point I decided these girls weren't my type of people at all and legged it out of there, bumping into the girl I liked outside but that experience somewhat threw me off and I made some crappy excuses as I made my hasty retreat to another club nearbye.

Maybe I missed out on an opportunity with that girl, but I didn't want to deal with her friends for the rest of the night and they had seriously "turned me off" by that point.


Dec 3, 2010
Shake? I just wipe it off on the guy standing next to me.
Not always appriciated.

More OT: I generally avoid urinals like the plague. Only use them if I'm really drunk.
Once I was at a pub that had a really small bathroom with only four urinals and no stalls for the men. Entered and to my horror it was filled with guys. Got to my turn, surronded by other men and for the first time ever I couldn't squeeze out a single drop.
Pretended to pee, washed my hands and left, with a bladder close to exploding.

Realised there was a bathroom for the handicapped, so I joyfully entered it.
Took one look inside, saw that someone had thrown up all over the floor around the toilet and left.

Luckily a girl dragged me into the womens bathroom, so I grabbed a stall and damn was it good.
Women are almost more disgusting than men in public bathrooms though. Fuck was it dirty and stained.

Toilet paper everywhere!

King of Asgaard

Vae Victis, Woe to the Conquered
Oct 31, 2011
I don't use public restrooms, like ever.
Why? Because my countrymen are disgusting pigs, that's why.
Who knows how many diseases I could catch by opening the door alone...


New member
Apr 11, 2012
I only use bathrooms that don't belong to me if I am really bursting for a piss and even then I walk up and down in order to find the cleanest cubicle that has a functioning lock and toilet paper and I never EVER go into a cubicle if someone has just come out. It leads to some funny looks after I've opened the door and inspected 3 cubicles to make sure I'm getting the cleanest cubicle. The great thing about my method is that once you're done you can shake as many times as your heart desires...

The occasional downside to this is that if I am in a particularly bad public restroom and all of the doors have broken locks I sometimes end up pissing with one leg of the ground holding the door shut and my hands balancing myself against the walls.

One quick off topic thing; have any of you guys seen that master chief war machinima that basically ends with 2 guys arguing in a urinal with 1 accusing the other of masturbating? This thread reminds me of that.


Pro Misinformationalist
Jun 22, 2011
A simple song:
"No matter how much you shake and dance, the last few drops end up in your pants."


New member
Oct 28, 2009
I've never understood why guys decided it was ok to whip dicks out in front of each other if they're peeing. I always use a stall.


New member
Dec 18, 2008
i always use a stall, im very pee shy and cant go in front of other people, i still have to lock the toilet in my own house, dont like urinals, only use em if im desperate

captcha: people like me. really? they really do!? :D


New member
Oct 8, 2009
No weird or embarrassing stories here, but I do feel that this is relevant and important.