Poll: To trust or not to trust?

[someonehairy-ish]

They're 24 and can't just have a sensible discussion with each other about this? Christ...

Yeah I can't really pick an option without knowing more, but there's definitely something wrong. I'd like to point out that saying to someone online that you'd like to keep in touch is about a billion miles away from having an affair, and wanting to keep your passwords your own is reasonable even in a committed relationship. For me that's not even an issue of trust, just privacy. Some of my friends are going through rough patches and they talk to me about very private matters, it wouldn't be fair for me to let anyone in on that, not even a girlfriend. So I'd have changed my passwords too.

But the wanting to permanently delete Skype convos is a bit weird.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

Of course he changed his passwords, she was snooping around his private conversations.

And if he'd had nothing to hide, it wouldn't have been an issue. If a person can't be open with their partner in a relationship, then the relationship probably shouldn't continue.

Frankly, I don't think the relationship as described in the original post should exist in the first place. I'm a "once unfaithful, always unfaithful" sort of guy. I have no sympathy for cheaters, because I don't like the threat of a repeat offense always looming over the relationship. The girlfriend in this scenario has a valid reason for being suspicious if she stumbled upon that kind of behavior from her boyfriend (note that it isn't specified that she was intentionally snooping until after he reacted suspiciously, the original poster stated in a later post that the whole thing was found initially by accident).

 

[Thyunda]

No it IS stupid though because if you have to hide things from these people, they're obviously not your real friends.

You're right that they're not my real friends. However the point is irrelevant. I choose to maintain connections with some people who are not my real friends. It's not your business. My page is my page, and I'll use it any way I damn well please. You don't get to dictate that one way of using Facebook is "stupid" just because it's not the way you use Facebook.

But in any case, you're missing the point. It's a page. It's not a big deal. You get to decide how you use it, not me. It's only my business how you use it if it's amusing, and if it offends you that I find people who take themselves too seriously hilarious, then the problem is with you. Get over yourself.

How about you take a moment to think through what you're proposing here: You're calling on me to alter the way I use social media sites in order to accomodate the choices of a tiny number of people like you who don't recognize boundaries and choose to fuck around with other people's stuff for your own amusment. Tell me, did you by chance take the Narcissism Test [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.397709-The-Narcissism-Test]?

Aww, dude! A link! I'll get back to you on this.


EDIT: Authority: 6.00
Self-Sufficiency: 1.00
Superiority: 2.00
Exhibitionism: 3.00
Exploitativeness: 3.00
Vanity: 0.00
Entitlement: 1.00


That's me getting back to you. There you go. Something to say about it I hope?

 

[Colour Scientist]

Of course he changed his passwords, she was snooping around his private conversations.

And if he'd had nothing to hide, it wouldn't have been an issue. If a person can't be open with their partner in a relationship, then the relationship probably shouldn't continue.

Open doesn't mean that you have to be involved in every part of their life. The point of trust is that you don't feel the need to monitor their conversations, it's a total invasion of privacy.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

She should ask him for the truth. If she doesn't believe him afterwards... I dunno, I can't imagine wanting to stay with a person you can't trust.

Asking for the truth is fruitless if someone is lying, the whole idea is you don't tell the truth. It's especially fruitless if you don't trust the answer.

It's a handful of Skype conversations and she appears to have been snooping jealously, no guy wants that following his relationships with other friends. Like I say, it's Skype, it's not as if they can have a real relationship or actually cheat without it becoming painstakingly obvious, the worst that can happen is they IM that they love each other and awkwardly masturbate on camera.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

Open doesn't mean that you have to be involved in every part of their life. The point of trust is that you don't feel the need to monitor their conversations, it's a total invasion of privacy.

Again, assuming the OP is telling the truth, the other woman's conversations were found by accident. It's the boyfriend's own fault for not being more careful about hiding something he wanted to hide. And if he wanted to hide it, which he clearly does, then the girlfriend has every reason to be suspicious and cautious since their previous attempt at a relationship ended in failure because he cheated on her. She asked him head-on about something that he allowed to be public, he was evasive, and she's justifiably nervous given the situation.

It's not a healthy relationship environment from the get-go, and this situation is making it that much worse. And the blame is on his shoulders.