Poll: When do the fireworks fizzle?

[michiehoward]

I have been with my husband for eleven years. I was seventeen and he nineteen when we started our relationship. We now have two sons. Luckily the fight about how sex/intimacy we had or have today has died down. But for awhile there he couldn't help reminding me how we couldn't keep our hands off eachother. Then I would have to sit him down and explain:

My hormones aren't the same (really they are not after the kids)
The kids suck out all my affection
Sleep depreivation
Work

And also remind him that we are hugely lucky that we make love at least 4 times a week. (We also try very hard to be attentive and not ho hum, familiarlity alone can kill sex/physical intimacy) That plenty of couples have so much less physical intimacy after such long relationships.

So my question is when do the firework fizzle for a relationship?

 

[michiehoward]

lol, we're gaming internet dorks, we don't have relationships on this website......

My husband and I are gamers, and I'm also a net dork LOL I'm sure someone has an opinion

 

[RicoGrey]

Been with my gal since 1999, and we are a once a day couple. Not literally but pretty close, mostly its a schedule issue, IE she is out of state visiting relatives, so we are physically seperated. We have 1 kid and 1 on the way.

I do things like help with the chores, and with the kids. I am one of the few dads I know that actually changes their kids' diapers on a regular basis.

I read an article a long time ago about how the best way for a husband to get his woman in the sack was simply to help with the household chores, and well it seems to be absolutely correct.

It probably also helps a lot that I absolutely lust after my wife, and she feels like I do.

If my wife took me to a hotel and told me everyone room had a different woman in it, and I could go into any room I wanted and have all the sex I wanted completely guilt free with her 100% approval, I would just turn around and ask her which room was hers.

 

[michiehoward]

Been with my gal since 1999, and we are a once a day couple. Not literally but pretty close, mostly its a schedule issue, IE she is out of state visiting relatives, so we are physically seperated. We have 1 kid and 1 on the way.

I do things like help with the chores, and with the kids. I am one of the few dads I know that actually changes their kids' diapers on a regular basis.

I read an article a long time ago about how the best way for a husband to get his woman in the sack was simply to help with the household chores, and well it seems to be absolutely correct.

It probably also helps a lot that I absolutely lust after my wife, and she feels like I do.

If my wife took me to a hotel and told me everyone room had a different woman in it, and I could go into any room I wanted and have all the sex I wanted completely guilt free with her 100% approval, I would just turn around and ask her which room was hers.

Thats one of things needed, that desire for eachother, changing diapers also works miracles. LOL

 

[The Man With the Soap]

I cannot be physically intimate with people. I can barely be emotionally intimate at all. This is creating problems with my girlfriend. Whether she wants to acknowledge it or not. So, yeah, never really were any fireworks from my end. She still seems to be firing 'em off, though.

 

[crudus]

I don't have kids, never plan to have kids, at this rate my wife will be store bought in a few years. So I guess never? My longest relationship was just under a year and the said "fireworks" never sizzled. Although, it is scientifically proven that your brain secretes different hormones after 2 years of being in a relationship.

(I voted other)

 

[Dastardly]

I have been with my husband for eleven years. I was seventeen and he nineteen when we started our relationship. We now have two sons. Luckily the fight about how sex/intimacy we had or have today has died down. But for awhile there he couldn't help reminding me how we couldn't keep our hands off eachother. Then I would have to sit him down and explain:

My hormones aren't the same (really they are not after the kids)
The kids suck out all my affection
Sleep depreivation
Work

And also remind him that we are hugely lucky that we make love at least 4 times a week. (We also try very hard to be attentive and not ho hum, familiarlity alone can kill sex/physical intimacy) That plenty of couples have so much less physical intimacy after such long relationships.

So my question is when do the firework fizzle for a relationship?

Fireworks = novelty. Just recognize that this will always die down over time. The only way "out" is to constantly jump from relationship to relationship, in which case jadedness will eventually play the same role.

Nothing stays new forever. You get a cute li'l puppy, and someday it'll be a big, awkward dog. It's not the same, but it's not "worse," either. It's different. It has grown. So it is with the relationship.

You're probably out of "firsts." You've probably exhausted your supply of surprises. And let's be honest--the pressure to keep things spicy and interesting has also waned, as the two of you are married. No longer are you two new folks exploring each other. You've become a team tasked with helping each other deal with real life.

It's just like going from being a kid to being an adult. As a kid, everything is "play, play, play." That's your job, it's what you do, and it's great! Behind the scenes? Adults work to make sure you have a place to play and things to play with, but you don't have to see all of that. You just spend 90% of the time playing, 10% doing school (Seriously, it's only about 12% of your life from birth to 18!).

Then you become an adult, and you go from being on the "all enjoyment" end to being the one that has to manage the real-world stuff that allows the enjoyment to happen. That means cutting into that 90% quite a bit. You can still enjoy the hell out of things, but not on the near-constant basis you once could. But does that mean we should all just kill ourselves at 18?

Of course not. And not just because suicide is stupid, but because if we all did that, no one would be there to provide the "playtime" for anyone. You've changed roles, and it's poor sportsmanship to quit the game when it's your turn to keep score.

 

[Paksenarrion]

The spark can be kindled again, no worries! All you need is time, opportunity, and spontaneity.