Poll: When you message someone a few times and you know for sure that theyre ignoring you - what'd you do?

[CrystalShadow]

No idea. I do know I can be slow to respond to messages, and someone bombarding me with a whole steam of them, especially if they consist of 'why haven't you replied yet' stresses me out really badly.

But I concede that's hard to understand, so I try my best to at least acknowledge the other person's existence.

(if you're wondering why, I'm an aspie, aband social stuff can easily overwhelm me to the point that I basically start panicking and completely can't cope. If you were in the room you'd probably see me freezing up or freaking out about it, but since you're not, it comes across as either no response, a very delayed one, or a very strange one)

Eh. Whatever.

 

[Scarim Coral]

I wouldn't exactly "ignore" them myself but yet again this is coming from a calm minded and reasonable individual (most of the time). You could you know, just stop and let it go???

 

[Abomination]

Never happens. I'm far too interesting a person.

 

[MHR]

Just ignore them right back. Fuck 'em. Eventually they'll stop ignoring you for one reason or another and then you can decide whether to make a big deal about it or decide you don't care anymore.

 

[TallanKhan]

I guess some people just aren't interested in engaging with other people on a 1-1 basis on a forum. Yeah it's a shame if you were hoping to make a connection or thought you might have some common ground with them but if that isn't what they are here for that's just how it is. Personally I would reply and tell them that I wasn't interested but that is just me, I can see why some people would just prefer not to engage.

But still, I am taking my time to write to them, so naturally I deserve a reply, even if they found my message to be inappropriate for any reason. Make sense?

Gonna have to disagree with you there. When you break it down, regardless of your motivation or intent, your contact was unsolicited. Whatever effort you put into your communication to that person (and however hurtful you may have found their disregard for said effort) does not translate into any kind of entitlement to a response.

 

[babinro]

Try to look at it from the other persons perspective.

They clearly don't wish to be disturbed for whatever reason(s) they feel are appropriate. Sometimes you just want to relax in peace and responding to someone's PM's with 'I don't feel like talking right now' might send the wrong message or make things worse.

The above comes from personal experiences for sure. There are often times where I simply want to relax or focus on whatever I'm doing without distractions from the outside world. That includes ignoring PM's, phone calls, and knocks on my door.

If this behavior continues for weeks then it gets to a point where you pretty much have to ignore them as others have said. You can't force someone to talk, you can only choose to make yourself available when and if they wish to.

Yeah you're pretty much harrassing them at that point dude. I'd say one of two things. Stop it altogether and leave them alone OR send them a message simply saying you're sorry. Don't push the issue any further, don't add anything. Just apologise for bothering them. They don't owe you a response and by constantly hounding them you become the bad guy.

Also this.

Upon realizing your message has been received you should really just lay off. Give it some time (again a few days or a week) and perhaps send one last notification letting them know you're concerned and would be happy to talk when and if they are ready.

Beyond that it's really becoming a borderline harassment situation.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Usually I just leave them alone. There's usually a reason why they're not responding, whether it be that they're too busy or they plain don't want to talk to me. I'm fine with that, because I do that to a lot of people.

 

[Loonyyy]

I would stop spamming them because they clearly have no interest in talking to me.

It doesn't sound like you know the person very well and are hounding them "in an appropriate and polite manner."

I would accept that they thought I was crazy and/or smelly and were under no obligation to indulge my communication frenzy.

Well, I wasnt necessarily being rude or crazy in what I sent that person, but I wrote a lot in my PMs to them with a lot ofe detail, so maybe they found that scary even if a little bit. But still, I am taking my time to write to them, so naturally I deserve a reply, even if they found my message to be inappropriate for any reason. Make sense?

You don't deserve a reply. They don't owe you anything, no matter how much detail you put in, or how appropriate that is. You aren't entitled to that. Make sense? It takes time and effort to reply, and one may have neither, and for all you know, they don't like you or your message, and don't want to.

Trying very hard to make people agree with you in the poll, as Guppy mentioned.

And if the person really is terrible, as you say in your followup post, either talk to them about it in full, in person, or don't bother. But also, if they're that terrible, then why do you bother? Avoid them. If they're not coming to you, then they've made it quite simple for you. It doesn't sound like you really know them very well, or like they matter, it sounds like they're just another person on the internet.

 

[wearesoneutralthatithurts]

I guess some people just aren't interested in engaging with other people on a 1-1 basis on a forum. Yeah it's a shame if you were hoping to make a connection or thought you might have some common ground with them but if that isn't what they are here for that's just how it is. Personally I would reply and tell them that I wasn't interested but that is just me, I can see why some people would just prefer not to engage.

Yeah, somebody partipation in a forum or via, for example in youtube-comments doesnt mean that this person would want to interact via the pm-system of said forum. How nice that person might act/seem, no matter how much you interacted with that person in an open forum, that does not mean that they are open for 1:1 conatct via pm.

If you are unsure whether such stuff is okay, just ask via forum, "I would have a few questions I woulndt want to state here open, is it okay to pm you?"

Jes is a Jes.
No answer (after ONE request for clarification) or no means NO

 

[Colour Scientist]

snip.

You're back!

I'm not a stalker, I swear.

*proceeds to send thousands of PMs*

 

[RJ 17]

If they're ignoring you, they apparently have their reasons. Continuing to message them or using other forms of contact will do nothing but waste your time. As such it's best to just leave them alone and move on with your life.

 

[Dalisclock]

If I was PMing them and got no reply, I might try reaching out to them in another way and asking if they were interested in talking to me or just hadn't seen my PM's(it's possible to accidentally divert those messages to the spam folder). Contact them on a forum if possible or ask someone I know they did talk to if they'd ask.

If I didn't get an answer from that, then I'd assume they didn't want to talk to me and leave it at that.

 

[Flames66]

Let's say you're PMing someone on the forum, for example. And you're asking him/her a question, in an appropriate and polite manner, and no matter how much you PM them they simply dont respond. You know for sure that they've read your message, but they still dont reply. And even when you go as far as to contact them in a game or through a public post on the forum - they still ignore you. Like, they pretend like you literally dont exist.

I do that when I don't know how to answer. The more someone messages me about whatever it is, the longer it will take me to properly respond because of the following logic:

They ask me a question I don't know how to answer. I don't say anything because I'm thinking. They message me again. I think "Ok ok hang on" and keep saying nothing. They message me again. I think "well this is clearly something they feel strongly about, I'd better carefully consider my answer before replying". They keep messaging me and track me down in a game to ask if I am ignoring them. I panic, sever all contact, hide out in the local pub, have a nice cold pint and wait for all this to blow over. I might get in touch with them again in a month or so.

If I was on the other end of that engagement I would assume something similar was happening and leave off after the second message.

 

[Stg]

I normally ask why they are ignoring me, then if they still don't respond, just leave them a message detailing how much of a piece of shit they are for just ignoring someone like a child rather than being an adult and saying they don't wish to interact further with me.

That usually gets a response, but at that time they are normally removed/blocked (Steam) or I make it clear I want nothing to do with them if they reply (forum).

 

[A_Parked_Car]

I just leave them alone because it is clear they don't want anything to do with me. Spamming the person with messages will only make them dislike me more which isn't good. I don't do things out of spite either, so I just move on.