Poll: Women like jerks?

[Vigormortis]

When guys say that women go for jerks, they mean that the person they want isn't interested in them

There may or may not be a fedora involved

I do believe we need to make a fedora equivalent of godwinning for internet arguments.

While I agree, I think we need to clear up the misconception first...

Spoiler

This is a Trilby:

This is a Fedora:

One is worn by "neckbeards", the other is a popular fashion from the 60's or earlier.

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

 

[Fdzzaigl]

I think the people who are saying: 'The guy who got the girl you were looking to hook up with instead of you seems like a jerk." Are probably right.

That said, all the real successful "womanizers" I know and witnessed came across as fairly arrogant. I guess it's not so much the jerk thing as it's the "being super sure about yourself" thing. Many jerks are jerks because they disregard others exactly because they're too sure of themselves though, imo.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

No I don't think women actually prefer men who are jerks, or assholes, or really anything negative. There are a few things though that I have noticed though which I consider the "jerk dynamic".

The Jerk Dynamic:
[li]Nice guys a lot of times only act nice because they want sex.[/li]
[li]Jerks tend to be more noticeable in social situation[/li]
[li]Some women see jerky guys as a project.[/li]
[li]Some women are attracted to the "bad boy" stereotype, especially when they're younger.[/li]
[li]Guys who are jerks generate drama, which a lot of women find attractive.[/li]
[li]Acting like a jerk is easy to mistake for confidence, which most people find attractive.[/li]
[li]Acting out generally makes someone more noticeable, which is attractive to people what to be noticed.[/li]

Still though most women really don't want a jerk of a guy, they might go out with such a guy, but long term I've never seen such a relationship be successful. I've seen such relationships turn into long term dysfunctional codependency, but never actually seen such a relationship flourish. Well there is an exception, if both parties in a relationship are terrible people, they tend to work quite well together, reinforcing the terrible nature of each other.

On the other hand I'm a trans woman and I don't like guys who play the jerk, or men who exude toxic masculine bullshit. Most of the cisgender women I know feel basically the same way, they want a guy who is balanced, secure, and generally pleasant to be around. Still some guys are kinda charismatic about being jerks, so are some women, so that can cause being a jerk to be easily mistaken for being confident and strong.

Still I've spent time on occasion watching Pick Up Artists(PUAs) at work and I found something really funny about them. They talk about negging[footnote]Using a negative compliment to get their foots in the door.[/footnote], and various other kinds of bullshit where they're total jerks to women. I've seen that it's not actually successful by itself, they usually go around in a bar for hours getting shot down over and over. The funny part is that eventually a PUA succeeds and I've only seen it happen for two reasons: They find a target dumb, or drunk enough to buy into their bullshit, which rarely happens. On the other hand, they look so desperate and sad that someone goes with them out of nothing more than pity, which is the typical way they finally get someone. That's it. When PUAs talk about how being a jerk gets them women, they're kinda right, they succeed eventually. That though only happens after hours of abject failure to pick up a woman, or them getting extremely lucky with a "target". They actually get shot down more often and harder than other guys, the difference is that they simply don't give up. So perseverance apparently is what can get you some nookie, if you're desperate and sad enough of a human being.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I think they go for confidence?

Numerous people, male and female, have attested to the contrary on this site before.

... they go for lack of confidence?

 

[Valiance]

I feel that the user-base of this site is in no position to answer such a question as yes or no.

The short answer I can give without sounding like a complete idiot is that such a general statement doesn't apply to all of one gender or the other.

 

[renegade7]

No, jerks like jerks. Some women are also jerks.

It's also entirely possible that, irritated at rejection, you're inclined to feel that the person she finds more attractive is a jerk.

But I assume in this case we're talking about people who actually are jerks. In that case, there are two reasons that jerks can appear to have the most relationship success. The first is that they're not picky and just want easy, shallow relationships, and if that's all you want then you can guarantee never being single again with only a minimum of effort. The second possibility is that they're the kind of person who can't function without a relationship, and they're good at getting into relationships because they quite literally need to be good at it since it's the entirety of their sense of self-worth on the line.

Simply put, nice guys finish last because they're not interested in doing the things that bad boys do to finish first.

 

[Ambitiousmould]

To me (a man), it appears that girls generally prefer chaps that I dislike, but the thing is that I know that those chaps are good people. I just generally feel negatively toward nice, happy, sociable people. I understand fully that this is because I am a mardy, miserable **** and that my dislike stems from bitterness at my own inability to conduct a normal conversation.

TL;DR: I'm a **** and women go for the opposite of me, disproving (at least in my experience) this 'women prefer arseholes' thing.

Say what you want about me, at the very least I'm self-aware.

 

[madwarper]

Some do. Others don't.

If no woman liked any jerk, then day talk shows like Jerry Springer (trailer trash tussles), Maury Povich (baby daddy DNA tests) and/or Steve Wilkos (child abusing polygraphs) wouldn't have any guests to fill their schadenfreude programming.

 

[Rahkshi500]

Not really. Big difference between confidence and being an asshole, though the two can overlap. And as some have said, the word "jerk" is usually used by someone to refer to someone else who they just don't like, which leads to the one making the claim to have issues of insecurity and/or entitlement. In all honesty, no one really wants to be treated like shit from the person they're interested in... though like some have also said, unless you and your other like to be jerks to other people.

 

[Erttheking]

So... Reinforce my supposition, or get called out as a misogynistic idiot? That sounds fair.

Gonna have to point out where I called anyone a misogynistic idiot. Even when I directly disagreed with someone there was no calling anyone of anything involved.

 

[Erttheking]

Snip

....Fourth time?

*searches through the forums*

Uh, this is news to me. I can't find anything like that.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Uh, this is news to me. I can't find anything like that.

News to me too, particularly as I wasn't the one who said it.

 

[Abomination]

Sure they do, they also like not-jerks and millionaires and protestants and policemen and chess players and people who collect stamps.

There's a wide range of people that women like.

Do they EXCLUSIVELY like jerks or prefer them over others? Some might, most probably don't.

 

[BytByte]

I always try to participate i threads like this but the back of my head just keeps chanting "GAY GAY GAY GAY" like a damn ticker tape parade. Sure guys have as much emotion as women, but these conversations always interest me to see how regular people act.

 

[crimson5pheonix]

snip

And as for how jerks get dates, it is a lot easier to smooth out rough edges than completely rebuild a person to not be boring. You can work with someone to stop being an ass, we all know this because at some point we were all assholes and learned to be less of an asshole.

I agree with this post, but I have to ask if it's really easy to "fix" a jerk? I feel like most people stop being a jerk in their teens and that people who are still jerks afterwards are probably jerks for life.

I always try to participate i threads like this but the back of my head just keeps chanting "GAY GAY GAY GAY" like a damn ticker tape parade. Sure guys have as much emotion as women, but these conversations always interest me to see how regular people act.

It's okay

 

[Kathinka]

Talking as a mostly straight woman: To an extend.

Women like confident, assertive, high value guys.
This often overlaps with "jerks", or, more correctly the cocky-asshole, in a funny way, type guy.
We don't want guys that crawl to our feet, put us on a pedestal and do everything for us. This signals that the guy doesn't have many options, hence he can't have great value. Now if a guy teases us, challenges us and isn't afraid to upset us a little bit, not putting up with all of the little tests we girls throw at dudes, that guy clearly has other options, that's what we like.
And often, the jerks are just like that.

 

[Hartland]

I think there was even a research of the idea of the love changing the receptor is the reason why tsunderes are so popular and I won't be surprised to be the same with men.

Here [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/116164-Science-Explains-Tsundere-Appeal] is some tsundere research. Though not on love it is in line with what you say. People like it when a person warms up to you more, then when they are consistently nice. It might just mean that in the end what we all want is just someone who makes us feel special.

 

[FireAza]

Some people are basically Neanderthals in human clothing, their interest extends no further than basic human desires (eating, drinking and fucking). This includes both men and women and as such, these Neanderthal women are attracted to these Neanderthal men who display the primitive traits (physical strength, aggression etc) they find desirable. But who gives a damn what Neanderthals like? The better question is what do thinking, human beings like?

 

[Frankster]

"Some" women do, if I had to guess it's only a tiny proportion though that dwindles after the mid 20s. And outside of adolescence, usually takes a lot more then just being a jerk, theres usually something backing it up too. No one wants to date an ugly jerk with no money after all, or Id be drowning in female genitalia.

I've known women to admit as such and seen it myself, where people I knew during uni who are undisputably pricks (also bad looking to boot!) but have money and get regularly laid exclusively by bragging about the penthouse suite (that their parents bought) or their luxury cars.

So in conclusion, women do not usually like jerks just for being jerks, there's usually some other element involved then just the dude being a dick. In my experience will at the very least be a hawt dick or a loaded one. It's not too different then us guys though, how many guys do you know that wouldn't mind going out with an attractive woman even if she was an utter dousche? Similarly there's plenty of would be toyboys out there who dont mind being arm candy if the gal is uber rich.
And then you have the special snowflakes who really do like jerkiness in a partner, for whatever reason. I have full faith in the diversity of humans that such a specimens exist but can't talk much about them since in most cases I've witnessed there's always been something behind the jerkiness backing it up.

 

[TallanKhan]

In short no, women aren't automatically attracted to people who behave like jerks. However, there is no denying that some people (men and women alike) do date jerks and it's interesting to explore that in a little more depth.

Firstly, think correlation not causation. In almost all instances someone who acts like a jerk does so because they know that they can get away with it. This might be because they are charismatic and/or attractive and people give them more leeway, they might be physically intimating, or any number of other reasons. In short, it's these attributes that enable them to behave like a jerk that people are attracted to.

Secondly, some people (women more often than men) gravitate towards people they feel they can help. Hollywood has to take a big chunk of the blame for this, having littered the cultural landscape with tales of romance, of love that heals a tortured soul. The idea that a "broken" person can be made whole just by someone loving them unconditionally is a fantasy that people try to play out in their lives, and it's the most caring and nurturing among us that tend to fall into this trap.

Lastly, the vast majority of people crave approval and validation, particularly those people with low self-esteem. The attention and approval of someone who treats those around them badly makes a person feel special. This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships but any interpersonal interaction (for illustration think Dr Cox and JD in Scrubs).