Poll: Would you have sex as an act of kindness?

[DanielBrown]

Probably not. I've given out plenty of pity sex, but never to any girls I thought was ugly.
Maybe if I'm drunk.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I somehow grew up with a developed moral system based on what most people call 'old fashioned'. My idea of sex and relationships are so interwined I struggle to remember that others see them as different.

I recently went travelling with a couple of good mates. They were both of the 'sleep with a different girl a night' type of mentality, where I was a 'get drunk and have a good time, then return to my bed in the hotel/motel/hostel' type of guy. They were forever looking to take someone home, to the point where sometimes I got bored. It was funny though watching their attempts at times.

One night I got particularly drunk and as normal fell into talking to a group of which my mates were trying to find someone to sleep with. I was chatting to one of their friends... and that is the last thing I remember. I was mixing ales with spirits and managed to have a memory black out... Not unusual, my built in sense of right and wrong[footnote]It is important to point out that the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator for my personality type describes me spot on: Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.[/footnote] usually allows me to continue without trouble, but on this occasion I woke up with the girl. I betrayed my own values by sleeping with someone I wasn't in a relationship with nor wanted a relationship with. I don't remember talking to her or really what she even looked like, and that made me feel atrocious afterwards. I am still disgusted by my actions.[footnote]I am extreme about this value, but only to myself. I understand other's feelings are different to my own, and do not try and represent my values onto others. As I said, I was on holiday with some good friends who are different to me. I do not rank my moral stance with anyone elses either. People are people. I just have standards I set myself and am extremely uncomfortable breaking them.[/footnote]

So, the short answer to the question, is that No. I would not, under normal circumstances, have sex with someone I was not attracted to, because I do not want a relationship with them.

 

[Frothy Gibblets]

Hmm, I'm going to come at this from the other side. I may not BE physically revolting but I feel physically revolting and as such have avoided any search for a relationship or even sex for the last 9 years. I don't feel it's fair or right for me to be with a person when I personally believe they could do so much better, knowing my own faults both physically and mentally as intimately as I do.

At the same time, I'm a straight male, with the same biological urges as most other people, whilst also having a longing for some form of emotional intimacy. I would hate to have sex with pity being the motivation of the person I'm with, I think it would do more damage than good and I would almost certainly reject the offer. I also wouldn't sleep with a person I found unattractive, out of pity or otherwise.

If a person is THAT desperate for the physical release and are otherwise too ugly or repellent to find a person normally, they could always just pay for it. I've never done it myself, in my mind it's just as bad as pity sex but it'd also cost me money but for those who NEED it so badly surely it's a better option as at least both parties get something out of it.

 

[CrashBang]

My problem is with the premise of the thread. How does 'there's someone out there for everyone' translate into 'relationships are about/built on sex'?

I'd like to think that sex isn't required for a meaningful relationship.

As far as the topic goes, I'd go with 'No'. But I wouldn't really want to have sex with someone I found attractive, either. So eh.

I don't agree. A good relationship cannot survive on sex alone, absolutely not. But it can't survive without it either. Sex is an irreplaceable element of any relationship, in my opinion.

On topic, I answered yes. I've always said I can only sleep with someone I'm in love with, but if I was friends with someone who just can't get any, then why not? As an act of kindness, I'll do most anything.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

So...poll question related to this. If there was a monstrously ugly individual out there whose Make A Wish was to have sex with YOU specifically, and it would just...make their whole life. You'd be their one sexual encounter before they died. Would you do it?

Keep in mind that this person has to be ugly to YOU. None of this shady thinking of a conventionally ugly person you're secretly hot for.

Would you do it? Would you selflessly abandon your comfort and endure a potentially traumatic coupling to make someone else happy? Or would you be like..."Nah", and go get some Thai food at the mall instead?

Yes.

If someone's dying wish was to have sex with me, specifically, then sure. I long ago overcame the mental issue of having sex with someone I'm not particularly attracted to physically. And, anyway, if their wish is for me specifically, then they must see something special about me.

I'm not sure I'd call that "pity sex" mind - empathy sex maybe.

 

[rosac]

snippy

you went about nights out the correct way good sir! You never ever ever aim to go out for a shag as your aim, just go out, have a laugh, what happens happens.

 

[Nukekitten]

I mean, really (to all the people who said no) you wouldn't endure 15-30 minutes of unpleasantness to quite literally fulfill someone's final dying wish? This person isn't asking you to donate a kidney or chop off your arm, they're asking you to have sex with them, once, and that would let them die happy.

I'm not someone's sex toy for any price. It wouldn't be about 15-30 minutes in isolation, it would be about changing how I thought about myself. I can't imagine not feeling dirty and cheap afterwards, and I don't know how long - or if - that feeling would fade.

Other people feel differently about it; the costs and pay-offs for them are going to be different; I don't see why they can't sleep with one of them. Make a wish won't spring for a flight to a brothel?

 

[Silverbeard]

Watching Louis C.K.

He references the fact that people say "there's someone out there for everyone", when it is patently untrue. Says some people are just Lightspeed Ugly, and no one will ever so much as kiss them on the mouth. They'll just wash their genitals every day and then die, and that's all that will ever happen down there.

Audience emits a sympathetic "Awwww".

Louis says "If you feel so bad for them, go find one and fuck them. Solve the problem right there."

So...poll question related to this. If there was a monstrously ugly individual out there whose Make A Wish was to have sex with YOU specifically, and it would just...make their whole life. You'd be their one sexual encounter before they died. Would you do it?

Keep in mind that this person has to be ugly to YOU. None of this shady thinking of a conventionally ugly person you're secretly hot for.

Would you do it? Would you selflessly abandon your comfort and endure a potentially traumatic coupling to make someone else happy? Or would you be like..."Nah", and go get some Thai food at the mall instead?

A tangentially-related hypothetical to your hypothetical:
Does guilting another person into sexual intercourse (i.e, 'I need to feel you before I die' or 'you're all that keeps me going and I'll fall apart without some stickiness betwixt us') qualify as rape if the guilted party would not normally give any consideration to committing the act with the guilter?

My response to the posited question is 'no'. I'm just not going to be forced into sticking my bits into anyone, regardless of what the circumstances are. It's very depressing that a person whom I have presumably never met or spoken to wants me to drop my pants for them as a final act before death but that's still not justification enough for me to do the deed.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I somehow grew up with a developed moral system based on what most people call 'old fashioned'. My idea of sex and relationships are so interwined I struggle to remember that others see them as different.

I recently went travelling with a couple of good mates. They were both of the 'sleep with a different girl a night' type of mentality, where I was a 'get drunk and have a good time, then return to my bed in the hotel/motel/hostel' type of guy. They were forever looking to take someone home, to the point where sometimes I got bored. It was funny though watching their attempts at times.

One night I got particularly drunk and as normal fell into talking to a group of which my mates were trying to find someone to sleep with. I was chatting to one of their friends... and that is the last thing I remember. I was mixing ales with spirits and managed to have a memory black out... Not unusual, my built in sense of right and wrong[footnote]It is important to point out that the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator for my personality type describes me spot on: Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.[/footnote] usually allows me to continue without trouble, but on this occasion I woke up with the girl. I betrayed my own values by sleeping with someone I wasn't in a relationship with nor wanted a relationship with. I don't remember talking to her or really what she even looked like, and that made me feel atrocious afterwards. I am still disgusted by my actions.[footnote]I am extreme about this value, but only to myself. I understand other's feelings are different to my own, and do not try and represent my values onto others. As I said, I was on holiday with some good friends who are different to me. I do not rank my moral stance with anyone elses either. People are people. I just have standards I set myself and am extremely uncomfortable breaking them.[/footnote]

So, the short answer to the question, is that No. I would not, under normal circumstances, have sex with someone I was not attracted to, because I do not want a relationship with them.

It sounds like you're being incredibly hard on yourself for one drunken mistake.

Obviously, the term mistake is subjective but you clearly see it as one.

 

[V4Viewtiful]

I can barely grasp the concept, so no.

 

[EeveeElectro]

This would surprise a lot of people who know me, but I'm very picky about who I sleep with. It's there's no attraction or connection, it's a no-go.
I'd tell them that sex isn't the key to happiness. Instead I'd have a sit down with them and work through these apparent issues they have and hopefully help them that way.

It sets up some creepy implications too. Some guys get weirdly obsessed with you when you sleep with them or have some flirty banter. I don't want another guy following me home and waiting outside for me again o_o

 

[Shamanic Rhythm]

No no no.

Charity shags are never, EVER a good idea. Ever.

Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

 

[verdant monkai]

I don't think anyone on this site has ever held me up as a paragon of virtue so fuck it lets do this.

MAYBE! But only on a few conditions

Spoiler

-We don't kiss
-HAS to be her place
-She can't be too fat
-I get to wear my favourite hat.
-I get to fart if I need to.
-All sharp objects must be removed from the room.
-she must be partially dressed as Mileena from mortal Kombat. I don't need perfect game accuracy, just a mask and some sleeves will do.
-All crap (soft toys, pillows, sentimental items) must be removed from the bed.
-She can't call me any pet/over familiar names.
-We don't have to be facebook friends/friends/talk afterwards.
-I don't want her getting my genes anywhere but her ass, so it'd have to be anal.
-I wear a condom, she is on the pill/patch, she takes a morning after pill. She agree's in the worse case scenario to abort any children/ she signs a contract stating that I do not have to acknowledge/support any unwanted children. But its anal so it should be fine.
-This song has to be playing throughout https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HndTMmVIKRc
-She has to be cool we me being covered in sugar
-I don't have to clean up the sugar afterwards.
-I get to leave after we are both finished.
-I do not have to cuddle /spend the night.
-I get to keep both my socks on.
-I keep my phone on so a friend can remind me that I'm not to stay for too long.
-I need her father/step father/legal guardian on hand to high five as I am leaving the house.
-Has to be during a solar eclipse.

 

[loc978]

Have done so more than once in the past, would again. Not that it was more pleasurable than masturbation... in some cases it was less pleasurable. But it didn't cost me anything but time. I've done things far worse than have sex with someone I'm not attracted to. Hell, if it's someone I'm fond of but not attracted to, it's just a favor (assuming they're attracted to me. Far from a sure thing).

Mind you, always make sure they know it's casual. I made the mistake of not being extremely clear on that point once. Not a good idea.

 

[JagermanXcell]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm no.

Sex where one or both people in question aren't having a good time on an emotional level sounds excruciating and terrifying. If anything I'd just spend time improving their confidence, maybe give them a hardcore makeover, tell em to keep an open mind, and maybe they'll find somebody willing to fill that void, ZING!, in your their life. Hell, hiring a prostitute is more sensible than an empathy shag... the thought of it is just spooky (What a perfect thread for October!).

But what am I saying, I'm a handsome virgin with a girlfriend... subjects like these I tend to blow off, ZING!

 

[GJHenry]

I'm undecided on the issue. I don't know the other girl that much.

 

[Johnny Impact]

No. I am one of those foreveralone people. I find the idea of a pity fuck so repugnant I'd never agree to it in the first place. Even if I did, it would be confirmation that the only way I could ever have sex was by being a charity case. That's the opposite of arousing. Nothing would happen. It could be Scarlett Johannson and it wouldn't matter, Little Johnny ain't gonna move. For the same reasons, I'd consider it an insult (to that person) to fuck someone out of charity. Doesn't matter if they don't share my opinion, I can't do something I feel is that wrong.

 

[Piorn]

There are billions of people starving in the world and I haven't fed a single one of them.
What kind of messed up priority would I have if I fucked someone out of altruism, then?

 

[Shoggoth2588]

I've been considering this thread for a while now and just keep on coming to the same conclusion that 'pity sex' or, 'sex as an act of kindness' just wouldn't work out in the long run. If it's disingenuous couldn't it be really damaging to one party or the other? Imagine if you were on the receiving end of pity sex after all? Yeah a lot of you would say 'sex is sex' but some people take that kind of thing really seriously. If there's no meaning behind it other than to make someone feel better it just seems better to not go through with it at all.

 

[Riot3000]

I love how this topic brings out the hilarity of how sex is seen as not important but it totally is. As someone who thought Maslow made a bit of a brain fart putting sex as a basic need I will say my piece.
I could live to the age of 80 without sticking my dick in a welcoming orifice. Can't pull that off with food or water if so teach me.
The whole idea of pity sex if we want to call it that is weird to me not staunch for or against but it would be random circumstance to me.

snip

Now sheep you make that sound like prostitution is not illegal and could cause time for this group of people. Besides the stigma and shame of visiting a sex worker, prostitute, escort or whatever you want to use carries equal if not more weight in my opinion than pity sex.