Poll: Would you hook up with/date a trans person?

[MonsterCrit]

Nope... though with a caveat.
I am Bi sexual. and while I have nothing agains transvestites I do not like being deceived. I have no problems dating a man and no problems dating a woman but if you present yourself as a woman and I find out that you're a man lateri will expell you from immediate vicinity with such force and vigor they will be able to take a plaster cask of my foot from your hide. The same holds true if the gender scenario is reversed.

Now that said, if the first thing you say to me after your name or Hi ' is I'm a transvestite... Different kettle of fish entirely

 

[snekadid]

If I find them attractive and think they're interesting enough, sure. Not all that interested in children, nor am I afraid of "losing my masculinity" or whatever it is the dudebro's whine about when they talk about balls touching.

 

[Reasonable Atheist]

Nope, never. Nevermind the obvious reasons, I rule out most women for being too dramatic. I would not imagine a life of ridicule and internal torment would make for a less dramatic individual.

Cis male here

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

Hook up? Only if they had had surgery, not interested in certain genitals. Date? Sure, regardless of surgery. Dating being a more long term thing and being based on more than just how much I'd want to have sex with them while that's all a hook up would be based on.

 

[DayDark]

Sure I could hook up, but I would treat them as a woman, and I'm kind of uncomfortable sexually satisfying someone elses male genitalia, so I really hope they would be up for anal or oral.

Dating? not really, I want to have my own kids some day. I guess there's technically solutions to that, but really I would have to fall hard for her.

 

[Elfgore]

Hooking up with people just doesn't happen for me. We shall be skipping that one.

Now onto dating one... still a no. I would not feel comfortable dating a woman who was born with male sex parts. Even if it is post-op. Who knows, maybe one day a beautiful trans woman will come and swoop me off my feet, but for now. It be a solid no.

 

[GabeZhul]

No, because there is literally no way in hell such a relationship could ever even get started courtesy of the fact that I am a bundle of nerves when it comes to socializing, always over-analyzing the situation and being anxious about saying the wrong thing and accidentally offending someone; while as the recent trend shows trans people are apparently the keenest mofos when it comes to detecting even possible offense.

Put me in the same room as a transperson and my brain would probably overheat and melt like a goddamn popsicle before we even greeted each other. It's kind of hard to imagine getting even friendly at this point, most people don't like it when someone drips molten brain on their shoes during a handshake...

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Where's the "it depends" answer?

Because it would depend on whether or not I was attracted to them.

 

[CymbaIine]

Depends, if he was still rocking a v-jay jay then no, I prefer a straight forward knob.

 

[Gorrath]

Where's the "it depends" answer?

Because it would depend on whether or not I was attracted to them.

I think the context would be "under any circumstances." So presuming that you found a trans person attractive, would you date them or would you not due to the fact that they are trans, though I think I can figure out your answer from what you've already said!

 

[Depulcator]

Closest I'll ever get is when I tried role reversal/ dress up with my man, did nothing for us, so no.

 

[FoolKiller]

Nope. Maybe that makes me a bad person and a hypocrite considering how I feel they should be treated equally but I just don't want to for some reason.

Wow.. only took 8 posts for me to find the right words. I just want a girl who was born a girl. They have a right to live their lives but so do I. My preferences and beliefs are two different things.

 

[chuckman1]

It doesn't matter if you suspect or not, you're still running a risk, because your average woman is not going to be particularly happy to have someone ask her whether she was born a man or not, even if it comes with a caveat like "I'm asking because you're really tall", or "I'm asking because your leg spacing seems different than most women", or "I'm asking because you have broad shoulders". What you're basically saying is "you have masculine characteristics", and most folks of either gender don't like being asked why they have stereotypical characteristics of the other gender.

So how is this the problem of trans people that some people are unwilling to ask if their partner is trans even though they won't knowingly date a trans person? An ex of my mother, a white guy, once broke up with a woman because after a few dates he found out that she was biracial, and the guy is as racist as they come. He found out when he asked about a relative she was talking about and she showed him a picture, revealing a relative who was very clearly not white. He liked to blame it on her, acting as if he was deceived and that she led him on, and it was in language so colourful that I think I'd get banned for just posting it here even though its just me quoting him. Why is it the problem of the woman in question instead of the shitstain on humanity man who didn't ask about one of his major personal hang-ups? Its essentially the same scenario.

You can ask someone their racial background and unless they're some sort of denying person (Dominicans thinking they're not black is an example) and they won't get mad.
If I ask a female "hey were you born a man" she may never talk to me again. If I ask a man "hey were you born a woman" he may never talk to me again. I feel like it would be kind of offensive even to ask a trans person like some would get mad but I never have asked.

It's not the fault of the trans person, it's society's fault for placing a big deal on sex, and saying that being a feminine man or masculine girl is so terrible.

 

[The Lunatic]

Its essentially the same scenario.

Sure, apart from the whole children thing.

And the biological side of things.

Ultimately, just because you have a certain view on a person's gender and the various intimacies of that, doesn't mean you're allowed to disrespect another's view on gender and sexual identity.

If a person views a another who identifies as transgender, as their biological sex, and therefore is unwilling to engage in relations with such a person, I don't see what right you get to just completely ignore that because you don't agree.

Then there's the whole issue of consent.

Simply, if engaging in a sexual relation with a person, you should never withhold information that may affect consent. And given the results of this thread alone, it's pretty evident, it is something that should be revealed as it clearly affects consent in a large number of people.

 

[babinro]

Wouldn't know until I was put into the situation.

I really don't know how far the relationship would develop before you become informed of the persons transgendered nature. If I already had an emotional attachment with the person than I'd want to pursue the relationship further and see where things go. Maybe I could handle it and maybe I couldn't. I'd be a unique experience for me.

So yeah, I wouldn't seek out a transgender relationship via dating website or intentionally. But if I found myself in one I wouldn't immediately break it off on that basis alone either.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

Well besides the fact that you might piss somebody off by asking about their heritage, because that actually is a touchy subject for many people, this still doesn't address the question - how is this the problem of trans people? Yes, we know whose fault it is, and most people will admit it, but even then most insist that trans people are obligated to be upfront, which also more or less ignores the fact that there's always a risk in outing one's self. I know a lot of trans women who were upfront at the very moment they were hit on and got physical abuse for it. Its literally a situation of "Hey there, sexy lady" Responding with "Hi yourself. Just so you know, I'm trans" and then having a bottle bashed over their head. Its a no-win scenario.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that one thing because if I tackle all the troublesome stuff in this thread I'll probably be the most hated person on the forums by Thursday.

Not only that, it's no one's business. If you're flirting with someone and you legitimately want to sleep with them? Fine. But forcing people to out themselves because of flirting, or simply because someone shows an interest? Yeah, no... people saying as such can go fuck themselves. Let's face it, trans people have a hell of a lot more to lose than their partners ... not to mention that trans people in general tend to show passive type demeanours. They don't tend to be the initiators of an exchange.

If someone walked up to me and interrogated me about my past, I'd give them the same response if they asked me where I lived off the bat. I'd blow them off. If I'm not interested in you as a person, why exactly would I want you in my bed? More to the point, if you're just looking to get your rocks off that you would treat any investment of time or effort in people automatically means sex, then don't blame people for giving you the finger instead, regardless.

Trans people are not going to out themselves to people they don't trust, or don't feel they need to. Precisely because it's no one's business. And if you feel 'cheated' that you spent time chatting with someone 'for naught', you're an egotistical ****.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

It doesn't matter if you suspect or not, you're still running a risk, because your average woman is not going to be particularly happy to have someone ask her whether she was born a man or not, even if it comes with a caveat like "I'm asking because you're really tall", or "I'm asking because your leg spacing seems different than most women", or "I'm asking because you have broad shoulders". What you're basically saying is "you have masculine characteristics", and most folks of either gender don't like being asked why they have stereotypical characteristics of the other gender.

So how is this the problem of trans people that some people are unwilling to ask if their partner is trans even though they won't knowingly date a trans person? An ex of my mother, a white guy, once broke up with a woman because after a few dates he found out that she was biracial, and the guy is as racist as they come. He found out when he asked about a relative she was talking about and she showed him a picture, revealing a relative who was very clearly not white. He liked to blame it on her, acting as if he was deceived and that she led him on, and it was in language so colourful that I think I'd get banned for just posting it here even though its just me quoting him. Why is it the problem of the woman in question instead of the shitstain on humanity man who didn't ask about one of his major personal hang-ups? Its essentially the same scenario.

I never said it was the 'problem' of trans-people, I responded to the earlier post where someone said: "...if you have suspicions it's perfectly okay to ask if someone is trans, or not", because I don't believe this statement is true (depending on your definition of "perfectly okay").

Whether you like it or not (and whether it's just or not) most people would not be particularly happy with someone asking them if they were born male or female. When you're a man (or a woman) who is interested in someone, you're running a risk of messing everything up by asking them this, that doesn't make it (to me) "perfectly okay".

Also, it's not even close to the same scenario. The person you're talking about was born biracial, and no matter what, her ancestry and lineage will not change. She was not born to generation upon generation of whites, but then turned herself biracial via surgery and/or hormone therapy. Her being biracial also does not make her incapable of having children. Likewise, most people I know would not be particularly offended of someone inquiring as to what their ethnic background was, or at least not nearly as much as asking them if they were born a different sex and then underwent hormonal and/or surgical procedures to be a different sex.

 

[Skatologist]

I don't really have any qualms with dating someone who's transgender or transsexual. Or hooking up with them.

It would be different than what I'm used to, but I'm not really picky about what gets me off. Part of that might just be being 20 and being way too fucking horny all the time. But yeah, I don't mind the undercarriage parts. I'm more attracted to everything else. None of that stuff is a dealbreaker for me. If I feel like they're an attractive woman, I'm probably good.

Of course, I know some people just don't feel comfortable with the idea. And that's okay too.

I dunno, man. I consider myself pretty fucking straight. I'm pretty sure gay men aren't going to be attracted to a transwoman because she decided to keep her dick. But hey, I'm not a gay man, so what would I know? The way I see it, if a person identifies as a woman, looks very much like a woman, and I find them attractive, that's all I really need.

Though, yes, I would say sexuality can be a pretty big spectrum of different factors of attraction and that someone can be a small degree of bisexual. But I wouldn't agree that dating and having sexy times with a pre-op transgender person somehow makes a person not straight.

Granted, that's not a huge deal either way. Or at least, it shouldn't be. But everyone knows how tons of people just gotta know how other consenting adults go about their private business. Because reasons/religion/ick factor.

You metaphorically cockblocked all of my thoughts and feelings I was going to share in this thread, so kudos on that avenue. Only thing I might be able to add is that I'm probably much looser with what I think "looks like a woman" than most people

Where's the "it depends" answer?

Because it would depend on whether or not I was attracted to them.

Huh, even with your thread from over 3 years ago having an "it depends" category, a lot of people were still dissatisfied with results. Not much change I'd say, except I'm guessing this thread will be as long as yours though. Oh, found another without a poll and a comment of yours. Go figure!

 

[Risingblade]

Naw, it's not something I could ever get passed.

 

[smithy_2045]

Sure, why not. As long as they're attractive and a cool individual, I wouldn't really care.