Poll: Writing a Book

[El_Moss]

Recently I've started writing a book and I'm particularly enjoying. My friends all tell me that it's good but... You know...

Really I just wanted an opinion of a few people who I didn't know and so, members of Escapist, the first part of my book:

*

Even though the feedback wasn't amazing that was kind of the point, I just wanted to know where to improve. As I'm not giving the book up I've removed the excerpt to avoid it being stolen.

 

[Baby Tea]

Confusingly descriptive.
That's the only way I can really describe it.
The first part about the knocks, and the last part about the thing that takes up no space but uses it: Confusing. And not confusing as in 'Oh, I need to know more', but confusing as in 'What the heck is he talking about?'. That kind of confusing.
The conversation was fine, but the bookends of that piece were...odd.

 

[Angerwing]

I like the sort of quirky humour, but you might want to emphasise it a little more at the start. The line about the gnome-makers dad was funny, but kind of jarring and ill-fitting.

I'm interested. I'm guessing that you're going for some sort of horror novel? I like how you're focusing on an old woman (that's what it looks like), because horror novels are great when the protagonist is at some sort of disadvantage.

 

[Heart of Darkness]

I agree with Baby Tea here. The first and last segments are confusing; how does a knock "hang formally?" How does something, short of a shadow, "take up space, yet not use it?" The description of your large object could probably be moved later, and you could mention it in passing here.

The dialogue wasn't that bad, not stellar, but passable. You might want to step away from using "said" too often, though.

 

[El_Moss]

I like the sort of quirky humour, but you might want to emphasise it a little more at the start. The line about the gnome-makers dad was funny, but kind of jarring and ill-fitting.

I'm interested. I'm guessing that you're going for some sort of horror novel? I like how you're focusing on an old woman (that's what it looks like), because horror novels are great when the protagonist is at some sort of disadvantage.

It's actually more about Florence, that would be more obvious if I had posted the working title which is "Florence and Merryweather" and it's actually more fantasy-comedy. To be honest I was never too pleased of the first bit myself but I couldn't really post anything later as it wouldn't really work...

 

[Angerwing]

I like the sort of quirky humour, but you might want to emphasise it a little more at the start. The line about the gnome-makers dad was funny, but kind of jarring and ill-fitting.

I'm interested. I'm guessing that you're going for some sort of horror novel? I like how you're focusing on an old woman (that's what it looks like), because horror novels are great when the protagonist is at some sort of disadvantage.

It's actually more about Florence, that would be more obvious if I had posted the working title which is "Florence and Merryweather" and it's actually more fantasy-comedy. To be honest I was never too pleased of the first bit myself but I couldn't really post anything later as it wouldn't really work...

Aah, OK. It's just that it's from the old ladies point of view, made me assume it was about her.

I also have to agree with Baby Tea here.