Poll: YOU be the critic!

[Kimberland]

Yes I figured there is no place more harsher than the Internet, so I have this poem I need to hand in for marks and I want you guys to tell me if it is good or not. Oh, and if you want make a title for it, I got one but its pretty lame.

*First time at spoiler*

Spoiler

I sit alone
My eyes roam
In the emptiness
The darkness

There I sit
There I stay
All alone
Never to stray

I am empty
Nothing but a shell
No soul
To go to heaven or hell

No tears
leak from my eyes
No emotion
As I watch them die

People come
People go
I go unnoticed
For I have nothing to show

The days
Turn to nights
As death
Turn out the lights

Yet there I sit
There I stay
All alone
Never to stray

I stay
Frozen in time
As if
I were a mime

I am a statue
Solid as can be
All I wish
Is to be free

 

[The Shade]

The line about the mime seems a little awkward to me. Maybe it's just the sudden interjection of mime imagery to an otherwise brooding poem is disruptive.

Spoiler: See how the sudden addition of a mime makes things funny.

Goddamn those crafty mimes.

Otherwise, looks good. But I'm sure other people will call it "emo" or something, so brace yourself.

 

[Kimberland]

The line about the mime seems a little awkward to me. Maybe it's just the sudden interjection of mime imagery to an otherwise brooding poem is disruptive.

Otherwise, looks good. But I'm sure other people will call it "emo" or something, so brace yourself.

Thank you, yes that part seem odd to me too.

And if i wasn't ready, I sure as hell wouldn't of put on the Internet

 

[wrecker77]

You worte that? Good work. It does sound a little emo and I am trying to kill the emo steryotype so I am afraid I ave to kill you now Be warey of haters.