Poll: Your Brewster's Millions solution?

Endocrom

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Apr 6, 2009
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Note: the poll isn't important to the discussion, I just wanted to know. (and then probably make me feel old)

Here's the basic plot:
A rich uncle just died and challenged you to earn his fortune. Spend 30 million dollars in 30 days and get 300 million . (In the movie he gave an option to just take a single million and go home, but that doesn't make for an interesting thread.)

Here are the rules:

1.) You cannot reveal to anyone the will's terms. You may only tell everyone else you inherited $30 million.

2.) You must spend the money on tangible items. If anything you buy accrues value, such as an investment that earns money, that is considered part of the money inherited and you must spend that as well.

3.) Gambling losses and charity are capped at 5% each.

4.) You may not willfully damage anything you buy with the money. (can't buy a $30 million home and burn it to the ground)

5.) After 30 days, you may not own any assets that are not already yours (in the movie that was basically just the clothes on his back).

For those of you who haven't seen the movie: If you like Richard Pryor or John Candy, check it out, you could do a lot worse.
 

Hal10k

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May 23, 2011
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1. Buy 30 million dollars worth of gold or something.

2. Find Morgan Freeman, Ron Perlman, or James Earl Jones. Barring that, resurrect Tony Jay.

3. Give one of them the gold in exchange for narrating my video game sessions for thirty days.

4. Become a happy man.
 

Jedoro

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Jun 28, 2009
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1. Go to a restaurant where a friend works

2. Order food

3. Leave $30 million tip, since I doubt tips ever counted as charity

4. ???

5. $300 million profit
 

DoPo

"You're not cleared for that."
Jan 30, 2012
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Hal10k said:
2. Find Morgan Freeman, Ron Perlman, or James Earl Jones. Barring that, resurrect Tony Jay.

3. Give one of them the gold in exchange for narrating my video game sessions for thirty days.

4. Become a happy man.
Marry me! I like the plan but the bolded part is the best.

My plan:
1. Get all subscription based game.

2. Pay in as far as advance as possible (10 years? More?) don't ask for any price reductions.

3. Get your accounts suspended/banned.

You can also do the same with micro transactions - but in step 2. buy all the stuff you can.

Basically my plan is to buy a lot of resources and then have them denied from me. So, I can probably even open an Origin account and buy all the games (+DLC's, bonuses, probably as gifts) and then post a couple of comments on EA's forums. HA!

Alternatively, I get $30 million...and don't spend them all. At the end of the 30 days, I'll still have most of the money, so yeah, I'm not greedy enough for $300 million.
 

smearyllama

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May 9, 2010
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I'll use the money to buy stuff for charities, and give it to them.
It allows me to give to charities without the price cap.

Edit: Or, after seeing this....
I'll pay Cartoon Network to bring back Toonami and good cartoons.
 

Craorach

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Jan 17, 2011
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Under the assumption that I will not have any property I have purchased taken forcefully from me, or the remaining money removed, at the end of 30 days..

I invest wisely and figure that 30 million dollars is enough to live happily on.
 

DoPo

"You're not cleared for that."
Jan 30, 2012
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Craorach said:
Under the assumption that I will not have any property I have purchased taken forcefully from me, or the remaining money removed, at the end of 30 days..
Well, if that's the case, I'll just lend somebody $30 million. I can even give them a percentage.

So now I just need to find someone with a bank account who will accept $30 million...hmmm, well, if I email around, I'm sure somebody would respond.
 

C F

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Jan 10, 2012
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First, I would buy a crapload of monkeys and a small tropical island. I will also commission a fully functional scale Warthog and a light, mountable Magnetic Rail Cannon to stick on the back. Now comes the part where I set the monkeys loose on the small island. I then gather a bunch of skilled hunters and announce a contest in which one of them can win the island. To do so, they must hunt the monkeys for points. 1 point for a dead monkey, 2 points (and a free monkey) for a live one.

I then lead the hunt driving my Warthog with a friend manning the magnetic rail cannon (since I can willfully destroy neither the monkeys nor the island). At the end of the hunt, I will either give the Warthog to BBC's Top Gear or let my friend drive it off of a cliff into the ocean.

If I still have cash, I'll buy a yacht and outfit it with miniaturized surface to air missile launchers. And then I'll purchase a flock of albatross...
 

Hero in a half shell

It's not easy being green
Dec 30, 2009
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Wait, so we just need to spend $30 million and have nothing to show for it at the end, in which case we get given $300 million? I'm failing to see the difficulty in this...

I'd just offer to pay everyone's heating, electric, gas, etc. bills in the city for the next month up to a cap of $30 million. Sorted.
 

Jamash

Top Todger
Jun 25, 2008
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I'd start a fly-by-night game studio and produce the dodgiest, worst game with the most expensive voice actors and licensed music I could in a week or two.

It wouldn't be that difficult to make a commercial flop the video games industry, lots of studios do it without even trying (to fail).

I'd hire a studio (the building) for a month, hire some programmers etc, license the Euphoria engine from NaturalMotion, make a really shitty Pong or Breakout clone with awful graphic design, fly in someone like Morgan Freeman and Hollywood celebrities to personally voice record the limited sound effects ("Bleep", "Bloop", "Ping" etc.), pay for all the production, disc packaging, distribution etc., rush it out to the shops without any care or QA whatsoever and spend whatever cash is left to bribe a website to give it an obvious paid-for glowing review despite it being shit.

There's no way a game that awful and expensive could make a profit, especially when word gets out that I paid for the only good review and enraged gamers boycott my awful game they had no intention of buying anyway.
 

Endocrom

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Apr 6, 2009
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Hal10k said:
1. Buy 30 million dollars worth of gold or something...
You could just pay them, as a service is a tangible thing.

DoPo said:
Basically my plan is to buy a lot of resources and then have them denied from me.
That woud fall under rule 4

DoPo said:
Alternatively, I get $30 million...and don't spend them all. At the end of the 30 days, I'll still have most of the money, so yeah, I'm not greedy enough for $300 million.
I think I failed to explain the part where you HAVE to spend it, otherwise you get nothing.

smearyllama said:
I'll use the money to buy stuff for charities, and give it to them.
It allows me to give to charities without the price cap.
That's still giving to charity.

Craorach said:
Under the assumption that I will not have any property I have purchased taken forcefully from me, or the remaining money removed, at the end of 30 days..

I invest wisely and figure that 30 million dollars is enough to live happily on.
It will be taken from you, and also read rule #2 again.

Hero in a half shell said:
I'd just offer to pay everyone's heating, electric, gas, etc. bills in the city for the next month up to a cap of $30 million. Sorted.
You are still giving everyone free utilities, that's charity.
Jamash said:
I'd start a fly-by-night game studio and produce the dodgiest, worst game with the most expensive voice actors and licensed music I could in a week or two.
Ah, but the trick would be to convince the bankers managing your uncle's will that you aren't purposefully making a crap game. See rule #4
 

octafish

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Apr 23, 2010
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Give to charity my full amount. Build an Ice Palace on leased property in Bahrain, and don't pay rent, I should be evicted after a month when I refuse to pay. Hire a F1 driver as my chauffeur, and a Premier League striker as my personal trainer. I may even need an advance on the 300 mil.
 

omicron1

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Mar 26, 2008
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1. Buy cheap vase for $30 million on eBay.
2. Sell cheap vase for $5.
3. Donate $5 to charity.
 

Arrogancy

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Jun 9, 2009
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I'd buy five hundred dollars' worth of Mt. Dew and invest the rest in the shakiest investments I could find. Within the month those investments would collapse and I'd finish the soda.
 

Sejs Cube

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Jun 16, 2008
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Knock off the 10% from charity and gambling first and foremost.

Purchase expensive but expendable items that have no investment value. Costly meals for multiple people. Rare wines and then drink them (which isn't destruction, that's the wine's intended purpose). Purchase a commercial trip into space, and throw in extra cash to push up the schedule. Rent a (or several) expensive properties for the duration - they are tangible (use of the property in question) but you do not retain ownership after the rental period expires.

Monetary output without any retained value is the key to making it work.

Also, not having any friends who go behind your back and try to hire financial advisers to 'help' you without your consent. That would be kind of important.