Poll: Your friend invited, you not, despite you standing beside him/her?

[Sorafrosty]

Hi, so yeah, just right now when out shopping groceries with my boyfriend (Note: this is NOT a jealousy thread, just happened to be him I was out with, seeing as we live together) and a couple of friends show up (of him more than me, but there you go). We all start talking, and it is quite nice. Then one guy leaves, and this other girl stays, and she and my boyfriend start talking about their Uni courses and I zone out for a little while; then, when returning to the conversation, she says; "so, a coffee sometime next week then?" looking directly at him, and not at me, and they go on about dates and whenever they have time.

Now, I felt pretty sad about this, because I felt pretty much ignored, seeing as I know this girl, and I have met her several times, knowing her just as much as my boyfriend does. I feel just as sad whenever this happens to me with other people, when I know the person inviting.

So, escapists, has this ever happened to you, and what were the circumstances? Is it a common thing for people to do?

 

[Liberaliter]

This hasn't really happened to me, but is a common occurence. Now you just have to hope that she doesn't want to get with your man.

 

[rokkolpo]

Sure it happens.

It's just coffee. No biggie.
Sorry to say but I only invite the people I feel like having around me at that time.

I would however get jealous if someone invited my girlfriend and not me, because I am a jealous bastard xD

But general friends...I don't really care.

 

[Daymo]

Completly different to my situation , but most of the time I'm invited along even when I don't know the people doing the asking that well, like they'll be the person I'm next to friends from high school or something, but out of courtesy most of the time I'll decline anyway. It's rude not to ask really and if you do know the people well it's even more.

 

[HardkorSB]

Maybe she doesn't like you?
Maybe she likes him?
Maybe the meeting has something to do with Uni and you would just be a distraction?
Maybe you shouldn't "zone out" and pay attention?

Yes, it's a common thing when you want to invite someone to a meeting and another person just happens to be there as well.

 

[Sorafrosty]

Yeah, that does sound like a good idea, to not zone out, I mean I suppose she doesn't like me, or dislike me, really, just didn't feel like having me there.

EDIT:

Completly different to my situation , but most of the time I'm invited along even when I don't know the people doing the asking that well, like they'll be the person I'm next to friends from high school or something, but out of courtesy most of the time I'll decline anyway. It's rude not to ask really and if you do know the people well it's even more.

I agree; it is sort of rude, I think (though I too would decline, unless they really INSISTED, as some people tend to do)... yet, as someone else said; it is just a coffee after all... Then again, can't help but feel a bit left out sometimes

 

[Sorafrosty]

EDIT: So sorry, double post.

 

[Deadyawn]

I have never been in such a situation. Possibly because I don't like to go out. Or because people don't like me. Or maybe cos I have no friends. Actaully it's most likely because I don't leave the house ever...

 

[Sorafrosty]

I have never been in such a situation. Possibly because I don't like to go out. Or because people don't like me. Or maybe cos I have no friends. Actaully it's most likely because I don't leave the house ever...

Perhaps it is because people generally like you when you do go out?

 

[wooty]

This happens to me all too often, I actually get more suspicious/offended when people actually do invite me to things

 

[Grouchy Imp_v1legacy]

This hasn't really happened to me, but is a common occurence. Now you just have to hope that she doesn't want to get with your man.

Ouch!

OT: Maybe because you zoned out they got the impression that you weren't interested? You're kinda concerned that they were being rude for not inviting you, but maybe they thought you were being rude by spacing out and not paying attention?

And this kinda thing happens all the time. Groups of friends very rarely act as one amorphous mass, it's generally lots and lots of one-on-one friendships that just happen to overlap. It's only natural that peoples' plans will not always include everyone else.

 

[orangebandguy]

Yeah it's happened to me once or twice, I don't really like feeling left out so I got a little annoyed. Lately I just leave myself out of things by choice so it's all good.

 

[6unn3r]

Sorry i zoned out while reading OP so i clicked potatoes.

 

[Sorafrosty]

This hasn't really happened to me, but is a common occurence. Now you just have to hope that she doesn't want to get with your man.

Ouch!

OT: Maybe because you zoned out they got the impression that you weren't interested? You're kinda concerned that they were being rude for not inviting you, but maybe they thought you were being rude by spacing out and not paying attention?

And this kinda thing happens all the time. Groups of friends very rarely act as one amorphous mass, it's generally lots and lots of one-on-one friendships that just happen to overlap. It's only natural that peoples' plans will not always include everyone else.

Quite certain my man has the brains not to cheat on me

Yeah, that is of course a possibility. Hm, didn't think of that. Perhaps I should have "hm"-ed and "aha"-ed more at their conversation... Well, that certainly put things in perspective; yes, I would think so, that she thought I was being rude for not listening.

You are probably right! Would most likely have been daydreaming at the coffee house during another conversation and being thought rude again, anyways.

 

[Grouchy Imp_v1legacy]

Quite certain my man has the brains not to cheat on me

Yeah, that is of course a possibility. Hm, didn't think of that. Perhaps I should have "hm"-ed and "aha"-ed more at their conversation... Well, that certainly put things in perspective; yes, I would think so, that she thought I was being rude for not listening.

You are probably right! Would most likely have been daydreaming at the coffee house during another conversation and being thought rude again, anyways.

Ah, good old coffeehouse daydreaming. The perfect substitute for actual work. Well, that and the Escapist!

Anyhow, if you're still feeling a little down about it, why not just have a chat with them? I mean, you don't want to come across as wanting to crash the coffeehouse, but little misunderstandings often have a way of turning into big arguments.

 

[TehCookie]

I've had it happen a few times, I'll be walking with my friend when one of her other friends appear and talk too and make a plan to go somewhere sometime. I don't find it rude a stranger is not asking me to come along. Now if we both knew the person well, it is rude.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Never,
1 I'm not that social.
2 Out of all my "RL" friends I am the most social so I would likely be the one getting invited.
3 I'm hot (and narcissistic) so I'm perfect for parties anyway.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Nope because my friends are polite enough to exclude me in activities when I'm not around to know I'm being excluded.

 

[BRex21]

Sometimes people want space, I have never met a woman I didn't want to be apart from at some time or another, its perfectly normal to go for coffee with friends.
If you don't have reason to believe he is cheating or something else nefarious you are probably best to just let it go, they could be discussing anything from boring work things to plans for your next birthday.
Provided its not a larger get together or public outing there is no reason to be offended, this is a common occurrence, people don't need to be together at all times or to share common interests to be friends or get along.