Post puns

[DarklordKyo]

Let's have some pun, everyone. Post the punniest puns you can think of.

Let me start, a waitress at a restaurant brought the patrons bread, and one of the patrons said "that's what I call bringing in the bread."

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

I'm not going to PUNish this website by participating in this.

 

[Saelune]

Cause Im lazy and love Game Grumps

 

[Asita]

Well, let's get the obvious out of the way:

Spoiler

 

[Samtemdo8_v1legacy]

At one point, I have played and beaten Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, for the first time, ten years after it released.

So this is a rare example of a pun both intended and not intended.

 

[Natemans]

Last night, I had a dream that I had written Lord of the Rings. The wife said that I was Tolkien in my sleep.

 

[Saelune]

Well, let's get the obvious out of the way:

Spoiler

Krillin, Krillout, and De Niro, De Faro got me the most...I guess I like jokes that adjust distance.

 

[Kotaro]

My all-time favorite joke will always be:

Spoiler

A programming professor answers his ringing phone to hear the voice of one of his students on the other end.
"Professor," the student says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you happen to know an entomologist I could speak to?"
"An entomologist?" the professor replies, "Well of course. My ex-roommate is an entomologist, and he lives only a few towns away. I can give you his phone number. But if I may ask, why do you want to talk to an entomologist?"
"Well, says the student. "I've discovered a major problem with a word in the English language and I want to report it to an expert."
The professor is confused by this answer. "A problem with a word? Are you sure you don't mean you want to speak to an etymologist?"
"No!" the student cries. "It's a bug, not a feature!"

 

[Drathnoxis]

I'm just gonna start groaning before I even read this.

 

[Drathnoxis]

Well, let's get the obvious out of the way:

Spoiler

Speaking of Krillin puns. I saw these socks at EB Games and was very tempted to buy them.

 

[renegade7]

Student: "Do I have to do these steps in order to solve this math problem?"
Professor: "No, the order doesn't matter, there are abelian different ways you could do this."

 

[Dr.Susse]

So a few years back I visited Canada for the first time. I made a few friends there and one of them, Michael was really into hiking.
He bugged me for a few days about going for a hike and on my second last day I finally relented and said yes.

We hiked for a while and it was fine, a few pine trees and some good views but nothing too exciting. Until on the way back Micheal suddenly stopped.

"Shit is that? Holy-! Jacob look it's a bacon tree!"

His face lit up with a massive smile and before I could even ask what a bacon tree was Mike took off running.
Three seconds later *BANG* Michael was shot. Panicked I fell to the floor and crawled my way over to him... It was bad, There was blood everywhere and he was barely conscious. I cried....

"Mike! Mike, what happened?"

Pulling me closer he paused, coughing up blood he spluttered his last words.

"Jacob it wasn't a bacon tree.......It was a ham bush."

 

[TheSlothOverlord]

"My friend gave me some dead batteries."
"Did you have to pay for them?"
"Nah, they were free of charge."

What do you call a five foot tall psychic who escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.

A physicists is on a roof of a very tall skyscraper and sees a man about to leap off. "Don't jump!" he shouts "You have so much potential!"

There was a recent breakthrough study on fellatios. Many have called it very insightful, though some found the results rather hard to swallow.

 

[Pyrian]

The two white actors in Black Panther also played Gollum and Bilbo Baggins. That makes them the Tolkien white guys.

 

[DarklordKyo]

Why was Hitmonchan called Hitmonchan?, he wasn't Rocky enough.

 

[blue heartless]

My family would like to thank Generic Funeral Home for their support in this time. My brother was always a huge fan of the funeral business, he was dying to get into it. Many say that the business is dead, but they made the grave mistake of getting burned by the cremation industry. You might think my brother is in this over his head, but he is not just another working stiff! He looks forward to getting down to earth and buried in work.

 

[gigastar]

A Worldwide Punomenon.

 

[Chewster]

Did you hear about the guy who had a gun made of Jello?

Spoiler: IT'S MOTHERFUCKING PUNCHLINE TIME

He was arrested for having a congealed weapon.

Thanks for watching, don't forget to like and subscribe.

 

[404notfound]

I once made a Worgen priest on WoW named 'JoanofBark'. Possibly the best pun I ever came up with.

 

[COMaestro]

You shall all be crushed beneath the treads of my Punzer division!


Actually, keep it up. I love puns.