Problems, I Need Some Advice (Regarding Jealousy)

[Slash Dementia]

I woke up today at 4:30AM because of some stupid dream that I had, but it got me really jealous. Usually, dreams mean nothing to me, but when it's about my girlfriend saying that she has had sex with someone (she told me she's a virgin, and I believe her), it completely messes with me.

To get the background and setting to the relationship out: we've been friends for over seven years, and of those, we've been in a very difficult long-distance relationship for a year and a half, the other years were of her being like a sister (so I was extremely protective). I love her to death, but won't be seeing her for another year and a half, maybe--I'm willing to wait, and so is she (she moreso than me). Details about the wait are irrelevant.

My girlfriend has only had one real life boyfriend before, but has liked a few of her friends. The thought makes me jealous and kind of angry. I, by no means, wish to control her or change her in any way, and I hate that I feel that way--I really do. When I've liked other people or been with other people, I wasn't jealous at all. The only problem with those relationships were that I ran at the first sight of someone slightly better--though didn't cheat--or got cheated on.

Anyway, how do you deal with jealousy when you're in a relationship with a person that you've spent so many years being protective with? I just don't want to feel this way, and my girlfriend, she understands me that I do, but I fear that this will ruin our relationship.

I know that the distance is causing part of this, but I just need to know how to deal with it.

 

[Slash Dementia]

I am insecure. I tried dealing with most of my problems before getting into this because I knew it would be difficult and I didn't want to go into another relationship as the "I hate myself, I'm good for nothing, you can find someone better" kind of guy I was. I think I did okay with the first two of those but the last one stayed, I guess.

I had promised myself that I wouldn't get into another long-distance relationship after my first one got shot down to hell really bad. With this girl, I just couldn't get myself to not like her because I didn't expect to feel this way about her and things just sort of happened--year later, we're together.

I would love to trust her as much as she trusts me in that way. She gives me no reason not to trust her and I do way more than I did before. I've told her that I don't think I'm emotionally stable to be in a relationship right now, but she won't accept that because she's fine with it. I guess it's just the history with that she has with her friends (she was obsessed with one, loved the other, talked so highly of one even when we were together, and was obsessed with another) that she talks to. I sound like a jerk just reading what I just wrote.

Hm. I guess that's it. I have to trust that she won't do anything. I've been way worse that her before and yet she trusts me. I need to grow up and do the same if we're making this work.

Thank you, Katatori--especially for that two paragraphs.