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SniperWolf427

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As an aspiring Journalist, I write a bi-weekly column for my High School's Newspaper; my column being The Nerd Corner. I usually write about videogames, generally because they interest me as well as many others at my school. However, my editor recently requested I write about something other than gaming.

I chose to write an article about the advancing trends of technology. Sort of a broad topic, I know, but I thought I might be able to educated a few, all the while earning "Street Cred" with the teachers and clever-clogs of the school.

I was hoping a few from the Escapist Community could read the article and give me some input. I was hoping to not bore the students to death if they chose to read it, so please be honest if you find it unbearably boring.

Any criticisms are welcome, as I myself am not even sure what I think about the article.

I'm constantly reminded by my editor that the name of my column is The Nerd Corner and not The Videogame Corner. So, I've decided to write an editorial of sorts about the advancing trends of technology. Pay close attention; you might learn something.

Seemingly a million years ago (2004), the Razr was considered the must have cell phone by just about everyone who mattered. It was incredibly popular and sold around 50 million units in two years. However, there is some confusion regarding exactly what made it so popular. The Razr wasn't exactly a good phone; it had terrible reception, call quality was only good during a full moon, the camera wasn't that great (even compared to other phones), and the User Interface was a bloody mess. The only thing that the Razr had going for it was its size. It was the thinnest and most aesthetically pleasing phone on the market at the time, and because of that, it sold like some particularly tasty hot cakes.

This brings me to the entire point of my article, tech trends. The trend then was making devices as small and convenient as humanly possible. The Ipod Nano was released in early 2005, it being the smaller and thinner version of the Ipod. TVs were becoming thinner and thinner, with Liquid Crystal Display replacing the old Cathode Ray Tube method of TV design. This time period was a breeding ground for innovation when it came to taking pre-existing technology and cramming it into smaller and sexier packages.

Almost like foretelling a prophecy, Nintendo introduces touch screen technology to the world in 2004, with its Nintendo DS (dual-screen). However, the touch screen was too primitive and didn't really seem to catch on. No other companies adopted this technology, regardless of the huge sales figures Nintendo enjoyed from the DS. It wasn't until 2007, with the release of the much touted Iphone, that touch screen became the new tech trend. Shortly after Apple's ?Jesus Phone? hit the market, a storm of other touch operated devices were released. Phones, MP3 Players, Computers, and Game Systems have all tried to take a piece of the delicious profit pie that Nintendo and Apple discovered.

However, three years after that blood-crazed, consumer fueled, hail storm; touch screen devices have become almost common. And a pattern in time dictates that once a trend has lived out its purpose and become as common as anything else, a new trend must replace it. Right now, the two lovely candidates battling for nerd supremacy are: Motion Sensitivity and 3D.

Yes, 3D has been around for years, decades even, but the film industry has seen a sudden influx of 3D feature films. With December's James Cameron's Complete Waste of Money (I mean, Avatar) being available in 3D around the globe, this is only the beginning of big name directors putting their films in 3D. And why not? 3D's potential hasn't even been fully reached yet, and people will always shell out extra cash for entertainment they can't experience at home. Also, 2009 saw a few 3D videogame releases, like Resident Evil: 5 and James Cameron's Complete Waste of Money: The Game. Though they do require top of the line HD TV's in order to work properly, it is exciting to think about what sort of 3D games a good company like Infinity Ward would release. I have very high hopes for the future of 3D and what it could bring to the entertainment industry. I'm still crossing my fingers for Star Wars: 3D.

I have a much less optimistic approach toward motion sensitive technology. In its current form, it is the biggest waste of time and good ideas that you can possibly imagine. The Nintendo Wii is primarily the cause of this terrible trend and it couldn't be more proud. The Wii is selling somewhere around a bazillion units every second, and all because of the motion sensitivity. The worst part is, the motion controls don't even work properly. Nintendo released the console too early and it can only be properly described as nothing more than a virtual Gym for people afraid of leaving the house, especially considering that it's largest selling products are Wii Sports and Wii Fit. Worst of all, Sony and Microsoft have both announced plans for their own motion sensitive gaming devices/consoles, which would make this exactly like a nightmare I had awhile back. But motion sensitivity doesn't have an entirely bleak future. As we speak, a team of very lovely people over at MIT are developing the proper motion sensitive computer, which really reminds me of the computer Tony Stark used in Iron Man.

Considering that 3D and Motion Sensitivity are hot right now, I can only hope that the near future will hold Augmented Reality or even Virtual Reality. That sort of thing is still awhile down the road, but everything we do to improve technology now could be another stepping stone to get us there. Forget Star Wars the 3D movie, I'm waiting for Star Wars the Virtual Reality videogame.

Thank you all in advance.
 

SniperWolf427

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Gfan_00 said:
Pretty good, but you didn't have to take a shot at Avatar.
Sorry, I just didn't like it at all. It's more of a shot at my editor for the incredible amounts of praise she gave it, all the while criticizing District 9 for being crap.

Reuq said:
I'm sorry, but I stopped reading. Please don't take that personally though, I am just a little distracted right now.
Quite alright good sir, I'm just glad people are actually attempting to read it.
 

RagnorakTres

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1) Shot at Avatar: unnecessary. Even if it's an "in" joke. Negativity never reflects well on a writer. Try to stick to positivity.

2) Same with the shots at the Wii. Positivity will always attract more readers than negativity. Period.

Other than that, I like it. It name-drops tech like it's 1999 again and you're Bill Clinton trying to convince us that you're "with it" but that's alright. Most people will probably get that you're playing to the LCD (Lowest Common Denominator, not Liquid Crystal Display).

If you get a lot of feedback (I don't know if your newspaper's letter section is more active than mine), do a follow-up, addressing any opposing points brought up (politely; ignore the rude ones) in the letters. I think you will get a lot of feedback and I can actually see your writing evolving into actual opinion piece writing (like Escapist quality) if you keep at it. So keep at it!
 

NoNameMcgee

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Gfan_00 said:
Wha, what? How the, eh... I'm guessing she probably likes the mainstreaminess of Avatar, just going with the crowd(I like to think I enjoy it for better reasons, but I'm not 100% sure that's true). How could she not like District 9? Well, fuck her. You can tell her that I said that. In fact, please tell her that I said that. Dumb *****.
You understand the concept of opinions and how everyone is entitled to one, right?
 

Kanonei

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From one writer to another I thought it was a pretty solid article. The ending seems a tad bit rushed but everything else is certainly interesting. Good work!
 

Cpt_Oblivious

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Jan 7, 2009
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Gfan_00 said:
Pretty good, but you didn't have to take a shot at Avatar.
But that's what all the cool nerds are doing.

Kanonei said:
I've caught a newbie!

Welcome to the Escapist! I hope you enjoy your stay with us. Please ignore the body under the stairs and Doug, the troll outside. There some things you may want to look [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.116827] at [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.112832] before you continue to post. Have fun!

 

SniperWolf427

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RagnorakTres said:
1) Shot at Avatar: unnecessary. Even if it's an "in" joke. Negativity never reflects well on a writer. Try to stick to positivity.

2) Same with the shots at the Wii. Positivity will always attract more readers than negativity. Period.

Other than that, I like it. It name-drops tech like it's 1999 again and you're Bill Clinton trying to convince us that you're "with it" but that's alright. Most people will probably get that you're playing to the LCD (Lowest Common Denominator, not Liquid Crystal Display).

If you get a lot of feedback (I don't know if your newspaper's letter section is more active than mine), do a follow-up, addressing any opposing points brought up (politely; ignore the rude ones) in the letters. I think you will get a lot of feedback and I can actually see your writing evolving into actual opinion piece writing (like Escapist quality) if you keep at it. So keep at it!
Duly noted about the negativity thing. That was my attempt to wake up the people who were ready to turn to the Crossword section.

And I did feel a tad funny by going for Liquid Crystal Display thing, but I thought it would sound more professional.

Also, we don't even have a response inbox, as this is the third issue, but that's an excellent idea.

Thank you for the feedback, good sir.
 

similar.squirrel

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It seems sort of aimless. Is it about 3D or motion sensitivity? What's the point? What are you trying to get across? The ending is a bit abrupt and leaves it all hanging.

Still, approximately 100x better than what I could ever hope to write. I'd say it'll do.
 

Sethzard

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SniperWolf427 said:
Gfan_00 said:
Pretty good, but you didn't have to take a shot at Avatar.
Sorry, I just didn't like it at all. It's more of a shot at my editor for the incredible amounts of praise she gave it, all the while criticizing District 9 for being crap.
I haven't seen avatar, but movie bob liked it so I probably will too, but I don't care as it is a shot at a district 9 hater which is a bloody good film. Quite witty most of the time too, I hope it is appreciated by your school.
 

Radeonx

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AverageJoe said:
Gfan_00 said:
Wha, what? How the, eh... I'm guessing she probably likes the mainstreaminess of Avatar, just going with the crowd(I like to think I enjoy it for better reasons, but I'm not 100% sure that's true). How could she not like District 9? Well, fuck her. You can tell her that I said that. In fact, please tell her that I said that. Dumb *****.
You understand the concept of opinions and how everyone is entitled to one, right?
Blasphemy. Everyone knows that their opinion is right and anything different is wrong.

OT: Not bad, and while I didn't agree with her blasting at District 9, I didn't particularly like Avatar, either. Not because it's popular, but because once you get past the crazy special effects, it isn't a good movie. I guess I'm just a cynic like that.
 

flaming_squirrel

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SniperWolf427 said:
Gfan_00 said:
Pretty good, but you didn't have to take a shot at Avatar.
Sorry, I just didn't like it at all. It's more of a shot at my editor for the incredible amounts of praise she gave it, all the while criticizing District 9 for being crap.
She's obviously insane, might be time to get her sectioned (I've now seen that film 5 times, yes, I quite like it).
 

Tiny116

The Cheerful Pessimist
May 6, 2009
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I thought it was really good, and as a fan of Avatar I resent the comment (Though I've read the posts and approve of your reasons as to why)
The only thing I would say is try to iron out the end, particularly the differences between Augmented and Virtual reality, not everyone has heard of Augmented reality, I had to look it up quickly to remember what it was.

I get the comments about negativity, however that can be funny, Jeremy Clarkson anyone? As long as it isn't over done.

But it was good and you still got your bit of gamer speal in there which should make your editor growl a little too ;-)
 
Feb 13, 2008
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SniperWolf427 said:
As an aspiring Journalist, I write a bi-weekly column for my High School's Newspaper; my column being The Nerd Corner. I usually write about videogames, generally because they interest me as well as many others at my school.
If you're capitalising in the middle of sentences, then it's usually neater to italicise, single quote or bold them so they stand out as names and not just typos.

"Pay close attention; you might learn something." seems like a shot at the audience. Unless you're specifically going for the AVGN crowd, you're limiting your potential audience.

There's a lot of missing punctuation and an overabundance of jargon used. This is professional suicide if you're taking a 'looking down on you' view.

Your paragraph structure and rhythm jumps around as if it's a stream of thought, which doesn't lead to a good overall view.

You've used a number of redundant words in there. "Almost like fulfilling a prophecy" has two redundant words.

You explain DS, but not a number of other phrases you use.

Enhancing the 'stream of thought' side is the lack of persistent time/tense.
No other companies adopted this technology, regardless of the huge sales figures Nintendo enjoyed from the DS. It wasn't until 2007, with the release of the much touted Iphone, that touch screen became the new tech trend.
So, another company did adopt this technology, but later on.

And a pattern in time dictates that once a trend has lived out its purpose and become as common as anything else, a new trend must replace it.
- waffle. There are more waffle lines as well.

"Jesus Phone". This caught me off guard. Was there such a thing as a Jesus Phone? I went off to check and ...lost sight of what I was reading. If you're going to make distinctions like that, explain them there and then.

And why not?
- Only Barry Norman can get away with that, and he never said it before Spitting Image made him.

In its current form, it is the biggest waste of time and good ideas that you can possibly imagine.
- Waffle line, Arrogance, Conjecture. Just a bad line all around.

Considering that 3D and Motion Sensitivity are hot right now, I can only hope that the near future will hold Augmented Reality or even Virtual Reality. That sort of thing is still awhile down the road,
Look at how ugly that repetition is, before you jump to the word "hot".

I'm waiting for Star Wars the Virtual Reality videogame.
Depending on how you define VR, it could already exist. If you're talking to an audience that knows Star Wars, you'd be better making allusions to Jabba, Slave Leia or "the power of this fully operational videogame".

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes I'm being harsh, but there's a good article hidden in there. What you need to do is set out a pattern of what you're going to talk about, talk about it easily, and then finish with a flourish. At the moment it's just like you're talking to a friend down the pub.

If you can, get a non-nerd to read it. If they read it all the way through, you know you've got a winner.

Good Luck :)

P.S. Don't take shots at your editor. She's the one carrying the larger gun. :)
 

SniperWolf427

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samaritan.squirrel said:
It seems sort of aimless. Is it about 3D or motion sensitivity? What's the point? What are you trying to get across? The ending is a bit abrupt and leaves it all hanging.

Still, approximately 100x better than what I could ever hope to write. I'd say it'll do.
It was mostly about the way tech trends change and evolve, and what the current ones are. It may seem aimless, because it mostly is. I feel as if I've picked too broad a topic for my own good.
sethzard said:
SniperWolf427 said:
Gfan_00 said:
Pretty good, but you didn't have to take a shot at Avatar.
Sorry, I just didn't like it at all. It's more of a shot at my editor for the incredible amounts of praise she gave it, all the while criticizing District 9 for being crap.
I haven't seen avatar, but movie bob liked it so I probably will too, but I don't care as it is a shot at a district 9 hater which is a bloody good film. Quite witty most of the time too, I hope it is appreciated by your school.
Thanks for reading it mate.

I hope they appreciate it too.
flaming_squirrel said:
SniperWolf427 said:
Gfan_00 said:
Pretty good, but you didn't have to take a shot at Avatar.
Sorry, I just didn't like it at all. It's more of a shot at my editor for the incredible amounts of praise she gave it, all the while criticizing District 9 for being crap.
She's obviously insane, might be time to get her sectioned (I've now seen that film 5 times, yes, I quite like it).
I'd have her sectioned, but I'm afraid without her, there'd be no newspaper.
 

Blogg10

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SniperWolf427 said:
Gfan_00 said:
Pretty good, but you didn't have to take a shot at Avatar.
Sorry, I just didn't like it at all. It's more of a shot at my editor for the incredible amounts of praise she gave it, all the while criticizing District 9 for being crap.

Reuq said:
I'm sorry, but I stopped reading. Please don't take that personally though, I am just a little distracted right now.
Quite alright good sir, I'm just glad people are actually attempting to read it.
Aren't these articles supposed to be less.. biased? I mean it's good writing, but the shot at Avatar? While in the same paragraph praising Infinity Ward? I mean, at least the former has some innovation while Infinity Ward are pulling a Lucas and suckling on their newest golden lamb's teats. And I quite agree with you, your editor was wrong to criticise District 9. I just watched it and it's a freaking amazing piece of cinema.
 

SniperWolf427

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Jun 27, 2008
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The_root_of_all_evil said:
Yes I'm being harsh, but there's a good article hidden in there. What you need to do is set out a pattern of what you're going to talk about, talk about it easily, and then finish with a flourish. At the moment it's just like you're talking to a friend down the pub.

If you can, get a non-nerd to read it. If they read it all the way through, you know you've got a winner.

Good Luck :)

P.S. Don't take shots at your editor. She's the one carrying the larger gun. :)
I don't mind the harshness. Frankly, it's what I need.

I seem to have fallen into a very sarcastic writing habit, even when I don't try to be, and it's one I need to break.

Unfortunately, I'm in High School, so all of my teachers talk about my writing without mentioning any major criticisms, and thus, I have to turn to outside readers in order to learn anything.

I appreciate the time you took to tell me what's what, and I hope to remember what you've said the next time I write something.
 
Feb 13, 2008
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SniperWolf427 said:
I appreciate the time you took to tell me what's what, and I hope to remember what you've said the next time I write something.
If it's any consolation, I just got back a professional critique and it said my stuff was "average overall". Three cans of Stella and a lot of swearing later, I can look back and edit it properly.
 
Jun 11, 2008
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For starters no need to take a shot at Avatar because you didn't like it and also you lost me at IW still being a good company other than it wasn't boring to read and kept me interested for the whole thing up until I saw the IW and had to stop for a second.