Protective parents

[Wermut]

I just watched a report about a mother who installed camera's all over her house to watch her child (13). She can access the cameras via internet anywhere she goes. The mother went as far as having an extra monitor at her work so she can watch her kid. She stated her reasons were out of love and protection.

Personally I find this appalling, every child should be able to have his/her own private space, be it small or large. Being protective of ones child is normal, but I say that is going to far.

What do you think?

At what point do you think a parent is over protective?

 

[JMeganSnow]

I think children should be given the opportunity to *earn* privacy, just like rational parents encourage their children to take over more and more personal responsibilities as they get older. A 13-year-old shouldn't need constant monitoring because the parent-child relationship up until that point should have imbued the child with the knowledge to self-monitor AND the trust to involve a parent when necessary.

Child-raising is a delicate balance between being there when your kids need you and encouraging them to be self-sufficient. I don't think there's one fast and hard point where you can say "this is exactly what all parents should do", just like you can't say exactly how many hairs make up a beard. There's a middle range between a definite upper and lower bound, that's all. This case goes way overboard, however I wouldn't be surprised to find out that it's a result of a lot of previous bad parenting practices that turned the 13-year-old into either an angry rebel or a spineless worm.

 

[L.B. Jeffries]

The primary way a small child gets traumatized by a piece of media is if it depicts a small child like themselves being injured. They make a psychological connection and can potentially have a lot of nightmares from it. Ergo, stuff like 'The Shining' might really really upset junior. But generally, graphic depictions of injuring adults or other characters that the child has no connection with has little effect outside the basic general fear of anything scary.

As for sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll...it's only a matter of time. Protect them from what? Themselves?

 

[Milkatron]

Poor kid. I'd have disconnected the cameras and gone to live somewhere else if my parents did that. They're gonna have a tough time once he gets to college.

This is a case of paranoid parenting. The parent can't trust her child, and if the parents can't trust their own child, who CAN they trust.

Edit: Can we get a link, I really want to see this.

 

[JMeganSnow]

The primary way a small child gets traumatized by a piece of media is if it depicts a small child like themselves being injured.

Nyeh. The primary way that I've seen children get "traumatized" is by the emotional reactions of the adults in their vicinity to various events. Children are exceptionally sensitive to the emotions of people around them--it's how they learn their own emotional reactions to various stimuli.

If you want your kids to be hysterical, all you have to do is be hysterical yourself. I'm not saying that you want your children to be emotionless drones--getting angry about bad things is a good trait. But you don't want them to be reduced to quivering helpless blobs when an emergency hits.

 

[Wermut]

As long as there aren't cameras in EVERY room, so the child can have privacy in their room and bathroom, not necessarily but it DOES say something about her parenting abilities...

A camera was in the child's room. It's what disturbed me the most.

To be honest the kid seemed alright to me. You could tell that the relationship between the mother and her was not very good, but I really can't blame the kid for being angry because she is being constantly watched.

I will try to find an english article about it. I watched it in the german news.

EDIT: I just found out, she also has to have a GPS with her every time she goes out so the parents know where she goes.

 

[afrophysics]

Where are you guys getting your pseudo-psychology from?

 

[JMeganSnow]

Where are you guys getting your pseudo-psychology from?

Um, be more specific?

Simple observation will lead you to understand that children react in the way they observe adults reacting. This was made very clear to me when one of my younger cousins tripped and ran through the fire pit during a family camping trip. Fortunately he was wearing shoes and one of my alert uncles snatched him out before he could be hurt. His initial reaction was along the lines of "whoa, that was weird!" (i.e. more surprised than anything). He didn't start crying and freaking out until at least ten minutes later when his mother recovered enough to start fussing over him instead of freaking out quietly in the corner.

Raising children doesn't require a degree in psychology, but a certain amount of observational knowledge is necessary and valuable.

P.S. It occurs to me that I might add that while children do mimic their elders this is not a *complete* derivation of their behavior. It's more complicated than that, certainly, but it is one factor to keep in mind. Another is that kids will do whatever gets them what they want--and adult attention is one thing that they want.

 

[Northery]

Actually, i think children learn more and become stronger from making mistakes, falling, breaking a few bones, or a few scrapes now and again. Back in the day when you fell if nothing was broken then you just walked it off. I think parents need to take a step back and guide not control.

 

[JakubK666]

But...he's fourteen...he needs to masturbate!