Nyaliva said:
There's some really rather heated discussion surrounding this every time it comes up. People who complain about the friendzone are more complaining about the girls' general attitude towards men. They ask for nice guys and yet constantly go out with guys who are clearly not nice and certainly don't seem like the guy one could have a long term relationship with, then there are this group of guys the girl has termed "friendzone" who are nice by the girl's own definition and yet they won't ever consider going out with any of them.
It's obvious that there's a difference between a girl's feelings for a friend and a boyfriend but it's confusing when they have all these perfectly good guys whom they like at least enough to be their friend, whom they know well and who know them too and are defined as being "nice" and yet they won't give any of them a second look and go for a guy who's nothing like the criteria they stated, knows nothing about her and usually doesn't care enough or stay long enough to find out. So what the OP is trying to get at (or at least should be) is that girls who constantly go out with "bad boys" (I hate that term) and then complain there are no "nice" guys should first, rethink their dating strategies and criteria and second, think about their close guy friends and think who could be a suitable partner.
And don't say looks come into it, I recently started feeling romantically for a girl I know who I wouldn't have given a second look if I didn't know her as a good friend. Seriously, it's always better to be a friend first. If you can't still be friends after being together and then breaking up then you can't call them a friend.
TL;DR Our beef isn't with the friendzone, it's with the girl's attitude to dating and what she says versus what she does. For me, it makes more sense to be a friend first, if you're true friends and things don't work out, you should still be able to be friends. If it does work out, you can be one of those smug couples that say "My partner is my best friend!"
[DISCLAIMER: any references to "you" in this post are not meant personally, but refer to the stereotypical guy in this scenario]
As other people have already said in this thread, the idea that a girl should be looking at her friends as potential partners because they're "nice" is problematic.
It's not necessarily to do with looks, but you do have to actually be attracted to a potential partner. You could be the best guy in the world, but if she's not attracted to you it ain't gonna happen. Why so many people can't get their heads around this is beyond me.
And about the douchebags thing: sure, some girls make bad decisions with regards to partners and should take a long hard look at why their going for the people they are. BUT, given the amount of attention this scenario gets on the internet you'd think a majority of women were falling into this trap. Pro-tip: they're not.
Think about it. You hear her talking about her boyfriend as a douche. Why is that? Most likely because you (as her FRIEND) are one of the people she goes to when things aren't all sunshine and roses. As in, when they've just split up or had an argument. She's exaggerating and emotional. Don't tell me you've never given anyone an unfair impression of someone else because you were pissed off at them. I know I have. And perhaps you hear more about this guy's bad points because she doesn't need your support when things are going great. She's (probably) not stupid, she's not likely going to be intentionally be chasing douchebag after douchebag.
And of course there's always the option that she's not actually dating douchebags at all. You're the one labelling them as such, and often in these cases "douchebag" just means "not like me." And of course it works both ways- you hear girls complaining about their guy friends' girlfriends being "bitches" and "not good enough for him." Whole lot of jealousy going on there.
As an aside, the whole "I wish I could find a nice guy like you" thing. Does this actually happen in real life (with the possible exception of high school), or is this just one of those hypothetical internet phenomena that's taken on a life of its own?
) So as I was with them, all of them were talking about how they just broke up with one douche and how the next one was a douche +1, so I am thinking, "well you get what you choose, and I see where this is going." So by the time the conversation was drawing to an end they all wondered where the hell can they find a good guy for once. Me angered by hearing this all the time finally snapped and shouted, "IN THE F***ING FRIENDZONE WHERE YA LEFT THEM TO DIE!!!" And in unison they said nah. And I asked them why not, and asked about the other guy friends they knew. Some answers I got back was that some of the other guys weren't as good looking or they were a little off, but at the same time they were their best friends. So in their defense I asked if they were always their for them, and if they were as nice to you as a true gentleman should. They all said yes. Yet they still denied them. So women why did y'all invent the friendzone? Cause as a man I would like to know the purpose, cause obviously it's not a circle of men who are potential dates.
