Purps Does 'Couver

[Anarchemitis]

So I met the infamous Australian heliotrope ninja and the famous Larenxis.
Lovely people, they.

They're both shorter than I thought they would be.

 

[darkless]

Seen ya dropped in on pogobat if i'd known that i'd have asked ya to give him a friendly greeting for me

 

[NewClassic_v1legacy]

So I met the infamous Australian heliotrope ninja and the famous Larenxis.
Lovely people, they.

They're both shorter than I thought they would be.

Oh man, I'm jealous. I want to meet the amazing Anarchemitis. Hell, PurpleRain and Larenxis too. All three of you, down to the U.S. of A. I would like to meet you all.

 

[Hey Joe]

So I met the infamous Australian heliotrope ninja and the famous Larenxis.
Lovely people, they.

They're both shorter than I thought they would be.

Oh man, I'm jealous. I want to meet the amazing Anarchemitis. Hell, PurpleRain and Larenxis too. All three of you, down to the U.S. of A. I would like to meet you all.

You don't want to meet me?

WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Ah, how I love derailing threads by turning them into a circular wank thread.

 

[Anarchemitis]

Well we went a bit through Gastown, we saw the Steam Clock. I've never seen it before and it is definitely awesome enough to merit a picture.

 

[Easykill]

If Canada wasn't so damn big, I'd be right there with you. Have fun.

 

[Johnn Johnston]

Well we went a bit through Gastown, we saw the Steam Clock. I've never seen it before and it is definitely awesome enough to merit a picture.
*snipped picture*

Oh, you and your steam.

 

[smallharmlesskitten]

Don't leave any canadian women bearing your children Purps. God knows that wont turn out well.

 

[Lord Krunk]

As your moral support for this trip, i have a few suggestions, nay demands for you to undertake during your journey. Any of the 'truths' you are to tell these people are ones i guarantee to work if you can keep a straight face. Never am i gladder i did drama all those years ago. America is fun.

1) Tell them Australia is ruled by the queen. They will believe this shit, if they ask about Rudd tell them he is the governor general and enacts the queens wishes. I know we technically are still ruled by the queen, but blow it up so it's as if she dictates everything we do. (For bonus points, tell them that's why our crops are dying, she lives in england and has never experienced drought or believes it exists. This works)

2) Insist that Ayes Rock is nowhere near as big as the picture and hollow in the centre.

3) You middle name is Dundee. No exceptions.

4) Steve irwin has a national tomb outside of parliament.

5) Crocodiles enter sydney suburbs to get at the watered lawns because of the drought. Dozens are already dead.

6) Insist on looking up whenever a bird calls and duck wildly, citing that you are terrified of kookaburras since one of them ripped off your uncles ear. True fact, happens all the time mate.

7) The Joker is australian. lead into this by telling them about things we actually did invent, like felix the cat, ug boots and the victa lawnmower.

8) Their suburb is bigger than the whole of sydney. You have never seen buildings that tall in your life.

9) Constantly reference how disturbing you find the fact that their landscape is not completely flat. Mountains are like something from a dream.

10) Constantly dare your companions in to who can better fight any example of wildlife you encounter, or bet them you can catch/kill it with your bare hands. Evaluate large passers by and ask if they want to help you hog-tie him.

11) Pretend that Ultrajoe is the nickname of the leader of one of the Australian political parties, but not labour or liberal, they're all tossers.

11b) Ultratask 2: Get a picture of an attractive Canadian lass holding up a sign saying 'I love The Ultra Joe'. If nothing else, this must occur. Bonus points if you can get it written on her torso. I have no regrets and feel no shame.

12) Tell them that master chief was based on Ned Kelly, and in Halo 1 the elites voices are backwards australian verses from a waltzing matilda, which is about Ned Kelly.

13) Sigh when holding knives and pretend to not notice them looking when you use your fingers to measure them, and then add several imaginary inches to the blade.

14) Convince at least 3 of them to eat half-centimeter thick vegemite toast. If any say they liked it, double points.

More to come.

EDIT: More have come.

15) pretend you have never heard any of the songs they play on the radio, or they make you listen to on the Ipod.

16) Whenever one of them does say 'eh' (if, indeed, at all), you must finish your next two sentences with 'mate'.

17) Laugh raucously at all the ads on their TV. It's payback time, bitches.

18) If one of them wakes you up, grab their neck before letting go and saying 'Careful mate, don't sneak up on me like that' with your eyes as wide as possible.

19) Attempt 11b again if you have not already succeeded.

20) Convince them you have met Hugh Jackman or that you are related to an australian celebrity. Tell them they are assholes in real life, everyone wants to believe this about celebrities.

If people want more, i can provide more.

Lord Krunk Approves. This is awesome.

Oh, but add some New Zealand sheep jokes in there as well! (No offense FeNinja or SHK)

 

[Ultrajoe]

Lord Krunk Approves. This is awesome.

Oh, but add some New Zealand sheep jokes in there as well! (No offense FeNinja or SHK)

*Salutes*

I just do my best to spread international goodwill.

 

[Larenxis]

Trust me, he's made plenty of New Zealand sheep jokes. But when it comes to lying about Australia, it's been quite rare. He did convince a friend of mine that they don't have Assassin's Creed in Australia (even though that friend watches ZP), but that's about it. Let's see, what else has he been up to? Well, he made me eat vegemite (it's just yeast and salt, and terrible!) and we hung out with Anarchemitis, which was cool. I've shown him that we do have Tim-Tams up here and he's shown me that although we don't have Woolworths, Safeway is essentially the same thing. Oh, and he's starting to say "eh" accidentally now. Muah-ha-ha! I'm rubbing off on him!

And Purps says "Hi" because he doesn't love you guys enough to make an actual journal entry.

 

[PedroSteckecilo]

Are you three enjoying the weather there? I've heard its bad.

I'm still not giving up on my attempt at setting up a Vancouver meetup... ah well.

 

[PurpleRain]

The weather's not bad. It's snowing and it's knee height!

I've sort of wanted to avoid posting in this thread due to the fact I've actually been far to preoccupied to write in my journal (only made two entries). Thus the thread name change. Although I will keep up with your dares.

Ultrajoe, be sure I'll get through a few of those. I've already managed to convince someone we don't have Xbox360's in Australia and I've tried to slip in that I've punched a shark. I'm not sure anyone was listening though. I've also insulted the Canucks at every turn I could, the bastards!

Other thing's I've done... well see above (Larenxis post). One day I'll go through the list and take on as many as humanly possible.

 

[Good morning blues]

I'm a Vancouverite. Here are your challenges:

1. On any Sunday, turn up at the Hennessey [http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=hennessey+east+broadway+vancouver+bc&jsv=140g&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=38.008397,93.251953&ie=UTF8&latlng=49263045,-123105915,9832971564128844289&ei=RJJQSfvmPKHKjAPhhP35DA&cd=1] around 8:30 or so and watch the Sunday Service. It's the best improv show in town, and we have a lot of great improv shows here. (It's not a religious service.)

2. Enjoy a relaxing evening at Funky Winker Bean's [http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=funky+winker+beans+vancouver+bc&jsv=140g&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=38.008397,93.251953&ie=UTF8&latlng=49281673,-123105323,12726281253736657197&ei=5pJQSdTaIZLujAPZteXrDA&cd=1], the best dive bar/karaoke place in town. Don't drink anything that doesn't come out of a bottle, and trust me, it's a lot sketchier on the outside than it is on the inside. If you're good enough at karaoke, you get a free Molson Cold Shot, which is only acceptable to consume via shotgunning; nobody has ever complained when my friends have shotgunned their cold shots inside the bar.

3. For the love of christ STAY AWAY FROM THE SUSHI PLACE NEXT TO THE MAC'S AT PRODUCTION WAY SKYTRAIN STATION.

If you're looking for Mounties, you're going to want to look at tourist attractions and special events; the red uniforms are purely ceremonial, though if you find yourself in a situation where the cops are running crowd control you'll still see horses in active service.

New idea: attempt to smuggle nuclear weapons into Canada. I'm curious as to how easy it is to do, for reasons that will remain undefined.

Challenge 4: Post for us a photograph of one of the signs that say "Welcome to Vancouver - A Nuclear Weapons Free Zone." I'm pretty sure that there's one on First Avenue at the border between Burnaby and Vancouver, and another on Broadway. They're not big, but they're definitely there.

can you get a picture of yourself near niagra falls? or is that too far?

I realize that this has been responded to but just for reference, here is a composite shot of North America from outer space that I have noted the locations of these places on:

EDIT: Obviously you're not from around here because this is pretty horrifying weather for Vancouver. There is more snow on the ground now than there ever has been in my life, and there's more on the way on Christmas Eve.

 

[Hey Joe]

Trust me, he's made plenty of New Zealand sheep jokes. But when it comes to lying about Australia, it's been quite rare. He did convince a friend of mine that they don't have Assassin's Creed in Australia (even though that friend watches ZP), but that's about it. Let's see, what else has he been up to? Well, he made me eat vegemite (it's just yeast and salt, and terrible!) and we hung out with Anarchemitis, which was cool. I've shown him that we do have Tim-Tams up here and he's shown me that although we don't have Woolworths, Safeway is essentially the same thing. Oh, and he's starting to say "eh" accidentally now. Muah-ha-ha! I'm rubbing off on him!

And Purps says "Hi" because he doesn't love you guys enough to make an actual journal entry.

Seriously, when the fuck is the wedding and can I be the godfather? Also, can I wear my tracksuit to the wedding?

 

[Ultrajoe]

Seriously, when the fuck is the wedding and can I be the godfather? Also, can I wear my tracksuit to the wedding?

I'm buffing up my best Dress Helm. I may give an Ultraspeech.

 

[Hey Joe]

Seriously, when the fuck is the wedding and can I be the godfather? Also, can I wear my tracksuit to the wedding?

I'm buffing up my best Dress Helm. I may give an Ultraspeech.

I'll bake the po-mo ironic wedding cake.

 

[smallharmlesskitten]

Seriously, when the fuck is the wedding and can I be the godfather? Also, can I wear my tracksuit to the wedding?

I'm buffing up my best Dress Helm. I may give an Ultraspeech.

I'll bake the po-mo ironic wedding cake.

I will be ringbearer..

 

[Fire Daemon]

Seriously, when the fuck is the wedding and can I be the godfather? Also, can I wear my tracksuit to the wedding?

I'm buffing up my best Dress Helm. I may give an Ultraspeech.

I'll bake the po-mo ironic wedding cake.

I will be ringbearer..

I'll be the obscene uncle that makes a fool of himself and embarrasses everyone.

*Dances on the table, trips, lands in the punch, gets up, trips again, lands in the po-mo ironic wedding cake, eats po-mo ironic wedding cake, burbs, tells a Ya Mum joke to the audience, goes to get another drink.*

 

[Ultrajoe]

I will be ringbearer..

And we your fellowship.