Ah, Highlander. Remember that movie?
No?
Good. Neither did I. I had to buy a DVD of it off of Amazon to do this review. What you do need to know is that to some, Highlander is the apex of the B-action movies. It was a movie with what I have to admit was an incredibly interesting premise, but I?ll get into that later. The thing about Highlander is that while it does have an incredibly devoted fan base who stuck with it after the series was brutally murdered the second it became a series with Highlander II: The Quickening, which is considered by some to be one of the worst movies in existence. They quickly changed their tune when they saw Endgame and The Source, but that?s neither here nor there. The point is that the original movie left such an impact it made many spin-offs, even after the first spin-off basically killed all intrigue. Is it that good?
Well, let me put it this way:
No.
Why?
Highlander is a movie starring Christopher Lambert, perhaps best known for this role, his portrayal of Raiden in the first Mortal Kombat movie, and probably fuck all else. It co-stars Sean Connery, perhaps the most famous actor to ever portray James Bond, and several Queen songs feature in the soundtrack. So if you?re like me, someone who doesn?t give two shits about the 007 franchise and who thinks Queen?s only good song was Bohemian Rhapsody, you?d be wondering ?Wait, why the fuck am I watching this??
The plot of Highlander is it?s strong point. The main character Conner MacLeod is a member of a group of people who are for unknown reasons immortal. Or rather he finds this out when Sean Connery wearing a coat with peacock feathers on it tells him he cannot die. He then warns him not to get his head cut off or he?ll die. So he fucking lied to Conner! He can die Ramirez!
Anyway, the movie switches back and forth between ?Modern Day? New York (The movie came out in the mid 80s) where the Immortals of the world are gathering to fight until only one is left alive and the Scottish Highlands some hundred years ago showing the past of the titular Highlander, Conner MacLeod. He was at one point a promising warrior of Clan MacLeod, only during combat a rival clan hires a mercenary called the Kurgan who manages to wound MacLeod. However, even though it was a chest wound, MacLeod survives and actually recovers from the injury. His clan, being full of idiots, immediately assume he sold his soul and try to kill him, Conner only escaping being flame-broiled when the clan leader decides to exile him instead. While wandering Conner eventually settles down with a new lover when he encounters Egyptian James Bond Ramirez, an Immortal who sought to train other Immortals in order to prepare them for The Gathering.
The Gathering is, like I said, the focus of the modern day segments. All of the Immortals alive on Earth gather in New York to do mortal combat with each other until only one remains, with the trademark of this movie being ?There can be only one.? The last one standing would receive a prize of some unknown power that could end the world if an evil immortal got his hands on it, so in the past segments Egyptian James Bond wanders Europe seeking to train Immortals to combat the Kurgan who is also Immortal. But, things go awry and Egyptian James Bond is killed by the Kurgan before the gathering, leaving Conner with his sword, a katana forged by the legendary swordsmith Masamune.
Now Highlander holds a mix of both smart and stupid details. Immortals can only die by decapitation, and when they are decapitated their Quickening, a magical manifestation of all their memories and experiences, pass onto the Immortal that killed them. The plot is moderately detailed, and there are hints of research going into things. At one point Egyptian James Bond explains the history of his katana, saying he got it around 600 B.C.E but I called bullshit because the art of folding metal into a katana wasn?t mastered until the second millennium, and someone later points this out. We?re never given an explanation as to how the art of folding iron and steel into one razor sharp mass was around before Japan even knew how to make steel, it?s just sort of a mystery. We?re never given a reason as to why the Kurgan was targeting MacLeod before anyone knew he was an Immortal, and weirdly we?re never given an in depth explanation of the Immortals abilities. It?s implied Immortals have superhuman endurance and heal from injuries quickly, yet the extent of this goes unexplained. What is it about decapitation that kills Immortals? Is there something significant to having their head removed? Well, apparently because at one point we see The Kurgan has gained a scar from a near decapitation, but later on we see Conner MacLeod breath underwater. Also, Immortals are psychic and can sense when living creatures are nearby, and are especially sensitive to other Immortals, but we see MacLeod get ambushed a couple of times after Ramirez teaches him how to use his powers.
Also, while the writing is decent, the characters aren?t exactly deep. MacLeod wants to claim the Prize because he?s a good guy, the Kurgan wants the Prize because he?s evil, and almost every single female character does nothing but screech whenever bad guys pop up. Uh, hey, police girl, did you forget you?re packing?! Bust a cap in the Kurgan?s knee and he?ll be unable to chase you until he gets the bullet out!
That?s not the worst part. Even though I got a DVD copy published in the 21st century, the audio mixing is HORRIBLE. Half the dialogue you can?t hear, and for some reason there are no subtitles. I mean, I paid $5 for something I can?t hear?! Fuck that noise!
Okay, okay, let?s sum it up. Is Highlander good?
No. It?s just one of those action B movies that popped up all the time in the 80s, it just has a higher writing standard than things like whatever the hell Van Damme was in. It would have been better if the characters had more depth and I could hear the fucking thing, but really, it doesn?t hold up to modern titles like Inception. Don?t go out of your way to watch it if you haven?t already seen it, and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH THE SEQUELS. Why? Well, Highlander 2 was set in the post apocalyptic future and said that Immortals were aliens from a planet called Zeist who were Immortal on Earth until there was only one, then they were mortal on Earth unless more aliens from Zeist came than they were Immortal
AAAAAAAAAHH!!!
Or Highlander 3 which stated Conner MacLeod had the prize but then an Immortal who was buried underground popped up and
AAAAAAAHHH!!!
And then Highlander Endgame which crossed over the movies and a terrible spin-off TV show which turned Conner into a suicidal emo
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Or the final nail in the grave, Highlander: The Source which was made by SyFy channel.
That?s really all you need to know. Those fucking dumbasses can?t even spell Sci-Fi right. I think comic nerd Linkara had a saying just for this scenario: because poor literacy is kewl!
Wait, NO IT?S FUCKING NOT!! IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A KINDERGARDEN DROP-OUT!
Oh fuck this. There can be only one, watch the first movie only and do not touch spin-offs! I?ll show you why never to touch spin-offs when I touch a spin-off made in Japan in my return to anime reviews. I?m sure you?ll enjoy watching me suffer.
Stupidly, dressing in peacock feathers was not the weirdest thing Sean Connery has ever done on screen
--Pyramid Head
Next Review: Highlander: The Search for Vengeance (Anime Movie)
Links to the previous reviews i'm not too ashamed of here:
Pyramid Head Reviews and Essays [http://pyramidheadreviews.blogspot.com/2012/01/red-pyramid-things-table-of-contents.html]
No?
Good. Neither did I. I had to buy a DVD of it off of Amazon to do this review. What you do need to know is that to some, Highlander is the apex of the B-action movies. It was a movie with what I have to admit was an incredibly interesting premise, but I?ll get into that later. The thing about Highlander is that while it does have an incredibly devoted fan base who stuck with it after the series was brutally murdered the second it became a series with Highlander II: The Quickening, which is considered by some to be one of the worst movies in existence. They quickly changed their tune when they saw Endgame and The Source, but that?s neither here nor there. The point is that the original movie left such an impact it made many spin-offs, even after the first spin-off basically killed all intrigue. Is it that good?
Well, let me put it this way:
No.
Why?
Highlander is a movie starring Christopher Lambert, perhaps best known for this role, his portrayal of Raiden in the first Mortal Kombat movie, and probably fuck all else. It co-stars Sean Connery, perhaps the most famous actor to ever portray James Bond, and several Queen songs feature in the soundtrack. So if you?re like me, someone who doesn?t give two shits about the 007 franchise and who thinks Queen?s only good song was Bohemian Rhapsody, you?d be wondering ?Wait, why the fuck am I watching this??
The plot of Highlander is it?s strong point. The main character Conner MacLeod is a member of a group of people who are for unknown reasons immortal. Or rather he finds this out when Sean Connery wearing a coat with peacock feathers on it tells him he cannot die. He then warns him not to get his head cut off or he?ll die. So he fucking lied to Conner! He can die Ramirez!
Anyway, the movie switches back and forth between ?Modern Day? New York (The movie came out in the mid 80s) where the Immortals of the world are gathering to fight until only one is left alive and the Scottish Highlands some hundred years ago showing the past of the titular Highlander, Conner MacLeod. He was at one point a promising warrior of Clan MacLeod, only during combat a rival clan hires a mercenary called the Kurgan who manages to wound MacLeod. However, even though it was a chest wound, MacLeod survives and actually recovers from the injury. His clan, being full of idiots, immediately assume he sold his soul and try to kill him, Conner only escaping being flame-broiled when the clan leader decides to exile him instead. While wandering Conner eventually settles down with a new lover when he encounters Egyptian James Bond Ramirez, an Immortal who sought to train other Immortals in order to prepare them for The Gathering.
The Gathering is, like I said, the focus of the modern day segments. All of the Immortals alive on Earth gather in New York to do mortal combat with each other until only one remains, with the trademark of this movie being ?There can be only one.? The last one standing would receive a prize of some unknown power that could end the world if an evil immortal got his hands on it, so in the past segments Egyptian James Bond wanders Europe seeking to train Immortals to combat the Kurgan who is also Immortal. But, things go awry and Egyptian James Bond is killed by the Kurgan before the gathering, leaving Conner with his sword, a katana forged by the legendary swordsmith Masamune.
Now Highlander holds a mix of both smart and stupid details. Immortals can only die by decapitation, and when they are decapitated their Quickening, a magical manifestation of all their memories and experiences, pass onto the Immortal that killed them. The plot is moderately detailed, and there are hints of research going into things. At one point Egyptian James Bond explains the history of his katana, saying he got it around 600 B.C.E but I called bullshit because the art of folding metal into a katana wasn?t mastered until the second millennium, and someone later points this out. We?re never given an explanation as to how the art of folding iron and steel into one razor sharp mass was around before Japan even knew how to make steel, it?s just sort of a mystery. We?re never given a reason as to why the Kurgan was targeting MacLeod before anyone knew he was an Immortal, and weirdly we?re never given an in depth explanation of the Immortals abilities. It?s implied Immortals have superhuman endurance and heal from injuries quickly, yet the extent of this goes unexplained. What is it about decapitation that kills Immortals? Is there something significant to having their head removed? Well, apparently because at one point we see The Kurgan has gained a scar from a near decapitation, but later on we see Conner MacLeod breath underwater. Also, Immortals are psychic and can sense when living creatures are nearby, and are especially sensitive to other Immortals, but we see MacLeod get ambushed a couple of times after Ramirez teaches him how to use his powers.
Also, while the writing is decent, the characters aren?t exactly deep. MacLeod wants to claim the Prize because he?s a good guy, the Kurgan wants the Prize because he?s evil, and almost every single female character does nothing but screech whenever bad guys pop up. Uh, hey, police girl, did you forget you?re packing?! Bust a cap in the Kurgan?s knee and he?ll be unable to chase you until he gets the bullet out!
That?s not the worst part. Even though I got a DVD copy published in the 21st century, the audio mixing is HORRIBLE. Half the dialogue you can?t hear, and for some reason there are no subtitles. I mean, I paid $5 for something I can?t hear?! Fuck that noise!
Okay, okay, let?s sum it up. Is Highlander good?
No. It?s just one of those action B movies that popped up all the time in the 80s, it just has a higher writing standard than things like whatever the hell Van Damme was in. It would have been better if the characters had more depth and I could hear the fucking thing, but really, it doesn?t hold up to modern titles like Inception. Don?t go out of your way to watch it if you haven?t already seen it, and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH THE SEQUELS. Why? Well, Highlander 2 was set in the post apocalyptic future and said that Immortals were aliens from a planet called Zeist who were Immortal on Earth until there was only one, then they were mortal on Earth unless more aliens from Zeist came than they were Immortal
AAAAAAAAAHH!!!
Or Highlander 3 which stated Conner MacLeod had the prize but then an Immortal who was buried underground popped up and
AAAAAAAHHH!!!
And then Highlander Endgame which crossed over the movies and a terrible spin-off TV show which turned Conner into a suicidal emo
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Or the final nail in the grave, Highlander: The Source which was made by SyFy channel.
That?s really all you need to know. Those fucking dumbasses can?t even spell Sci-Fi right. I think comic nerd Linkara had a saying just for this scenario: because poor literacy is kewl!
Wait, NO IT?S FUCKING NOT!! IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A KINDERGARDEN DROP-OUT!
Oh fuck this. There can be only one, watch the first movie only and do not touch spin-offs! I?ll show you why never to touch spin-offs when I touch a spin-off made in Japan in my return to anime reviews. I?m sure you?ll enjoy watching me suffer.
Stupidly, dressing in peacock feathers was not the weirdest thing Sean Connery has ever done on screen
--Pyramid Head
Next Review: Highlander: The Search for Vengeance (Anime Movie)
Links to the previous reviews i'm not too ashamed of here:
Pyramid Head Reviews and Essays [http://pyramidheadreviews.blogspot.com/2012/01/red-pyramid-things-table-of-contents.html]