Since my X-Men Destiny comments where I implied Marvel writing was worse than DC writing, I?ve had a little time to educate myself on comic book culture in America largely thanks to the show Atop the Fourth Wall run by obsessive nerd Linkara, an otaku in the truest sense since he has created a career out of talking about comic books and writing a surprisingly interesting collection of videos detailing the history of the long running series Power Rangers, which I used to watch when I was but a wee young lad trying to get relief from muscle pains from hulking this giant fucking pyramid on my head all day. Thanks to Linkara?s education I?ve come to find out that while neither DC or Marvel fill me with confidence, Marvel actually can have more success in writing than DC because of it?s efforts to focus on characters we can connect with more. Plus, DC has a major problem with constantly being fucked over by it?s editorial staff.
So maybe I was a little too harsh on X-Men Destiny?s plot. Yeah it was predictable, but I?ve been doing this shit for a year now so maybe I just have a more honed instinct for plot predictions. Plus while yeah they half-assed things with the voice cast, it certainly wasn?t as bad as the voice acting for Disgaea. So, I decided to approach X-Men Evolution with an unbiased perspective, and actually try to like it.
The end result?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
X-Men Evolution is a sort of reboot of the X-Men animated series which was pretty good for a kids show if memory serves me correctly and had a theme that could openly compete with Power Rangers for theme that got stuck in your head most often. Now the thing that makes the X-Men stick out among Marvel series is that while handing it over from writer to writer creates problems, it generally does have potential with the focus being on prejudice and the major villain being an anti-hero rather than just some cartoonishly evil bad guy. But X-Men Evolution?
Actually speaking of the Power Rangers, let?s play a little bit of trivia since we?re talking about American kids shows. Arguably the worst thing to happen to Power Rangers was the Wild Force series. Why? They tried too hard to aim it at little kids because Disney is staffed by worthless morons who think that the best way to appeal to kids is to have kids be in it. Well, X-Men Evolution has the same problem, almost all of the mutants are teenagers and a lot of them talk like ?Them damn young people? and get really fucking annoying fast. Especially Kitty Pride. Kitty, a.k.a Shadowcat, is a mutant who has the power to phase through solid objects kind of like that woman from Read or Die or that token black guy from Power Rangers STD.
?I think I got the title wrong. Anyway Kitty?s method of talking involves inserting either the word ?Like? or the word ?Totally? into every alternate sentence, which brings back Scooby Doo flashbacks for me. Some liked Scooby Doo, but every time Kitty was on screen and opened her mouth I felt this overwhelming urge to cram my fist down her throat AND RIP OUT HER FUCKING JAW AND BLUDGEON HER TO DEATH WITH IT!!
Oh right, review. X-Men Evolution?s first season focuses on establishing things and kills what little I did know and like about X-Men: Mutants discriminated against, their powers made them dangerous but the treatment of them gave them valid reasons to be cross, and Magneto was supposedly a man who sought to protect mutant kind by wiping humanity out in self defense but you could see where he was coming from. First thing Evolution does is kill all of our abilities to sympathize with everyone since Cyclops is a dick, Nightcrawler and Shadowcat talk like their something that the 90s shat out in it?s death throes, Rogue is kind of dumb and has the power to punch holes in the plot, and Wolverine and Jean Grey are just kind of there and even in episodes devoted to them don?t contribute much. In fact neither does Storm whom half the time you will forget even exists. The other X-Man-- sorry, X-Teenager with Attitude who Should be Eviscerated, is Spike, who shoots spikes from his body and who is an extreme sports enthusiast.
So what do these teenage X-Men do? Well they spend ten episodes getting established, then failed attempts at intrigue are brought up, and then Magneto shows up only his actions are completely villainous and they never paint him as an anti-hero but an anti-human sociopath who experiments on his own kind. Also while some major plot elements only make sense if you have prior knowledge of the X-Men, until Magneto actually shows himself the series expects us to be ignorant of who Magneto and Mystique are and even after the first season ends we just know Magneto and Xavier seem to compete with each other for recruiting newly discovered mutants into either the X-Men or the Brotherhood of Mutants, though it?s never called the Brotherhood until the second season.
So with the fact that the series can?t keep itself straight on whether or not it?s a new X-Men series ignoring continuity aimed at getting new fans interested or a fan-wank resurrection of the X-Men animated series, it shouldn?t surprise you that the writing is incomprehensible, which is why it will surprise you that the writing isn?t there at all. The closest thing to a story arc are a few episodes devoted to Rogue who at first seems to be aligned with the Brotherhood after a shape sifting mutant called Mystique tricked her into believing the X-Men were mutant hunters. Mystique and Magneto, whom Mystique literally refers to as her ?Mysterious Benefactor? at one point, want Rogue whose mutation allows her to absorb the powers and minds of other people through direct skin contact and in theory if she harnesses this power she can permanently keep any power she receives and become damn near invincible, only the fact that she now absorbs memory makes a gigantic plot hole that it takes her several episodes to question the attack on her. She finds out almost immediately that the X-Men are another united mutant pack like the Brotherhood so the whole ?Mutant Hunter? schlock falls apart immediately, but in one episode where she defends Jean Gray from a mutant called The Blob by stealing Cyclops?s power of optic blasts she never scans the memories she receives from him and realizes he didn?t attack her. And she had multiple opportunities to do this since she touched several X-Men including ones whose shape Mystique had taken during her deception and never tried to discover what was going on. The only time she changes her mind about the X-Men is when she touches Mystique and steals her memories of the attack and finds out about some of Magneto?s ploy for her.
Actually I?m going to harp on the Rogue bit some more since she was the closest thing to a likable character. The big problem is that not only do they do fuck all with Rogue, they just make her whine, make her say some faux-badass things during a fight with The Blob, she clearly establishes just how two dimensional the whole fucking series is because the only choices she considers are Brotherhood or X-Men, good or evil, she never considers just refusing to side with either team since she?s had problems with both parties, she just chooses ?Evil Brotherhood or good X-Men.? A simple battle of good vs. evil is really fucking boring and the only reason I give X-Men any credit is in theory Magneto creates a third option and there aren?t any true villains, but no, good triumphs and, I shit you not, the first season never brings up anti-mutant prejudice. We have absolutely no context for Magneto?s actions, he?s just some mad social-Darwanist mutant Hitler who seeks to bolster mutants as the master race. Fuck that!
I suppose I could bring up some favorable items, since I tend to ***** too much in these reviews. But I just can?t! The art isn?t that impressive, I can say I like that it doesn?t dive too heavily into the cheesecake like other superhero series but the eyes almost always look way too lifeless and in a strange mirror of the Mortal Kombat problem, most of the characters are identically built. You have teenage females characters, adult female characters, teenage male characters, and Wolverine who went on steroids at some point. Oh, maybe I?ve been spoiled by Clamp?s work in this regard, but why do characters only ever wear two outfits?
And perhaps the biggest crime of all, the entry theme, while better than a vast majority of the shitty pop tunes I hear while watching animes, is a major step down from the old animated series theme. Okay great I don?t have to listened to Nana Mizuki or Yoko Hikasa again. Would you kindly go a bit heavier on the bass? I want to head bang until my pyramid kills something and Mindless Self Indulgence ruined Lollipop Chainsaw. No? Fuck you then.
In summary the first season of Evolution fails to engage and really just paints itself as a stupid cash-in aimed at younger fans than something meant to get people excited for the X-Men again. I guess if I want to see Magneto at his best I?ll have to watch X-Men First Class. Some may say it?s wrong of me to only watch the very short first season, but speaking as someone who has had proper training in fiction writing and writing essays, if you failed to hook the audience it doesn?t matter how well the you handle the second act since they didn?t stick around for the first. If they failed to hook me after an entire season, they failed as writers. I cannot recommend X-Men Evolution at all, but since some people will be satisfied just with seeing X-Men again or started it with a later season and actually like it, the reason I made this review was because I found four seasons of X-Men Evolution on YouTube on an official channel from Marvel meant to advertise the fact that the show is available for download on iTunes, and you can still check it out. Me? While the first few episodes made it feel good to break away from anime, especially after DearS, I don?t have that much nostalgia for X-Men and just can?t forgive the flaws. I say avoid it, but since there are a lot of young adults on The Escapist who may have already seen it and have nostalgia for it, like is aid, it?s on YouTube. Now if you?ll excuse me, I?m going back to watching things made in a language I only vaguely understand.
His mutant power is venomous snark
--Pyramid Head
Next Non-Game Review: Digimon Adventure 02
So maybe I was a little too harsh on X-Men Destiny?s plot. Yeah it was predictable, but I?ve been doing this shit for a year now so maybe I just have a more honed instinct for plot predictions. Plus while yeah they half-assed things with the voice cast, it certainly wasn?t as bad as the voice acting for Disgaea. So, I decided to approach X-Men Evolution with an unbiased perspective, and actually try to like it.
The end result?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
X-Men Evolution is a sort of reboot of the X-Men animated series which was pretty good for a kids show if memory serves me correctly and had a theme that could openly compete with Power Rangers for theme that got stuck in your head most often. Now the thing that makes the X-Men stick out among Marvel series is that while handing it over from writer to writer creates problems, it generally does have potential with the focus being on prejudice and the major villain being an anti-hero rather than just some cartoonishly evil bad guy. But X-Men Evolution?
Actually speaking of the Power Rangers, let?s play a little bit of trivia since we?re talking about American kids shows. Arguably the worst thing to happen to Power Rangers was the Wild Force series. Why? They tried too hard to aim it at little kids because Disney is staffed by worthless morons who think that the best way to appeal to kids is to have kids be in it. Well, X-Men Evolution has the same problem, almost all of the mutants are teenagers and a lot of them talk like ?Them damn young people? and get really fucking annoying fast. Especially Kitty Pride. Kitty, a.k.a Shadowcat, is a mutant who has the power to phase through solid objects kind of like that woman from Read or Die or that token black guy from Power Rangers STD.
?I think I got the title wrong. Anyway Kitty?s method of talking involves inserting either the word ?Like? or the word ?Totally? into every alternate sentence, which brings back Scooby Doo flashbacks for me. Some liked Scooby Doo, but every time Kitty was on screen and opened her mouth I felt this overwhelming urge to cram my fist down her throat AND RIP OUT HER FUCKING JAW AND BLUDGEON HER TO DEATH WITH IT!!
Oh right, review. X-Men Evolution?s first season focuses on establishing things and kills what little I did know and like about X-Men: Mutants discriminated against, their powers made them dangerous but the treatment of them gave them valid reasons to be cross, and Magneto was supposedly a man who sought to protect mutant kind by wiping humanity out in self defense but you could see where he was coming from. First thing Evolution does is kill all of our abilities to sympathize with everyone since Cyclops is a dick, Nightcrawler and Shadowcat talk like their something that the 90s shat out in it?s death throes, Rogue is kind of dumb and has the power to punch holes in the plot, and Wolverine and Jean Grey are just kind of there and even in episodes devoted to them don?t contribute much. In fact neither does Storm whom half the time you will forget even exists. The other X-Man-- sorry, X-Teenager with Attitude who Should be Eviscerated, is Spike, who shoots spikes from his body and who is an extreme sports enthusiast.
So what do these teenage X-Men do? Well they spend ten episodes getting established, then failed attempts at intrigue are brought up, and then Magneto shows up only his actions are completely villainous and they never paint him as an anti-hero but an anti-human sociopath who experiments on his own kind. Also while some major plot elements only make sense if you have prior knowledge of the X-Men, until Magneto actually shows himself the series expects us to be ignorant of who Magneto and Mystique are and even after the first season ends we just know Magneto and Xavier seem to compete with each other for recruiting newly discovered mutants into either the X-Men or the Brotherhood of Mutants, though it?s never called the Brotherhood until the second season.
So with the fact that the series can?t keep itself straight on whether or not it?s a new X-Men series ignoring continuity aimed at getting new fans interested or a fan-wank resurrection of the X-Men animated series, it shouldn?t surprise you that the writing is incomprehensible, which is why it will surprise you that the writing isn?t there at all. The closest thing to a story arc are a few episodes devoted to Rogue who at first seems to be aligned with the Brotherhood after a shape sifting mutant called Mystique tricked her into believing the X-Men were mutant hunters. Mystique and Magneto, whom Mystique literally refers to as her ?Mysterious Benefactor? at one point, want Rogue whose mutation allows her to absorb the powers and minds of other people through direct skin contact and in theory if she harnesses this power she can permanently keep any power she receives and become damn near invincible, only the fact that she now absorbs memory makes a gigantic plot hole that it takes her several episodes to question the attack on her. She finds out almost immediately that the X-Men are another united mutant pack like the Brotherhood so the whole ?Mutant Hunter? schlock falls apart immediately, but in one episode where she defends Jean Gray from a mutant called The Blob by stealing Cyclops?s power of optic blasts she never scans the memories she receives from him and realizes he didn?t attack her. And she had multiple opportunities to do this since she touched several X-Men including ones whose shape Mystique had taken during her deception and never tried to discover what was going on. The only time she changes her mind about the X-Men is when she touches Mystique and steals her memories of the attack and finds out about some of Magneto?s ploy for her.
Actually I?m going to harp on the Rogue bit some more since she was the closest thing to a likable character. The big problem is that not only do they do fuck all with Rogue, they just make her whine, make her say some faux-badass things during a fight with The Blob, she clearly establishes just how two dimensional the whole fucking series is because the only choices she considers are Brotherhood or X-Men, good or evil, she never considers just refusing to side with either team since she?s had problems with both parties, she just chooses ?Evil Brotherhood or good X-Men.? A simple battle of good vs. evil is really fucking boring and the only reason I give X-Men any credit is in theory Magneto creates a third option and there aren?t any true villains, but no, good triumphs and, I shit you not, the first season never brings up anti-mutant prejudice. We have absolutely no context for Magneto?s actions, he?s just some mad social-Darwanist mutant Hitler who seeks to bolster mutants as the master race. Fuck that!
I suppose I could bring up some favorable items, since I tend to ***** too much in these reviews. But I just can?t! The art isn?t that impressive, I can say I like that it doesn?t dive too heavily into the cheesecake like other superhero series but the eyes almost always look way too lifeless and in a strange mirror of the Mortal Kombat problem, most of the characters are identically built. You have teenage females characters, adult female characters, teenage male characters, and Wolverine who went on steroids at some point. Oh, maybe I?ve been spoiled by Clamp?s work in this regard, but why do characters only ever wear two outfits?
And perhaps the biggest crime of all, the entry theme, while better than a vast majority of the shitty pop tunes I hear while watching animes, is a major step down from the old animated series theme. Okay great I don?t have to listened to Nana Mizuki or Yoko Hikasa again. Would you kindly go a bit heavier on the bass? I want to head bang until my pyramid kills something and Mindless Self Indulgence ruined Lollipop Chainsaw. No? Fuck you then.
In summary the first season of Evolution fails to engage and really just paints itself as a stupid cash-in aimed at younger fans than something meant to get people excited for the X-Men again. I guess if I want to see Magneto at his best I?ll have to watch X-Men First Class. Some may say it?s wrong of me to only watch the very short first season, but speaking as someone who has had proper training in fiction writing and writing essays, if you failed to hook the audience it doesn?t matter how well the you handle the second act since they didn?t stick around for the first. If they failed to hook me after an entire season, they failed as writers. I cannot recommend X-Men Evolution at all, but since some people will be satisfied just with seeing X-Men again or started it with a later season and actually like it, the reason I made this review was because I found four seasons of X-Men Evolution on YouTube on an official channel from Marvel meant to advertise the fact that the show is available for download on iTunes, and you can still check it out. Me? While the first few episodes made it feel good to break away from anime, especially after DearS, I don?t have that much nostalgia for X-Men and just can?t forgive the flaws. I say avoid it, but since there are a lot of young adults on The Escapist who may have already seen it and have nostalgia for it, like is aid, it?s on YouTube. Now if you?ll excuse me, I?m going back to watching things made in a language I only vaguely understand.
His mutant power is venomous snark
--Pyramid Head
Next Non-Game Review: Digimon Adventure 02