Film Synopsis:
-There's this futuristic society that's made to look like a watered down version of Blade Runner's setting (true, that comparison is lame nowadays, but if you saw the setting in which this movie takes place it REALLY has nothing original going for it). The time period seems to be set in an era where real organ transplants are replaced with insanely priced artificial ones*. The major evil power in this flick is, what else, a large corporation known as The Union, a health-care corporation*.
-The Union makes its money by overcharging their artificial organs to their customers and forcing them into monthly payment plans, with stupidly high interest. If the costumers can't pay, then The Union sends a repo man to take back their product at an unspecified place and time. That's right. This mega corporation sends people to find you, taser you unconscious, and then cut you open then-and-there to steal your artificial organ. ...WHAT THE FUCK?!*
-Anyway, the story is pretty much a paint-by-numbers bad-guy goes good-guy plot* with Jude Law playing the "best man for the job" main character and Forest Whitaker playing the "childhood friend/rival sent after main hero". Jude Law goes through an accident, loses his heart, needs an artificial one, and then misses one too many payments.
-Anyway, there's a few pretty good action scenes (one at the end that reminded me of "Old Boy", a much better film with great cinematography). There is gore, but it's minor. Some CG internal shots of a beating heart, some spraying on the walls and on the ground, you know, minor stuff for today's movie goers*.
____________________________________NOW, FOR THE RANT__________________________________________
*1. At no point in this movie are we given any explanation for why everyone who needs organs only gets artificial ones. What happened to REAL organ transplants? Did the writers think artificial organs were better? Well...they're not. A real human heart is WAY more lasting and effective than a fake one. No matter how super-sciency this movie tries to get, its retarding itself by not telling us why everybody has to e a fucking cyborg.
*2. There is NO explanation for how this futuristic society works. NONE. The Union tells their customers that failure to pay for their ridiculously overcharged organs will result in repossession. Does that not tip these people off?! The boss tells a customer his repeated line of "Do it for your family, Do it for yourself" in order to slyly persuade them into signing the contract, thereby purchasing an artificial organ. You know what? That's bullshit! People, though pretty dumb in general, aren't fucking retarded like that! Human beings ask questions! Where's the fucking government, too? How does the Union get away with this shit? If The Union is doubling as the government, then where are the police, and why is it run as a business and not as a totalitarian rule? The whole settings looks like civilians with no law enforcement. Why has no one taken the Union to court? What are the laws of this world? What am I doing contemplating a poorly design society?!
*3. Everyone knew about the repo men, but some acted like their jobs were demonized by old wives' tales while others, like Jude Law's wife, knew how gruesome the job really was. Why are the facts about the Repo Men so mysterious to the common man? Are there no journalists in this world?
--Also, Jude Law states several times that, as a Repo Man, he's LEGALLY REQUIRED to ask if the victim wants to have an ambulance called upon his assignment's completion, though, as he also states, they'd get there too late anyway. What...the fuck is wrong with this movie? Real police officers repeat a legally required speech upon arrests of individuals, and you know what, IT HAS A FUCKING POINT! There is NO point Jude Law having to offer that choice if he's cutting out a man's HEART! ...Shit writing...
*4. Here's where I bring in my hate for Escape to the Movies. The reviewer in that show knows jack shit about the premise of a good story. Then again, he did say District 9, one of the most self-important, unoriginal pieces of shit to hit cinema, was one of the "best science fiction films of the 21st century". I think that shows what his tastes are (also, Equalibruim was stupid and Avatar was dog shit painted in gold leaf).
--How can you POSSIBLY say- Oh, and I didn't see "Moon" so I won't comment on that...
--How can you POSSIBLY say the premise for this film is great and/or fun and MEAN it? Are you nuts?! Repo Men: guys go around taking back organs like a Monty Python sketch from "The Facts of Life" (A scene which, by the way, is briefly showed in the film. Just because you're self-aware, movie, that doesn't make you GOOD!). The premise is dumb. If you go to see this movie thinking the premise isn't dumb...
The only reason you'd want to see this movie is because of the gore which is promised by its idiotic premise. This brings us to
*5. The reviewer from Escape to the Movies must be squeamish, because the gore is very skimpy. You have blood from shooting, blood from stabbing/slashing, and some shots of wound-opening like actual surgery, only here it looks more like a pair of wobbly plastic pieces slathered in red. If you've sat through "Cabin Fever" or "The Nightmare on Elmstreet" movies, then this is nothing, because it barely even touches those films. Buckets of blood? Grow the fuck up. "Ninja Assassin" had buckets of blood. This has a ziplock baggy of blood at best.
- I'll close with this: Escape to the Movies always disappointments me, and until now I've steered clear of the show. I went to watch it this time to see what this guy had to say about the movie I'd literally just watched an hour ago, and once again, he failed to prove me wrong in saying that he's a horrible reviewer. The reviewer likes movies that are so pretentious they nearly suck you along with their own heads up their asses. Well, that's his problem. Whatever. His fatal flaw this time (District 9...the best...the 21st century?! REALLY?!) was that he got the plot wrong. Jude Law doesn't join ANY resistence. He just runs from Whitaker, runs from other Repo Men, and finally attacks The Union's headquarters alone (that girl he's with doesn't count as a resistance force!). There is no, I repeat NO, rebel underground in this movie to fight the big bad corporation, which is another giant hole in this film's sense reality. Also, WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE SEX SCENE/SURGERY, REVIEWER?! WHERE?! What, so kissing and hugging counts as a sex scene, does it? Get your fucking facts right, mate. Oh, and NOBODY in the theater was shocked WHATSOEVER by this film. NOBODY.
--The Repo Men is a blockbuster that has too many plot holes, and the ending will either make you understand the setting of the movie, or make you hate it like I do. The film is a fucking waste of money, time, and of Forest Whitaker, who always was and always will be my favorite actor.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to watch "The Last King of Scotland" to wash off this film's filth from my eyes.
-There's this futuristic society that's made to look like a watered down version of Blade Runner's setting (true, that comparison is lame nowadays, but if you saw the setting in which this movie takes place it REALLY has nothing original going for it). The time period seems to be set in an era where real organ transplants are replaced with insanely priced artificial ones*. The major evil power in this flick is, what else, a large corporation known as The Union, a health-care corporation*.
-The Union makes its money by overcharging their artificial organs to their customers and forcing them into monthly payment plans, with stupidly high interest. If the costumers can't pay, then The Union sends a repo man to take back their product at an unspecified place and time. That's right. This mega corporation sends people to find you, taser you unconscious, and then cut you open then-and-there to steal your artificial organ. ...WHAT THE FUCK?!*
-Anyway, the story is pretty much a paint-by-numbers bad-guy goes good-guy plot* with Jude Law playing the "best man for the job" main character and Forest Whitaker playing the "childhood friend/rival sent after main hero". Jude Law goes through an accident, loses his heart, needs an artificial one, and then misses one too many payments.
-Anyway, there's a few pretty good action scenes (one at the end that reminded me of "Old Boy", a much better film with great cinematography). There is gore, but it's minor. Some CG internal shots of a beating heart, some spraying on the walls and on the ground, you know, minor stuff for today's movie goers*.
____________________________________NOW, FOR THE RANT__________________________________________
*1. At no point in this movie are we given any explanation for why everyone who needs organs only gets artificial ones. What happened to REAL organ transplants? Did the writers think artificial organs were better? Well...they're not. A real human heart is WAY more lasting and effective than a fake one. No matter how super-sciency this movie tries to get, its retarding itself by not telling us why everybody has to e a fucking cyborg.
*2. There is NO explanation for how this futuristic society works. NONE. The Union tells their customers that failure to pay for their ridiculously overcharged organs will result in repossession. Does that not tip these people off?! The boss tells a customer his repeated line of "Do it for your family, Do it for yourself" in order to slyly persuade them into signing the contract, thereby purchasing an artificial organ. You know what? That's bullshit! People, though pretty dumb in general, aren't fucking retarded like that! Human beings ask questions! Where's the fucking government, too? How does the Union get away with this shit? If The Union is doubling as the government, then where are the police, and why is it run as a business and not as a totalitarian rule? The whole settings looks like civilians with no law enforcement. Why has no one taken the Union to court? What are the laws of this world? What am I doing contemplating a poorly design society?!
*3. Everyone knew about the repo men, but some acted like their jobs were demonized by old wives' tales while others, like Jude Law's wife, knew how gruesome the job really was. Why are the facts about the Repo Men so mysterious to the common man? Are there no journalists in this world?
--Also, Jude Law states several times that, as a Repo Man, he's LEGALLY REQUIRED to ask if the victim wants to have an ambulance called upon his assignment's completion, though, as he also states, they'd get there too late anyway. What...the fuck is wrong with this movie? Real police officers repeat a legally required speech upon arrests of individuals, and you know what, IT HAS A FUCKING POINT! There is NO point Jude Law having to offer that choice if he's cutting out a man's HEART! ...Shit writing...
*4. Here's where I bring in my hate for Escape to the Movies. The reviewer in that show knows jack shit about the premise of a good story. Then again, he did say District 9, one of the most self-important, unoriginal pieces of shit to hit cinema, was one of the "best science fiction films of the 21st century". I think that shows what his tastes are (also, Equalibruim was stupid and Avatar was dog shit painted in gold leaf).
--How can you POSSIBLY say- Oh, and I didn't see "Moon" so I won't comment on that...
--How can you POSSIBLY say the premise for this film is great and/or fun and MEAN it? Are you nuts?! Repo Men: guys go around taking back organs like a Monty Python sketch from "The Facts of Life" (A scene which, by the way, is briefly showed in the film. Just because you're self-aware, movie, that doesn't make you GOOD!). The premise is dumb. If you go to see this movie thinking the premise isn't dumb...
The only reason you'd want to see this movie is because of the gore which is promised by its idiotic premise. This brings us to
*5. The reviewer from Escape to the Movies must be squeamish, because the gore is very skimpy. You have blood from shooting, blood from stabbing/slashing, and some shots of wound-opening like actual surgery, only here it looks more like a pair of wobbly plastic pieces slathered in red. If you've sat through "Cabin Fever" or "The Nightmare on Elmstreet" movies, then this is nothing, because it barely even touches those films. Buckets of blood? Grow the fuck up. "Ninja Assassin" had buckets of blood. This has a ziplock baggy of blood at best.
- I'll close with this: Escape to the Movies always disappointments me, and until now I've steered clear of the show. I went to watch it this time to see what this guy had to say about the movie I'd literally just watched an hour ago, and once again, he failed to prove me wrong in saying that he's a horrible reviewer. The reviewer likes movies that are so pretentious they nearly suck you along with their own heads up their asses. Well, that's his problem. Whatever. His fatal flaw this time (District 9...the best...the 21st century?! REALLY?!) was that he got the plot wrong. Jude Law doesn't join ANY resistence. He just runs from Whitaker, runs from other Repo Men, and finally attacks The Union's headquarters alone (that girl he's with doesn't count as a resistance force!). There is no, I repeat NO, rebel underground in this movie to fight the big bad corporation, which is another giant hole in this film's sense reality. Also, WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE SEX SCENE/SURGERY, REVIEWER?! WHERE?! What, so kissing and hugging counts as a sex scene, does it? Get your fucking facts right, mate. Oh, and NOBODY in the theater was shocked WHATSOEVER by this film. NOBODY.
--The Repo Men is a blockbuster that has too many plot holes, and the ending will either make you understand the setting of the movie, or make you hate it like I do. The film is a fucking waste of money, time, and of Forest Whitaker, who always was and always will be my favorite actor.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to watch "The Last King of Scotland" to wash off this film's filth from my eyes.
