Spoilers follow for the April 14th episode of Raw.
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Having the flu is just about the worst feeling that can come out of nowhere. At 11 AM, I felt more or less okay. By noon, I was bedridden. I sat through Raw twice because I missed about half of it each time, and also because I couldn't sleep. I'm a touch better today -- good enough to sit at a desk instead of lying in bed -- so let's get this Raw review started.
It's Ultimate Warrior Tribute Night. The show opens with a fantastic video tribute and all the WWE superstars come out to show their appreciation. Warrior's final promo is cut into the segment, and it's tough to feel like he didn't know something was wrong with him. Even though I'm someone who didn't really see Warrior wrestle -- not "in the moment," anyway -- it was heartfelt and emotional. A 10-bell salute and a standing ovation later, and we're ready to get on with the real show. A few of Warrior's best matches, in abbreviated form, are going to be interspersed into the show.
We soon learn that, because the QWE writers are incredibly lazy, they have nobody to challenge Big E for his Intercontinental Championship at Extreme Rules. So, for the next three weeks, we're going to have a tournament. From top to bottom, the matches go like this: Cesaro vs. Mark Henry, RVD vs. Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger, and Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett. The opening match is RVD vs. Del Rio, because somebody messed up. The rest of the matches will be in order.
Rob Van Dam vs. Alberto Del Rio
Del Rio has had a win or two over Big E lately, and if there's a favorite for this tournament, you have to think it's him, right? Besides, RVD's best skill right now is putting over younger stars. This isn't what happens. A back-and-forth match -- a good one, even if RVD doesn't bring much of his high-flying offense -- ends with RVD picking up the win. So much for my "favorite." RVD will still likely be putting someone else over, although it's anyone's guess at what point that'll happen.
Cody Rhodes and Goldust vs. RybAxel (Ryback and Curtis Axel)
This is one of those bathroom break matches. Neither tag team has any real momentum right now, and with Goldust only signed until SummerSlam (so the rumors say), it makes sense as to why. A brief match sees RybAxel picking up the victory. That's two in a row for them. Could they be building up for a title chase? Well, the tag team division is significantly weaker than it was just a month ago, so it's entirely possible.
Paige vs. Alicia Fox
After stealing the title from AJ Lee and making the entire division look weak in the process, now it's time for Paige to go on a run. Alicia Fox hits three straight backbreakers and dominates most of the match, all before Paige locks in her Scorpion Cross Lock. Impressive move. It seems WWE is going to push Paige as the underdog for a while, letting her look weak for the majority of the match before coming back and winning in a couple of moves. I was surprised with how good Fox looked, but the three straight backbreakers remind us how limited some of the Divas' movesets truly are.
Batista and Randy Orton vs. The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso)
Someday, perhaps, I'll figure out which Uso is which. This is a non-match, even though it was billed with The Usos wanting revenge on the men who made their Tag Team Championships look weak just a week ago. The Shield winds up coming down just a couple of minutes in to scare off Batista and Orton. This was done to prove something Triple H said in an early moment: As long as The Shield is around, all three former Evolution members will be unable to go after Daniel Bryan's title. After the match, The Game passes the two men backstage and says "Told you."
Cesaro vs. Mark Henry
This was undoubtedly meant to be the opening match, but for some reason it was moved down a slot. No matter. This isn't a good match. In fact, it's the weakest of all four matches in this tournament. Perhaps that's why it was moved down. Cesaro does his general offense, which basically amounts to a flurry of punches, elbows, and European uppercuts, occasionally being pushed away by Henry. The Neutralizer is hit, but less impressively than the one he hit on Big Show. He got Show, a bigger man, up higher. I can't imagine anyone expected Henry to win. Cesaro's on too big of a role, but he'll probably have his chance cost by Jack Swagger in one of the later rounds.
Xavier Woods (with R-Truth) vs. Alexander Rusev (with Lana)
Hey, remember when Xavier Woods was relevant? Me, neither. This is your weekly squash match for Rusev, who kicks Woods a few times, hits a slam, and then uses his Camel Clutch finisher, to which Woods taps instantly. Why is everyone immediately tapping to it? It's just going to seem stupid when someone doesn't. Give it a second or two, at least. R-Truth attacks Rusev after the match, which doesn't end well for him. One kick is enough to take out Truth.
Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger is a good in-ring performer, while Sheamus is less so. The two men, as we find out here, work well together. Sheamus hasn't looked this good in month, and Swagger is always pretty impressive. This is a physical match that's not in the least bit technical. That bodes well for Sheamus, who wins the match with his Brogue Kick, even though he can barely stand after the match. Well done, gentlemen.
Big Show vs. Damien Sandow
I don't know if this is really a match, but it has Damien Sandow on the mic to begin. He claims he's the most deserving Superstar on the roster, and then Big Show comes out. Presumably they're going to fight. Sandow keeps talking and eventually Big Show's had enough. He knocks out Sandow with one punch, and then leaves the ring. Sandow on the mic is always fun, but this seemed less than likely to give him any sort of push.
A Wyatt Family promo is up next, which means that one of the show's highlights is up next. Wyatt does all the talking, as he should, before being interrupted by John Cena. Cena degrades the family, showing pictures of Wyatt's biological family. Sister Abigail looks just like Wyatt. Wyatt's mother looks like Luke Harper. Wyatt's newborn child looks like Erick Rowan. How funny! Not. Eventually, we find out that Wyatt and Cena will battle it out in a Steel Cage at Extreme Rules, all to ensure that the rest of his family doesn't get involved. I assume we're supposed to forget that they magically got into the Elimination Chamber.
Santino Marella and Emma vs. Fandango and Layla
A waste of two minutes. Santino and Fandango fight for a second before the Divas are tagged in. Layla throws Emma off the top rope for a pinfall. The in-ring action isn't good and this feud has been dead for weeks. Why is it still being pushed at all? Please, WWE, drop it.
To conclude the segment, we enter Stephanie McMahon's office, as she's berating someone for not doing his job. It turns out that this man is Kane. After being told that he's a shell of his former self, he reaches for his mask, which just so happened to be sitting on the desk. He promises to eviscerate Daniel Bryan next week. More importantly: MASKED KANE IS COMING BACK! I knew it would happen at some point before See No Evil 2, but the earlier the better. This has me more excited than anything else on tonight's card.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett
We follow up the most exciting promo of the night with the best match. It's good to see Bad News Barrett getting a push, and putting him in a match with Dolph Ziggler, a tremendous in-ring guy, is a good idea. The two have a great match with more than a couple of near-falls. Big moves are hit by each, and a great finish leads to Barrett hitting the Bull Hammer for the victory. Is he the new favorite to challenge for the Intercontinental Championship? He just might be.
The Shield (Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and Seth Rollins) vs. ???
Earlier on the show, Triple H and Stephanie made the announcement that The Shield would be in the main event. Against whom? They didn't say. The Shield gets to the ring first before Alberto Del Rio's music hits. And then Jack Swagger's. Followed by Fandango's. 3MB, Titus O'Neil, RybAxel, Alexander Rusev, and Bad News Barrett follow. Yes, it's an 11-on-3 main event. The match is a mess, but it's not as bad as it could have been. After The Shield is thoroughly demolished, Evolution comes out. Yes, they're officially a stable again. Entrance music and all. They beat up The Shield even more. That's how Raw ends. The crowd seemed dead for Evolution's official return. That's surprising. Regardless, it looks like we're heading to a Shield vs. Evolution match at Extreme Rules. That should be good.
The Good: The promise of masked Kane's return. Evolution's return. Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett. The Ultimate Warrior's opening tribute. Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger.
The Bad: Me, getting the flu. The Santino/Fandango feud. John Cena interrupting Bray Wyatt's promo. Damien Sandow getting knocked out in one punch by Big Show.
Match of the Night: Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett.
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Having the flu is just about the worst feeling that can come out of nowhere. At 11 AM, I felt more or less okay. By noon, I was bedridden. I sat through Raw twice because I missed about half of it each time, and also because I couldn't sleep. I'm a touch better today -- good enough to sit at a desk instead of lying in bed -- so let's get this Raw review started.
It's Ultimate Warrior Tribute Night. The show opens with a fantastic video tribute and all the WWE superstars come out to show their appreciation. Warrior's final promo is cut into the segment, and it's tough to feel like he didn't know something was wrong with him. Even though I'm someone who didn't really see Warrior wrestle -- not "in the moment," anyway -- it was heartfelt and emotional. A 10-bell salute and a standing ovation later, and we're ready to get on with the real show. A few of Warrior's best matches, in abbreviated form, are going to be interspersed into the show.
We soon learn that, because the QWE writers are incredibly lazy, they have nobody to challenge Big E for his Intercontinental Championship at Extreme Rules. So, for the next three weeks, we're going to have a tournament. From top to bottom, the matches go like this: Cesaro vs. Mark Henry, RVD vs. Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger, and Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett. The opening match is RVD vs. Del Rio, because somebody messed up. The rest of the matches will be in order.
Rob Van Dam vs. Alberto Del Rio
Del Rio has had a win or two over Big E lately, and if there's a favorite for this tournament, you have to think it's him, right? Besides, RVD's best skill right now is putting over younger stars. This isn't what happens. A back-and-forth match -- a good one, even if RVD doesn't bring much of his high-flying offense -- ends with RVD picking up the win. So much for my "favorite." RVD will still likely be putting someone else over, although it's anyone's guess at what point that'll happen.
Cody Rhodes and Goldust vs. RybAxel (Ryback and Curtis Axel)
This is one of those bathroom break matches. Neither tag team has any real momentum right now, and with Goldust only signed until SummerSlam (so the rumors say), it makes sense as to why. A brief match sees RybAxel picking up the victory. That's two in a row for them. Could they be building up for a title chase? Well, the tag team division is significantly weaker than it was just a month ago, so it's entirely possible.
Paige vs. Alicia Fox
After stealing the title from AJ Lee and making the entire division look weak in the process, now it's time for Paige to go on a run. Alicia Fox hits three straight backbreakers and dominates most of the match, all before Paige locks in her Scorpion Cross Lock. Impressive move. It seems WWE is going to push Paige as the underdog for a while, letting her look weak for the majority of the match before coming back and winning in a couple of moves. I was surprised with how good Fox looked, but the three straight backbreakers remind us how limited some of the Divas' movesets truly are.
Batista and Randy Orton vs. The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso)
Someday, perhaps, I'll figure out which Uso is which. This is a non-match, even though it was billed with The Usos wanting revenge on the men who made their Tag Team Championships look weak just a week ago. The Shield winds up coming down just a couple of minutes in to scare off Batista and Orton. This was done to prove something Triple H said in an early moment: As long as The Shield is around, all three former Evolution members will be unable to go after Daniel Bryan's title. After the match, The Game passes the two men backstage and says "Told you."
Cesaro vs. Mark Henry
This was undoubtedly meant to be the opening match, but for some reason it was moved down a slot. No matter. This isn't a good match. In fact, it's the weakest of all four matches in this tournament. Perhaps that's why it was moved down. Cesaro does his general offense, which basically amounts to a flurry of punches, elbows, and European uppercuts, occasionally being pushed away by Henry. The Neutralizer is hit, but less impressively than the one he hit on Big Show. He got Show, a bigger man, up higher. I can't imagine anyone expected Henry to win. Cesaro's on too big of a role, but he'll probably have his chance cost by Jack Swagger in one of the later rounds.
Xavier Woods (with R-Truth) vs. Alexander Rusev (with Lana)
Hey, remember when Xavier Woods was relevant? Me, neither. This is your weekly squash match for Rusev, who kicks Woods a few times, hits a slam, and then uses his Camel Clutch finisher, to which Woods taps instantly. Why is everyone immediately tapping to it? It's just going to seem stupid when someone doesn't. Give it a second or two, at least. R-Truth attacks Rusev after the match, which doesn't end well for him. One kick is enough to take out Truth.
Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger is a good in-ring performer, while Sheamus is less so. The two men, as we find out here, work well together. Sheamus hasn't looked this good in month, and Swagger is always pretty impressive. This is a physical match that's not in the least bit technical. That bodes well for Sheamus, who wins the match with his Brogue Kick, even though he can barely stand after the match. Well done, gentlemen.
Big Show vs. Damien Sandow
I don't know if this is really a match, but it has Damien Sandow on the mic to begin. He claims he's the most deserving Superstar on the roster, and then Big Show comes out. Presumably they're going to fight. Sandow keeps talking and eventually Big Show's had enough. He knocks out Sandow with one punch, and then leaves the ring. Sandow on the mic is always fun, but this seemed less than likely to give him any sort of push.
A Wyatt Family promo is up next, which means that one of the show's highlights is up next. Wyatt does all the talking, as he should, before being interrupted by John Cena. Cena degrades the family, showing pictures of Wyatt's biological family. Sister Abigail looks just like Wyatt. Wyatt's mother looks like Luke Harper. Wyatt's newborn child looks like Erick Rowan. How funny! Not. Eventually, we find out that Wyatt and Cena will battle it out in a Steel Cage at Extreme Rules, all to ensure that the rest of his family doesn't get involved. I assume we're supposed to forget that they magically got into the Elimination Chamber.
Santino Marella and Emma vs. Fandango and Layla
A waste of two minutes. Santino and Fandango fight for a second before the Divas are tagged in. Layla throws Emma off the top rope for a pinfall. The in-ring action isn't good and this feud has been dead for weeks. Why is it still being pushed at all? Please, WWE, drop it.
To conclude the segment, we enter Stephanie McMahon's office, as she's berating someone for not doing his job. It turns out that this man is Kane. After being told that he's a shell of his former self, he reaches for his mask, which just so happened to be sitting on the desk. He promises to eviscerate Daniel Bryan next week. More importantly: MASKED KANE IS COMING BACK! I knew it would happen at some point before See No Evil 2, but the earlier the better. This has me more excited than anything else on tonight's card.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett
We follow up the most exciting promo of the night with the best match. It's good to see Bad News Barrett getting a push, and putting him in a match with Dolph Ziggler, a tremendous in-ring guy, is a good idea. The two have a great match with more than a couple of near-falls. Big moves are hit by each, and a great finish leads to Barrett hitting the Bull Hammer for the victory. Is he the new favorite to challenge for the Intercontinental Championship? He just might be.
The Shield (Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and Seth Rollins) vs. ???
Earlier on the show, Triple H and Stephanie made the announcement that The Shield would be in the main event. Against whom? They didn't say. The Shield gets to the ring first before Alberto Del Rio's music hits. And then Jack Swagger's. Followed by Fandango's. 3MB, Titus O'Neil, RybAxel, Alexander Rusev, and Bad News Barrett follow. Yes, it's an 11-on-3 main event. The match is a mess, but it's not as bad as it could have been. After The Shield is thoroughly demolished, Evolution comes out. Yes, they're officially a stable again. Entrance music and all. They beat up The Shield even more. That's how Raw ends. The crowd seemed dead for Evolution's official return. That's surprising. Regardless, it looks like we're heading to a Shield vs. Evolution match at Extreme Rules. That should be good.
The Good: The promise of masked Kane's return. Evolution's return. Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett. The Ultimate Warrior's opening tribute. Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger.
The Bad: Me, getting the flu. The Santino/Fandango feud. John Cena interrupting Bray Wyatt's promo. Damien Sandow getting knocked out in one punch by Big Show.
Match of the Night: Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett.
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If you wish to be notified whenever I post something new, please join this <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/2-50-Reviews>user group.
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