Spoilers follow for the May 26th episode of Raw.
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It's the Raw before Payback, which means that we'll probably find out all but one of the matches on the upcoming PPV tonight. We'll get to further build the key feuds, hype up the WWE Network -- still not available outside the U.S. -- and have little focus on the wrestling. After all, you don't want to put on great matches right before the thing you want people to buy, right? It's not like that might entice people to pay for the potential of even better matches or anything. Wait, that would actually make a lot of sense. Maybe that's what Raw will deliver tonight, although for some reason I doubt it.
After a brief Memorial Day tribute, Stephanie McMahon and Triple H come out to kick off Raw. Stephanie talks first. She says that Daniel Bryan should do the right thing and surrender the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Because, you know, he really should. I actually agree with Stephanie here. If he can't defend it there's no reason for him to keep it. Triple H then talks about how real A+ players last for years and years; they're not a flash in the pan. It becomes a promo for Evolution vs. The Shield. There will be a contract signing tonight. Hopefully we'll get our obligatory brawl out of the way there instead of to conclude a match.
But we're not done there. Stephanie calls Raw General Manager Brad Maddox out to the ring. Triple H is upset about how The Shield managed to come out in an "official" capacity last week during the main event. I had already completely forgotten about this, to be honest. Maddox says he was forced into that decision. Kane's music hits. I guess we've forgotten about how Stephanie couldn't control Kane anymore, either as a ploy or because Kane legitimately can't be controlled. Fine. Time for Maddox to get his comeuppance. Kane gets to look like a monster and Maddox gets punished. Hooray. Nobody cares about Maddox anyway, but sure, that's fun. After Kane chokeslams and tombstones Maddox, Stephanie fires him.
Cesaro (with Paul Heyman) vs. Rob Van Dam
Bad News Barrett cuts a short promo before the match and then joins the commentary team for the match. Rob Van Dam is the clear face in the match, so if the goal is to make Cesaro, whose character is currently poorly defined, a heel, pairing him against RVD here isn't a bad idea. The match should be a back-and-forth battle between the two competitors, and for the most part, it is. Rob Van Dam hits his high-flying moves -- including a couple we rarely see -- while Cesaro uses his power game. The match is pretty long, filled with a bunch of big moves, and works well as the opening match of the night. Bad News Barrett distracts RVD so Cesaro can hit his German suplex pin for the victory. What a terrible finisher.
Match Rating: ***
Sheamus runs out and hits Cesaro with the Brogue Kick after the match. Okay.
Eva Marie (with Nikki Bella) vs. Summer Rae
Is Summer Rae currently involved in two feuds? When was the last time the Divas division saw that? Anyway, having Eva Marie in the ring is rarely a good thing, but her match on the last Smackdown wasn't horrible, so maybe she's gotten a bit better. Summer Rae dominates for the first few moments before Layla and Fandango show up at the top of the ramp. Eva Marie rolls up Summer Rae for the victory. Eva Marie won a match. A singles match. Clean or not, that's something I didn't think I'd say any time in the near future.
Match Rating: *
After the match, we learn that Cody Rhodes and Goldust will face the non-HHH parts of Evolution tonight. Cody Rhodes gets a couple of funny lines in. I'm genuinely excited about that match, if only because it might get a real finish.
Drew McIntyre (with 3MB) vs. El Torito (with Los Matadores)
Apparently this is still a thing. I did want to see El Torito fight regular roster members, if only because he has the athleticism to do it, but if the matches are going to be like this, I take back that desire. These are jokes and, honestly, this feud needed to end with the WeeLC match.
Match Rating: *
After the match, Hornswoggle beats up El Torito a bit and tries to get off the mask. And then the tail. He succeeds at the latter. JBL sells it to the audience like a champ. "Nothing's funny about this, Michael. Would you shut up?" Both stables need to disappear for a while. Or at least go do something else. But it doesn't even stop with the commercial break. After that, we get a shot backstage segment in which Los Matadores hopes to pin the tail on the bull -- with the help of a doctor, of course. Ugh.
Thankfully, it's time for a Wyatt promo. After those last two segments, this is what we need. Bray Wyatt opens with singing, because for some reason that's gotten over with the crowd. Wyatt will someday become a top babyface in the company. He's just too good at his job to stay a heel. I talk about this because his promos are captivating but not particularly worth discussing in detail in text. They're the type of "you must see it" thing that doesn't really come across well when you read them. So, yeah, you should flip on your TV to see it.
Wyatt does do something different this week by calling out Jerry Lawler. Lawler declines an invitation, but Wyatt sends his family to bring Lawler to the ring. JBL stood up but was attacked by Harper and Rowan, eating a clothesline in the process. Lawler eventually gets into the ring. Cena comes out for the save, but he can't take out all three Wyatt Family members (again). The Usos then come out for a second save, and King has been saved. Boo. JBL takes a hit but Lawler doesn't. That sucks. Cena grabs a mic and says that "serious lines" have now been crossed. Cena calls Wyatt evil. Not "necessary evil," but "evil." A distinction with a difference, I guess. Essentially, we're just hyping up the Payback match. That will hopefully be the end of this feud. It's gone on long enough. If JBL is gone for the rest of the night, it's going to be a long night. Maybe a "mute the TV" kind of night.
Zack Ryder vs. Rusev (with Lana)
Zack Ryder didn't even get a full sentence off before Lana came out. Well, I guess that's what happens when you're, well, Zack Ryder. Ryder came out with an American flag, because cheap pop and cheap heat are key to this segment. "USA" chants reign down on Lana. Zack Ryder gets destroyed, because Rusev isn't going to lose to Zack Ryder.
Match Rating: *
Big E comes out after the match for the "save." Big E knocks Rusev out of the ring, but does no actual damage to him. Big E then waves around the American flag, because Rusev can't get over on his own.
Randy Orton and Batista vs. Cody Rhodes and Goldust
Another match, another reminder that Goldust looks great in the ring right now, and it'll be a shame if he does leave at SummerSlam. The first part of this match is nothing special. It gets Randy Orton back into the ring before Payback, but little more. After Orton pins Cody after a pair of RKOs, we're informed that this was an elimination match. The second part, Goldust vs. Orton/Batista, is a No Holds Bared match. So the Evolution members destroy Goldust for a while. Poor Goldust. He didn't deserve that.
Match Rating: **1/2
JBL is back on commentary. Thank. Goodness.
Sin Cara vs. Bo Dallas
A rematch from Smackdown, because anything "important" that happens on Smackdown is going to be repeated on Raw. It's a similar match that is no better and no worse. It's basically just a repeat, although Sin Cara gets a bit more offense in, and JBL mentions Taylor Swift, reminding me how much better the show is when he's on commentary.
I guess WWE thinks far too few people watch Smackdown, or else we wouldn't constantly repeat the important moments on the following Raw. In that case, debut Dallas on Raw like all the important debuts. We get that Smackdown in the secondary show. Dallas wins with his springboard bulldog, which we're calling the "Bodog."
Match Rating: **1/2
Dallas cuts a short promo after the match. He's getting a mixed reaction. That's too bad. He needs strong heel reactions to really work.
After the commercial, Stephanie McMahon is out for the second time tonight (yes!). It's time to find out the fate of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Given that some confetti came down during the opening segment, it's a safe bet to say that a new champion is being crowned tonight, right? Stephanie invites Daniel Bryan down to the ring to "do the right thing," which logically would mean surrendering his championship.
Bryan says "no" a whole bunch of times after saying how surrendering the title would be a disservice to him. Stephanie tells him he has one more chance to do the right thing, but will do it at Payback. Will he surrender the championship, or will Stephanie fire Brie Bella? Such drama, WWE.
Alicia Fox vs. Emma
Emma came out alone. Hopefully that means she's done being paired with Santino. She could actually do something good in the Divas division, but is being wasted with Santino. Alicia Fox beat Paige last week, and is going to compete for the Divas Championship at Payback. So, logically, there's no reason for her to lose here. But she does. Emma wins with a roll up. Because that's how Divas win tonight, I guess. Alicia beats up Emma after the match. Because she's crazy. Then she rings the bell a few times. She now looks more like a joke than a serious challenger. She says "I am not a loser" a few times. She is.
Match Rating: *1/2
"Davy Crockett" vs. Adam Rose
So, instead of waiting until Sunday to debut Adam Rose, we instead have him fight this "Davy Crockett" character? Okay. It's not a real match, anyway, as after a couple of moments, Jack Swagger, Zeb Colter, and a man dressed as a lemon come out. Crockett tries to steal the win after the distraction, but Rose dodges, hits his finisher, and picks up the victory. Then Swagger beats up Rose, and Rose beats up Swagger, setting up their match at Payback.
Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio
These two had a good match last week on Smackdown, so if this match is as good -- but gets a real finish -- I will be quite happy. Unfortunately, it's nowhere near as entertaining. It's slow, it's not particularly engaging, and it's worse than the match on Smackdown. It picked up a bit at the end, but that was too late.
Match Rating: **1/2
Paul Heyman announces the victor, does the Undertaker's streak thing, and then hypes the match between Cesaro and Sheamus at Payback. Cesaro then ambushes Sheamus. People boo Batista. Why aren't they booing this.
The contract signing is up next. The Shield is out first. Ambrose starts on the mic while Reigns throws chairs out of the ring. Reigns even throws the table. Evolution comes out. Triple H says this will be the last time we see The Shield on Raw. The contracts wind up signed and then, yes, someone is put through a table. It's The Shield's turn to get beat up, so a triple powerbomb from Evolution puts Roman Reigns through the announcer's table. The end.
So, Raw was basically what I expected. Lackluster matches, lots of Payback building, and probably one more match to still be officially announced. Raw was boring, but necessary, I suppose.
The Good: Stephanie McMahon. Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam.
The Bad: Both Divas matches. Rose vs "Crockett." Rusev squash. 3Mb vs. Los Matadores.
Match of the Night: Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam.
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http://i55.servimg.com/u/f55/16/09/70/40/raw_lo10.png
It's the Raw before Payback, which means that we'll probably find out all but one of the matches on the upcoming PPV tonight. We'll get to further build the key feuds, hype up the WWE Network -- still not available outside the U.S. -- and have little focus on the wrestling. After all, you don't want to put on great matches right before the thing you want people to buy, right? It's not like that might entice people to pay for the potential of even better matches or anything. Wait, that would actually make a lot of sense. Maybe that's what Raw will deliver tonight, although for some reason I doubt it.
After a brief Memorial Day tribute, Stephanie McMahon and Triple H come out to kick off Raw. Stephanie talks first. She says that Daniel Bryan should do the right thing and surrender the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Because, you know, he really should. I actually agree with Stephanie here. If he can't defend it there's no reason for him to keep it. Triple H then talks about how real A+ players last for years and years; they're not a flash in the pan. It becomes a promo for Evolution vs. The Shield. There will be a contract signing tonight. Hopefully we'll get our obligatory brawl out of the way there instead of to conclude a match.
But we're not done there. Stephanie calls Raw General Manager Brad Maddox out to the ring. Triple H is upset about how The Shield managed to come out in an "official" capacity last week during the main event. I had already completely forgotten about this, to be honest. Maddox says he was forced into that decision. Kane's music hits. I guess we've forgotten about how Stephanie couldn't control Kane anymore, either as a ploy or because Kane legitimately can't be controlled. Fine. Time for Maddox to get his comeuppance. Kane gets to look like a monster and Maddox gets punished. Hooray. Nobody cares about Maddox anyway, but sure, that's fun. After Kane chokeslams and tombstones Maddox, Stephanie fires him.
Cesaro (with Paul Heyman) vs. Rob Van Dam
Bad News Barrett cuts a short promo before the match and then joins the commentary team for the match. Rob Van Dam is the clear face in the match, so if the goal is to make Cesaro, whose character is currently poorly defined, a heel, pairing him against RVD here isn't a bad idea. The match should be a back-and-forth battle between the two competitors, and for the most part, it is. Rob Van Dam hits his high-flying moves -- including a couple we rarely see -- while Cesaro uses his power game. The match is pretty long, filled with a bunch of big moves, and works well as the opening match of the night. Bad News Barrett distracts RVD so Cesaro can hit his German suplex pin for the victory. What a terrible finisher.
Match Rating: ***
Sheamus runs out and hits Cesaro with the Brogue Kick after the match. Okay.
Eva Marie (with Nikki Bella) vs. Summer Rae
Is Summer Rae currently involved in two feuds? When was the last time the Divas division saw that? Anyway, having Eva Marie in the ring is rarely a good thing, but her match on the last Smackdown wasn't horrible, so maybe she's gotten a bit better. Summer Rae dominates for the first few moments before Layla and Fandango show up at the top of the ramp. Eva Marie rolls up Summer Rae for the victory. Eva Marie won a match. A singles match. Clean or not, that's something I didn't think I'd say any time in the near future.
Match Rating: *
After the match, we learn that Cody Rhodes and Goldust will face the non-HHH parts of Evolution tonight. Cody Rhodes gets a couple of funny lines in. I'm genuinely excited about that match, if only because it might get a real finish.
Drew McIntyre (with 3MB) vs. El Torito (with Los Matadores)
Apparently this is still a thing. I did want to see El Torito fight regular roster members, if only because he has the athleticism to do it, but if the matches are going to be like this, I take back that desire. These are jokes and, honestly, this feud needed to end with the WeeLC match.
Match Rating: *
After the match, Hornswoggle beats up El Torito a bit and tries to get off the mask. And then the tail. He succeeds at the latter. JBL sells it to the audience like a champ. "Nothing's funny about this, Michael. Would you shut up?" Both stables need to disappear for a while. Or at least go do something else. But it doesn't even stop with the commercial break. After that, we get a shot backstage segment in which Los Matadores hopes to pin the tail on the bull -- with the help of a doctor, of course. Ugh.
Thankfully, it's time for a Wyatt promo. After those last two segments, this is what we need. Bray Wyatt opens with singing, because for some reason that's gotten over with the crowd. Wyatt will someday become a top babyface in the company. He's just too good at his job to stay a heel. I talk about this because his promos are captivating but not particularly worth discussing in detail in text. They're the type of "you must see it" thing that doesn't really come across well when you read them. So, yeah, you should flip on your TV to see it.
Wyatt does do something different this week by calling out Jerry Lawler. Lawler declines an invitation, but Wyatt sends his family to bring Lawler to the ring. JBL stood up but was attacked by Harper and Rowan, eating a clothesline in the process. Lawler eventually gets into the ring. Cena comes out for the save, but he can't take out all three Wyatt Family members (again). The Usos then come out for a second save, and King has been saved. Boo. JBL takes a hit but Lawler doesn't. That sucks. Cena grabs a mic and says that "serious lines" have now been crossed. Cena calls Wyatt evil. Not "necessary evil," but "evil." A distinction with a difference, I guess. Essentially, we're just hyping up the Payback match. That will hopefully be the end of this feud. It's gone on long enough. If JBL is gone for the rest of the night, it's going to be a long night. Maybe a "mute the TV" kind of night.
Zack Ryder vs. Rusev (with Lana)
Zack Ryder didn't even get a full sentence off before Lana came out. Well, I guess that's what happens when you're, well, Zack Ryder. Ryder came out with an American flag, because cheap pop and cheap heat are key to this segment. "USA" chants reign down on Lana. Zack Ryder gets destroyed, because Rusev isn't going to lose to Zack Ryder.
Match Rating: *
Big E comes out after the match for the "save." Big E knocks Rusev out of the ring, but does no actual damage to him. Big E then waves around the American flag, because Rusev can't get over on his own.
Randy Orton and Batista vs. Cody Rhodes and Goldust
Another match, another reminder that Goldust looks great in the ring right now, and it'll be a shame if he does leave at SummerSlam. The first part of this match is nothing special. It gets Randy Orton back into the ring before Payback, but little more. After Orton pins Cody after a pair of RKOs, we're informed that this was an elimination match. The second part, Goldust vs. Orton/Batista, is a No Holds Bared match. So the Evolution members destroy Goldust for a while. Poor Goldust. He didn't deserve that.
Match Rating: **1/2
JBL is back on commentary. Thank. Goodness.
Sin Cara vs. Bo Dallas
A rematch from Smackdown, because anything "important" that happens on Smackdown is going to be repeated on Raw. It's a similar match that is no better and no worse. It's basically just a repeat, although Sin Cara gets a bit more offense in, and JBL mentions Taylor Swift, reminding me how much better the show is when he's on commentary.
I guess WWE thinks far too few people watch Smackdown, or else we wouldn't constantly repeat the important moments on the following Raw. In that case, debut Dallas on Raw like all the important debuts. We get that Smackdown in the secondary show. Dallas wins with his springboard bulldog, which we're calling the "Bodog."
Match Rating: **1/2
Dallas cuts a short promo after the match. He's getting a mixed reaction. That's too bad. He needs strong heel reactions to really work.
After the commercial, Stephanie McMahon is out for the second time tonight (yes!). It's time to find out the fate of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Given that some confetti came down during the opening segment, it's a safe bet to say that a new champion is being crowned tonight, right? Stephanie invites Daniel Bryan down to the ring to "do the right thing," which logically would mean surrendering his championship.
Bryan says "no" a whole bunch of times after saying how surrendering the title would be a disservice to him. Stephanie tells him he has one more chance to do the right thing, but will do it at Payback. Will he surrender the championship, or will Stephanie fire Brie Bella? Such drama, WWE.
Alicia Fox vs. Emma
Emma came out alone. Hopefully that means she's done being paired with Santino. She could actually do something good in the Divas division, but is being wasted with Santino. Alicia Fox beat Paige last week, and is going to compete for the Divas Championship at Payback. So, logically, there's no reason for her to lose here. But she does. Emma wins with a roll up. Because that's how Divas win tonight, I guess. Alicia beats up Emma after the match. Because she's crazy. Then she rings the bell a few times. She now looks more like a joke than a serious challenger. She says "I am not a loser" a few times. She is.
Match Rating: *1/2
"Davy Crockett" vs. Adam Rose
So, instead of waiting until Sunday to debut Adam Rose, we instead have him fight this "Davy Crockett" character? Okay. It's not a real match, anyway, as after a couple of moments, Jack Swagger, Zeb Colter, and a man dressed as a lemon come out. Crockett tries to steal the win after the distraction, but Rose dodges, hits his finisher, and picks up the victory. Then Swagger beats up Rose, and Rose beats up Swagger, setting up their match at Payback.
Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio
These two had a good match last week on Smackdown, so if this match is as good -- but gets a real finish -- I will be quite happy. Unfortunately, it's nowhere near as entertaining. It's slow, it's not particularly engaging, and it's worse than the match on Smackdown. It picked up a bit at the end, but that was too late.
Match Rating: **1/2
Paul Heyman announces the victor, does the Undertaker's streak thing, and then hypes the match between Cesaro and Sheamus at Payback. Cesaro then ambushes Sheamus. People boo Batista. Why aren't they booing this.
The contract signing is up next. The Shield is out first. Ambrose starts on the mic while Reigns throws chairs out of the ring. Reigns even throws the table. Evolution comes out. Triple H says this will be the last time we see The Shield on Raw. The contracts wind up signed and then, yes, someone is put through a table. It's The Shield's turn to get beat up, so a triple powerbomb from Evolution puts Roman Reigns through the announcer's table. The end.
So, Raw was basically what I expected. Lackluster matches, lots of Payback building, and probably one more match to still be officially announced. Raw was boring, but necessary, I suppose.
The Good: Stephanie McMahon. Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam.
The Bad: Both Divas matches. Rose vs "Crockett." Rusev squash. 3Mb vs. Los Matadores.
Match of the Night: Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam.
<color=D6D9DA>_________________________________________________________________________________
If you wish to be notified whenever I post something new, please join this <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/2-50-Reviews>user group.
For an archive of all my previous WWE reviews, please go <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.846764-Marters-WWE-Reviews-Archive>here.
Talk to me on the Twitter, <url=https://twitter.com/martertweet>@martertweet.