Spoilers follow for the September 8th episode of Raw.
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It's a new season of Raw, apparently, and that means big things are in store. Big things like ... a steel cage match nobody asked for (in a feud nobody cares about), Jerry Springer (which nobody wanted), and ... that's about all that's being advertised, actually. Whatever. It's not like it could be worse than the last couple of weeks.
Raw opens with the steel cage being lowered down from the ceiling. We're opening with this match, I guess. Given how terrible this feud is, and how awful Bray Wyatt's last cage match was, I don't know how this is supposed to be something for which we're excited.
<color=red>Steel Cage Match: Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt (with Luke Harper and Erick Rowan)
I still don't understand why Bray Wyatt tries to escape the steel cage, especially early in the match. It just doesn't fit his character. He should be wanting to keep his opponents in the cage and beat them down as he knows he should. Escaping does nothing for him. That's the story around which we should be building the match, but it's not how the last steel cage match he had (against Cena) went, and it's not how this one goes. Wyatt wrestles it just like a normal competitor would.
At least this match is a significant improvement over the last time Wyatt stepped into the cage. The spots are big, the cage is used pretty well, Jericho isn't frequently thwarted by Harper and Rowan on the outside (although that does happen), and it's just pretty good entertainment. This works as a good way to kick off Raw.
It lasts a little too long. An extended segment with both men right at the door is, well, not the most exciting thing in the world. It's a lackluster finish. Jericho injured his knee and Wyatt wound up crawling over him and falling out to win.
Match Rating: ***1/2
Wyatt continues to attack the knee after the match. This is likely the last we see of Chris Jericho for a while. This looks like the write-him-off-TV match. And it was a good one.
The Authority is shown backstage. Triple H says it's the season premiere of Raw, and it needs to be awesome. Randy Orton interrupts. He asks Triple H for permission to do something to Roman Reigns that'll make Dean Ambrose being curb stomped into cinderblocks look tame. Permission is granted. Will we see the return of The Punt? I hope so.
Dolph Ziggler is in the ring after the commercial break. He's not in a match, though; he's got a microphone in his hand. He mentions the celebrity leak of last week. Nobody deserves to be disrespected like that. Except The Miz, obviously. Then we get to, well, see some "interesting" photos of The Miz. This isn't funny.
The Miz and Damien Sandow come out before we get to see more than a couple of pictures. Another lawsuit is threatened. Why is this becoming a thing? Shouldn't it all be settled in the ring? Despite the threat, Ziggler shows a third picture. Sandow goes to attack Ziggler, but he's unsuccessful. Ziggler goes for Miz, Miz runs away, Sandow is hit with the Zig-Zag, and this segment draws to a close. Thank goodness.
Natalya and Rosa Mendes vs. AJ Lee and Paige
Rosa Mendes gets on Raw and Eva Marie doesn't. How embarrassing for his company.
Paige dominates Rosa for most of the match. Like, really dominates. AJ Lee tags herself in near the end, locks in the Black Widow, and then the match ends.
Match Rating: *1/2
After the match, AJ kisses the Divas Championship before handing it back to a disgusted Paige, who then kisses it, too.
Backstage, a trainer is working on Chris Jericho's knee. Randy Orton then attacks him. Okay, if we hadn't already written Jericho off TV, we've definitely done it now, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Heyman is in the ring next. So he starts to do his thing. John Cena comes down to interrupt. Heyman manages to put over both Cena and Brock Lesnar, as he often does. He's that good on the mic. Heyman tries to draw a heel turn out of Cena. Heyman even does some rapping. It doesn't work, as you'd expect. Cena instead just does his usual thing. It's kind of inspirational, I'll admit.
Sheamus vs. Seth Rollins
Sheamus and Rollins fight for a while and do it well. Cesaro's music hits and he comes out, wearing a suit, and holding up his hands like he's not a threat. He's just here to watch. Rollins and Sheamus continue to have a good, albeit unspectacular match. It's exactly the type of match that the two of them should be having on television. Cesaro does a little bit of interfering, as he picks up the United States Championship. The distraction winds up costing Sheamus, as Rollins knocks him down and Curb Stomps him for the win.
Match Rating: ***
Cesaro beats up Sheamus post-match, because he's the heel.
Lana cuts a promo, with Rusev by her side, while on the stage. Apparently the national anthem was written in Baltimore. She starts singing it, afterward, although she changes a couple of the words. Cheap heat is still heat. Then the Russian national anthem plays. And it keeps playing. That's the segment.
An NXT promo is shown afterward. Takeover 2 is this Thursday. There's your promotion. There are title matches and Kenta.
Tyler Breeze and Tyson Kidd vs. Adrian Neville and Sami Zayn
Wait, what? We're getting an honest-to-goodness NXT match on Raw? Awesome. I mean, er, not awesome. Why is a Raw segment being wasted to promote NXT, which is supposed to be a step or two down?
I'm joking, okay? The match is good and features a couple of great moments that will surely get fans to tune into Takeover on Thursday. Neville picks up the win with his top-rope finisher, which was just a thing of beauty.
Match Rating: **1/2
Stephanie McMahon comes out to introduce Jerry Springer, as he's going to try to solve the problems that the Bella twins are having. Springer comes out, and he brings out Brie Bella. They're both so terrible at acting. Nikki Bella comes out after Brie gets a few seconds, and she's better. A Total Divas montage happens. Hey, I remember all of those moments!
Er, I mean, I've never watched Total Divas before in my life.
Moving on, Nikki continues to verbally pound on Brie. Springer gets in the middle of it. The Bellas parents get brief, taped segments on the Titantron. The Bellas younger brother, JJ, comes out next. This just gets better and better. And by "better," I mean the other thing.
JJ comes out and tells Nikki to stop acting like the victim. The Bellas start a catfight, and Jerry is in the middle of it. JJ tries to restrain Brie, and Nikki slaps him. They continue to fight. Stephanie tries to break it up, too, and she winds up on the ground. Eventually, the referees get involved. The Bellas separate. Springer is taken out on a stretcher. He's 70. He might be legitimately hurt, although I'm guessing he's not.
Los Matadores (Fernando and Diego) vs. Goldust and Stardust
The Matadores dominate the early portion of the match, Goldust and Stardust do some kind of heel tactics, but not really, and then Stardust gets the win with his finisher, which is apparently being called "Dark Matter" now. This was your bathroom break, folks.
Match Rating: *1/2
The Usos attack Stardust and Goldust from behind after the match. Because they're ... the faces? I get it. Goldust and Stardust do it and they're awful, but The Usos do it and they're sweet men. Stay classy, WWE Universe.
A Joan Rivers tribute is shown next. Well, that's nice.
Titus O'Neil (with Heath Slater) vs. Adam Rose
A rematch from last week. I take it back: This is your bathroom break. O'Neil throws Rose around a little bit, but then that darn bunny distracts people. Slater misses a diving attack and then eats a superkick ... from the bunny. Rose then hits the Party Foul on O'Neil for the win.
Match Rating: *
After the match, the bunny gets into the ring, goes to the top rope, and hits a splash on O'Neil. The bunny is more over than Adam Rose right now.
Roman Reigns is interviewed by Renee Young backstage. She asks him what Randy Orton meant earlier, and Reigns hasn't got a clue. But he has the antidote: his fist.
Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns
A rematch of the worst SummerSlam match is our main event. Good idea, WWE, if you want people to turn off the TV.
It's still not good. Maybe it's a touch more exciting, but it's another less-than-stellar match from Roman Reigns. It's slow, it's dull, and there's just so little reason to care about it. We keep waiting for Randy Orton to do the thing he said he'd do, and it's just not compelling enough to carry us through a dull match.
It turns out, Orton's plan was to have Kane, Seth Rollins, and ... some guys in black to come out and beat up Reigns. The guys in black are making sure the steel cage can be lowered properly. The three heels are going to beat up Reigns inside the cage, I guess. But Reigns is superman, and he throws out Rollins and Kane. By the time the cage is lowered, it's just Reigns and Orton. And there's a steel chair inside. Reigns spears Orton. Rollins does a dive from the top of the cage. Kane then enters the ring to take out Reigns. This is a mess, and it's dumb, and I just want Raw to end now.
Match Rating: **1/2
The beatdown continues after Reigns is chokeslammed and all three Authority members are up and ready to go. Orton uses a chair to destroy Reigns. Rollins Curb Stomps Reigns onto the chair. The heels finally do well in a main event.
The Good: Jericho vs. Wyatt. Sheamus vs. Rollins. The NXT match.
The Bad: O'Neil vs. Rose. Los Matadores vs. Goldust/Stardust.
Match of the Night: Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt.
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http://i55.servimg.com/u/f55/16/09/70/40/raw_lo10.png
It's a new season of Raw, apparently, and that means big things are in store. Big things like ... a steel cage match nobody asked for (in a feud nobody cares about), Jerry Springer (which nobody wanted), and ... that's about all that's being advertised, actually. Whatever. It's not like it could be worse than the last couple of weeks.
Raw opens with the steel cage being lowered down from the ceiling. We're opening with this match, I guess. Given how terrible this feud is, and how awful Bray Wyatt's last cage match was, I don't know how this is supposed to be something for which we're excited.
<color=red>Steel Cage Match: Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt (with Luke Harper and Erick Rowan)
I still don't understand why Bray Wyatt tries to escape the steel cage, especially early in the match. It just doesn't fit his character. He should be wanting to keep his opponents in the cage and beat them down as he knows he should. Escaping does nothing for him. That's the story around which we should be building the match, but it's not how the last steel cage match he had (against Cena) went, and it's not how this one goes. Wyatt wrestles it just like a normal competitor would.
At least this match is a significant improvement over the last time Wyatt stepped into the cage. The spots are big, the cage is used pretty well, Jericho isn't frequently thwarted by Harper and Rowan on the outside (although that does happen), and it's just pretty good entertainment. This works as a good way to kick off Raw.
It lasts a little too long. An extended segment with both men right at the door is, well, not the most exciting thing in the world. It's a lackluster finish. Jericho injured his knee and Wyatt wound up crawling over him and falling out to win.
Match Rating: ***1/2
Wyatt continues to attack the knee after the match. This is likely the last we see of Chris Jericho for a while. This looks like the write-him-off-TV match. And it was a good one.
The Authority is shown backstage. Triple H says it's the season premiere of Raw, and it needs to be awesome. Randy Orton interrupts. He asks Triple H for permission to do something to Roman Reigns that'll make Dean Ambrose being curb stomped into cinderblocks look tame. Permission is granted. Will we see the return of The Punt? I hope so.
Dolph Ziggler is in the ring after the commercial break. He's not in a match, though; he's got a microphone in his hand. He mentions the celebrity leak of last week. Nobody deserves to be disrespected like that. Except The Miz, obviously. Then we get to, well, see some "interesting" photos of The Miz. This isn't funny.
The Miz and Damien Sandow come out before we get to see more than a couple of pictures. Another lawsuit is threatened. Why is this becoming a thing? Shouldn't it all be settled in the ring? Despite the threat, Ziggler shows a third picture. Sandow goes to attack Ziggler, but he's unsuccessful. Ziggler goes for Miz, Miz runs away, Sandow is hit with the Zig-Zag, and this segment draws to a close. Thank goodness.
Natalya and Rosa Mendes vs. AJ Lee and Paige
Rosa Mendes gets on Raw and Eva Marie doesn't. How embarrassing for his company.
Paige dominates Rosa for most of the match. Like, really dominates. AJ Lee tags herself in near the end, locks in the Black Widow, and then the match ends.
Match Rating: *1/2
After the match, AJ kisses the Divas Championship before handing it back to a disgusted Paige, who then kisses it, too.
Backstage, a trainer is working on Chris Jericho's knee. Randy Orton then attacks him. Okay, if we hadn't already written Jericho off TV, we've definitely done it now, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Heyman is in the ring next. So he starts to do his thing. John Cena comes down to interrupt. Heyman manages to put over both Cena and Brock Lesnar, as he often does. He's that good on the mic. Heyman tries to draw a heel turn out of Cena. Heyman even does some rapping. It doesn't work, as you'd expect. Cena instead just does his usual thing. It's kind of inspirational, I'll admit.
Sheamus vs. Seth Rollins
Sheamus and Rollins fight for a while and do it well. Cesaro's music hits and he comes out, wearing a suit, and holding up his hands like he's not a threat. He's just here to watch. Rollins and Sheamus continue to have a good, albeit unspectacular match. It's exactly the type of match that the two of them should be having on television. Cesaro does a little bit of interfering, as he picks up the United States Championship. The distraction winds up costing Sheamus, as Rollins knocks him down and Curb Stomps him for the win.
Match Rating: ***
Cesaro beats up Sheamus post-match, because he's the heel.
Lana cuts a promo, with Rusev by her side, while on the stage. Apparently the national anthem was written in Baltimore. She starts singing it, afterward, although she changes a couple of the words. Cheap heat is still heat. Then the Russian national anthem plays. And it keeps playing. That's the segment.
An NXT promo is shown afterward. Takeover 2 is this Thursday. There's your promotion. There are title matches and Kenta.
Tyler Breeze and Tyson Kidd vs. Adrian Neville and Sami Zayn
Wait, what? We're getting an honest-to-goodness NXT match on Raw? Awesome. I mean, er, not awesome. Why is a Raw segment being wasted to promote NXT, which is supposed to be a step or two down?
I'm joking, okay? The match is good and features a couple of great moments that will surely get fans to tune into Takeover on Thursday. Neville picks up the win with his top-rope finisher, which was just a thing of beauty.
Match Rating: **1/2
Stephanie McMahon comes out to introduce Jerry Springer, as he's going to try to solve the problems that the Bella twins are having. Springer comes out, and he brings out Brie Bella. They're both so terrible at acting. Nikki Bella comes out after Brie gets a few seconds, and she's better. A Total Divas montage happens. Hey, I remember all of those moments!
Er, I mean, I've never watched Total Divas before in my life.
Moving on, Nikki continues to verbally pound on Brie. Springer gets in the middle of it. The Bellas parents get brief, taped segments on the Titantron. The Bellas younger brother, JJ, comes out next. This just gets better and better. And by "better," I mean the other thing.
JJ comes out and tells Nikki to stop acting like the victim. The Bellas start a catfight, and Jerry is in the middle of it. JJ tries to restrain Brie, and Nikki slaps him. They continue to fight. Stephanie tries to break it up, too, and she winds up on the ground. Eventually, the referees get involved. The Bellas separate. Springer is taken out on a stretcher. He's 70. He might be legitimately hurt, although I'm guessing he's not.
Los Matadores (Fernando and Diego) vs. Goldust and Stardust
The Matadores dominate the early portion of the match, Goldust and Stardust do some kind of heel tactics, but not really, and then Stardust gets the win with his finisher, which is apparently being called "Dark Matter" now. This was your bathroom break, folks.
Match Rating: *1/2
The Usos attack Stardust and Goldust from behind after the match. Because they're ... the faces? I get it. Goldust and Stardust do it and they're awful, but The Usos do it and they're sweet men. Stay classy, WWE Universe.
A Joan Rivers tribute is shown next. Well, that's nice.
Titus O'Neil (with Heath Slater) vs. Adam Rose
A rematch from last week. I take it back: This is your bathroom break. O'Neil throws Rose around a little bit, but then that darn bunny distracts people. Slater misses a diving attack and then eats a superkick ... from the bunny. Rose then hits the Party Foul on O'Neil for the win.
Match Rating: *
After the match, the bunny gets into the ring, goes to the top rope, and hits a splash on O'Neil. The bunny is more over than Adam Rose right now.
Roman Reigns is interviewed by Renee Young backstage. She asks him what Randy Orton meant earlier, and Reigns hasn't got a clue. But he has the antidote: his fist.
Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns
A rematch of the worst SummerSlam match is our main event. Good idea, WWE, if you want people to turn off the TV.
It's still not good. Maybe it's a touch more exciting, but it's another less-than-stellar match from Roman Reigns. It's slow, it's dull, and there's just so little reason to care about it. We keep waiting for Randy Orton to do the thing he said he'd do, and it's just not compelling enough to carry us through a dull match.
It turns out, Orton's plan was to have Kane, Seth Rollins, and ... some guys in black to come out and beat up Reigns. The guys in black are making sure the steel cage can be lowered properly. The three heels are going to beat up Reigns inside the cage, I guess. But Reigns is superman, and he throws out Rollins and Kane. By the time the cage is lowered, it's just Reigns and Orton. And there's a steel chair inside. Reigns spears Orton. Rollins does a dive from the top of the cage. Kane then enters the ring to take out Reigns. This is a mess, and it's dumb, and I just want Raw to end now.
Match Rating: **1/2
The beatdown continues after Reigns is chokeslammed and all three Authority members are up and ready to go. Orton uses a chair to destroy Reigns. Rollins Curb Stomps Reigns onto the chair. The heels finally do well in a main event.
The Good: Jericho vs. Wyatt. Sheamus vs. Rollins. The NXT match.
The Bad: O'Neil vs. Rose. Los Matadores vs. Goldust/Stardust.
Match of the Night: Chris Jericho vs. Bray Wyatt.
<color=D6D9DA>_________________________________________________________________________________
If you wish to be notified whenever I post something new, please join this <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/2-50-Reviews>user group.
For an archive of all my previous WWE reviews, please go <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.846764-Marters-WWE-Reviews-Archive>here.
Talk to me on the Twitter, <url=https://twitter.com/martertweet>@martertweet.
