Re-gifting: Yay or Nay?

[Oly J]

Hi all, so it's getting to that time of year when everyone spends money they don't have on presents for people they can barely stand, hopefully after having spent money they did have on presents for people they actually care about pleasing.

On that subject I've been wondering lately about the concept of re-gifting, it's frowned upon in my family, but I know people that do it, (some of them within my family) I've got presents that others didn't want before, I can't say I minded, they were pretty good presents generally. On the other hand I've also been given old things the giver no longer wanted/had use for as presents on a number of occasions, I can't say this didn't annoy me.

But for me the thought of actually doing it always carried with it a strange guilt (which is odd because I have many times cheaped out on people when buying presents, and not felt bad about it, my friends and family know who my favourites are put it that way.) To me, taking a present given to you only to give it to someone else feels disrespectful, not just to the person that gave it to you, but to the person you're thinking of giving it to, it feels like I'm saying "I couldn't think of anything to get you so here, have this present that I didn't want." Also it feels very ungrateful towards the giver, although, having said that, I honestly don't think I'd mind if someone wasn't thrilled with something I got them, and gave it to someone who would enjoy it more, it makes sense, I can't really argue. But I still wouldn't do it.

Even though I don't really see anything wrong with it objectively, I would feel bad about doing it, but then if I did the present would still have to be in perfect condition (unopened if possible)



so yeah what do you guys think? do you re-gift something if you don't want it but know someone who would? Would you mind terribly if someone re-gifted a present from you? are there certain rules you abide by?

 

[Jesterscup]

Personally I would never re-gift. I'm well known for going out of my way and spending a great deal of time and effort ( and sometimes cash) to get a present that the person will really appreciate.

I've also had the situation where I've been re-gifted a gift I gave someone, not pleasant.

In theory I've no issues with other people doing the same thing, I just like to make a bit more effort.

 

[tippy2k2]

I can't stand it. I think it's disrespectful to both the person who gave you the gift AND the person receiving the gift.

The person who gave you the gift got it for you. If you're not brave enough to just say that you don't like it (or shit, just lie and say you already have one for all it matters), then tough. Keep it, donate it, return it; whatever.

However, even worse I think is that it's a slap in the face to whoever you're giving it to. "Here you go, I didn't care enough about you to do any actual work. I hope you like this thing that I got from someone because if not, tough shit. Oh, you're a vegetarian and I just re-gifted you a Buffalo Wild Wings gift card? Well....I thought you'd....uh....appreciate...the....uh....great salads they've got!"

If you literally can't afford to do anything else, I at least understand that. But really, outside of that situation, re-gifters bug the hell out of me.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

While thoughtless gifting is something I think everyone can agree is bad, I do not think "regifting" is necessarily bad, IF you know the person receiving the gift would enjoy it more than you do. I am a minimalist, for example. I really honestly do dislike " things" that others genuinely like. I prefer to create most of what I own to my own specifications. I design and build most everything I have, so when someone gives me things it is difficult because I have very specific tastes and if it does not fit within my already defined streamlined decor, even if the gift was very nice, I have no need for it.

During the holidays, I frequently receive expensive bath and perfume sets that I know others would really enjoy. I am also very specific in what products I use as well and only like one specific perfume. I usually take these toiletry gifts, and add gift cards as well and put them together in a gift basket creating a very nice gift for the woman who delivers my mail, and SHE LOVES IT!

I also frequently receive many bottles of alcoholic beverages during the holiday and I usually combine those with a nice drink ware set and re-gift those as well. I receive many gift cards to places I will never eat, but others really enjoy them. Usually these are franchise places such as Chili's, and although many others enjoy these places, I do not. I take the gift cards I receive and create new gifts with them such as a gift card bouquet like this:

Spoiler: gift card bouquet

other gifts I get such as chocolates, candies, food, dish sets and such I put together in baskets like this:

Spoiler: baskets

There are ways to regift nicely, you just have to be thoughtful as to what you are giving, how you are giving it and who you are giving it to. I have found that there are many people in my life that I interact with on a daily basis from my mail carrier to my dry cleaner and co workers that really appreciate these gifts even when they would be wasted on me since I have no use for them. The key to gifting or even " re gifting" is being thoughtful and mindful to what you are doing.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

I can't stand it. I think it's disrespectful to both the person who gave you the gift AND the person receiving the gift.

The person who gave you the gift got it for you. If you're not brave enough to just say that you don't like it (or shit, just lie and say you already have one for all it matters), then tough. Keep it, donate it, return it; whatever.

However, even worse I think is that it's a slap in the face to whoever you're giving it to. "Here you go, I didn't care enough about you to do any actual work. I hope you like this thing that I got from someone because if not, tough shit. Oh, you're a vegetarian and I just re-gifted you a Buffalo Wild Wings gift card? Well....I thought you'd....uh....appreciate...the....uh....great salads they've got!"

If you literally can't afford to do anything else, I at least understand that. But really, outside of that situation, re-gifters bug the hell out of me.

I think it is a matter of thought. In my field, I receive hundreds of gifts I will never use, and I am not going to go around telling all of my patients I hate their gifts and can never use them. I always wind up donating much of what I receive, and also regift them to the many people I interact with on a daily basis, such as postal workers and cashiers, as I mentioned in my post above.

If you are so thoughtless to give a vegetarian a hot wings card, that is very thoughtless regardless of if it was a regift or you bought this for them, however if you receive a gift card to http://www.kalachandjis.com/ you are never going to use, and you have a vegetarian friend that would love to try the place out, that would be a thoughtful gift to add to their basket rather than something that will go wasted and unused. Once a gift is given to you, it is yours to do as you please with. When others would appreciate it far more than you do, there is no point in letting it go to waste.

 

[tippy2k2]

I think it is a matter of thought

From my experience, while it's not impossible, the people who re-gift are usually the people who are giving BWWs gift cards to vegetarians. Basically, they are kicking a gift they don't want and throwing at whoever they have to get a gift for regardless of who that person is.

I'm sure there are people (like yourself) who do it right. I just find that you are the exception, not the rule.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

OH that reminded me, I actually regifted FRUIT in a cool way once, I took the fruit basket someone gave me and carved the fruit into fish and gave it to a friend at lunch to share the next day! XD

Spoiler: Best way to regift fruit!

 

[Smooth Operator]

If it's a cool gift I really don't care who or what it's from, even if it's a rusted old wrench I can make good use of that. But if you intend to give me bullshit then I rather you didn't bother in the first place so I don't have to pretend the 156th pair of bloody socks is just as exciting as anything.

And same on the other side, if I got forced into token gifts for people I give no shits about then throw that shit anywhere you want. But if I picked out something that is specific for you it would be pretty weird if you just pass that along.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

First, I want to say I don't buy presents for people I don't like. I just make them cookies. Much easier solution. You don't spend nearly as much money on that, and you still look like a decent person.

High five!

That's been my go-to strategy for years now when coming up with gifts for friendly acquaintances, coworkers, and extended family that I don't know particularly well (I have a huge family; 30 aunts and uncles, and around 60 cousins, on my dad's side alone). Most people out there enjoy baked goods, and if they don't, it doesn't bother me any if they choose to give them away. Hell, by sharing, they're actually increasing the reach of my present and participating in the spirit of the holiday. I usually make cookies, pies, and bark (a bag of Hershey's chocolate chips and a bag of Reese's peanut butter chips melted and mixed together with a can of either peanuts or cashews mixed in, then chilled in the fridge on a baking sheet - super simple, and surprisingly well-received by everyone I've sent it to).

As for re-gifting... I dunno, it doesn't really bother me a whole lot. I've always been more fond of the atmosphere of the holidays. I like getting together with friends and family, eating some delicious home-cooked food (one of the perks of a stereotypically Italian extended family), and just generally having a good time. The gifts aren't even really a factor to me, and I'd be fine without them honestly. If someone re-gifted a present I gave them, I'd just be happy that someone is enjoying it rather than having it collect dust. That said, I do try to get people gifts that I think they legitimately want or will enjoy.

 

[happyninja42]

My view on it is as follows:

If it's not something I need/want/can use, and there is someone else who would find more value in the item than me, then go right ahead.

I personally don't have any issues if someone re-gifted something I gave them. Considering how often my own family members (distant family members) would have trouble getting me gifts I actually wanted, and just defaulted to "Get him a gift card to a book store, then he'll get what he wants." I don't think it's rude or disrespectful at all. We try to find something that fits those we care about, sometimes we don't get it right. I think it's more fiscally responsible, and frugal to try to give something that you think would be better appreciated to someone else.

Of course, this is the viewpoint of a lifelong atheist, and relative non-follower of the Christmas gifting tradition, so take that with a grain of salt I guess.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Honestly, I think it's a bit cheap and thoughtless, both to the person who gave you the present and the person you're giving it to.

I'd be a bit put out if I put effort and money into getting someone something and they just gave it away. Equally, I wouldn't be very grateful if someone just passed something along to me that someone else had picked out for them.

"I'm really short this Christmas, and that Dr. Who tee you gave me was so great, but I know it would fit my best friend really well, and she loves Dr. Who. Would you mind if I passed it along to her? I think it would mean more to me if I was able to make her smile this Christmas than being able to keep the shirt all to myself."

See, I would just take that as a long-winded, thinly veiled "I don't like it and I want to offload it on someone else."

Just me but that's how I would take it. I wouldn't say anything to the person and I'd likely go along with it but I certainly wouldn't appreciate it.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Depends on the gift and the time involved between receiving and re-giving the gift.

"My Grandfather gave this to me on Christmas 20 years ago, now I want you to have it." - Meaningful and thoughtful.

"Here's a blender I got but never use." - A bit boring and tacky.[footnote]especially if there are people in the room were present when it was gifted originally.[/footnote]

Play it by ear. I personally avoid re-gifting as much as possible but there may be times when it may seem appropriate. I think we live in an era of sweeping generalizations and in frugal times re-gifting may be the only way you can afford to give someone something you feel they deserve. Let's not dismiss something entirely.

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Depends on the gift and the time involved between receiving and re-giving the gift.

"My Grandfather gave this to me on Christmas 20 years ago, now I want you to have it." - Meaningful and thoughtful.

"Here's a blender I got but never use." - A bit boring and tacky.[footnote]especially if there are people in the room were present when it was gifted originally.[/footnote]

Play it by ear. I personally avoid re-gifting as much as possible but there may be times when it may seem appropriate. I think we live in an era of sweeping generalizations and in frugal times re-gifting may be the only way you can afford to give someone something you feel they deserve. Let's not dismiss something entirely.

I actually DID regift a blender, but it was very appreciated. The guy was a bachelor that had just moved into his apartment and hardly had anything, so I made him a "Party cooler gift basket" like one of these:

Spoiler: cooler gift baskets

Instead of what they have there I put in the blender, margarita mix, margarita salt, 3 tequilas, Cointreau, lime juice, limes,strawberries, oranges, Strawberry puree, pina colada mix,2 rums, beer, pineapple juice, margarita glasses and shaker set, hurricane glasses, knife and cutting board set, a disco ball and an inflatable sheep and he still says that was the best gift he has ever received to this day, so you can regift a blender, you just have to do it right!

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

Honestly, I think it's a bit cheap and thoughtless, both to the person who gave you the present and the person you're giving it to.

I'd be a bit put out if I put effort and money into getting someone something and they just gave it away. Equally, I wouldn't be very grateful if someone just passed something along to me that someone else had picked out for them.

"I'm really short this Christmas, and that Dr. Who tee you gave me was so great, but I know it would fit my best friend really well, and she loves Dr. Who. Would you mind if I passed it along to her? I think it would mean more to me if I was able to make her smile this Christmas than being able to keep the shirt all to myself."

See, I would just take that as a long-winded, thinly veiled "I don't like it and I want to offload it on someone else."

Just me but that's how I would take it. I wouldn't say anything to the person and I'd likely go along with it but I certainly wouldn't appreciate it.

Not wanting to keep it and giving it to someone who does doesn't mean it is a bad gift. The problem with me is I don't need or want anything,I am a minimalist, so that pretty much goes for all gifts given to me. I love that people care for me enough to give me things, just I really have no use for the things, but very much care about the people giving them to me.

I try to regift them in a way though that there is much thought put into it, and not just " mindlessly regifting" I make it into something else, add stuff to go with it, use it as a " piece" of the gift rather than the " whole gift". I try to make it suit the person I am giving it to rather than just letting it go to waste. I pretty much treat the gifts like a craft project, like if someone game me a box of paints and paintbrushes and I used those to make something for someone else, most would not consider that regifting, but it actually is. I use the gifts that way as well and turn them into something else for someone else, I would not think that insulting as they gave me a gift that made me very happy, so happy I shared the gift of happiness with others as well.

I think it is about the thought put into it. If you are just passing something off that you would not normally buy for that person, that doesn't seem like the gift is appropriate. However, If you would actually buy that for someone, then I do not see that being thoughtless at all.

Although I do donate much of what I receive over the holidays, I also use what I receive to make those around me happy as well. There are so many in our lives every day that most do not think about, for me I think it nice to be able to take something someone gave me and turn it into something for someone who would love to have it.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

You give it to me, then its mine to do with as I wish. I regift without hesitation and found the idea that some people take it personal rather surprising.

 

[Kaymish]

i think presents are stupid i anticipate the first signs of Christmas with dread i always say don't get me anything and end up inundated with socks and beige underwear i respond with disdain and or indifference depending on how much i tolerate the person in question and people complain what to get for the person who has everything
and on top of that i stress about what to get for people because it is expected and people get pissy for months if i do nothing
i like taking stuff apart so most stuff ends up in pieces making is unsuitable for re-gifting i might chuck all the gifts in a box this year and wrap them up in January for next year give them back

i wish i could stand apart from the whole custom its 3 months of extra stress for a religious festival thats been co-opted by the retail industry

 

[Lil devils x_v1legacy]

i think presents are stupid i anticipate the first signs of Christmas with dread i always say don't get me anything and end up inundated with socks and beige underwear i respond with disdain and or indifference depending on how much i tolerate the person in question and people complain what to get for the person who has everything
and on top of that i stress about what to get for people because it is expected and people get pissy for months if i do nothing
i like taking stuff apart so most stuff ends up in pieces making is unsuitable for re-gifting i might chuck all the gifts in a box this year and wrap them up in January for next year give them back

i wish i could stand apart from the whole custom its 3 months of extra stress for a religious festival thats been co-opted by the retail industry

Why are people giving you beige underwear?! That is horrible. Now, I actualy like receving fuzzy socks like this:

Spoiler: fuzzy socks

That is one of the few gifts I actually want to keep, but underwear?! why would people give underwear?!

 

[Ark of the Covetor]

You give it to me, then its mine to do with as I wish. I regift without hesitation and found the idea that some people take it personal rather surprising.

My family doesn't do the whole "it's Corporate Mandated Holiday Season, time to go into debt!" bollocks, a few quid in book tokens or the like does the job fine IMO, so I make sure to tell anyone I know who moves past the "acquaintance who gets you a box of fancy biscuits" stage not to bother buying me crap at Christmas/my birthday(annoyingly some refuse to heed that request, despite my explaining to them that gift-giving carries with it the expectation of reciprocity, but it seems for some people gift-giving is more about making themselves feel good/magnanimous than it is about showing appreciation for another person or fulfilling another person's need). Regardless, the above pretty much sums it up for me.

If you get upset by regifting, the question you have to ask yourself is; who am I doing this for? Are you buying the gift primarily because you want to make someone else happy, in which case any enjoyment/use they get from your gift -including giving to to someone else in turn- should satisfy you, or are you doing it mostly to make yourself happy by publicly showing off what a generous and awesome person you are/how well you know someone and so by extension how good a friend you are? If it's the latter, maybe it's time to take stock a little and stop judging people who're supposedly important to you because they're not enabling you in turning a selfless act into a selfish one?