Really Bad Jokes

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

A man was admitted to the hospital after eating 200,000 dollars in bills. No change is expected.

Hugh Hefner got a restraining order against a group of monks who were selling flowers outside the Playboy Mansion in protest. The monks were quoted as saying, "If it were anyone else we would have gotten away with it, but unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747 over Madrid. An eyewitness said that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

 

[Enigma6667]

"Hey! I thought you said you had diarrhea."
"I did. But now it's...

Spoiler: Wait for it...

...GONE-rrhea."

dont know if you got it from there but i saw that on sanity not included

You'd be correct.

 

[LikeDustInTheWind]

"Hey! I thought you said you had diarrhea."
"I did. But now it's...

Spoiler: Wait for it...

...GONE-rrhea."

dont know if you got it from there but i saw that on sanity not included

Also Cyanide And Happiness.

 

[kaveradeo]

Okay, here's another one:

Why was the tomato red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

ho-ho! good one.
Why did the spy cross the road?
He didn't he never really was on your side.

 

[readytolie]

knock knock...

who's there?

Jim.

Jim who?

Jimind if I come in?

Get off my fucking porch!

 

[Oz Draconis]

what do you call a cow with no legs? GROUND beef!

 

[readytolie]

who's the best jewish cook?

Hitler.

 

[Seaf The Troll]

three men run into a drum kit, BA-DUM-TISH

 

[Womlet]

Spoiler: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead!

Spoiler: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was stapled to the first monkey!

Spoiler: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

peer pressure

My favorite knock knock joke.

M1: knock knock?
M2: Who's th-(M1 FUCK YOU!

 

[Lord Doomhammer]

A priest, A rabbi, and Griff walk into a bar.
AND I KILL EM!

 

[Hashime]

http://www.innocentenglish.com/best-funny-jokes/longest-joke-ever.html

/ Every joke related thread EVER

OH GOOD GOD! It took me an hour to finish that joke! jesus...

Damn, you read slowly. I only wasted 15 minutes of my life.

 

[Firetaffer]

What do monkeys make their toast under?

Spoiler: Prepare for hilarity

A gorilla!!!!!!1111oneoneone

You win .

Spoiler: What is red and invisible?

No tomatoes!

 

[LarenzoAOG]

Why do shoes Go to Heaven?

Because they have SOLES

Why don't melons get married?

Because they CANT ELOPE

 

[LarenzoAOG]

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

He's married.

Wow, that was actually quite funny.

 

[Andrew_Mac]

What is a little Palestinian doing on a swing?

He's pissing off the Sniper.

I Lol'd SOOOO hard at this one!
Does that make me a bad person?



Whats pink and fluffy?
pink fluff.

whats blue and fluffy?
pink fluff holding its breath!

 

[crazy_egyptian]

Ok, so a priest, a rabbi and a shaman walk into a bar. Only it wasn't a bar, it was my 5th birthday party, and there wasn't a rabbi or a shaman, and the priest is my dad. I got raped on my 5th birthday party.

I think I'm going to hell for that, but just to dig my grave further...

Spoiler: What's the best thing about the new German oven?

It seats 500.

Spoiler: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Digesting the wheelchair.

Spoiler: What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Getting the wheelchair in the oven

 

[Razmas]

On my buddy's Minecraft server he put a wooden door in the middle of nowhere and left a sign next to it saying:

Its a-door-able.

I almost cried.

 

[witness51]

An Irish man walks out of a bar...


...What? It could happen!

 

[Pecoros7]

I may go to hell for this one:

Why does a woman wear white to her wedding?

Spoiler: misogynistic punchline

So the dishwasher matches the refrigerator

While on holiday in Germany, an american woman walks past a bar where she sees a drunken man urinating on the side of the building. Repulsed, she shrieks, "GROSS!"

The drunken man looks up at her and beams proudly. He nod his head and replies, "Danka!"