Borrowed Assassins Creed off a friend and I've been playing it alot lately. So now Joe explores the depths of the world of Assassins Creed...
The Redshirt?s Creed:
-Do not be original. If possible wear a mask.
-Do not talk to the protagonist unless of course it is pre-battle and you are talking about [insert family member or friend here] back at home.
-If invading a beach, run head on into the bullets. Try to die in an ambitious and over-the-top manner. On fire or loosing limbs is highly acceptable. This intensifies the pace and raises the adrenaline for the protagonist.
-Your death will ensure the survival of the protagonist and the safety of the human race.
I wake up naked and sweaty in some kind of lab. It?s easy to point out because the room is mainly white.
?Ok, where am I!? I yell in a panic.
A blond woman and an older man stand watching me. The woman begins to talk,
?Your name is Joe right? We believe you have knowledge about an event in history.?
?What? You mean with those mutant dinosaurs? Or that super cop that shoots birds out from his shirt? Both which I had nothing to do with and have no idea what you?re talking about,? I say with confidence. Well played. Then I come to a realization, ?Wait, why am I naked??
The old man looks down at me irritably,
?You got yourself naked you fool! While you where unconscious.?
Hmm, maybe this is why I keep loosening my pajamas in the middle of the night. The notorious PJ snatcher was ME!
?Wow, my life is like something out of a David Fincher film.?
They both look at each other. I grab my clothes off the floor trying to dress myself again.
?So what do you want again??
The old man starts talking again.
?We have built a machine that we call the Animus. It can access genetic memories of your ancestors from the past locked away in your mind. Do you know what a memory is Joe??
?Ah, they?re like? um, stuff you remember,? I say pulling my shirt over my head.
The woman looks over to the man.
?Let us hope that your ancestor was smarter then you are,? the old man says while walking over to a white box looking machine.
?Lie down on it Joe,? he gestures to the machine.
I finish pulling up my pants and walk over to the machine.
?So what does it??
?I just told you what it?never mind! Just lie down on it. Wrong way! No your head goes on that silver circle. Don?t touch that! Finally. Now stay there. I said stop touching that!?
I wrestle myself into a more comfortable position. The man glares down at me and I stop.
?So, ah. What do I do??
A screen slides over, just above my face.
?You will experience the memories of your ancestors. This is the time period 1191 AD in the Middle East. We are trying to get you to find an?? the woman is then hushed my the old man.
?Never mind what she said, just do what is natural to you.?
Everything begins to go fuzzy and hazy.
It suddenly gets hot. I look around. I?m in the middle of a rocky desert.
?Oh this sucks. Damn you! You blew it all up!? I say slumping down to my knees like Willem Defoe did in Platoon. Great movie that.
Suddenly this loud booming voice of a woman roars from the heavens. ?You?re accessing memories of your past ancestor! No one blew up the planet.?
?Is that you god??
?No, it?s me Lucy, that lady in the lab.?
?When did you become god??
She sighs. ?I?m talking to you through the Animus. None of this is real.?
?Oh. Don?t I feel the fool. So, it?s like the Matrix??
?Exactly. As long as you do what you feel natural, you will synchronies with your ancestor and things will begin to flow.?
?Ok, got it. Uh, do I have to wear all this armor and care around this sword? It?s really weighing me down.
?Yes!? she shouts. Stupid lady, you try wearing all this in the sun. See how you feel. I begin to walk in a direction. No idea why but it feels normal.
The sun beats down hard on me as I carry on down this path. Suddenly a man rushes past me on his horse, nearly ramming into me.
?Hey! Horses don?t go fast?? As if by instinct I pull out my sword and chase him down the path. He bolts around the cliff face and disappears. ?Gah, kids these days,? I say putting my sword back.
Eventually I reach a large city. By this time I?m crawling there. I need water! The sun is scorching me. This armor is like a metal sauna. Ironic how wearing armor will be my downfall. Who decided I should even wear this thing?! At the front of the city is a small merchant bazaar. I stumble over to one of the stands and grab a drink of water. Oh god yes! This is the stuff. The merchant snatches the water off me.
?Hey! I was drinking that!?
A guard grabs my shoulder. I turn around in a jump.
?Did this merchant just steal off you solider?? he asks me.
I look down at my armor. ?Hey, I?m one of you guys. That?s why I?m wearing this!?
?Ah, yes. That is usually the reason for being dressed as a guard,? he says back at me.
I look back at the merchant. I?m still really thirsty and want the water that the merchant is cradling like a child.
?Yes, I was having a nice drink of water then he stole it from me.?
?What!? the merchant exclaims. ?This is my water. You have to pay for it!?
By this time three more guards appear. The captain gestures to his men. They pull him out of the stand and throw him onto the road. Ah, now?s my chance. I pick up the jug and begin to drink down the water. When I?m finished I see that the guards are really beating into that poor man. A misunderstanding gone horribly wrong. I give him a few kicks and I?m on my way through the massive stone city arches.
To be continued?
The Redshirt?s Creed:
-Do not be original. If possible wear a mask.
-Do not talk to the protagonist unless of course it is pre-battle and you are talking about [insert family member or friend here] back at home.
-If invading a beach, run head on into the bullets. Try to die in an ambitious and over-the-top manner. On fire or loosing limbs is highly acceptable. This intensifies the pace and raises the adrenaline for the protagonist.
-Your death will ensure the survival of the protagonist and the safety of the human race.
I wake up naked and sweaty in some kind of lab. It?s easy to point out because the room is mainly white.
?Ok, where am I!? I yell in a panic.
A blond woman and an older man stand watching me. The woman begins to talk,
?Your name is Joe right? We believe you have knowledge about an event in history.?
?What? You mean with those mutant dinosaurs? Or that super cop that shoots birds out from his shirt? Both which I had nothing to do with and have no idea what you?re talking about,? I say with confidence. Well played. Then I come to a realization, ?Wait, why am I naked??
The old man looks down at me irritably,
?You got yourself naked you fool! While you where unconscious.?
Hmm, maybe this is why I keep loosening my pajamas in the middle of the night. The notorious PJ snatcher was ME!
?Wow, my life is like something out of a David Fincher film.?
They both look at each other. I grab my clothes off the floor trying to dress myself again.
?So what do you want again??
The old man starts talking again.
?We have built a machine that we call the Animus. It can access genetic memories of your ancestors from the past locked away in your mind. Do you know what a memory is Joe??
?Ah, they?re like? um, stuff you remember,? I say pulling my shirt over my head.
The woman looks over to the man.
?Let us hope that your ancestor was smarter then you are,? the old man says while walking over to a white box looking machine.
?Lie down on it Joe,? he gestures to the machine.
I finish pulling up my pants and walk over to the machine.
?So what does it??
?I just told you what it?never mind! Just lie down on it. Wrong way! No your head goes on that silver circle. Don?t touch that! Finally. Now stay there. I said stop touching that!?
I wrestle myself into a more comfortable position. The man glares down at me and I stop.
?So, ah. What do I do??
A screen slides over, just above my face.
?You will experience the memories of your ancestors. This is the time period 1191 AD in the Middle East. We are trying to get you to find an?? the woman is then hushed my the old man.
?Never mind what she said, just do what is natural to you.?
Everything begins to go fuzzy and hazy.
It suddenly gets hot. I look around. I?m in the middle of a rocky desert.
?Oh this sucks. Damn you! You blew it all up!? I say slumping down to my knees like Willem Defoe did in Platoon. Great movie that.
Suddenly this loud booming voice of a woman roars from the heavens. ?You?re accessing memories of your past ancestor! No one blew up the planet.?
?Is that you god??
?No, it?s me Lucy, that lady in the lab.?
?When did you become god??
She sighs. ?I?m talking to you through the Animus. None of this is real.?
?Oh. Don?t I feel the fool. So, it?s like the Matrix??
?Exactly. As long as you do what you feel natural, you will synchronies with your ancestor and things will begin to flow.?
?Ok, got it. Uh, do I have to wear all this armor and care around this sword? It?s really weighing me down.
?Yes!? she shouts. Stupid lady, you try wearing all this in the sun. See how you feel. I begin to walk in a direction. No idea why but it feels normal.
The sun beats down hard on me as I carry on down this path. Suddenly a man rushes past me on his horse, nearly ramming into me.
?Hey! Horses don?t go fast?? As if by instinct I pull out my sword and chase him down the path. He bolts around the cliff face and disappears. ?Gah, kids these days,? I say putting my sword back.
Eventually I reach a large city. By this time I?m crawling there. I need water! The sun is scorching me. This armor is like a metal sauna. Ironic how wearing armor will be my downfall. Who decided I should even wear this thing?! At the front of the city is a small merchant bazaar. I stumble over to one of the stands and grab a drink of water. Oh god yes! This is the stuff. The merchant snatches the water off me.
?Hey! I was drinking that!?
A guard grabs my shoulder. I turn around in a jump.
?Did this merchant just steal off you solider?? he asks me.
I look down at my armor. ?Hey, I?m one of you guys. That?s why I?m wearing this!?
?Ah, yes. That is usually the reason for being dressed as a guard,? he says back at me.
I look back at the merchant. I?m still really thirsty and want the water that the merchant is cradling like a child.
?Yes, I was having a nice drink of water then he stole it from me.?
?What!? the merchant exclaims. ?This is my water. You have to pay for it!?
By this time three more guards appear. The captain gestures to his men. They pull him out of the stand and throw him onto the road. Ah, now?s my chance. I pick up the jug and begin to drink down the water. When I?m finished I see that the guards are really beating into that poor man. A misunderstanding gone horribly wrong. I give him a few kicks and I?m on my way through the massive stone city arches.
To be continued?
