Rejecting a Friendship

[latenightapplepie]

I have a friend (no, seriously, he isn't me), who needs to reject another guy's friendship. There used to be weird...stuff between them and my friend doesn't want to see this guy anymore in any capacity.

How should my friend do this? Lie and say he's too busy whenever the guy asks about hanging out? Or be coldly honest and upfront reject the friendship?

If the latter, how can you do this without seeming like it's a complete damning of the other person's entire person? Unlike rejecting an offer of romance, rejecting a friendship doesn't seem like it can be done without being terribly callous.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Eumersian]

I'd say the cold route, if it really is bothering your friend a whole bunch. I, myself have been through that sort of thing. At first I started to do that thing where you acknowledge them, but don't show much interest. You know, make yourself uninteresting, so that they begin to ignore you back.

Eventually, I just came right out and said it: "Sorry, but I kinda find you annoying, and I don't want to hang out with you."

That did the trick.

Frankly, it made me feel bad afterward. I felt like I might have hurt their feelings, and should apologize and just give them what they were asking for. Who knows? Maybe they could have been a good friend? But they absolutely were not cool in any other situation. They were awkward and kind of a jerk, and I disapproved of them from the start. I often try to be a good person, but some people just bother me, and if they really wanted to be friends with me, they would take it more as constructive criticism than an insult. If they just wanted to be friends with someone at all, then that's a good signal that means "try something different next time". That way, they might find other people. People that are better suited to being their friend.

NOTE: I have only done this once, in middle school, where everyone is a jerk anyway. Before taking the above into consideration, take this into consideration.

 

[Naheal]

Cold works wonders. Seriously, it's one of the easiest ways to disassociate with people.

 

[drwow]

We really can't say on this subject without knowing the full details.

maybe it's something that they could talk out, maybe it was something that the friend didn't was terrible and just doesn't give a shit about and doesn't think it's a big deal.

giving somebody the cold shoulder is just you being an asshole.
don't stoop to that level.

tell your friend to man up and talk it out with the person.

 

[SadisticPretzel]

Yeah...Manning up and just ending the friendship would be the best thing.

 

[Zaik]

Typically saying no is an ideal solution.

Barring the common sense approach, he can just keep avoiding the guy until he gets it, causing both of them undue stress and annoyance.

 

[Erana]

Can he not tell him that the other guy makes him uncomfortable? I'd really not suggest burning bridges; in my serendipitous life, that always turns out badly.

 

[latenightapplepie]

Thanks everyone. I've passed on my advice, based in part on some of your responses. Now all there is to do is to sit, wait and hope this doesn't end terribly for my friend. If so, I could be back here in the Advice Forum pretty soon...

 

[LooK iTz Jinjo]

Do it just like rejecting an Xbox Live friend request. Decline and move on.

 

[Cupid]

I really dont think you have to be cold to be honest. Sometimes what used to be accepted in our friendships won't float anymore. People grow up and at times grow apart. It's pretty natural. I think your friend should just tell him that the friendship they once had was nice, but people change and have different interests which can sometimes seperate their time where they wont spend it so much together to be friends as before. Most people understand this, and he will too if he were once your friend. Sure it will hurt, rejection usually does..but at least you are honest and trying to be the friend you were to him by giving him the time and respect it takes to try to explain it to him. That way you won't feel bad or guilty later on, as you have tried your best to be kind in letting the friendship go.