Relationship Deal Breakers

[geK0]

Well aside from some of the obvious ones mentioned in the OP that I'd imagine would be close to universal.

1:Anxiety/ self-confidence issues: Just because of bad experience involving a very clingy ex who was always anxious that I would leave her, which lead to some pretty big issues which I'm not willing to discuss in this thread; It's kind of unfair to other people who have more minor issues, but I'm very turned off by angst now.

2:Excessive drug use: If somebody is a casual user of a drug, I don't care, but it's a deal breaker if it's a lifestyle for them.

3:Snobby attitude: Too much confidence can be a bad thing; I don't like people who hold themselves too highly.

4:Having a problem with my female friends: I have friends, some of them are female, I'm not going to stop associating with them because my girlfriend doesn't like that.

5:Taking issue with my hobbies: They don't need to have any remote interest in my hobbies, but if they have an issue with my hobbies or think less of me because of them, it's not going to last long.
(ie. I'm not going to hide my 'geekyness' from a girl)

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Cheating - As others have said, there is absolutely no excuse for that. None whatsoever.
Smoking - I detest smoking. It smells horrible and the sight of people doing it is not attractive to me.
Overly Religious - I'm fine with them being religious, but if they're too over zealous about it esp. if it's to the point where they can't accept and respect that others may not share their then it's a deal breaker.
Won't Communicate - I'm not a mind reader so if she won't talk to me and communicate what she wants and what she's feeling I can't work with her.
I don't want to be rebound guy - I agree with Random Argument Man on that one. I don't want to be "the next best thing" or whatever.
Dishonesty - Don't lie to me. Simple enough. Now to clarify, I'm talking major lies here, not the harmless white ones, although I'd prefer if they refrained from those too.
No self-respect - Call me sexist, call me whatever you want, but I don't find women that dress in skanky outfits attractive at all. I think it shows a lack of self-respect. Also don't whore yourself out on the Internet.

@OP: Really? Justin Beiber is a deal breaker for you? Wow... that is so... ok, whatever.

 

[Proverbial Jon]

6. Trying to Kill Me - You knife me it's over sorry.

Ummm, I'd be more worried if that WASN'T a deal breaker for someone... Then again, this IS the internet.

OT: If she didn't like animals. No offence to anyone here but I find it difficult to comprehend people who simply have no affection for animals. Sorry, that's a character flaw and I don't want to know you!

 

[Esotera]

Eating disorders or other fucked up shit that they take out on the relationship. Also they can't be too up themselves...which rules out about 50% of the population.

 

[Rastien]

I like how trying to kill you comes after getting fat.

I did come to the same conclusion and lold OKAY so that one time you tried to kill me i forgive that! but you just gained 5 pounds GTFO.

I'm just yankin yer chain op

For me uh... on topic...

Cheating for sure.

Being evangelical about anything, whether it's your religion or the fact you're not religious!

Non religious people who preach to religious people are just as bad as people who are religious preaching. You don't like being preached at so don't preach to others yo.

I really dislike anyone that can't even contemplate something from someone else's stand point.

I respect you for having beliefs and the choices you make, respect me for mine, simples.

 

[shrekfan246]

2:Excessive drug use: If somebody is a casual user of a drug, I don't care, but it's a deal breaker if it's a lifestyle for them.

I'm almost curious as to what you consider the line between 'casual'/'addicted', to be honest, because there aren't all that many things out there that one can remain a 'casual' user of after starting, since you're not specifying anything specific here.

For example, I seriously doubt that someone could be a 'casual' user of heroin.

Anyway, my last relationship was pretty much a walking example of every red flag. Getting drunk and having casual sex with strangers or just being unable to say "no" to people she did know and feeling no remorse afterwards, excessive smoker of two different substances, zero priorities outside of "having a good time" and horrible time management + extremely scatter-brained, and yet I stayed with her far longer than I should have. I should've remembered that people don't change.

 

[JoJo]

Aside from the obvious ones like not cheating or being abusive:

1) Not wanting children: One of the main goals of my life is to have kids, if you don't then it's never going to last anyway

2) Being a bad debater: I'm fine with differences in opinion (within reason, wouldn't date a Nazi for example), what I don't like is people who get angry or annoyed if you happen to disagree with them

3) Having a "stay at home" personality: I enjoy travelling and exploring, wouldn't want to be tied to someone who didn't have that same drive

 

[aba1]

I think the biggest thing would easily that they let their emotions run their life. Just about all my problems with a partner would stem from that except a minor few.

 

[Naeras]

There are a couple, but the big, red one is low confidence. No, really. I've got no interest in a woman who relies on someone else to give her a sense of worth, because in this case she's probably not ready for a relationship. It's one of the reasons my first relationship crashed and burned.

Jealousy is also a bad one. I've got too many female friends to have time for a girlfriend getting cranky whenever I'm friendly or exchanging banter with my ladyfriends. I'm not interested in them as anything more than that, and if she can't trust me on that, things won't work. Ever. No way in hell I'm abandoning my friends to get laid.

The last one I can think of from the top of my head would be stealing from me. This should be pretty self-explanatory.

 

[Legion]

I am assuming things such as cheating, major lies, controlling and domestic violence and so on are a given as deal breakers.


I only mention the first one because I am yet to find more than a handful of girls in the UK who aren't like this. Thinking things such as gaming, anime etc. are "sad" or for "children". I am not bothered if a partner isn't into either, but if they have the childish idea that grown adults shouldn't like them then that's enough to put me off of liking somebody.

I do not care if somebody has spiritual beliefs, but I dislike hypocritical religions. If they believe in a greater power then fine, if they are going to tell me that I will go to Hell if I do not do X or Y, then I am not going to be amused.

It's a stereotype I know, but girls who think guys should psychically know what they want/when something is wrong. If they can't speak to me like a mature person when they have problems, then I am not interested. I can't be bothered with mind games in what should be a happy relationship.

Heavy drinkers, or the kind who do not believe that it's possible to have a good night out without getting wasted. Getting drunk every now and then, isn't necessarily bad. I have spent almost my entire life around borderline alcoholic family members, and I really do not want to be with anybody who spends less time sober than inebriated.

Smoking, for similar reasons to drinking. Obviously it has less of a psychological effect, but being around smokers most of my life has put me off of it completely. I am not completely against it, but I wouldn't choose to live in a place where smoking is done inside, I don't want to have to have the smell of it around all time.

 

[Cyfu]

ah fuck, double post

 

[Cyfu]

1. Not religious, I agree with the OP 100% on this. Get rid of religion ASAP. (sorry, to those who are religious)
2. Not overly social, I don't want to go out on a club or be with a fuckload of people all the time.
3. Not overweight.
4. She needs to have the same interests as me.
5. shorter than me. (what? short women are hot)
6. Can't have short hair.

It's probably more, but I haven't been dating for very long so..

 

[geK0]

2:Excessive drug use: If somebody is a casual user of a drug, I don't care, but it's a deal breaker if it's a lifestyle for them.

I'm almost curious as to what you consider the line between 'casual'/'addicted', to be honest, because there aren't all that many things out there that one can remain a 'casual' user of after starting, since you're not specifying anything specific here.

For example, I seriously doubt that someone could be a 'casual' user of heroin.

Anyway, my last relationship was pretty much a walking example of every red flag. Getting drunk and having casual sex with strangers or just being unable to say "no" to people she did know and feeling no remorse afterwards, excessive smoker of two different substances, zero priorities outside of "having a good time" and horrible time management + extremely scatter-brained, and yet I stayed with her far longer than I should have. I should've remembered that people don't change.

It's more of a judgement call than an objective line. It also depends on the drug; I'd have a much higher tolerance for semi-regular pot use (less than once a week) than I would for something like meth for example.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Out of control alcohol ingestion. Seriously, I've been down that road with other people and I want no part of it again. If somebody I'm seeing is drinking more than they should I'm gone instantly. No trying to talk to them about it, no massive arguments, I'm just out straight away. I don't need the hassle, no matter who they are.

Smoking within 10 feet of my car is out too. Hell. Fucking. No. I'd much prefer you don't smoke at all.

In fact, yeah, that's good. Non-smokers only.

 

[2clueless]

But seriously, music tastes are fun, but it shouldn't be an absolute deal-breaker.

Why not? I personally cannot stand most Rap, Country, or Heavy/Death Metal. There are exceptional songs, but they are few and far between.

To start, sharing a musical connection can be a great base for conversation and connection. There is an incredible seletion and variety of music out there. Finding someone that 'gets it' can be huge for a budding relationship, because they would have a higher chance of understanding you, and vica versa.

Not sharing musical tastes can be okay, but I would be inclined to think that not hooking up in that way could imply conflicting character natures. If I seek out music to relax and zone out to, while my partner looks for music to stir crazy beats up in her head, we are going to have problems on long rode trips or lazy days in house.

That is a the briefest snapshot I can provide without writing a novel. =P

On Topic: Everyone has different relationship needs, different desires, and different views on what is acceptable or not. I am monogamous. I am clean. I am border line atheist. So:

1) Above everything else, Dishonesty: Be honest. With your wants, desires, motivations, anything, just be honest with me, talk to me. Hiding unhappiness or hiding anything in general, pretending to like or dislike something to please me, while may be good intentioned, is only going to hurt in the long run.

2) Cheating. It doesn't just happen. You cheat for a reason. It is cowardly, it is hurtful, it is unforgivable.

3) Cigarettes/Drugs. Don;t want to kiss or taste an ashtray, don;t want to deal with a stoned-out addle-brain.

4) Religious. I do not believe in any God. I think the universe, *if* it was created, would be far too great a project for any single being. If I am going to believe anything, I am going to believe in a pantheon of gods and godesses. But at the moment, I do not. If you believe in something, great, I am happy for you. However, I am never going to be able to share in that, and I just don't think things would work out between us.

5) Inequality. In a committed relationship, I expect an equal share of effort and resources on both sides of the table. On occasion, I may treat you to something, and derive an equal value from your happiness. But aside from that, gas, food, entertainment, time, etc, I would appreciate a 50/50 split in the upkeep and maintanence costs of the relationships. I am not going to be your sugar daddy. Be able to pay your own way.

6) Too Dependant. We are two seperate entities. While we enhance and enrich each other lives, I expect to have our own social circles, our own hobbies and interests, and our own deisres to indulge. Sharing is great, bonding is great, but I do not need, nor do I want you beside me 24 hours a day for the rest of my life. I should not be sole thing in this universe that makes you happy or complete. I should be complimentary to your well being, not the crutch that holds you up.

THose are the big ones. There are others, but they tie into those six for most part.

 

[aba1]

@OP: Really? Justin Beiber is a deal breaker for you? Wow... that is so... ok, whatever.

I don't always agree with you but I know right. A deal breaker being something so small as liking different music seems petty to me also.

 

[Random Argument Man]

But seriously, music tastes are fun, but it shouldn't be an absolute deal-breaker.

Why not? I personally cannot stand most Rap, Country, or Heavy/Death Metal. There are exceptional songs, but they are few and far between.

To start, sharing a musical connection can be a great base for conversation and connection. There is an incredible seletion and variety of music out there. Finding someone that 'gets it' can be huge for a budding relationship, because they would have a higher chance of understanding you, and vica versa.

Not sharing musical tastes can be okay, but I would be inclined to think that not hooking up in that way could imply conflicting character natures. If I seek out music to relax and zone out to, while my partner looks for music to stir crazy beats up in her head, we are going to have problems on long rode trips or lazy days in house.

I see a relationship as a series of compromising stuff. You find things that you both like and you BOTH bring an aspect that the other person didn't really had in the first place. Taking your example of "She likes up-beat music while I like calm music". Why not find a good middle that you both agree on? Why not try to find something that she could like and vice versa for you.


Besides, if she likes that new album of Taylor Swift, Nickelback or Justin Bieber, does it mean that she's a bad person? I'd rather think that she's a person that likes that sort of music. If music bothers someone in their relationship, they could always buy an ipod for Christmas. If they really want to listen to those groups and singers, let them do it. It won't kill you. If your girlfriend really loves you, she'll understand that she shouldn't force you to like her stuff.

I find it pretty immature to say "I'm breaking up with you because you like Lady Gaga".

 

[Bestival]

For some reason, bad teeth. That probably makes me shallow, but I can't stand it when someone has the dentals of a fuckin' angler fish.

 

[RanD00M]

No hambeasts and no slust, other than that I'm pretty much open to most everyone.

 

[Johnny Impact]

I'm in for all of OP's plus the following:

1) Drunk. A couple every once in a while is okay, but the very first time you knock on my door at 4am totally shitfaced and expect me to deal with you, it's over. Also applies to pot.

2) Smoker. Tobacco is vile, filthy, and inexcusably disgusting. I will not have it near me. Hard drugs are also out.

3) The One Way Street. Nobody's perfect, everyone's got some kind of issue, I get that. I don't for one second believe I am entirely stable, myself. I'm fine with being supportive. I'll listen to your problems, hold you if you need to cry, all that stuff. I'm in, 100%. But it's got to go both ways. Men have needs, too, and I'm not talking about sex. You need to be a reasonably stable, mature, supportive human being in return. I am not your emotional punching bag.