Relationship problem

[TriGGeR_HaPPy]

Right off the bat, I'll start by saying just 1 thing:
I know there are a lot of relationship threads going around, but I didn't want to de-rail them with my own problem. So I thought I'd start my own thread, sorry if I'm causing any problems by doing this. :S

So, problem -
About 12 days ago I started going out with this absolutely awesome girl. A gamer, almost as much as me (E.g. I had a LAN about a week ago, she came along and whole-heartedly joined in on the CoD, Footmen and Left4Dead games played). She played soccer at the high-school's academy (as did I - she stopped at the start of year 11, I stopped at the end of year 11). We're both in Year 12 this year at the same high-school, and she's in 3 of my classes.
We have the same interest in music, tv, movies, have the same ideas about most topics.
Most way's you look at it, we're very much alike, but we're not that couple that're always agreeing. E.g., if one of us does something silly, the other won't hesitate to point it out, and we'll both generally laugh it off anyway.

My problem is this (and sorry, the title is a little misleading - it's quite possibly just a personal problem):
I'm possibly the worst at 1-on-1 conversations. If we're doing something interesting we talk a lot, but when it comes to just hanging out...
There will always be a worrying amount of moments in our 1-on-1 convo where the conversation will just stop dead before one of us revives it. If luck is on my side, it won't be an "awkward" silence. But for the most part, it generally will be.

So I find myself in situations where I just want to be with her, but if we're not going somewhere where there will be people to talk to/activities to do, I'm inviting a couple more people along so that the conversation won't hit those silences.
Which in and of itself is pretty bad...

As a census, just wondering if this is just me here (we have only been going out just under 2 weeks, but we've known each other (by name mostly) since about year 9/10...), and if so, what can I do to keep the conversation going?

(I'm not expecting this topic to last long - the answer is probably something exceedingly simple. Sorry to all if it is :S )

 

[Gladion]

It seems you're not a very spontaneous person - not neccessarily a bad thing. You might wanna "prepare" some topics when you're at home or something. Think of stuff that had happened to you in the past she might be interested in. Most important (I think) is, that you have to make this a real conversation, not just talking until finished (i.e. ask what she thinks about the topic etc. etc.) What exactly you're going to talk about is up to you - I doubt people will be able to tell you, we can just suggest something. Examples: Holidays, plans for the future (why do you have those/why don't you have any?). Just remember you have to ask yourself with every topic: "Is it ok if I talked to her about this, or is this yet too private?"
Hope I got your point and was able to help you :S Good luck

 

[SharPhoe]

OP, don't feel too bad; I'm this exact same way. I absolutely SUCK at small talk, and I feel like such a dork when I can't think of something interesting to talk about. I may not have anything to offer as much as advice, but I think this thread could easily help the both of us out.

 

[Ago Iterum]

I thought about it, and it's been similar in all of the relationships I've been in. And it's the same with friends. There will never always be something to talk about, so try not to expect conversation, and it won't be so awkward.

Hope that helps.

 

[Galletea]

Don't worry about it, it's impossible to be talking all the time. As time goes on and you find more about each other, then that gap is easier to fill and becomes more relaxed. The important thing is not to worry and just go with the flow.

 

[devilondemand]

yeah, you don't have to be talking always. Sometimes it's nice just to sit around with someone even if you're not talking

 

[The Infamous Scamola]

Stop going out with her.
If you like her yet struggle so much to keep a conversation going then there's something wrong, or it could just be the fact that you suck at talking to people, I don't know.

 

[sms_117b]

You've got the same problem as me, unfortunately its not something that'll just go away. I try to cover it up by making random silly small talk, by making fun of who I'm with (but not nastily), what worked best was putting something on in the background, a "good" movie or a TV show we both liked so I'd have something to spring ideas off, same when we're out, I'll let her talk most of the time and claim the "good listener" characteristic, whilst I look (sneakily) for something to start a conversation from. It gets easier the more times you do it, and the better you know what they like speaking about, for instance I don't like soccer, but I watch enough to carry a conversation with people I work with one on one so there is no silent moments in the staff room.

I'm not sure if I help or just rambled there, hope it helps a bit though.

 

[xwhitey]

I had the same problem mate but I talk about it with her and my girlfriend told me she like them times knowing that I was there made her happy.

 

[ZeroMachine]

Silence is only awkward if you let it be. There's nothing wrong with pauses. Just take it as a chance to kiss her or something ;P or, possibly, start talking about a video game, if she likes talking about them as well as playing them.

 

[02cfranklin]

OP, don't feel too bad; I'm this exact same way. I absolutely SUCK at small talk, and I feel like such a dork when I can't think of something interesting to talk about. I may not have anything to offer as much as advice, but I think this thread could easily help the both of us out.

This ^
I absolutely suck at making conversation. Will watch this thread with baited breath.

 

[Legion]

Silence is allowed. You don't always have to be yacking. The uncomfortable part is probalby just because you are getting nervous and feel you have to fill the space.

I agree. Silence is not neccesarily a bad thing, I'd prefer a comfortable silence compared to inane chatting.

Awkward silence is usually more in the mind than anything else.

Maybe just ask her if she feels awkward if you are not talking? If she says yes, then maybe there is a problem (as you both feel it is) if not then theres no issue.

 

[New Troll]

Enjoy the company, not the conversation.

 

[LockHeart]

Don't worry, it's early days and you just sound nervous about it. If the silences are there then it's probably a two way thing as well, I remember when I first got with my girlfriend I thought that every silence was just awful! If you're really worried about it, just tell her how you feel about it, I'm sure she'll understand

 

[TriGGeR_HaPPy]

Haha mmm. I spose it's true enough we don't have to be talking at all times, mostly here I was wondering if it was just me who encountered this problem.
And we can easily talk when there's something going on around us (such as a movie, tv show etc. as stated above)...

I suppose I'm possibly trying too hard... The first girlfriend I had lasted 7 months, then the next 2 that followed only lasted under a month each. Mainly, I've finally found the girl who is (to me at least) the perfect girl. I don't wanna screw this up... so quite possibly I'm just trying too hard?

EDIT: This is also an interesting situation for me, as I'm usually the one who my friends turn to when they need relationship advice.
I've helped about 4 couples keep their relationship going if I know what's going on between them... So it's an interesting feeling being the one asking the questions

 

[ify_]

I wouldn't give up on her or yourself just yet...sounds like y'all are a great match. I know it's easier said than done but try to worry about the pauses less and focus on making the conversation you do have more meaningful and rich! I like Gladion's suggestion of preparing some topics before hand. Great idea and it can't possibly hurt. And always ask her about herself...history, likes, dislikes, favorite anything, etc. It's human nature, most people like talking about themselves (unless they're really secretive or introverted). Heck, if you can't find anything to talk about you can always make that the topic! For instance, if the conversation's died and you can't think of anything to say you could try something like: "Ya know, I enjoy your company even when we don't have anything to talk about." Granted it's not very open-ended but it *could* lead somewhere.

Or, you could be like me and say something ludicrous when the conversation dies like: "Well, rat season is almost here!"

 

[batterj2]

Ask something about her and talk in depth about it.

Not only will you have a conversation but it will most likely be something about that she wants to talk about (so no worry of boring her) and if you're lucky it will strike a positive chord with you as you find another common interest.

Be warned it may also be about something you can't stand - which isn't a bad thing as it gives you a good discussion to have. Have an open mind to be prepared to talk about anything and everything.